SPEAKER_03 0:04

Oh, I definitely misgendered that ghost. I apologize.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hacker Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. Let's get spooky together. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

A total joke? A waste of time?

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Or a slash. Totally killer, pun intended. My name is Chris, and I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast. This week I'm joined by the gore lover Alexis. Hey Rewind. The Cow of the Groeper Ryan. Hiya. And the Scream Queen Paris.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Hey sweets.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

We've got a team member pick this week, this time coming from your girl Ryan. And we are going to explore some ghostly sights here. But before we get there, we have some follow-up.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

We totally have some follow-up, you guys. We actually have a lot of follow-up this week. So as you remember, we recently reviewed a movie called Alien, and it actually has a lot of people talking. So, first of all, we asked our fans, was it a hack or a slash? 17% gave it a hack, and 83% gave it a slash. So for as like as like well regarded this movie is, I am surprised that so many people gave it a hack because I'm in that camp of people.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Especially since we got a universal slash for the purge.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Yeah, our fans are unpredictable just like us. As far as talking about this movie, Amber said, I gave this a hack. To me, I agree with Paris Nicholson. That's me. This is just one of those movies that has its moments, the action parts had great action, but the rest was too drawn out and lacking. But on the off other hand, we have Andre who said this is absolutely a slash. This is my all-time favorite horror movie. Alien revolutionized Hollywood, and even after 41 years, the movie holds up incredibly well. One of my personal favorites. So it just goes to show there's really no wrong way to take horror, but be sure to engage with us on our social media platforms. Also, we asked the real burning question this week was do you believe in aliens? What do you guys think our results were for that?

SPEAKER_02 2:06

I'm gonna say an overwhelming yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Yes, 90% is overwhelming. And only 10% have said no, which feels like a healthy balance.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

We like horror movies, so um, I feel like we believe we we like all these like supernatural and all these like you know things that can't happen and believe in a lot of stuff, like Bigfoot probably.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Totally. We can suspend our disbelief for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

Now let's talk about suspending that disbelief because this week we're traveling back to 2001 and we're looking at another horror film featuring your boy Shaggy, Matthew Lillard. This movie is a remake of its 1960 predecessor, which told the tale of a nephew inheriting a home from his rich late uncle, a home filled with paranormal entities. This version though feels like it's basically Tiger King but with undead spirits instead of tigers. Now, this week we're talking about 13 ghosts. Ryan, you picked this movie.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Why did you pick this movie? I remember watching this when I was like, gosh, I I can't pin exactly, maybe like 14. And it was just a thing at the time. Like it was a thing amongst my friends, and like so and so had seen it, and then I needed to see it, and we had to show it to other people, and like I don't know. It it just has these uh nostalgic memories for me. And I realized that none of it actually has to do with the movie at all. It all just has to do with how we talked about the movie and everything. Um, so I was, you know, going through a list of things. We've there've been a lot of movies reviewed on this podcast. Figured I'd go with something different. So uh 13 ghosts it was.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

This certainly is different. For as much as we have touched upon the supernatural, we haven't really done a whole lot of ghosty stuff.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Dude, I kind of like ghosts. Ghosts are fun because you don't have to worry about what they can and can't do. It's kind of the same with the Freddy thing.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

For sure. A preliminary question before we figure out who has seen this movie before, aside from Ryan, what is your stance on ghosts? Are they real or not?

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Ghosts are totally real. Just like aliens, ghosts exist. I've had several ghost experiences. My mom has had like a ton of ghost experiences. Uh, ghosts are real and sometimes cool.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

I don't think I've had a ghost experience before that I know of. Um, if I did, I probably would be scared out of my mind for the rest of my life. So I'm glad they know not to pick on me. Because I will be in an asylum very quick, probably. Yeah, if you ever get committed, it's because you saw a ghost. Yeah, and then I can't stop freaking out about it and telling everyone they're like, What? But um, yeah, I do believe in ghosts. I think it'd be stupid to think that I don't know, I'm one of those people that always look at like in pictures and look at the little orbs. I'm like, oh shit, man, it's someone's spirit. No, it's just bad develop picture development, maybe, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

I don't believe in ghosts. And I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna lie here. I judge people that believe in ghosts.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

So all of you it's I I'm coming from the girl who won't say candyman in front of the mirror, though, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Because it's creepy and I don't want to be creeped out in my house.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Well, that's also fair. Like you can opt in and opt out of ghosts. So there's no wrong answer.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

So you don't believe in them then? They're a figment of your imagination. If you can opt in and opt out.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

If you choose to believe in them, then you will experience them. If you close yourself off, then you won't have to deal with it.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

If you say so. My dad used to say we had a ghost and well, he had a ghost in his house and she wore a purple dress, and she loved to walk up and down the spiral steps.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Who wouldn't?

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And I didn't see anything.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

So steps are creepy anyway. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Yeah, they're gorgeous. If I was a ghost, that's exactly what I would do.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Wear a purple dress and strut up and down the spiral stairs. Yeah, that that sounds very on brand for Paris.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

Yeah, just like work a bore a beautiful staircase.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

So I don't believe that ghosts exist. However, I am oh I would be open if there was some kind of proof that they did. And I'm talking about actual proof, like actual scientific proof, not this like I got spooked once and I had like some feelings about some things and some dreams. I would certainly be open-minded. I do like the idea of their possible existence, but it's not something that I will ever sit here and be like, nah man, my house is fucking haunted. It's not gonna be my thing. But I also think that in terms of ghost movies, right? I think like the price of admission to like really engage with and be really fearful of ghost movies or demon or possession movies, you have to like have this fundamental level of spirituality that I just do not possess. So this couldn't be further from the kind of topic that's like I find that I find like alarming or chilling or anything like that. Um, but let's start talking about this movie in particular. Who had seen this movie before between you know Paris and Alexis?

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Um, I actually have seen this movie before. Uh of course I don't remember very much at all. I do remember two of the 13 ghosts in this. Um we could talk about which two later. I think it's a it's a pretty, pretty iconic duo, let's say that. Um but I specifically remember that this was a movie that my mom rented from Blockbuster. That's that's really all I remember. This was like a blockbuster movie that we had in our house for a week.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

This is Blockbuster Vibes, for sure. We're more of a Hollywood video household.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

It's a Florida thing.

unknown 7:18

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Yeah, I was gonna say, what is that?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yeah, it's cheaper than Blockbuster.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Pretty sure I saw this. Um okay, one, I have seen this movie a few times, um, but I'm pretty sure I watched this like on TV. Maybe it was on like sci-fi or like TNT, I don't think it's TNT Vibes, but uh dinner in a movie. Like um, but somehow I'd seen it, but it's weird. I'm pretty sure I must have seen it on TV because you know they cut so many different things to make it in like an hour, an hour and a half, but I definitely had not seen the first 15 minutes of this movie ever in my life.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

See, that's funny because when I was going into this, I only knew like three things for sure, right? I knew Matthew Lillard was in it, I knew it was a remake of a movie from the 60s, and I knew Miss Honey was in it from Matilda. Yeah, I know was she wonderful. However, so I I just thought, like, okay, I know these things, I've never seen this movie before. What is this? But the first 15 minutes when I was watching it, the second that drunkyard scene started, I was like, oh wait, no, I have seen this. And what does it say that I don't remember anything beyond that, right? Like it's it's kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

For me, this uh so this is what I've discovered because I've talked to a few people about this movie. Everyone has specific things that they remember from it, but nobody like really remembers the whole movie. So, like for me, as I was watching it the whole time, I was just going, Oh, and then I that I remember that thing that's gonna happen, and it's just ridiculous. Like, there's a scene with a kid in a scooter down a hallway, and I think that's like one of the things that is just stuck in my brain forever. I'll never be able to let that go. But so much of this movie just left all of us. That's what I've learned. It it all drifted away.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

And I think that speaks volumes.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Yeah. Oh, it does.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Uh, I I mean, I remember a lot. I I just didn't remember that chunk in the beginning. But I I I doubt I really don't think I've ever seen it.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

It really might have been cut out on TV.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

All right, well, then you're gonna accept the twist ending either. So I was like, oh shit. But I don't remember endings like even if we just had watched it for the podcast when y'all are talking, like, damn, I did not see that same movie.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Same girl, same. So this movie, uh clearly we all have our own bearing histories with it. Ryan, just as you were saying, it's really interesting that like we could all remember different pieces of it beyond just Paris' standard of like he doesn't remember much of anything about a movie. But I would be curious to know, how did you guys feel while you were watching this movie as you're rediscovering all these things that you forgot?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

I'm gonna answer with one word, and it is regretful. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Your pick was regretful.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

That's all I'll say.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Honestly, I thought it the pacing, I mean, tying this into the pacing, I thought it was pretty well. I was like, all right, there's action in the beginning. Y'all are gonna hate what I think about this. But the pacing, I was like, all right, there's kills, there's gore, there's all sorts of stuff in the beginning, which kept me going. And then I was like trying to figure out what I remembered and what I didn't. So I don't know. I definitely the first time I watched this terrified, terrified because of the ghost uh visually, but like not as scared this time. But definitely, I don't know. I felt I I'm gonna throw it out there. I felt entertained.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Okay, like you. I I would say this movie was an entertaining watch. However, I think where we differ in that is that I found it entertaining because of the commentary I had on about this movie with my girlfriend. Not necessarily like if I was alone sitting in a room watching this movie, I don't think I would have been entertained as I've ended up feeling. I think I felt a few different things, right? Like I I felt um bewildered, confused, underwhelmed, uh, and briefly hopeful, just to name a few, but what what about you, Paris?

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Um I wrote down fun, stupid, and entertaining. So kind of in the same boat, the same realm. Um I was fully entertained. I also love like puzzles, so this was kind of like puzzly. There was that element to it. Um, and as a believer in ghosts, I like ghosts. Uh I also thought that a lot of the elements seem to have high production value for a movie that may or may not have skimped in other areas. But I overall I wasn't mad. I had a good time.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

I think the perception there of high production value is like a scam when you look at how how well other movies look with less money. It's like, oh, you want a CGI gear thing that's gonna turn in the middle of the room? Yeah, that's gonna be like several million dollars. It's just unnecessary.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

I could have actually gone the whole movie without that gear spinning in the middle of the room, to be honest. Yeah. The other mechanics I enjoyed a lot, the the circle mechanics, but that giant gear, we didn't need that to spin faster and faster.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

It was a really interesting-looking house, I'll give it that. This movie still managed, you know, despite that underwhelming sensation, it still managed to surprise me with a character twist. And it surprised me not in the traditional sense of like, whoa, I didn't see that coming, but more so like oh, they might actually do something interesting here, and then it just kind of fell on weak execution. And I think you know that weak execution underscores so many different elements of this movie. And for me, that's actually one of those disappointments is the way the the ghosts look. Uh, it actually felt like a a haunted house actor in like UC in Universal or something like that. But what about you guys? What surprised you or disappointed you?

SPEAKER_03 12:41

I feel like there definitely were some like uh like scare house moments where it just looked like uh an actor like jumping at you to scare you. Um but the thing that surprised me was how well some of the effects held up over time, uh especially like some of the gore effects. There's a kill uh a little bit towards the beginning, maybe like in the first quarter of the movie that happened, and it's probably my favorite kill. Um, and it still looked pretty convincing.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Yes, compared uh yeah, now I have a different cut type. You know how we have hot dog style, hamburger style? I have a new cut type for that kill.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Ooh, okay. I can't wait to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

I cannot wait to hear.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Yeah, I was I was actually impressed with how some of the things still looked pretty solid after all these years.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

I think I was most surprised by how much distaste I have for Matthew Lillard.

unknown 13:25

What?

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Oh it's it truly is jarring to me the way I cannot separate him from Scooby-Doo. Like I see I think of him as Scream.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

I don't know why. Maybe because I watched Scream before I ever watched Scooby-Doo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

I've also never seen Scooby-Doo, so maybe.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

I think it yeah, I don't know. It's just and then also another one of those things where it's just like, I can't trust, I can't believe his character. I guess I can trust his character. I can't believe his character. I can't like I I don't know. I think the acting or the choice of actors, maybe, just really threw me off in this movie. That was my biggest surprise and or disappointment.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

It is interesting because I think you have a very talented cast who has proven themselves in so many other things. It just kind of misfires in this movie in a weird way.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

But yeah, and there was like a a relationship that I didn't like, I don't know. We just got kind of thrown into this thing, and then this whole family, which is an abnormal family, you had to try to figure out who they were to each other, which maybe didn't take everyone a long time. But for me, I was like, are they dating or is that his daughter? And also who is this woman that's with them? That's I mean, clearly one is his son, but like I had a whole section of time where all I cared about were who the characters were supposed to be, instead of take paying attention to ghosts.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

That's right. I was super surprised um on the gore because I recall watching it the first time and I was like, Oh, I I mean, I'm I I just don't remember any of the gore being in it, but maybe that was one of the things I just forgot. But uh but I was like pleasantly pleasantly surprised. I I enjoyed it, but like I said, I was like, Whoa, right off the bat, there's gore, which I could appreciate.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yeah, I had forgotten like every single kill in this movie. So as they happen, I was like, oh nice.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Yeah, same. But with what you're saying about Matthew Lillard, Ryan, I'm with Alexis in that I can't separate him from his character and scream, but also he is just so jarring. Like right off the top when we start the movie, he's doing the absolute most, and it doesn't really make sense why. And it's like, oh, we get it. Like you're a medium and you're kooky, but like you're also just like drooling in every scene you've ever been in and just like spitting, and like why?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

And that's the key to Matthew Lillard. He's always peak Matthew Lillard, he's always there, he's always at a hundred. There's never like a zero percent Matthew Lillard, and you're right, the more he gets into a role, the more he drools, and it is disgusting. He is like a bulldog.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

Drooling is acting in the book of Matthew Lillard.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Well, I think he's really cool. He doesn't get on my nerves, but I think because he's the person he's supposed to be. Yes, because he he's this extra person. Also, I sometimes get him confused with Jamie Kennedy, but that's here and over there.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

I could see that.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Who's also in Scream?

SPEAKER_03 16:13

It's all it all makes sense. But I feel like just to wrap up the Matthew Lillard of it all, um, I feel like what works so well in Scream is that for most of the movie you only got like little bits of him, like little bite-sized snippets, and then at the end it was like he was let loose to do his full Matthew Lillard thing. Whereas this, it was like he was let loose from the start and it just escalated from there, which was just wild.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Oh, for sure. When you think about these ghosts, right? Uh I think Alexis, you mentioned that you found the ghosts and the way they looked like a little scary, a little terrifying at some point in your life. For me personally, I think the only thing I find scary is the fact that someone invested money in this and thought this would be a good compelling way to like portray ghosts. That being said, whenever it was that I saw this, right? This movie is a question mark in my mind. I don't know what at what point I saw it. Maybe I would have been more scared in in 2001 when it came out. But for you who have seen it before, was it scary?

SPEAKER_01 17:10

I don't think watching it a second time it was. Um, also I was watching it early in the morning. Um and now I've been having to put it like on number eight because then put my subtitles on because I don't want people screaming upstairs, waking up like anyone people were like this demented chick is watching people like scream at like 9 a.m. in the morning.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Don't hide your true color. The best part of waking up.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

You're right. I'm like, yes, core. I'm like cooking breakfast. I'm like, oh cool, blood's splattering everywhere. This is great. But no, I'm telling you when I like what I really remember about this is the ghost and how terrifying they were when I was sleeping, especially the jackal, and then you have the hammer, those two are super iconic for me, and I always just see them all the time. I'm like, gosh, don't close my eyes, they're gonna turn around, they're gonna be right there, especially probably the night I watched it. But no, not scared now.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Yeah, it's totally not scary now. I think if you're 13, it could scare you. Uh if you're you're just coming into horror, if like paranormal activity scares you, stuff like that, this might scare you a little, but it's really not scary. Um, I do love the ghosts in this. I I love them. All of them, they have their own little personalities. Um, it definitely gets like haunted housey a little bit at times, but like what isn't haunted house-y when it is like monsters jumping at you, you know, like it's not one thing, it's all these different characters, and so it kind of, you know, it it's battling to not be that way. Um, and I'm fine with that. Like, it didn't really bother me.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

You know what I heard um is the characters. I mean, I I don't know if this is like true or not, because I've seen trailers and movies, and you know, Chris is like, it's pieces of other things, and I'm like, oh whoa! Did not know that, but it looked original. But they might be making a series with all the um ghosts.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Yes, I did hear of this.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Um you definitely like that, I feel like.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

I feel like it would be good. I feel like a backstory on each of these ghosts would be cool.

SPEAKER_03 19:11

I totally agree.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

I wish I got that in this movie, though. Yeah, so true.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

Well, the the backstories do exist. That's the sad part. Like the creators of this film uh they did flesh out backstories for every single ghost. But they mismanaged their timing so poorly that you don't get any of that. Like you just get what a little Matthew Lillard throwaway sentence, and you know they look a little bit spookier, and you're just wondering why there's a giant infant sitting in the corner. Like you know, I I think that's one of like the big the big misses for this movie. It's like they had so much source material to work from and they just kind of dropped the ball in terms of like just conveying that.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Yeah, I my only thing with that though, to be fair, is like if you started taking me through 13 backstories, yeah, or even 10, it's gonna be a lot. Like I already had a hard enough time like keeping track of like what ghosts are what and where they are and if they've made it out or if they haven't. Um, but what I was thinking during this movie is these ghosts have this uh this vibe. And I wonder if you guys are gonna understand what I'm saying. Do you know, like back in the MySpace days, there were a lot of like jumping videos. So like you would watch a video and like at the end it would be like a monster.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Oh yeah, like Fabric Girl or something. Yeah, you're doing it now with spiders, yeah. So they can fuck off.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Yes, I've I've learned that this is now a thing, like jump videos on TikTok. But yeah, this these monsters have this like maybe not even just MySpace, just like internet vibe from the time of this movie. And I like it. Like I it's it's it's like a throwback in a way. Maybe not a throwback you want, but it's a throwback you have.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Have you seen anything else produced by Dark Castle um during this time? So have you seen a house on Haunted Hill? Have any of you? Yeah, no, yeah. This I'm getting the same vibes. I think anything they filmed in this, like the early 2000s, kind of all gave me the same vibe. Very good movie, though, I will say.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Fun fact the writer of the original House on Haunted Hill, which that movie is a remake of War Two William Castle, also wrote this movie. That's why they have those same vibes. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

You guys basically captured my feelings about this. Like originally I saw this movie when I was probably 10 and it was terrifying. Um, but now as a grown, nearly 30-year-old adult, it was not scary whatsoever. Um, there's scary ways to do ghosts, and this is not it.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

I was gonna ask, what do you do in watching this when you're 10, but I forgot your backstory. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Horror is for everyone.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Parish, you you're absolutely right. There are definitely ways to portray ghosts in a really cool fashion. I think I similar to the way I like my killers or monsters, right? Like I prefer monsters to not really be seen. Or if they wear a mask, I don't want to see what's beneath the mask, so to speak. Um, and in that way, this music. Movie is kind of like typical haunted house fair. I would have preferred it. You know, there's some moments where you get to see the ghosts, but then they flicker to like not being able to see them, but you just see everybody reacting to them. I think maybe that could have been a a better way to go for me in terms of that. But for me, this felt like just another ghost movie, just kind of like, you know, um the house on Haunted Hill or The Haunting, etc. But what about you guys? Does this actually truly stand out for you as a ghost movie?

SPEAKER_03 22:29

I mean, how could it not? It has maybe the most ghosts.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

It has all the ghosts?

SPEAKER_03 22:34

Yeah, it has all the ghosts. I feel like this is a ghost movie where they opted for quantity over quality, um, and some things were sacrificed as a result of that. Like we didn't get any ghost backstories. There was very little, you know, insight into like who these ghosts are and why. Um but as far as originality goes, I mean, like this guy has a mansion built with a bunch of ghosts trapped in the basement and then lures people into the house under false circumstances. That seems kind of original.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Yeah, I mean, so to me, this movie is kind of two separate things. There's the story and then there's the ghost. The ghosts are it's an original ghost concept, I think. The story is like the corniest thing in walking ghosts in your basement.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Not corny. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally cool.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Like, you know, the Latin, like you know, there's a lot of different elements that I think are original, but then like you get this, like, just uh corny is just the only word I can think of to describe the rest of the story, and I think that's what would maybe lose originality points for me.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

I mean, I thought this was pretty original. I think like what everyone said so far that it's you know lacking on certain things. You know, I wish this book would have been more like or what they were reading from, and like, you know, where they're getting this information about the ghost. I feel like that was I wish that was in this more instead of everyone running around in the glasshouse um for her. But no, I th I thought it was pretty original still, either way.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

One thing that I feel like this movie did have that was very original was like the concept of like ghost rights, which Miss Honey was advocating for. This guy was like keeping these ghosts prisoner, and she was like, That's not right, like they're people, and he's like, they're dead people. And I was like, huh, I've never given that any thought.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Mm-hmm. People for the ethical treatment of poltergeists. If you feel like this is the most ghosts you've seen in a movie, let me refer you to a uh another John Carpenter film, The Fog, which is a bunch of ghosts. How about that? I I feel like this movie was like a mix of Ghostbusters and Casper and maybe the House on Haunted Hill, like trying to be like, you know, early 2000s edgy gory in a way. But I will say that it did do something well, and that was make me laugh at the very, very, very, very end. What about you guys? Is it was the ending a quality one for you?

SPEAKER_03 25:03

I thought that the ending was um pretty straightforward. Um, I did get a chuckle before the part that you're talking about, Chris, which I also enjoyed. Um, but like let's just say like the problem or like the conflict was resolved because a math teacher was able to count. Um I thought that was pretty ironic.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

That math teacher has jumps.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Yeah, um, but the ending was it was serviceable, it happened. I wasn't complaining about it. Um it wasn't stellar, it was I gave it like a six out of ten, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Would you say it was exactly on par with the rest of the movie?

SPEAKER_03 25:37

Ooh, that's tough to say. I feel like this had like a lot of ups and downs as far as like quality goes.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

I have so little feelings about the ending that I almost forgot what happened just now when you asked the question.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

I believe that.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

You started talking about it and I was like, huh? But not because I had little feelings, just because I was like, I think at that point I'm like I there was I was like a little confused on some stuff. I'm like, huh, not that I was thinking too much, but I was like, all right, I thought this was already established.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Like earlier, maybe it wasn't, maybe I'm just imagining this ending, but I think it was when they give you the exposition twice, yes, and they feel the need to re-explain what they already explained that they already explained in the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

But I think I mean, besides that, I thought it was pretty good. I think it's just when I like especially me when I realize like you can tell when an ending, this is gonna be it. It's gonna be a happy not happy necessarily, but you know, it's gonna fall in these parameters. I kind of like, I'm like, all right, let me check my phone.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah, it's like a neatly wrapped yeah. Pretty blah. Mac would be so happy.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

You think so?

SPEAKER_00 26:42

You know me, I'm always wrong.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

This feels like one of those, and I think maybe it's because it's a family-oriented movie in a sense. First off, did anybody get spy kids vibes?

SPEAKER_03 26:53

No, but wasn't Tony Shaloub in that?

SPEAKER_02 26:55

Yeah, he was.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

I watched Dollars, but didn't get those vibes.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

I I didn't not get them. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

It felt like just silly, campy, like early 2000s, let's all go to the movies kind of vibe with just maybe a little bit too much gore, a little bit too much nudity. I don't know. I think when I when you look at this movie being rated R, I feel like there's very little in it that I feel like really earns that R rating. And I think that's what kind of disappoints me. But when you look at the the idea of like what the family goes through together, etc., it feels like one of those Saturday morning, like right after cartoons they put on a movie to bring the family together. This feels like that kind of movie.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Maybe in the Rojas household.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Oh no, this would not suffice in the Rojas household.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Texas chainsaw.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Chris, to your point, um, as we've been talking about this, I actually just like a couple, I don't know, a few minutes ago went and looked at what the rating was because I realized I didn't know. And I think you're right. It seems like like for it to be rated R, I feel like there should be more. Like we get such a nice first kill, you know? And I just wish I I'd I I mean, I know you can't have more of the same kill, but that one was just so good.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

I feel like this movie got its R rating mostly from the language, because uh the my favorite character in the movie, played by Ra Digga, she dropped many F bombs, uh, and her language was just like the only like truly plausible character in the whole thing. I felt like she was the most relatable while I was watching it. Um and I think really she was the reason it was rated R because she was just like, fuck, fuck, fuck, this is fucking bullshit, get the fuck out of here. And I was like, that's exactly right, Ra Digga.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Also them titties.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

That's pretty much it, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Yeah, the titties too.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Yeah, I thought the R rating was just exclusively because of the naked ghost walking around.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

Let her serve her look.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

So there's gonna be some stuff that we need to unpack, some details that we need to get to. One of the things I want to talk about is just the idea of like the plot and the feasibility of all these things, but before we get into that, we need to start doing our ratings. So, Alexis, how many people died in this movie?

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Ten. Solid ten and a gory ten. I'm very, very happy. What about the animal report? Dude, there's not even an animal in this movie.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

So we're good. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Alright. Now let's go ahead and start getting into it then. Uh 13 Ghosts with a really interestingly spelled title from 2001, starring Matthew Lillard. Was it a hack or a slash?

SPEAKER_03 29:19

I have no problem giving this movie a hack first. Uh, I feel like uh this may be the first of many. Uh while I did enjoy this movie because it was fun and entertaining, it was also very stupid and very bad. Um I think the complete lack of plausibility was to its detriment. Um, also the utter absence of normal human behavior uh that really didn't do anything for it. Outside of Raw Digga, everyone's actions made no sense. Uh the motives were all questionable. Um the ghosts were pretty solid. I feel like the ghosts were probably the best part of this movie, but even some of them were like pretty shitty. Uh so overall, yeah, this gets this gets a hack.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

So, uh, as we said in the beginning, this was a movie that I picked, and I truly did regret that pick. This movie is like uh network television horror, is the best way I can describe it. And I think Chris was getting at this earlier, and I was totally gonna agree. I just wanted to save it for my point here. It's like if ABC and MBC, whatever, one of those networks. CW. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

I feel like it's no CW can do better than this.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

I actually feel like CW can do better than this because CW is like a little flies under the radar, you know, so they can hide some stuff, they could do some risky things. Yeah, I mean like they would do the titties. So yeah, to me, this is just like a a bad Scooby-Doo movie. I don't know. I know that I'm being unrealistic, um, but it it just didn't do it for me. It's a total hack. It is not as good as I remembered it, and I even pretty much knew I was walking into this going, this is probably not that good. I know I saw it when I was like 13. Um, I do have to say though, there's some visual elements in this that I do really, really enjoy. So it's not that there's nothing there. And if you have a kid who's into the concept of horror and is like maybe not gone there yet, like, and you want to start them out some way, and they are cool with boobs, you can totally show them this movie. Like uh it's a great intro, I feel like, but it's a hack. And I feel like Alexis, you're gonna slash this.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Oh, do you know me or I don't know. I feel it in my heart. You feel it? Okay, this movie definitely has its flaws for sure. And I don't know, I was trying to think, like everyone was talking, I was like, okay, that's valid. That's valid too. That's valid too. I was like, okay, well, why was I why did I just thoroughly enjoy this movie so much compared to everyone else? And I think one, I think I have this, like when I first watched it, I was like, oh my gosh, it was so scary. So I have this like nostalgia about it. But I also think that like I just thought it was like I disbelief, like I when I'm watching a movie, I you guys know I I don't care if it's real or not. I don't need it to be grounded in anything. Yeah. And it just entertained me. I thought the pacing was great, I like the gore. Um, the characters were questionable on why they were some of them were in this movie, but I also thought they had some sort of entertainment value.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

You also like rooms a lot. Yes. You're really into rooms.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

Yes, and this visually I loved. I loved a lot of things about it. So well, I wouldn't say this is the strongest slash ever, and it definitely doesn't make my top 10 or 15 or maybe even 20 horror movies. I do like this sort of age in horror. I do like the you know, early 2000s pretty much in any movie. So just give it a slash it, unfortunately. But yeah, I'm gonna give this a slash. I knew it.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

I knew it was gonna be grain of rice that tipped the scale. That's Alexis. Let me just uh preface by saying that ghost movies are really not my thing. I liked the first paranormal activity for what it did and how what it did in a fresher way. Um, you know, movies like The Conjuring, where it looks more into like, you know, spirits and possessions and things like that. Like that's all interesting, but it's never it's not the stuff that hits home for me, right? Like I prefer that grounded in reality guy about to break into your house and kill your family. Like, that's just the kind of stuff that I prefer. So when I start looking at a ghost movie, I will start noticing its flaws, I think, a lot sooner than I will for most other horror movies. And I think that this movie does have some redeeming moments, right? Like Maggie as a character is great, having Miss Honey in a horror movie, also great. Shout out to your little boy who was like a prototype podcaster, you know, with his little more of a death report. I like that. The people were likable, but ultimately, here's where it falls down for me. This movie is so poorly paced that it draws out all the wrong things and wastes time that could have been better spent in other ways, right? Um, there is a scene in this movie of a woman washing her face that is literally longer than most sex scenes in horror movies. That's just the reality of it, and that's disappointing. Um, so for that, it gets a hack. But there you have it, folks. Thirteen Ghosts from 2001, sorry, Matthew Willard, has earned three hacks in one slash. And Alexis is defending this movie's reputation. You can find this movie available for rank, give it a watch, or join us in the second half because I have a feeling we're gonna have some really fun discussion, uh, but we'll see you in a bit.

SPEAKER_03 34:41

Are you tired of just seeing ghosts in the movies? Would you like a close encounter of the paranormal kind? Then boy, have we got the place for you. Come on down to Mostly Ghostly, the only certified authentic ghost pet in zoo and crematorium, owned and operated by me, Cyrus Criticos. We've got all kinds of ghosts: spooky ghosts, sexy ghosts, ugly colonial ghosts, and even tiger ghosts. Now you might be thinking, Cyrus, is it ethical to keep these ghosts locked up in your basement and charge people admission to come see them up close? And if you are thinking that, then I know you've been listening to that bitch Colina Oretzia, who, for the record, killed her partner Damon and fed him to the ghosts, and everybody in the ghost industry knows it. Anyway, come on down to mostly ghostly. We've got more than just ghosts, but it's mostly ghosts.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Alright, welcome back. 13 Ghosts from 2001 Hezern, three hacks, and one slash, which I'm sure Alexis will defend to the end. Now, before we start getting into why we rated this movie the way we did, and before we talk about its high points, slow points, etc., Alexis, what's up with the gore score?

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Oh, this one's pretty high, I thought, for something early 2000s. I mean, in my opinion, like I said, I don't remember the gore in this. And in the first scene, you got a truck that's like spew spewing out blood.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

True. Like they're hunting a fucking shark. Yeah. Which I was like, wow, this is interesting. And I was like, oh my god, I hope like I don't remember it being like this corny, like, but maybe it is. And then I was very pleasantly surprised that people were getting squished in between cars and like cut in half by doors.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

And yeah, it was pretty cool. Chris, you gotta tell us what's the new slice name.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Hear me out. So we have hamburger style, right? When you're just cut in half horizontally, and we have hot dog style where you're cut in half vertically.

SPEAKER_03 36:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

As we've seen in Terrifier. This lawyer was cut in half subway sandwich style. Oh, where you're cut in half vertically but from the side.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Because they turn the sub on the side and slice it.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Oh shit. Damn. I was like, do I not get this? Now I get it.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

I think if you wanted to go uh less brand name, this would be butterfly style. Oh, he was butterfly first. Slip breast. Yeah, he was slip. Slipbreast. Tendu. Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Actually, is it Jimmy John style?

SPEAKER_03 37:13

Ew.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

I know a brand name, but Jimmy John's like they actually cut all the way through the bread versus a butterfly would be cutting it in half, but still connected on the other side. Oh, that is very true.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

True. For you, it's absolutely Jimmy John style.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Yeah, yeah. I know. I think that was like to me, and you guys have met and said it before, like before the spoiler break, um, was how real that looked. I mean, to me, it didn't look, I mean, and I was like looking pretty hard. I'm like, all right, the skulls there are like Yeah, they got a good cross-section of the skull.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Yeah. I've studied cross-sections of skulls a lot.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

It looks pretty good in this one. It's very satisfying.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

And it didn't look cheesy. And it didn't look, and I think now it's so weird. I think we're going making a comeback to shitty CGI because recently um I've been watching Riverdale and I started Castle Rock, two completely different genres. And literally, fire is CGI, which I get, but I'm not used to fire being CGI. Yeah, or and not being able to tell. But yeah, I know. I really loved all the gore in this from that. And then you're just, I mean, this first scene, and then you're having like the look on all of these ghosts. I mean, it's super iconic, and I think it's just what scared me when I was younger. I was like, oh my gosh, look at all this sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

But um I feel like some of the gore comes from like the amount of blood and like different looks too, not necessarily just the kills, you know, like that bloody bathroom, that buddy, bloody bathtub. That was a good one.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

I really liked that one. And then I was just I was just upset because I was like, okay, is this girl in the tub confused? Scared? Which you guys would say was a flaw, because I would just be like, I just didn't know whether she was confused and why the girl was uh taking water out of her bathtub.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

The disrespect in this household, as Ryan would say. So true. I did like that scene though.

SPEAKER_03 39:07

I also like that scene.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

Would you like to know her backstory? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 39:11

Oh, Chris, do you have all the backstories because you did research?

SPEAKER_02 39:14

I do have all the backstories.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

Because she was my favorite ghost. I feel like we should all talk about favorite kills and favorite ghosts.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

Oh, yeah, let's go with your favorite ghost. That works, that works. So she was called the Angry Princess in the Black Zodiac. Dana Newman was a beautiful but abused lady who lived in the later 1900s. She had plastic surgeries to alter her perceived flaws. And after a botched experiment that mutilated her eye, she brutally killed herself in a bathtub at the clinic. Her ghost often carries blood, is naked, and carries the same knife she used to commit suicide.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

I love that even more. Just like a plastic surgery botched narrative, and then she's just like a sexy ghost for the rest of her life. I ain't mad at that at all. She was actually one of the two ghosts that I remembered from my childhood because I'd never seen like obviously like my exposure to boobs was limited when I was ten. Um, but also just like naked bleeding boobs was that was definitely a first for me at that age.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

Sounds like a kink.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

Ew, uh, I hope nobody has that as a kink.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

Somebody does. Wait, do you get to our fact or fiction?

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Ew.

SPEAKER_01 40:19

I did like the jackal. I think the jackal was an it seemed like he was the ringleader. Was he not?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Yeah. He was number 11 of 12. For me, I feel like the way they illustrate these ghosts, he was supposed to be the scariest, right? But he wasn't the last one. And they're supposed to be scarier and scarier and scarier the further you go up. So the juggernaut, the guy that got in the junkyard, is supposed to be like the worst ghost. I don't know though. I feel like the jackal was way worse.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Yeah, I I think you see the like jackal more. The juggernaut was just like an old guy to me. And then just showed up, I feel like like once or twice.

SPEAKER_03 40:57

Yeah, he looked like a white walker. The jackal was the one with the cage on her face.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

She reminded me of Linda Blair the whole time. I was like, that's Linda Blair with the cage on her face.

SPEAKER_02 41:06

You know, the jackal's real name is actually Ryan.

SPEAKER_03 41:08

Ooh, that's representation.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Nice. We like that. Is it spelled in an annoying way though? No, no, no, no. His name is just regular old Ryan.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Okay, good, just making sure.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

But he was born to a prostitute.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Oh, I definitely misgendered that ghost. I apologize.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

It's okay. I have to be honest with you. I've thought it was a woman forever, even though I know it's not a woman. It's like again, I think it's because of that internet thing. Like it looks like a girl internet monster from 2001.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:35

It's the long nails and the long hair. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:38

I don't know if you remember this, but there was like a maze that you would do, like in like a web browser game. And like as you got to the end of the maze, like something that looked like that would jump on the screen. And that's like exactly what I thought of when you brought that up.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

It's exactly what I'm referring to. Or the spot the difference between the two freaking identical photos. I hated that.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Yeah, and you just stare at it.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

Can I just ask this question? What websites were we on? Because like now I know like every type of website I go to. Like I don't just be on random stuff. What were these sites we were on? Because I know I used to go on these like random like sites to get stuff during this time, and that's where you would find something like this.

SPEAKER_02 42:12

E bomb's world. Yes. What a great website that was.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

I'm not even sure what that means. None of you are probably gonna care about this, but there's a whole website of just Eli Manning making faces and just people that make stuff like that make my heart happy. That's all. Can we actually go through each of the deaths? Because it uh I mean, maybe I'm being silly here, but I can't remember all 10.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Yeah, I was surprised that it was 10.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

I think the majority come from the junkyard, actually.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. We do get a bunch of the beginning. Okay, okay, okay. That makes a lot more sense.

SPEAKER_03 42:47

Just like Randos and the lawyer.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

Yeah, the lawyer, then you have uh Miss Honey.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Yeah, I like that you guys have strictly referred to her as Miss Honey.

SPEAKER_03 42:55

I have a theory about Miss Honey because honestly, these two films, Matilda and 13 Ghosts, could take place in the same timeline, where you know, Miss Honey adopted Matilda, became absolutely fascinated by a child with telekinetic supernatural abilities, went to the library, looked up all the books on paranormal shit, and then just started like spiraling until she became this ghost activist.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

I would love that, but I want to believe that Miss Honey would not have fallen for Cyrus. Yes. She's too oh, her heart is just so warm.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

What do you mean, fallen for Cyrus?

SPEAKER_02 43:27

They were kissing, like she did those favors for him because she was like into him.

SPEAKER_03 43:31

Wait, they kissed? I definitely missed that.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Earlier I was making a face, and so maybe we can this is probably jumping ahead a little bit because we still haven't really finished deaths or everything, but we were talking about the twist in Paris is like, what twist? Yes. So the twist, Paris, is that she's not actually a ghost activist, she's actually working for Cyrus.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

And she's trying to complete his mission. Yeah, it seemed like she was trying to break in to help them get out. Yeah. Okay. Was she was like playing the family to be like, oh no, I'm just here to set them free. Yeah. But really, she was here to just like get everything that he wanted done, which I have to be honest, I really don't even know quite what his goal was.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

Like, I know he had this whole thing, but like what was the ultimate his ultimate goal is to be the most powerful man in the world because that machine powered by all those ghosts would allow him to see the future.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Right. That plausible, sure. My eyes are rolling very hard.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Explained twice in an exposition, and it still didn't resonate. So there you go.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

They didn't Okay, so I guess I could see that being the twist. Um, I was very confused. I was like, when did she like switch sides? Like also I was very confused about the timeline of this whole movie. Was the house already built at the time of the junkyard scene?

SPEAKER_02 44:46

Yes. He'd he had been in the process of collecting everything.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

Okay, because it seemed like there was a long period of time between when he died and like when the lawyer came to be like, hey, your uncle's dead, come to this mansion.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

I mean, that was just like a scene or so.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

It was like however much time it took him to fake his death.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

Yeah, I guess so. That's that's it.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

I will say, in terms of the death, the the lawyer had my favorite death, but I think it was also because it was one of the funniest, because of that damn look on his face. Like, had he not had that like shot, like it would have been really great. It would have like really reinvigorated this movie with a sense of tone that was appropriate for its R rating. But he did have that damn look on his face, and I couldn't help but laugh at laugh at it.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

Yeah, there was a lot of goofiness, like feeling in this movie for me.

SPEAKER_03 45:34

Later on, Ra Digga actually says, Did the lawyer split? Yeah. And I thought that was a really underrated joke.

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Miss Maggie doesn't do windows.

SPEAKER_03 45:42

That was great too. She was the best part of this movie.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

So uh let's go favorite ghosts for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

I said mine, the jackal.

SPEAKER_03 45:51

I love the sexy ghost, sexy princess, the angry princess. She was the best one.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

So my heart is torn. Uh not like the torn prince, but I love the jackal because I like the idea like the Charlie Manson of ghosts in this house. But I also really like the torso because we only saw it for a very brief moment.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

Yes, that was gonna be my second choice.

SPEAKER_03 46:13

That's also a pretty like solid gimmick. Like, oh, I'm just a torso. That's my thing.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

Yeah, the idea of just a torso being a ghost is is a lot. It's a lot to take in. The CGI is just so high. You got killed by a torso. That's it, just a torso? Wrapped in saran round, two nipples and two arms.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

So what's interesting is like some of these ghosts aren't even aggressive or violent. The great child and the dire mother, and they're not more like vicious, like violent ghosts.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Yeah, well, I mean, and also like Arthur's wife, like she just is there.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

Yeah, she was actually somewhat helpful.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Yeah, so in this movie, there are definitely I think one thing that miss that I miss with the ghosts is that like there's like half of them that don't have an impact in this movie at all. So, like if you're gonna have 13 ghosts, I kind of want them all to have their own moment. Um, but I think for me, the hammer is my favorite. He's like the most like menacing, and he's he's just like a it's it's almost like um the green mile, like such a big person that would be frightening in general, and then to have like nails and stuff in your head, that one had to be my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

Could you imagine you being in the position of Cyrus when he's like dying for real for real and you have all these ghoshes looming over you?

SPEAKER_03 47:27

Oh, I hated that.

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Yeah, no. If you look up this movie, that's like the only image on Google Images. It's just all of earlier.

SPEAKER_03 47:34

I mentioned that there were only two things that I remembered from this movie, and it was two of the ghosts. One of them obviously was the sexy cute ghost, but the other one was like the giant old baby ghost. Because something about like adult babies like really makes me want to die and like rip my skin off.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

Wow, it gave me like awesome powers vibes.

SPEAKER_03 47:52

Ugh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

His story's actually pretty cool. I'm looking at it right now. The old baby.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

Did anybody else like have to do the math and be like, wait, do those two count as two of the ghosts? And then at the end, Tony Shaloub like counts them, and he's like, Wait, there's not 13 ghosts, I'm the 13th ghost. And I was like, Didn't Miss Honey already explain that to you?

SPEAKER_00 48:11

Yeah, we were all like, wait, uh yeah, yeah, you already told us that.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

I also don't get the leap that he made, right? So Cyrus dies. You can presume that Cyrus is a ghost, but he's looking at this, he's counting them. But if I'm the 13th ghost, looks off into the distance. They had already said in this exposition, right, that like the the ghost has to be a death that was made out of pure love and sacrifice, not the manner in which Cyrus died. So, like, why the fuck would you even assume that he would be the 13th ghost? Like, why is suddenly up like questioning it?

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Also, like from a physical standpoint, that leap was real unrealistic. That man is not athletically inclined, okay? I'm telling you right now, Monk does not have a lot of athleticism in his life, and he just timed it perfectly to jump between all these like rings that are flying around, and that's where like the the like ABC network horror television thing comes in for me.

SPEAKER_03 49:10

It kind of reminded me of Charmed. It was like that vibe.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

Yeah, thinking about all the deaths in this movie, I wish at least one of the kids or him had died because I feel like there were no real stakes in this movie. So true.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

That is true. The references you sent over, I thought that was pretty cool reading them. We should definitely put these in our show notes. But I'm like interested, I'm like reading them all. Like, and I'm gonna be honest with you, it's actually scarier reading them, which goes back to our point. They should have put more about them in this, which I think would have stand the test of time a little bit more and just made it a little bit more creepy, not just oh, it's a person in like you know, the in the thing, but it's like he clearly was insane and got out of the strait jacket, so that's why he had that on his head, which I thought that's that's I I'm thinking about him going to bed tonight with nightmares. Thanks, Chris.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

You know, and I'm for sure not even saying like take me through all 12 ghosts up front, but you know, looking at a a few added details here and there, even if we didn't ever really figure out what was up with, you know, the dire mother and the great child, even if we didn't really know the story behind the torso, give us something about the prominent ghosts that you're having harassing all these people. I will say that my favorite scene in this movie, the closest I get to having a favorite scene, uh the the flashing back and forth with the angry princess was a little bit too much for me. It was like very like, oh my gosh, am I gonna have a seizure watching this movie? However, when we had the jackal in the hallway, and it still flashed a little bit too much, but I appreciated that because of what it did for the skepticism in Arthur and his daughter, right? So they're suspicious, they don't really believe in any of this, and then suddenly she just gets dragged. And you go between seeing the jackal and not seeing the jackal, you know, based on their different character perspectives. I really enjoyed that, especially when we see the marks that the jackal is putting on her body. That was my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

Well, what about you guys? I'm gonna like continue on with that. My favorite scene is the later half of that scene when they're dragging her and they're kind of fighting, and no kidding, like it you're seeing it from her perspective, and you're just seeing this like per like this ghost. To me, it's a person walking down ghostar people too. But it's like terrifying. Like, I was just watching, I was like, if I were her, I'd probably be peeing my pants right now or something or screaming. It was terrifying seeing that, but I love the like the reverse of it and seeing it from her perspective visually. I thought that was great.

SPEAKER_00 51:38

Yeah, mine is um a kind of similar. I have like a collection of things that I enjoyed seeing in this movie, and it's one the house. I think the house is really, really cool. And I think that that's probably where a lot of like yeah, budget and like thought went for this movie, where I would have rather it gone to other places, like hiring other actors.

SPEAKER_03 51:58

Or writers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

So I really liked the house. I really actually loved like the flashing back and forth between a few different things between in the bathroom scene. Um, I love like seeing the blood and then it going away. I like the flashing between the different perspective of having the glasses on and not having the glasses on. And then, of course, I loved looking at the monsters, especially when they would like walk down the hallways and you see them empty and then put glasses on, and then you can see the monsters just standing there. Um, I liked all of that stuff a lot. It was really fun to watch. I didn't like, as far as the house goes, like the uh mechanics of all of that. Like, and and I think sometimes like the the concept of where people were in the house didn't really make sense. Like all of a sudden these people were next to these people and on top of these people, and like it was all very strange.

SPEAKER_02 52:48

Oh my gosh, yeah, that whole just walk in a straight line, turn around, me back in five. You've made so many fucking turns.

SPEAKER_00 52:55

Yeah, and like going upstairs and then like the basement, and I don't know, there's a bunch of stuff, but that house is such a cool thing to see and to look at, and as it like continues to lock down from the outside, I love that.

SPEAKER_03 53:07

Yeah, the house was definitely cool. It reminded me of like a magic trick of some sort, and also gave me like Da Vinci Code vibes where it was just like mechanics and puzzles and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 53:16

It gave me the mummy vibes, and I have no idea what yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Oh, because it was similar, like you like light a torch and then a like a bunch of things happen.

SPEAKER_01 53:23

Yeah, press a button and a door, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

But I would like to note this whole thing has started literally from picking up a briefcase, and it's like I feel like for such a huge machine, we could have had more elements of like when someone, you know, opens this door and lifts this up, it adds this element, like you know, that type of thing. This was a really big labyrinth of technology and a mechanical house, and it's all literally just one person picking up a briefcase. Like, dang, it would have really sucked if he didn't pick up that briefcase.

SPEAKER_03 53:55

It did actually start when he turned the key to open it.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Okay, yes. Two elements.

SPEAKER_03 54:00

Yeah, but then the second one was the briefcase, and then from there it was like other things started happening and there were no apparent triggers. And I was like, what? Why is this?

SPEAKER_00 54:06

Yeah, incrementally the doors will open, and like you had this concept of timing, but then all of a sudden five opened in a very short span of time, and it was just like, All right, well, here we are.

SPEAKER_03 54:16

They gave up on that real quick.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

It's okay, it's okay. Just suspension, just go with it.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

Just go with it. I can only go so far with it.

SPEAKER_03 54:24

We're in a giant death trap.

SPEAKER_00 54:25

I think it's funny, Lexis, because sometimes you're on board with just go with it, but then sometimes not. And we're all that way. It just depends. Yeah, it all depends on like how you feel. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:35

Ryan, I was actually reminded of you during this movie because truly what set this whole thing in motion was a man moving his family into a house full of ghosts. And I was like, oh, Ryan's not gonna be pleased with this.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

Yeah, he's just like, Oh yeah, we'll just go in here. Like, this seems normal.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

They also moved in the dead of night with nothing. They didn't bring anything.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

Yeah, they were just going to check out the house. They weren't like trying to move.

SPEAKER_03 54:59

But also just like sell that house immediately and never go inside.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

I mean, you'd still have to like sign paperwork over for it, and you know, looking at like the financial like anguish that whole family had been in.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Would you live in that house?

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Chris, you would live in that house.

SPEAKER_02 55:13

Hell yeah, I would.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

I get some curtains, but yes. Just learn those, uh, make sure you know how to write that Latin prayer. Make sure you know how to write that just in case some glass breaks or something.

SPEAKER_02 55:24

Safe let repair, safe let replace.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

What I was gonna say, Paris, is like you also have to remember that the lawyer was in on it, so he's like pushing them. Because remember, they they were kind of apprehensive, and he's like, No, it's just a couple hours. I'm like, I'm not going anywhere a couple hours, spur of the moment. It's just not happening. I'm not like a get in the car for a couple hours kind of girl. Also, just like do it in the daytime. Yeah, it wouldn't have been as fun, you know. Yeah, Chris, you, I think we're gonna say something about Shannon Elizabeth. Let me just tell you, I do not like watching her act.

SPEAKER_02 55:55

I don't know what else she's been in. Well, scary movie.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:59

There it is. That's that whole series of movies I've never seen. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

Yeah, so the movies that she's acted in are they have a certain type of I'll explain some of them in a minute. But if you click TV shows on her name, the first one is called Live Nude Comedy. And I don't think I need to read anymore past that. Yeah, and then as far as movies, it's American Pie.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

Yeah, that's where she's from.

SPEAKER_00 56:19

Scary movie. Um, this Jack Frost. She was in love, actually. It's just I know her face, not because I should, but because it it just doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 56:33

It's a typical character. Yeah, every movie.

SPEAKER_00 56:36

Very much so. Oh, like Matthew Lillard? Like everyone else in this movie, honestly. Like it's the kid.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

Don't be giving the kid.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

Okay, the kid's cool. The kid and the nanny are cool, like they're chilling. Even Cyrus. I I guess, but also Cyrus, I feel like I mean, I don't know what else he's been in, but he seems like that character all the time.

SPEAKER_03 56:54

Oh no, yeah, I'm saying Cyrus plays the same thing in everything. Oh, okay, okay. He's in a show called Mythic Quest on Apple TV Plus, and he plays that just like 20 years older.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Yes. Oh, how funny, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:04

Just old eccentric kook.

SPEAKER_00 57:06

It's just like classic 2001 casting, I think. And it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 57:09

It just you'll see the same in you know, House on Haunted Hill. You'll see the same type of thing. What? Ghost ship. House of well, how not House of Wax.

SPEAKER_00 57:19

Can we get like good ghost movies?

SPEAKER_02 57:22

Hold on one second, because House on Haunted Hill had Tay Diggs in it, and Tay Diggs was great in that movie.

SPEAKER_03 57:26

Oh he was always yeah, I'll take Tay Diggs in everything. I don't know who that is.

SPEAKER_02 57:32

House on Haunted Hill was a better remake of House on Haunted Hill than this was a 13 ghosts.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

I would watch Tay Diggs clean his house. I'd pay $3.99.

SPEAKER_04 57:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:41

Y'all know how much I hate payton for movies. I say that to say I'll watch him do anything.

SPEAKER_02 57:46

So while there are some cool things about this movie, and while Shannon Elizabeth was not one of the cool things about this movie, there is what I think was the worst decision that went behind this whole thing, right? It was the way they chose to portray the ghosts and the mechanism by which they portray them, right? So the glasses. Have you guys heard anything about the original 13 Ghosts?

SPEAKER_03 58:09

Nothing at all.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

So there was a gimmick when the movie aired in theaters at the theater and gave audience members glasses so they could see the ghosts. Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

I love that. I actually thought about this being a 3D movie.

SPEAKER_02 58:21

But this movie was like, oh, let's keep that only one detail from that uh that movie, except put their characters need glasses to see that. And like the glasses weren't cool looking. Like it reminded me of fucking Spy Kids, and I've never seen Spy Kids, but I guess it came out around the same time. But I think the glasses are what really ruined it for me because there are clearly plenty of glasses in the house, but like not everybody had them, and then they're like fighting over them, and it was just like this unnecessary thing. Like, I would have rather them be visible in some other kind of way where they're mostly invisible throughout the film, and you see the havoc they wreak with like little glimpses of what they look like. I feel like we saw too much of it for it to like really stick with me.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

I think the glasses are really cool. I'm here to defend a different side of this one. I liked that. Maybe not the glasses themselves, but the ability to let us see from different perspectives and see the ghosts and not see the ghost. So maybe you're right, maybe it should have been done a different way, but the glasses didn't bother me, actually. The weirdo lights in there, the the little alien lights inside were not necessary.

SPEAKER_03 59:23

I didn't hate the glasses either, but there was a scene where um the daughter was like terrified of what she was seeing, but wasn't in any actual danger, but didn't think to just take the glasses off. And now I was like, well, you you could just take them off and continue.

SPEAKER_02 59:37

She doesn't know. But also, how could they see the mother at the end of the movie without glasses?

SPEAKER_03 59:43

Because she was set free. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 59:46

It was made of love. I didn't notice that.

SPEAKER_00 59:48

I think at the end they were all visible, like making themselves visible.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

That's what it was.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

Aren't they like all being none of us know? Taking some real good liberties here. Nobody knows.

SPEAKER_03 59:58

I think at that point in the movie we just our disbelief had had been expelled.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:02

We weren't really asking questions anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:04

I do love the idea of a black zodiac. That part, like the whole scene where Miss Honey was explaining everything, like the lore about it and like going through that ancient tome. That's when I actually kind of really liked the movie most because I feel like that's where we got the most backstory. And then I love astrology as it is now. So the idea of like being like a black zodiac of ghosts, I was like, ooh, this is fun. Like, what's my black zodiac sign?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:26

Yeah, I do want to know what the Capricorn translates to.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:29

I'm just gonna say sexy stab ghost.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:34

No, it's the vengeful ghost.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Can I tell you if there's anything that I hate in a movie, it's like an ancient book that tells you stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:44

So you don't like anything, Stephen King.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:46

I mean, it's like the like ancient, uh, it's in some different language, and I have to like figure it out. Like, uh I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:56

Although the chanting, when they start chanting, oh man, that was like it was creepy. Yeah, it was really spooky.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:02

That is a pretty typical trope, like an ancient tome that has all the answers that only one person can read.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

And somehow the pages don't disintegrate and they don't have to wear gloves when they wear it because the oils are not gonna damage the book at all.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:13

Again.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

You can't even touch paintings that are younger than these books. Don't ask questions, Chris. Look, hey, I think I do a pretty good job of not asking a lot of questions through a lot of movies. However, this one just like paints this world and then trips over itself along the way.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:29

Yeah, there were a lot of trips.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:31

I agree, but maybe they laminated the theory. Does that look laminated to you? She cut off the edges. Like non-gloss.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:41

Laminated and trimmed.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:42

It's matte. This one was actually not even that offensive. Like, but in general, like please leave that part of your movie at home. We don't need that. Leave that in the the the rough draft. Just watch a YouTube video on whatever you're trying to figure out. That'll be like the new ancient tome, is like people watching YouTube. Hold on, I think I saw something on YouTube about this. Hold on, let me figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:02

Let me pull out this external hard drive of all the shit I downloaded on Limewire back in the 2000s.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:06

Yes, that would be amazing. Why is LimeWire never a part of horror movies? That's true.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:11

That is actually horror. All right, Alexis, let's go uh find unfriended dark web and have Ryan sit through that.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:19

Oh, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:21

Oh, I don't want to be a part of that. I like a I like a up-to-date horror, you know? Let's get some technology in here that is realistic, not an iPhone 4.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:29

I feel like at the time this was very like technology meets horror, but they kind of just took some liberties with what that technology was.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:37

Yeah, those gears.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:38

That was like we think technology will look like this 20 years from now. Glasshouse. What does it look like 20 years from now? Not that.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

Glasshouse is very hot, a lot like a greenhouse.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:49

So we've talked a lot about the backstories of these ghosts. We've talked a lot about uh what Shannon Elizabeth has been in, and we've talked about the Matthew Lillard of it all, as Paris would say. But I think there's a lot left to learn in our fact or fiction. In Mac's absence, I have prepared some. You ready to get started?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:05

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:05

I'm ready. Number one. Let's talk about the torso. Yeah, the gambling ghost. The effect for the torso was achieved with a double amputee wearing a special black hood so they could digitally remove his head.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:18

Fact. That's um fact.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:21

Sure. Fiction. It's a fact. What in the world? I know. I know, I know. That is some chaos. Right? It did surprise me in this.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:31

I mean, all actors need work, so I'm glad.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:34

Let's talk about another ghost. Let's talk about the angry princess. Uh you know, actually, it took you know f over five hours to do the makeup for her. But let's talk about who portrayed her.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:43

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:43

She was portrayed by a porn actress, Arya Giovanni, under the pseudonym Shauna Lawyer.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:48

Fact, I'm obsessed with this idea. It needs to be true.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:51

Fiction. Think you're making up the name. I was gonna say, if this was Mac, I'd definitely say fiction because we there's too many names in there. But I'm gonna go fact.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:59

It's fiction.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:00

Oh, Chris, why do you do that to me?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:02

It was a legitimate rumor. But let's go into another play on this. There is an adult parody of this film that exists, and it's titled 13 Erotic Ghosts. That does actually star that porn actress, Arya Giovanni, and it also crosses over with Scooby-Doo in honor of Matthew Lillard.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:20

I had to say fiction, that's too much. But that probably means it's true because it's porn, that's what they do.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:26

Fact, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:27

I'm saying fact too. Porn gets ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:30

It is fiction. Most of that is true, but it does not cross over with Scooby-Doo. Thank you. There was 13 Erotic Ghosts, and she definitely is in it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:40

The Scooby-Doo is really what would have taken it too far.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:44

I wanted to spice it up a little bit, you know? Uh so let's go back to another character who's not a ghost. Let's go with Maggie.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:50

Radega.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:51

She was actually originally intended to be the mole instead of Miss Honey.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:55

If this story was written, like if her character was written and she was gonna be the mole, that would be silly. I'm going fiction. Yeah, fiction.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:02

I'm gonna say fiction because the scene where she kind of saves the day by just like pulling a remix on that technology board really played into the fact that she's also a musician and then performed a song during the closing credits. So that feels like too good for that to be true.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:17

I'm so sorry it is true. That was actually the original plan.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:21

Well, they made a good choice then.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:23

Your last one here. This film actually is pretty historic. It is the first film from a major American studio featuring three Arab American leads.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:32

I'm uh Maybe Elizabeth something. What's that?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:35

I'm gonna say fiction only because I can't think of who the third may be.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:39

Ooh, wait, maybe the son. I'm gonna say fact.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:41

Fact. It's a fact. That's gonna be Shannon Elizabeth, Tony Shalob, and F. Murray Abraham.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:46

Well, there we go.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:47

Very interesting.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:48

Shannon Elizabeth does have like really nice olive skin.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:51

Now that is as interesting as this movie gets. At least it goes down in the history books for a positive thing. Alright, folks, we've we've said a lot about uh. Ghosts, and while we didn't compare it to its remake as we did with House of Wax, that could be worth a watch as well. In that movie, there was like a love plot between the lawyer and Shannon Elizabeth's character. Things get a little spooky. I think the ghosts are supposed to be a little bit more menacing, but also it's the 1960s, so how scary can they really be? Thank God we didn't do a versus on this.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

That would have been miserable. Thank you for your mercy this week, Chris.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:24

Oh, that's only because it was Ryan's pick. We thought about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:27

Thank you, Ryan.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:28

Alright, folks, well, there you have it. 13 Ghosts from 2001 earned three hacks and one slash. Which is, hey, at least it's not a tiebreaker because that would have been a little bit messy this week. We've talked a lot about our feelings, and we do know that although this movie got like a one star in a few directories, there are bound to be folks out there who do, like Alexis, enjoy this film, maybe for even more than nostalgic reasons. So we want to hear your voice and we want to know what's up with your thoughts. You can reach out to us a number of ways, starting with our website, hackerslash.com.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:00

And on our social media accounts, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:03

You can also hit us up at the Hackerslash Hotline. You can text us, call us, leave us a voicemail, or an audio message. Our number is 757-606-0128.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:11

And if you or someone you know remembers what Max says at this point in the podcast, let us know.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

At feedback at hackerslash.com.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:18

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SPEAKER_02 1:07:29

We'll see you next time. Bye.