SPEAKER_01 0:04

Man, look at all these flat butts.

SPEAKER_05 0:10

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hacker Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. Come on in and stay a while. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack, a total joke, a waste of time, or a slash.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Totally killer, pun intended.

SPEAKER_05 0:29

We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're rating these movies with the perspective we've all gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast. This week I'm joined by the Superfly Space Guy Mac.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

This is a mammal, not a fish.

SPEAKER_05 0:44

The core lover Alexis. Hey everyone. The cowardly creeper Ryan. Hiya. And the Scream Queen Paris.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Hey sweets.

SPEAKER_05 0:53

Summer is upon us, which means it's time to revisit a blockbuster franchise known for its lasting impact on beachgoers. Before we dive in, though, we have some follow-up.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Let's revisit something even older than this week's movie, and it's the birds. So if you recall, we recently reviewed this film. It was actually a little bit of a skeleton crew with our ladies here. Uh, and we wanted to hear what the rest of our listeners thought. So we asked you on Instagram and Twitter. And alarmingly, at least to me, only 19% gave it a hack and 81% slashed this.

SPEAKER_05 1:26

That makes sense with the ratio. It's a classic.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

I suppose.

SPEAKER_05 1:30

Paris refuses to believe it.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

No, I believe that it's a classic. I don't necessarily believe that it's held up. But I wasn't on that episode, so therefore, who's to say what I would vote? But I know what Aaron Johnson on Twitter would vote. He said, The birds was shown on TV all the time in the eighties, and even back then I felt it was too cheesy to be scary. A Hitchcock film that does hold up is Shadow of a Doubt with an incredible performance from Teresa Wright.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

So not just a review, but a replacement suggestion. So that's that's extra quality right there.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Yeah, we love a recommendation with our reviews. We also have a comment from Stevie on Instagram who said, The birds walked, so the crows have eyes three could run. I love it so much.

SPEAKER_06 2:07

I'm sorry. I love the play on that.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

When we were reviewing the birds, I was uh that's all I could think of. Ryan, have you seen Shits Creek?

SPEAKER_06 2:14

No.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Oh, so one of the characters is like this fallen actress, and she gets a role in a movie called The Crows Have Eyes Three.

SPEAKER_05 2:23

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

It's on a streaming station or tr streaming network called Interflix.

SPEAKER_05 2:29

That's amazing. When when Stevie wrote this, it was in response to a different story post where I think I had put like the birds walked so big bird could run. And I was like, man, the crows have eyes three is such a great name. Stevie, I love you. And now I realize it's quoting Jits Creek, and I'm not mad. It's just it's a pleasant surprise.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

It really is. I'm glad somebody else was thinking it. We also have a comment from Anthony, one of our patrons, who said, The birds is such a classic. My favorite scene is the famously shot school scene. I'm sure, to especially Chris, you can tell that Bodega Bay is obviously bonus points for me. One quick thing though, the Brenner Girl. Ladies, did I miss you mention something? I'll give honorary shout out for Mac. That little Brenner Girl grew up to have her screams unheard in space, starring as Lambert, played by Veronica Cartwright. This movie is definitely a slash.

SPEAKER_05 3:17

From Alien. I didn't know that going into it, and since Mac was not here, did not bring it up at all.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 3:24

I tried to read the room.

SPEAKER_06 3:25

Yeah, you read the room very correct, because uh I did not know that at all.

SPEAKER_05 3:29

But bless Anthony, because he's always coming in with like these extra details that make the retrospect of like the episode and the movie all the better. Yeah, I appreciate that, Anthony.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

I also appreciate the shout out because we all know sci-fi is awesome. Just saying.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

And we have one more comment. It's from Brittany, one of our patrons, and she said, I'm going to be that jerk. It's old, it's boring. Birds are not scary. It's a hack.

SPEAKER_06 3:52

That's exactly what Paris would have said, I feel like I was gonna say. Paris, did you write this comment?

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Listen, maybe I made a fake patron account and called myself Brittany. Maybe it's a real patron. Who's to say? But Brittany, I see you and I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_05 4:07

I also appreciate Freya for agreeing with me that Annie and Miss Daniels should be lesbians. I see you, Freya. Oh, we all agreed with you.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

Oh, I think we can all. Yeah, that's unanimous.

SPEAKER_05 4:17

Yeah, I know. I just, you know, I really appreciated it.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

There's a remake of this somewhere in the future where they are, in fact, lesbians, and it's called The Birds for a whole other reason. I'd also like to take a moment to thank one of our newest patrons, Marianne. Mary Ann, thank you so much for your support. Welcome to the patron family. Marianne, if you have any hot takes on any of the movies that we're reviewing in the future, give us a call, send us a message. We'd be happy to hear from you and share your comments on an episode. And that's our follow-up.

SPEAKER_05 4:42

While the birds taught us to fear our friends in the sky, this week we're turning our attention to the sea. A particular 1975 film helmed by Steven Spielberg brought in tremendous success for Universal Pictures and made its mark, according to Spielberg, as the definitive shark movie. Upon seeing the success of the original film, Universal knew they wanted a sequel. The trouble, though, was Steven Spielberg's utter lack of desire to make one. In fact, he described making a sequel to anything as just a cheap carny trick. Strong words from Spielberg. Now forced to look elsewhere for a director, Universal ultimately invested $30 million in a project that saw two different directors, conflict within its cast, and a perilous production phase. This week we're talking about the 1978 film Jaws 2. Who's seen this one before?

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I actually have. I'm seeing a lot of blank stares around the room. Um, but I've I've seen it. And you know, I've seen Jaws, I've seen Jaws 2, but I never went further. I never went to 3D.

SPEAKER_06 5:41

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

So yeah, this was this was it for me.

SPEAKER_06 5:44

You're missing out. Weirdly enough, I have seen the third one, but I haven't seen this one. And I think it's because um ever since like maybe two years before I was born, um, my family would go to Florida to a beach house, and I just remember constantly Jaws being on TV while we're there. And you know, it's a house where you don't have to pay the electric bills, so you're putting the AC to 67, all the lights are on, the TV's on, you're going in and out of the house, leaving the door open. It's vacation. And I just remember Jaws being on all the time. So I've caught a lot of them, but surprisingly, I haven't caught this one.

SPEAKER_07 6:22

There is nothing standard cable TV loves more in the summer in a beach location than to play Jaws, okay? It is the thing. We just want to scare the poop out of you while you're on vacation. I have seen Jaws, of course. I hadn't seen Jaws 2, didn't know Jaws 3D existed until I went to rent this movie. And I was like, do we need a Jaws 3D? I don't think so at all.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

I don't think so either, Ryan. Uh, but I'm sure we'll get to it one day.

SPEAKER_07 6:49

One day.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

I was personally faced with the daunting task of watching both Jaws and Jaws 2 this week for the very first time.

SPEAKER_07 6:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

My extended family like loves this movie. It's always like playing in the background of all of our family gatherings, but I've avoided watching it fully and really in any capacity giving it my attention until this week. So this was uh very fresh for me.

SPEAKER_05 7:11

This is a franchise that I've certainly visited several times. I've seen this movie before. We'll revisit that bit in a second, but I will say what this franchise is known for is having an iconic, legendary first film, the second film being considered an adequate movie, technically, but then being it being the best of the sequels, because everybody thinks that like three and four are just trash. I am of the opinion that Jaws 3D is great. Uh I think it's a fun time to turn off your brain in a like it's CWorld, right? It's how can you go wrong with Jaws fucking up CWorld? I'm a I'm a huge fan of that, but I will say when I was sitting down for this one, I found myself struggling to remember what happens beyond the third act. So the third act of this film, a lot of like the major climax that we get is something that's always stood out to me, but I could not for the life of me remember anything else that happened in this movie because I kind of found it largely forgettable, but what were you all expecting going in?

SPEAKER_07 8:17

Man, I was expecting boredom, you know, like I was just expecting some people on a beach yelling about a shark. I mean, I don't know what else can you expect from Jaws, really? It's pretty much just that.

SPEAKER_06 8:30

Yeah, I wasn't honestly sure what to expect. I kind of just went into this blind and I I don't know, I thought there may be a connection um from the first one to the second one, and I liked it because the first scene there is. So I appreciated that. But other than that, that's I wasn't sure. It was either that or it was somehow there's another jaw somewhere in a beach town. Yeah, there ain't a lot of like intellect when it comes to thinking about Jaws, you know? It be what it be.

SPEAKER_05 8:57

That's why it's so great that it ended up in fucking SeaWorld. I'm done. I digress.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

Uh so little known fact about me, I actually studied marine science for a few years in college, and one thing that they talk about a lot is the effect that jaws had on like human perception of sharks and how it's been like terrible for the shark population. It's true, Ryan, you make that face, but it's like people, especially like outside of the US, have been like destroying sharks because everyone thinks that they're such a threat, but like they're really not that big of a threat. I expected going into this to see a lot of like inaccurate shark behaviors and things that sharks don't actually do because that's what we got in the first one. And I think that's that's what happened. It was the same shark doing the same, uh, let's say, unique things that this specific shark is known to do, but it wasn't quite accurate to what real sharks do.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

I'm glad that you were focused on accuracy because if if you are and you start watching the Jaws films, you're probably sitting there going, Okay. Alright, that's this is trash.

SPEAKER_07 9:59

It's a giant shark.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Right, but I think if you go into it not expecting accuracy, you can have a little bit more fun.

SPEAKER_06 10:05

Yes. You cannot expect accuracy. There is literally two different sharks in this movie, might be multiple more than that, I think.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

I think if you want accuracy, you have to look for more modern representations of sharks, especially if you're looking at shark attack movies. There's like a ton of movies now based on real life events or based on um just like what sharks actually would do if you were caught up in a situation.

SPEAKER_05 10:29

This is not that like Sharknado. Like Sharknado, like Sharknado.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

That's obviously real life, but I feel like this is like the Godzilla of shark movies. It's a monster movie, it just happens to be a shark. They could have made it a giant octopus and it would have worked, you know.

SPEAKER_06 10:43

Deep blue sea. That's all I have to say.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Deep blue sea.

SPEAKER_06 10:47

Have you ever seen the giant squid?

SPEAKER_01 10:49

I'm sure yeah, no, not the real one or the movie one.

SPEAKER_07 10:51

Uh the movie.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

No.

SPEAKER_07 10:53

I think there's a movie. Or this is made up in my head, but it feels like a real movie.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

If it's not, it should be. Yeah, as a fan of sci-fi, there is a giant squid movie. Whatever it's called, we don't know. There's probably 12 of them though.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Pretty sure it's called Giant Squid.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Look it up, we'll we'll find it. But I'll tell you what I was expecting going into this. So having uh like a movie that Spielberg made and it's a classic and everyone knows about it, and it literally changed people's perception of animals and water and everything. And then you're like, yo, let's make a sequel, and Spielberg's not interested. That's this sets you up for what I was expecting. So it it wasn't too much. I wasn't expecting a lot going into going into this film.

SPEAKER_07 11:30

I would also just like to defend that I do care about how people treat animals even when they're sharks, even though Paris tried to call me out here, okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

You know, sharks are cool and all, but I also think they're delicious. Just saying.

SPEAKER_05 11:41

Never tried shark. Don't know how I feel about you trying shark.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

It was a long time ago and I lived in California, so I have not eaten sharks since probably the early 90s. I'll say that.

SPEAKER_07 11:51

I've caught many sharks in my day on the beach. Sand sharks, fishing at night.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_07 11:56

Fuck that. No, they're little, they're little. Where were you at? Were you on in the bay?

SPEAKER_05 12:00

Uh they're here everywhere. I just want to point out that the birds episode is when we all learned that Ryan was a boat girl, and the Jaws 2 episode is when we learned Ryan was a fish girl. I have a lot to reveal about my character tonight, okay? Sitting in through this movie, I think one of the things that uh immediately stood out to me was the realization of why this movie felt so forgettable, and it's because I was feeling so bored. And I hate that because I started out with so much optimism. I enjoy the first Jaws movie, I love the goofiness of Jaws 3D. I have I have actually sat down and like binged like creature feature movies because that I think is like the shut your brain off and just experience it kind of kind of film. But in this one, it's just I felt like okay, so we're just rinsing and repeating. Like I feel like I'm reading the back of a of a shampoo bottle at this point. All that optimism just quickly disappeared.

SPEAKER_06 12:58

Yeah, and especially for me when you have like the same cast and it's kind of like star-studded a little bit for its time, that it just was a rinse and repeat, like you said.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

While watching it, I I I do have to say it didn't feel as exciting as the first one, obviously. I think we've all seen it. We can all say that it didn't feel that exciting. The first one has a lot more suspense, it has a lot more excitement. When you make it into this one, there's a lot of time spent not in suspense. There's a lot of time that you don't even have to worry that there might be suspense around the corner. You're just watching people have a good time near some water. And and that's honestly what I wish I was doing, right? When they're doing that, I was like, that that seems nice. I kind of want to go to the beach right now. Versus a movie about a killer shark, I should be like, I don't want to go to the beach for years. But I I kind of felt more intrigued by uh some beach time.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

That's totally fair, Mac. Chris, you mentioned that you found it hard to remember what happens like beyond the third act of this movie, and I think that's because nothing happens beyond the third act of this movie. I was so bored. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I was concerned that this was gonna be like some kind of classic that I didn't understand, and I was gonna be the only one here being like, I was bored as hell.

SPEAKER_05 14:07

Like the birds.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Yeah, like the birds, like Jaws 1. But yeah, I was super bored. This movie did not hold my attention. I fell asleep like three times, had to rewind and pick it back up. And it was like the middle of the day that I watched this. I wasn't even tired. So yeah, I was, you know, I didn't think the ending would turn it around for me, but surprisingly, the third act was actually pretty solid, I'd say.

SPEAKER_07 14:26

Well, while I was watching this movie, I mostly found myself feeling sad that there were no nice butts in this entire movie about people at the beach in bikinis. Not one nice butt.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Short shorts, a plenty. While we were watching this, even my wife called out, she was just like, Man, look at all these flat butts.

SPEAKER_07 14:46

The saggiest bikinis. And I was like, Can we get a butt? But you know, this wasn't the time for butts, okay? This was the time for no butt.

SPEAKER_05 14:53

You know what Ryan's here for, and in in reality, Ryan is also quick to defend the no butt era. However, even then she can find a nice butt when people aren't meant to have butts.

SPEAKER_07 15:06

I can usually find a nice butt. There's sometimes even a nice man butt. There were nice man short lengths, okay? The shorts were short, we appreciated that. But the legs were skinny, okay? So what are we doing? I this is a bikini movie, okay? This is a summer flick. I need a butt.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

Well, Ryan, you know, the lack of butts certainly was disappointing. The inseam of the shorts was a pleasant surprise for me as well. But I think ultimately I was just disappointed with how much this movie blurred together with the first one. It felt like it didn't try to do anything new, um, except for the fact that it brought in like a younger cast, which I think a lot of sequels in the 70s and 80s tended to do.

SPEAKER_06 15:45

Interesting because I don't think it did enough. But I think Spielberg behind it had a different a lot of things that, you know, built the atmosphere for this movie and made it very dreadful. And I feel like this movie, it was a disappointment because it didn't. I didn't feel that dread as much. To me, they just slapped on music and you know, they didn't do like the fun tricks and stuff that they had did when we watched the first one.

SPEAKER_07 16:13

Yeah. Yeah. With this one, it was almost like, well, we all know that there's gonna be a shark here, right? So the the the the cat's out of the bag, there's not really any suspense left for us, and they didn't even try. I really jumped the shark on that one.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 16:26

I think for me, my biggest disappointment is gonna sound like I'm a Lexus right now, but it's like I just wanted the shark to gobble someone up. Like, I just wanted like some gory shark kill, you know? Blood. And I know that's not like the era. It's weird, yeah. But it's a shark, you know. Like, I just wanna see and I want some ripped flesh that looks real gross. And I feel like in a sequel, you know, like you guys held it together for the first one. Give me some nasty stuff in the second one.

SPEAKER_05 16:55

Yeah, I think what was interesting is that in an era where you could have had some straight cranberry or like at the very least, Hawaiian punch, we got diluted crystal light. Yeah, we did. And we got really watered down crystal light with some of this blood in the water. It's like strawberry lemonade.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

I'm I'm not surprised by the lack of gore because I feel like this one was such a tryhard at being a blockbuster. Like some movies are blockbusters and that's just how they are. Yeah. And it it really did kind of shock me that you can tell it really I I don't know if there was a lot of studio interference or something. Maybe there was, maybe there wasn't. Maybe we'll talk about it later, maybe we won't. But it just felt so like forced. And that's what really surprised me is when you watch the first one. I mean, it's been a while. I I've probably watched it a couple times in the last 10 years, but I I think when you're watching it, it's just naturally like a fun watch. I'm not saying it's the most beautiful, perfect ever like movie ever made, but I think you can enjoy it, especially my favorite scene in the first one, which is you know the the cool beach scene where we get a sudden kill and you're like, oh my god, it's in front of everybody. But I don't feel you have those natural moments in this film. It it just felt like like any other sequel to any other movie where they're like, we're going to make a sequel out of something that probably didn't need to be a sequel.

SPEAKER_06 18:12

Yeah, it felt like Jaws was not the main, like there that wasn't the struggle here was Jaws like killing people. It was more Brody trying to show people that there was a shark in the water. That was the whole point.

SPEAKER_05 18:27

You know, kind of was also the first one in a lot of ways. And I think that's my biggest surprise and disappointment is because obviously I think why this movie disappears from my memory is because I want to imagine that SeaWorld was the fucking sequel where it's just so different, right? Because here's the thing you're an amity, you have this fucking shark on the beach, it is a traumatic time for everybody. Shit goes down, the shark ends up blowing up, but at what point does the the town has just like magically healed from this and has no scars whatsoever in a booming tourism industry? And while obviously it makes sense for the the island to not just totally shut down, I was disappointed because especially looking at how this story was originally going to be approached with the island shuttered up, things are a lot darker, you know, there isn't as much like life on the island. That could have been more interesting, but with the island being as vibrant as it was, it just creates the same energy as the first one. And when you don't approach the shark with as much suspense, and you can't because yeah, we all know there's gonna be a shark, but when you don't do that, you just have the first fucking movie. It doesn't matter if the third act is different, it doesn't matter if you know there's a younger generation m in the mix, you still have the same exact plot points and it's boring. And that's something that kills me because this movie, again, it's like it looks nice sometimes, but gosh, it's it's a labor, and I feel like I'm usually not very bored by movies.

SPEAKER_07 20:03

Yeah. I think I don't know, the the way that the town handles uh the shark situation is really, really weird. Like it is like Brody is the only person that remembers that anything ever happened. Never forget. Yeah, it's very strange. We go like almost halfway maybe through this movie before anyone even says the word shark, like as in as it pertains to the actual shark, besides Brody basically. And everyone else, it's not like everyone's in denial, they're just like it never happened, like Jaws 1 never happened, which is so weird.

SPEAKER_03 20:36

It's collective amnesia.

SPEAKER_05 20:38

Yeah, well, there's a new shark expert that Brody has to mansplain checking the bite radius in front of, you know. Because what does she know? She's not an expert.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

I wonder, though, if I mean, I know this is not how real human beings think, but I wonder if they're like, you know, the equivalent of a group of ten people getting struck by lightning at the same time. They're thinking, of course it's not gonna happen again. That would never happen and it happened once. So we don't have to worry about that.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

But it's the ocean. Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

So that's the part where I just don't think real humans think that way.

SPEAKER_05 21:07

Yeah, and here's the other element of this. Obviously, the first movie was as prominent as it was, and it had the lasting ramifications on society that it did. And yet, even in that time, it's like this movie ignores the impact of that movie, even within the continuity of its own story, and that's just ridiculous. It's ridiculous to think that only one guy on this whole island would be thinking about a shark. Not when you have so many recurring characters. It makes zero sense. And I think that's also what detracts from any part of this movie feeling even remotely scary. I think for me, as someone who can't swim, like the diving bits, the falling into water from a boat or a vessel, those are stressful and scary, but it's it's because the fear stems from empathy and remembering when I was in water and could not get out. Out of the water, uh, and not necessarily a fear that is triggered by the technical execution of this movie or like the atmosphere it creates. It's literally just, oh, I'm seeing water.

unknown 22:10

Huh.

SPEAKER_05 22:10

I remember when I was in water, that sucked. I didn't like it. Yeah, this movie is not scary at all.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

I can give you a real world story. One of the years I went to the Outer Banks, there was something like nine shark attacks like weeks before I went.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

I remember that year.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yeah, so show up and nobody's in the water. Like maybe toes dipping into the water to see how it feels, no one swimming, no one surfing. I was there for like three or four days, nobody got in the water the whole time. So this kind of thing would have such an impact in like you would be afraid to go on the water. Because you know it's probably not gonna happen, but if nine other people just got bit, maybe there's a chance I'm gonna stay out. So there's like very little fear in the characters in the film, and of course it just translates to very little fear actually going into your brain as you watch it.

SPEAKER_06 22:59

It's it's weird because I do think this idea of something being in the water is frightening, but I don't think they did enough in this movie to make it frightening for me, like they did in the first one. I feel and Chris, like you mentioned, it had such a lasting impression like on me and society as a whole, the first one. But like even those shots when they're in the water and it's just very slow, very you know, like in the weeds and the seaweed and all that sort of stuff, and coming up on the legs, like that is what I wanted more of in this movie. And I think if they had more of those sort of shots, um, a lot a lot more of the stocking, that would have made this a little bit more frightful and kind of put it up on the level that the um first one was on for me for fright. Agreed.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Yeah, I mean you can watch like one shark week and realize that the things in this movie are so ridiculous uh that they're not scary at all. Or if you're a big fan of sharks, then you're probably not scared at all by this because it's so absurd. Uh so this definitely did not have any scare factor for me.

SPEAKER_07 23:59

It's supposed to be absurd, Paris, okay? That's the point.

SPEAKER_03 24:03

In the 70s, was it supposed to be absurd?

SPEAKER_05 24:05

It wasn't supposed to be absurd, it was supposed to be exaggerated.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

Because people didn't know any better.

SPEAKER_05 24:10

I think when we think absurd, we think Sharknado, or we think the Meg. This wasn't supposed to be that. This was supposed to be just exaggerated enough to make you think it might actually happen, but not be like out here clowning on sharks. It's not supposed to be shark week. It's not a documentary.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

We've just like learned too much about sharks since this came out for this to be scary.

SPEAKER_05 24:29

So what I did do, because I found this movie such a a burden. Oh yeah, a man panics about a shark. Local officials are too concerned with the economy to do anything about it. The shark is cool, but ends up not feeling all that different. Shark ends up eating some people, having some snacks, and living its best life. It is the first movie. I don't think there's anything they did so differently that it can be considered even original within its own approach to the franchise. What I did do afterwards though, this YouTuber CGP Grey uh posted a video that is like about this really absurd art installation in London called Sharks. And it's like three musical sharks, and it's supposed to be like a legal battle because the sharks aren't supposed to exist, and there's like one organization that like rebels against local policies and like tries to screw the rules in certain ways. And this YouTube video is so hilarious. I watched it like two times after watching this movie because it is a better representation of sharks.

SPEAKER_07 25:27

It is actually hilarious. I have seen it, and it's ridiculous, and it's ten minutes, and you're like, Man, I really don't want to watch this stupid ten-minute video, but it's worth it.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Drop it in the show notes. In terms of originality, I think you could rate this an absolute zero because this is legit like we had a movie, let's just keep doing it. So yeah, this like uh this category doesn't even pertain to this movie.

SPEAKER_06 25:50

Agreed. Yeah, this was like the extended cut of the first one, but just not as good because you had a completely different um c well, not cast, but crew on this movie. So um just interesting. Yeah, I don't know if it's original. I don't think so. Especially the idea of teenagers going out and getting into trouble and their parents having to come save them. We've seen it a lot of times. We've seen it uh quite often.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Yeah, I I totally agree with everybody. This is like um, you didn't think Jaws was long enough. Well, here is Jaws 2, also Jaws.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

Jaws too, more teeth. Jaws to the one only thing that I think they did different was make I wouldn't say a more compelling third act than the original film, but certainly upping the ante of like the drama and the trauma. And looking at that third act is again the only thing I remembered about this movie beforehand, lack of gore aside, looking at just exactly what happens and the manner in which it happens, that in itself could be terrifying had I think a different director done a better job directing this scene in this sequence of events.

SPEAKER_07 27:06

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I uh the ending here does it for me, I guess. It at least did more than the rest of the movie. We we had some things happen, but it was climactic.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

I think that's very generous. Uh for me, the climax was really just the most Jaws we got in the movie, so technically it was a climax, but it was just super goofy and not good to me.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

I think the only thing that would have been potentially more Jaws 2 than the ending is if they took the shark to space. That just would have fit this movie way more, I feel like. What you know, like the vibe they were putting out, if they had taken the shark to space somehow, would have matched up perfectly.

SPEAKER_07 27:45

Can I just say this is the actual electric booloo?

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Oh, there yes.

SPEAKER_06 27:51

So this ending, I mean, the way the sequence of events go, uh I was not surprised by what was gonna happen. Um so I think it was a very predictable ending. Um, even as you see it, I wish there was a little bit more action, so I wasn't, you know, very overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I was just welmed.

SPEAKER_05 28:11

It'll be interesting to see how these scores shake out because I feel like we're all in the same boat. But before we get into our ratings, Alexis, how many people died in this movie? We have a total of seven deaths in this movie.

SPEAKER_07 28:22

And what about the animal report? We have some apex predators, but I can't tell you what happens to them.

SPEAKER_05 28:27

Well, mystery of the apex predator aside, let's get into our ratings. Jaws 2 from 1978. Was it a hack or a slash?

SPEAKER_03 28:36

I would like to be the Alexis this week and say, I'll go first because mine's the most obvious. This is a hack. If you are one of the people in the world that has not seen Jaws or Jaws 2, don't bother. You missed the boat. It's too late. For both? For both. This is also a retroactive hook hack for Jaws 1. Hello. Wow. And here's why. If you're watching this for the first time in 2021, it's just like not effective in any way. Like, it's so far past the point of being good that I can't even really see what's good about either one of them or what was supposed to be good at the time. Now, if you saw this in your childhood, I bet you have a completely different take. If you've never seen this, don't bother. Watch The Shallows with Blake Lively instead. There's an equally petty shark that has a personal vendetta against her in that movie, and it's actually a little bit scary, so it's kind of fun. But this movie was just like really trash, and I if you haven't seen it, don't bother. If you have seen it and you like it, good for you. I'm happy that you have this, but this is a hack from me.

SPEAKER_05 29:35

I'd like to add an asterisk. If you have not seen it and you are the same as Paris, because there are a lot of people who would actually like Jaws 1. I don't know about Jaws 2.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

If you've never seen Jaws 1, it's too late.

SPEAKER_05 29:50

I don't think so. I think if you vibe with Paris and you have the same taste in movies that Paris has, absolutely. This does not come as a surprise. But I wouldn't I wouldn't go as far as to say nobody should.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Okay, if you haven't seen it and you watch it, call in and let us know what you think.

SPEAKER_06 30:06

I'm not really sure how I feel about this movie, to be quite honest. I don't think it's the worst sequel, but it's obviously not the best. I freaking love all shark movies. I'm obsessed with them all. I I just love them. So I feel like no shark movie can do me wrong. And I don't feel like this is a total waste of time either. I'm just gonna go ahead and give this a slash.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

No. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 30:35

But I probably will when we were reconvene at the end of the year, or it was one of those things you wish you took back. This might be one of them.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

It's not too late to take it back now.

SPEAKER_06 30:43

I mean, I probably will once we all talk about it. And I realized I didn't have much to say. I don't think it was terrible. I still enjoyed the antics. It was a little bit boring in the beginning, but I really like the ending. I still I love shark movies a lot, even if they are the worst thing ever, like Sharknado, you know. It's a cool, it's a nostalgic movie, I think, to watch in a series um with all the rest of them. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

I of course just can't give an easy answer. So I'm gonna take it back to 1977 when the Fawns jumped over a shark, because that's what this movie was. Compared to Jaws, compared to the OG, this this movie jumped the shark. And I and I and I know you guys don't get the reference.

SPEAKER_07 31:24

I don't know if that's good or bad.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Oh, okay. So it's usually pejorative, but the idea being happy days was going on as it's it was a TV show before you were born, right? And before I was born, I guess.

SPEAKER_07 31:34

I do know who the Fonz is.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Okay, so at one point they decided, you know what would be a good way to uh to have this episode what if the Fonz literally jumps over a shark in the water? And that term then became a way to describe when like a show has gone too far or they've gone on too long and they should end it at this point. Sure. And that's what this movie was for me for Jaws. Like, and it's only the first sequel. How did you do that? I don't even know. How did you jump the shark in the second movie? But that's what it felt like. It it it's obvious that Spielberg had no interest in making this, and that they were just like, screw it, we'll find somebody who wants money because we know we're gonna make some money off of it, right? And it kind of hurts to watch a little bit. I spent more time laughing at the shark than I did any of the characters and any of the silly things or stupid things that they would say in this film. And that's kind of sad because it's a big old scary shark that eats people, and I laughed at it. And that for me kind of ruined the movie, and it's a hack.

SPEAKER_06 32:28

Can I just interject at one point right here? We are um basing, at least I am basing my decision on this movie solely. I'm not comparing it to the original. Okay, so I just wanted to throw it out there. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

So I I I I did compare it to the original, but I did follow up the fact that I've laughed at the shark. So therefore, it is a total joke.

SPEAKER_06 32:48

But not a waste of time.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

Well, you know, that's relative, but for me, it was at least a total joke.

SPEAKER_07 32:54

I have bad news. This movie is a slash for me, and I don't know why, okay?

SPEAKER_04 33:00

Wow.

SPEAKER_07 33:00

I'm I'm just gonna be honest here. It's just a thing. I this is a slash for me because I'm a boat girl, and it honestly doesn't have anything to do with jaws. It's like I'm I'm gonna say a phrase that's gonna sound uncomfortable, but it is the only way for me to say this. I'm like lusting for the water sports in this movie, okay? They do things for me that I can't describe. I just love watching. Um, and honestly, I will say that I think the people who made this movie feel the same way as me. I love watching things like this, people on the water doing their thing. Sailing is really hard, okay? No one really appreciates it. You don't have an engine, none of these boats had engines, okay? There's no backup engine if the wind goes down, you know, like this really takes a very specific set of people. I think I th uh there's like three moments in this movie with the shark that I actually enjoy. The rest of them are hilarious. Brody is annoying. The people who pretend like they've never seen a shark attack before in this town are ridiculous. It is certainly not a perfect movie, but I will say, in the summer, as a person who's like, man, I need to go get on a boat today, it does it for me. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm this way, truly. I was okay with being the only slash here today, and I'm very happy that Alexis is with me. You're so welcome. I'm basically slashing water skiing and sailing, so you know.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Well, I'll second that slash, but not for this movie.

SPEAKER_05 34:29

I think my feelings could be summed up as just who sucks to do lit, just too sucks to do lit do just who sucks, and it's boring. It kills me to say that because again, it's kind of like how I feel about uh a Stanley Kubrick classic that we recently reviewed over on Patreon. It has to hold my attention, but this movie is a carbon copy. This movie is, yeah, you can borrow my homework, but change it a little bit so it doesn't look like you copied. And in terms of its cinematography, it's not even as good as the original. And I again, earlier in this episode, I was saying I happen to be a fan of Jaws 3D, but that's because Jaws 3D goes a totally different direction and doesn't try to be Jaws. This movie tried to be Jaws, and it that was a big misstep. So with that, Jaws 2 from 1978 has earned three hacks, a slash for water skiing and sailing, and a soft slash on the movie alone and nothing else. You can find this movie available to rent online or purchase if you so choose. But I will throw out this. My previous roommate recently educated me on the fact that there has never been a box set or a collection of the whole Jaws franchise because Steven Spielberg had it in his contract to never have his masterpiece associated with what came after it. And if that's a level of petty that you didn't know existed, it does, and I think it says a lot about this film.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

That's shade.

SPEAKER_05 36:10

Check it out. Don't check it out. Either way, join us in the second half so we can jump this shark together. See you in a bit.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

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SPEAKER_05 37:24

We have a lot to get to here. We had a wide spectrum of flavored beverages, the blood looked like in this movie. So with that, Alexis, what's our core score?

SPEAKER_06 37:34

Yeah, although there's a lot of blood, there was a lot of uh nothing in this. Yep. I mean there was more than the last week, but you know, it's been three weeks in a row. I think we're hopefully gonna spice things up in the next few weeks, because I'm uh getting kind of bored over here talking about no bodies. We did see some bodies in this, you know, and then there's that orca that died, and that was pretty sad. And yeah, this like floating corpse, which somehow was burned, and I was like super confused on that part.

SPEAKER_05 38:05

Yeah, it was the woman who poured gasoline on herself and then shot a flare gun. Literally the dumbest thing I've ever seen. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

That's what you do when you're fighting off a giant shark. You're like, let me burn myself.

SPEAKER_05 38:16

I want to lift this, but with the spout facing my body, and then I want to grab something incendiary and just fire away.

SPEAKER_06 38:24

I mean, honestly, if a shark was coming at me that fast, I'm not sure what I'd do.

SPEAKER_03 38:28

I think the instinct isn't to do that. It's not. That's a lot of work.

SPEAKER_05 38:32

Imagine the weight of this. Do you think you'd get more momentum swinging it or heaving it over your head to pop it? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 38:40

Like, I feel like you'd be better off swinging that thing. It was metal. These are the days of metal gas cans, you know. She could have done something.

SPEAKER_05 38:47

She could have hurt her back and then been shit out of luck.

SPEAKER_07 38:50

She didn't lift that right.

SPEAKER_06 38:52

She didn't have anything to lose. Could you use the flare gun to possibly just put yourself out of misery before the shark gets to you? Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

I think that's what she did. I mean, she would have been better off just waiting for the shark to show up and open its mouth and then point, aim, and shoot. And that would have been the shark would have been like, that's horrible. I'm burned on my tongue, I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_07 39:10

And that would have been the end of Jaws 2.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Yeah, that would have been over.

SPEAKER_07 39:13

Probably still like a little bite, but I mean, nothing. You know, you a little rip flesh, nothing too bad. You'd be good. You could make it out.

SPEAKER_06 39:20

Most exciting was this conversation talking about the lack of gore, um, to be honest. My favorite kill though, um, going into that part of the section was the helicopter kill for the uh pilot. I think we don't see a lot of head-on action from the shark, there's just not that many scenes, and I like it because at first I really thought that they were going to get this, you know, and the shark was gonna come somehow in the middle and cut the rope. Or I I had no clue. I did not think he'd go for the pilot, and I didn't think you'd see it through like the window before it actually happened, which I thought was a cool visual as well. But um, that's why I love that uh kill. What about you guys?

SPEAKER_05 40:03

I gotta give it up to my man Eddie, who was not only chomped and numbed by the shark, but was also flung by the shark, uh, rode the shark right into the side of a boat, and uh, you know, your man went out with some with some action. It was just really insult to injury. It's just look, I'm already in your mouth. You already got me. I'm not I'm not going anywhere, I'm not making it out of this alive. Do you really have to smack me against the broad side of a boat? It's just fucked up, really.

SPEAKER_06 40:34

Sometimes you have to be just smacked across the side of a boat. Do you just no? Eddie deserved better, I think. That was a very comical part, by the way.

SPEAKER_07 40:43

Yeah, that kill was insane. And Alexis, I totally agree with yours with like seeing the shark from inside the helicopter to like through the window was so crazy. I also sat through a lot of that thinking, can you tow things with a helicopter in this way through the water?

SPEAKER_03 41:01

That was an interesting goal.

SPEAKER_07 41:02

Because it felt hard, and I I guess I don't know enough about helicopters, I know enough about boats, not helicopters, I have no idea, but it it seems like it would be almost impossible.

SPEAKER_05 41:11

At that point, they're really just little rafts.

SPEAKER_07 41:13

Yeah, but like with stuff sticking, I don't know. Anyway, it's a lot. I would say my favorite kill is one of the three moments with the shark that I actually enjoyed, and that is the girl that just gets gobbled, because that's all I wanted the whole entire time. I just wanted one person to get swallowed whole, and she gets swallowed whole. Marge, yeah. We get like no gore, we get like no excitement from it. As soon as she's gone, she's gone, she just disappears, that's it forever. But the gobble is what I needed, and that's what we got.

SPEAKER_05 41:41

Yeah, because then you have I mean it happens right in front of the kid, and that is scary as fuck.

SPEAKER_07 41:46

So scary, right?

SPEAKER_05 41:47

You feel bad for her because she was trying to help him up to get him to safety, and that's like at the only point I cared. I didn't feel bad. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Do we think that she felt it when the shark was electrocuted? Because she was in there.

SPEAKER_05 42:00

Definitely. Well, you tell us, marine scientists. Yeah, yeah. Come on, come on, Ferris. Tell us about it.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

I mean, uh her being swallowed whole, not plausible in any capacity, so I I got nothing.

SPEAKER_07 42:10

To be fair, I don't think she was. I think he probably just like took her down. But in my head, in the Jaws universe that exists in my brain, she was swallowed whole and tasty.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

It certainly looked that way. Oh, it was definitely like a snake. Like he was just like, I can fit that into my stomach and tried. And somehow, movie magic he did, just like a snake, and just the whole thing.

SPEAKER_05 42:35

That shark has a better gag reflex than me. I get a little bit of toothpaste too far back in my mouth and I'm throwing up.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

That was honestly the level of shark kill in this movie was like someone proving that they don't have a gag reflex and like, look, I'll eat this whole hot dog at once, like relishing everything, no issue. Can I tell you my favorite kill? Because we've already talked about it, and that's easy, it's Diane. Sam Mac, the dumbest bitch of all. Right, and just like, how do you you're in the water, there's a shark going, maybe you should just keep going. No, let me literally just blow this bitch up. Let me explode everything. It's all over now. And the shark, you know, the shark just like swam away thinking, like, that was stupid. Like, what were you doing?

SPEAKER_05 43:16

Also, how dare you burn my face?

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Right.

SPEAKER_05 43:18

What is her expected outcome? That she's gonna perfectly shoot this one shark that did not get gasoline on it, and then it's not gonna in any way affect the fucking like wooden boat she's on. I guess it's not totally wood, but it seems very flammable.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

It was a pure trash decision. That shark's face is gonna heal up in that salt water.

SPEAKER_05 43:38

Yo, Jaws 2 is like the 2018 Michael Myers, uh, when he just gets caught up in a house that's on fire.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

I'm kinda sad that this movie didn't go the route of of Friday the 13th and just have a supernatural shark just resurrected from the dead, because I think it would have fit better as a sequel.

SPEAKER_06 43:54

So interesting you mentioned that because they actually had to lower the body count to get this. To a place where it was going to be PG 13. If they didn't, they were gonna give it R. What? Yeah, interesting, right? There's like nothing rated R about this movie at all. Well, you have to think about in the time it was filmed.

SPEAKER_05 44:12

I guess. There's also an extended scene of the pilot's death where he's underwater, the shark is like coming for him, and it was gonna be more intense. It still wasn't that bloody by any means, but you can find clips of it. So that was also something that had to be removed. I wish we had it. So despite how like the total lack of of blood in that scene and how much had to be trimmed. One of the things that I absolutely love most in this film, and really love is a generous term when it applies to this, it's the way the shark is filmed. There is specifically a shot where the camera operator had to sit on top of the shark, uniquely designed saddle for this purpose, so he could ride the shark and film it coming out from behind the fin at the point of that third act, right? When shit's about to be popping off. And the most that we get that shark is some of the best shark action we get in the whole movie. The it it was like it was trying to make up for the total lack of shark we get in the beginning with the underwater kill.

SPEAKER_07 45:18

Yeah, that that underwater kill at the beginning was truly my least favorite thing. But my favorite visual element is gonna be real petty, and it's Brody's tan the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

Are you kidding? Because that's literally what I was going to say.

SPEAKER_06 45:34

This is why we slashed it, by the way. 100% lie.

SPEAKER_05 45:38

This is why Ryan did it.

SPEAKER_06 45:40

You like it for the movie. Oh, don't wait. Well, wait till we get to the characters part. I got something to say about Brody.

SPEAKER_07 45:46

All I'm saying is Brody's tan is so intense, but I do actually have one specific moment where his complexion really shines, and it is in the dark room with the yellow light behind him. This is actually a visual element that I enjoyed. I'm not gonna be goofy the whole time, but it's just a very while the moment in what is actually happening lacks intensity, Brody's acting has the intensity of someone that just saw a murder. It's like this light shining onto his the side of his little shiny face with his tan and everything, and this picture is like getting more and more developed, and no one can tell what it is at all. Not even us. Not even us. Not even Brody, to be honest. He was just stressed, but yes, my favorite visual element. I'm sorry, Mac, it's Brody.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

And well, I can't pick a different one because I was kind of stuck on it. The reason why it was my favorite part. I'll change it up for for our listeners. But the reason is if you've lived near a beach town, you know that everybody who lives there looks like that. Yes, just like tan leather.

SPEAKER_07 46:50

Tanned leather. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 46:52

He is the chief of police at this island.

SPEAKER_01 46:55

It was the most realistic part of this film.

SPEAKER_06 46:57

My um grandpa also looks like that during our vacation. Sometimes he, to be quite honest, looks dead. Um, bless his heart. But he has a drink in his hand, and we have photos of him laying down, but because he just gets so freaking tan, holds a beer that he didn't drink at all, and then he's just like laying there with his mouth open. We have photos where he looks like he could be have fried from the sun. UV death.

SPEAKER_03 47:25

Weekend at Bernie's.

SPEAKER_06 47:27

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And that's what I love about this movie is it reminds me of all these times that I've had at the beach. Um, specifically how white the sand is. Like where we go, the sand is so white. So I love um how tranquil the beach actually looks like the sand, the dunes behind it.

SPEAKER_07 47:49

The water.

SPEAKER_06 47:50

The water. It's so pretty. It's so calm, yet there's so much destruction in the water, and I love the contrast between the two. See, that's a that's a slasher right there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:00

You know, it's that's a slash for the beach.

SPEAKER_06 48:03

Give a slash for the big thing. Everybody likes the beach. The beach and the tan. We were honest, okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:09

Um, I will also be honest, my favorite visual element of this movie was that dead ass orca. Um, I thought that was a really fun prop. I bet it was probably really fun to make. I will say that the fin was a little bit stiff considering that orca was very dead.

SPEAKER_04 48:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:21

I was like, that should have been a little bit more uh flaccid. Um but ultimately I thought it was a nice prop. It was it had a good sense of scale. Uh, and it was kind of like, ooh, orcas, they're like the only other thing that's as threatening as a ki as a great white in the ocean. If this is dead, what else is out there?

SPEAKER_07 48:38

It did very much uh rip like feel like a real beached animal. If you've ever seen a beached animal, it has like a very weird energy to like walk up to a large thing that's stuck on the beach and this orca felt this felt real. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 48:53

But what wasn't feeling real was the fact that they didn't notice that thing until they suddenly saw it and like they couldn't fucking smell it from forever away. Again, the movie ignores the sense of smell, and I get it, the audience cannot smell things, but you cannot tell me that these teenagers just running around and running amok having a good time, and oh my god, I didn't know that this dead thing was here until I saw it because I couldn't smell it just from two steps away when it was out of my line of sight.

SPEAKER_07 49:25

I don't know. You'd really have to be downwind to smell it. And beaches are very open, windy spaces. Like you could really miss that, I think. Okay. Dead fish. Not that dead, not that dead. Just chomped on, not like decayed.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Remember, these are beach people. They live at the beach. Everything smells like fish. You can't smell anything over your own body smell. They're out in the sun all day. Wait, you know what people smell like when they're out in the sun all day? They smell like wet dog, right?

SPEAKER_06 49:51

They smell like sunscreen, they smell like onions.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

No, stay out, stay out longer. They smell like a wet dog or like a dog that's been outside, right? And you you know, this is 78, they probably all smell like sweat as well. So they smell like heated up human flesh and sweat. If there's a dead orca, they wouldn't know. There's no way for them to tell.

SPEAKER_05 50:10

You have a point. I feel like a dead orca smells pretty unique out of men.

SPEAKER_01 50:15

No, I I did realize upon you guys saying this, the correct viewing order for this movie. So it's actually Jaws, then Free Willy, then Jaws 2.

SPEAKER_05 50:23

Oh my god. That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_05 50:27

It's also petty because after the movie Jaws came out, there was a movie called Orca in which an orca kills a great white shark, and this movie is like the petty revenge.

SPEAKER_06 50:38

I was gonna ask, I thought the only thing that could kill like great whites was Orcas. Was Free Willy, yeah. Oh, okay. No, for in real life. In real life. Oh, okay. But he wasn't big enough in this instance.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

Dolphins too.

SPEAKER_05 50:54

Can a single dolphin? Or is it like does it need to be a a gang of dolphins?

SPEAKER_03 50:59

Uh a single dolphin can paralyze a shark.

SPEAKER_05 51:01

Dolphins go hard.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

Yeah. Well, dolphins are smart enough to know that when you flip a shark over it goes catatonic. So what they'll do is they'll drag it to the bottom of the like the sea floor, flip it over, and then it can't breathe.

SPEAKER_05 51:13

Ah, it's like the uh turning the Furbies upside down and kills it.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

Yes. Sometimes just for fun.

SPEAKER_05 51:19

Are dolphins homicidal maniacs?

SPEAKER_03 51:21

Yes, and rapists. This is documented.

SPEAKER_07 51:24

Listen, dolphins are the brains, sharks are the brawn, and that's why dolphins win.

SPEAKER_01 51:29

There's a really great um comic from The Oatmeal, which is uh five reasons five, I'm sorry, very five very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth. And uh it's a hundred percent worth a read.

SPEAKER_03 51:41

Well, I wouldn't I wouldn't advocate punching the dolphins, but beware.

SPEAKER_07 51:45

They have a lot of teeth. Okay. With all of that ridiculous nonsense being said about the visual elements in this movie, I would like to drop my favorite scene, and that is the finest chick you've ever seen solemn skiing by herself through this lovely, lovely landscape. Truly the best moment of this entire movie is just watching her weave in and out those little waves. Now, granted, she gets gobbled up, but it was really, really lovely and made me think, man, solemn skiing is a thing that has really left itself in the 70s and needs to come back, and it's something that I need to do this summer.

SPEAKER_01 52:20

Okay, but when watching that, the per do you drive a boat like that? Are you the driver?

SPEAKER_07 52:25

You know, or what do you call it? Actually, yeah, sure, the driver. You're talking about how her like the the like the uh old school pantomime of driving a car where you just wiggle back and forth.

SPEAKER_01 52:34

Plus the constant smile.

SPEAKER_07 52:36

Honestly, kind of it's an experience driving and skiing. Like, you know, you're driving a boat, you're like doing your thing, it's fun. Maybe there's like a little bit of back and forth, maybe not as much as she was doing. But you do drop people behind you and not know for like five minutes and have to circle back and find them in the water.

SPEAKER_01 52:57

So when watching that, my wife was definitely like, that's why you're supposed to have a spotter, like facing facing back, watching the person skiing.

SPEAKER_07 53:04

Yeah, single skiing, like one person's in the boat and you're behind them. I don't know about that. And no life fest? This is why I'll never do that kind of shit.

SPEAKER_06 53:12

Oh, I'm trying to do it this week. So weird because I was talking about my favorite parts visually. Then I realized it also tied to my favorite scene. So it's after they have that um grand opening for the hotel. And one, I thought the pool was gonna have an orca in it or something, and they were gonna go all out. Didn't happen. Kind of pissed about that. But um the next morning you just see the water and it's so still, and then you get a glimpse of the fin.

SPEAKER_04 53:40

Ooh, yes.

SPEAKER_06 53:41

I love that because I was like, oh hell yeah, shit's about to go down. Unfortunately, it didn't happen until 40 minutes later, but um, it still happened.

SPEAKER_01 53:50

It is kind of tricky to you know figure out a favorite scene in a movie that you hack, but uh, I I think mine was actually Brody up in the tower because it really establishes the fact that Brody's kind of sensitive. He's gone through some stuff, like he's got a little PTSD, and that's maybe why people aren't believing him. Although he did save them from a terrorizing giant great white, so perhaps they should believe him when he tells them there's a shark in the water. But it was just crazy. I just completely forgot about the whole shooting at the fish thing, and it was just like sad in that moment. And you could really feel that he knew that you know what, I can't do this anymore.

SPEAKER_05 54:26

Old man Brody's off his med again.

SPEAKER_07 54:30

Yeah, I also just need to mention that, like, for a chief of police, while we're talking about Brody at a very, very water specific island, this man knew where nothing was in the water. Like every time somebody was like, Oh, it's over there, he was like, I don't know where that is. I'm like, bro, this is kind of your job. Like, I know you only got one police boat, but it it's you would know where this stuff is, okay? Like, this is where your son's going. You don't know what direction it is. He needs to point. Give me a break.

SPEAKER_05 55:00

And it's been four years. And that's something that like when I was I was explaining the movie to my girlfriend. I actually don't know if I think she's seen jaws. She hasn't seen jaws too. I was explaining, like, you know, it's the cop uh who's like hunting this shark. Because she's like, what the fuck is a cop doing hunting a shark? I'm like, he's the only guy in town. I don't know. But you're right, he's useless because he doesn't know where the fuck he's going.

SPEAKER_01 55:23

I hope it's someone's favorite scene, but I just wanted to mention the fact that the scene where the boats all crash and crap and they're just like a big old raft, that would have been a much better fit for the line, we're gonna need a bigger boat.

SPEAKER_05 55:34

That was actually my favorite scene, and I know that I've talked at length about that moment at just about every every step of the way here on this episode, but the chaos that ensued, the throwing of ropes to try to build a a bigger raft, the trying to coax little Sean to come on over uh and and really trying to get him to just kind of snap out of it and how much everybody feared for this kid's life. So good. That was a good time, it was a good moment.

SPEAKER_01 56:03

I think the modern version of Jaws would literally be that scene for a movie.

SPEAKER_05 56:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:07

It would be like taking the boats out, getting stranded, and a giant shark shows up.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

Watch the shallows with Blake Lively.

SPEAKER_06 56:13

That's open water.

SPEAKER_02 56:14

Ooh, open water too.

SPEAKER_06 56:16

Yeah, that's a good one. That scene I thought it was very comical because I was just like, every everything that could go wrong just went wrong. This one into this one, and for as well as they knew how to get there, then they all just freaking collided and no one knew had a brain at that point. But it was interesting. I I don't know, they were all just jumping ship, jumping boats around like that. I thought that was pretty neat.

SPEAKER_07 56:40

But it felt really realistic. And I do want to mention my other one of my other favorite scenes with the shark himself. There is one scene where he's coming for someone hanging off of the side of one of those boats, and they just get up and we have a lovely shot of Jaws coming, and he's just skids right past with his mouth open, right past the edge of the boat. That is my other one of my other three favorite one of my other of the three favorite moments with the shark. It was such a good shot. That's the only one that I didn't like think was ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05 57:16

Yeah, that's actually one that I found to be probably the best part of the movie, because it was the best part within the best section of the movie. And seeing the anticipation that gets built up, like Mike gets knocked off the boat, he's unconscious in the water being pulled to safety. And to know that like the stakes in that moment felt high because like, oh shit, the Chief's kid might die. And that is like looking back to to him being a little young tot in the original film, that felt like it was just about the most suspenseful thing in the movie.

SPEAKER_07 57:50

Yeah, I have to agree with that. And to me, the kid was like one of the best characters in the whole entire movie. Like, he's the only one in that whole group that I felt anything for besides hate in my heart. Because those characters were mostly horrible and annoying, both the men and the women. It was all a smorgasbord of terror in my heart for a teenager group of people in a movie, as always.

SPEAKER_05 58:15

They were all largely forgettable. And again, like just like the rest of this movie, right? I think the characters, like, aside from Brody, aside from his wife, aside from his kids, and the mayor, the one shitty mayor that seems to never do anything, they all felt like just like they did in in the first film, and even the background characters, the supporting characters, the characters you're supposed to care about on those rafts. It was hard for me when watching this to even discern who was who. Yep. And that's very frustrating, but also they were just all fucking annoying.

SPEAKER_07 58:48

Yeah, they were all lame. Also, was Brody's wife sleeping with the other cop? Because it felt like it a couple times.

SPEAKER_06 58:55

She was doing some shady stuff with a cop a few men. The sh the hotel guy for sure. I think he she was his assistant or something, it seemed like.

SPEAKER_07 59:03

Yes, but also uh the other cop was like on the couch drinking with her when Brody came home after he got fired. And he was like, Oh, hey guys. I thought he came over because he felt bad. Oh, sure, but he was there drinking with his wife, and Brody wasn't there, and they were like cozied on the couch, and then he walked in and they're like, Hey, hey, I uh hey, I just came over to say what's going on.

SPEAKER_05 59:25

I can't remember who it is, but there was an original treatment of the story that was gonna be a lot darker where there was gonna be a love interest for her that wasn't Brody.

SPEAKER_01 59:34

That would have worked out because they could have just written him out easily.

SPEAKER_07 59:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:38

But I don't know. In the film that I watched, it just made it seem like he was feeling a bit insecure and felt a bit threatened by the other men uh surrounding his wife, and then she was just like, shut up, dude. In her in her eyes, I could feel it.

SPEAKER_07 59:50

I don't know. Brody's energy when he got fired feels very real for me right now, where he's just like, eh, you'll be a better chief than me. You know, toast. Come on, let's toast. Come on, let's just toast, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:00

Uh Brody's what did it for me in this movie. There you go. Unbuttoned shirt, tan skin, glasses, hot as hell. Short shorts.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:10

He's so unattractive.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:12

Those short shorts got me too.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:13

Okay, but Skips leg day. Very, very skinny legs.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:17

Honestly, I no. Okay, yes. Yeah. Guys with skinny legs who skip leg day. I have very prominent legs, so if my legs are bigger than yours, we got an issue. We got an issue. And he had the nice shorts on, but skips leg day. It's okay. We were only looking at his face and maybe his chest.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:35

While Brody was definitely um one of the more notable characters in this movie, I think that the best part of this movie is that they never brought back Captain Ahab from the first movie. I thought for sure they were gonna bring him back, and I was so relieved that that never happened.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:50

He was very dead. You know, you're not wrong. They almost didn't have a choice.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:55

Very dead.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:56

A little bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:57

I thought the shark was dead too, but now I'm also realizing that this isn't the same shark.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:01

It's not the same shark. It's a new one. It's Miss Jaws. Honestly, looking for her husband, kind of honestly, some lore I'm into. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:09

I I that actually brings me to my favorite part of this film because it's so silly, but they try to write away, they try to like throw in like two pieces of dialogue that explain the fact that a killer giant shark exists in a similar fashion to the first one, and it like comes down to dolphins of all things. They're talking about mammals communicating each other with water, right? And then he's like, Oh, so like when dolphins like are like, hey, we're in trouble. Do you think that could happen with a shark though? And then she's like, What? And he's like, explained.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:39

That's so so so true. They literally do go, hey, if you're watching this movie thinking, how could there be another giant shark in the same location? Here's how. That's exactly what happened. So, with that ridiculous moment being said, I am in a lovely place where I get to say my worst part tonight. And for me, it is the two ridiculously hysterical screaming girls that we get.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:03

Oh god.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:04

One that is I watched my boyfriend get eaten by a shark, and I yell, Mama, make it go away, and then hide in the hull of a boat rather than out somewhere where someone could come, I don't know, help you, and then doesn't say anything like, Hey guys, a shark attacked my boyfriend, just shakes in fear and then once screams the word shark. And then our second hysterical girl on the raft of boats, who is just screaming at all opportunities, like at the end, like everything was cool at the beginning, and I was like, Y'all are actually too cool for people who just saw a shark attack before the helicopter comes, they're just sitting and someone says, Y'all want to play charades. Like they were too cool at that part, and then at the end, they were like too freaked out. Like at this point, we need to get our heads on straight and make some stuff happen. Like, we're we're past the screaming, we need to get you know logical here. Those were the worst.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:02

The only reason they gave us a slash, so I could talk about all the worst parts. No, I'm kidding. That's strategy. I know, right? Actually, a good point. But it's funny because I'm thinking, oh, what's the worst part that stands out for me? And honestly, what annoys me the most about this movie is, and I can't remember if in the original Jaws they had this, but the shots when you see obviously the animatronic um uh shark, but then you see an actual shark underneath that they filmed, like between the two. So they'll show it swimming and it's a real shark, yeah. And then then they show it obviously above water or show the fin or some sort of like prop. And my thing is there is such a difference between the two that I don't even I thought it was just a snippet that was put in like on accident, like whoops, we thought this was a National Geographic thing and cut it out.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:00

So I did it again.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:01

Sorry, sorry, that clip was for Shark Week. My bad. You're so right, and that is something I need to mention before this episode is over. This movie needed like one ounce of CGI, like just a little drop of CGI for things like that. Like, give me a giant fake shark underneath, you know, that's swimming, like, but just a little bit of CGI could have made things so much better. Or don't give me all the shark. Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:25

This movie was like a lot of tech YouTubers right now, when you don't have the best like editing and effects and stuff, just throw in B-roll as much as possible.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:34

Look, I know I said my best part earlier, but I want to slip in one it's not the worst, worst part of the movie, but I think it is the worst part of Brody. And it's him trying to be charming and trying to be supportive when he whistles at a high school girl winning a pageant in the beginning.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:50

There were a lot of unnecessarily like sexual elements in this movie, like all of the teenagers were gross, and also like at a bar together, but obviously too young to drink, and then like random Brody and wife you want to go hook up outside, like I don't know. There was happens in Amity, stays in Amity, even if it's a calamity. They're trying to make the summer thing happen, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:17

I will say the the whole like national minimum drinking age being 21 didn't hit until 1984. So they weren't necessarily too young if they were 18.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:25

But they weren't drinking, they were just in a bar.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:28

That's true.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:29

They were drinking beer, were they? Yeah. Some of them were, yeah. I don't know. I I didn't it was just like a I don't know, it was like a grease moment, but in a bar. Like it was just everyone that's ever known each other in a place together talking.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:40

It's electrifying.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:42

I was gonna say if you lived in a town I did, um, when everyone came back from college, or the people who just stayed there, which is totally fine too, all went to the same trashy bar. And I was like, Yep. It didn't feel like grease, it just felt greasy.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:56

Yeah, it just felt like they were a little like young for that scene. Like that. That could have just happened like outside, you know, like it could have happened anywhere. In a bar was really weird where there were like no adults, only people of this age specifically. And that's the end of me picking out things that no one else cared about.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:12

And just like those greasy teenagers, I don't think I want to see this movie again. I saw enough of them. I feel like I've seen this probably two to three times now. Well, I guess at least twice, but probably three. And I just want to remember the original Jaws. That's what I think it's really the only one that matters. But like like we said, I haven't seen Jaws 3D, so maybe I have to keep going so that I can fairly judge the whole sequence of Jaws events. But I I think I'm good with just Jaws OG.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:41

I think like all good cable channels back in 2005, one day this will be on again, and I'll watch it again. They know what they're doing. Um, but I'm certainly not gonna go out of my way to watch it.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:52

Can I say I'm gonna watch this in exactly one month? Because I am going on my family vacation. We haven't been in like two years, so we're all excited to get together post-COVID. Um, all of us are vaccinated for my grandparents, and so we're excited. This will definitely be rolling in the background, like it typically has on our family vacation. So I'll be excited and I'll tell you if I change my mind on if it's a hacker slash and I've had to watch it again.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:18

It was hard enough for me to watch this movie the first time. I will not put myself through this again. I will also never watch Jaws again except when it's on in the background of a family gathering.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:27

So wait, Paris, Jaws was a hack before you watched Jaws 2? You were confirmed, like you were sure you hated Jaws before you watched the second one.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:35

Yeah, I watched Jaws yesterday, hacked it to myself alone, and then watched Jaws 2 today.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:43

I don't care to ever revisit Jaws 2 when seeking more Jaws, I will instead watch the sharks video I mentioned earlier by CGP Gray. And I'm also gonna watch The Meg after we wrap up tonight because I'm in the mood for some shark shit that I haven't seen yet. And I had that's the one shark movie I haven't seen. Shark Week Soon Come. There is a movie where a shark, and this is like a terrible, like beat-rated, like horror action movie, disaster movie, there's like a hurricane or some shit that hits an island and a grocery store gets flooded, and a shark is in the grocery store eating people up. And I will say that the way it was filmed actually wasn't bad. Stressful seeing a a shark in a grocery store. It was in Australia or something.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:31

Gosh, that would have made work so much interesting when I worked at a grocery store. That would have just all the interesting points. Just for the weeks we'd talk about the shark. It would give us something to really survive on because when you're at a grocery store, you know that you're like you're just going day by day.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:46

Yeah, yeah. But let's see what else you can give us to survive on in this week's factor fiction.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:51

Let's go ahead and dive right in to number one. When it was released. Jaws 2 was the highest grossing sequel to date.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:58

Oh god, gotta be a fiction. I'm quite sure there was another movie, probably. Um, let's go ahead and give this a fiction.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:07

I feel like people loved Jaws so much that they were just, yeah, let's go watch this. And then they were all mad about it, but they still gave it their money. So I'm gonna say fact.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:15

That's a possibility.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:17

This is a fact. People apparently wanted all the Jaws that they could get. But wait, the following year, Rocky II knocked it out.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:25

Yeah, for you didn't really signify horror or anything specifically, I guess that's true.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:30

Just the highest-grossing sequel film today. That's right. So let's talk about sequels going into number two. As one might expect, a beach city in Australia is the shark attack capital of the world.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:41

Feels stereotypical. Okay. You know, coming for the Australians.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:45

So I'll say fiction. I am gonna say this is probably a fact. I've heard a lot of like some sort of I know South Africa too has a lot, so now that I'm thinking about it, a fiction?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:00

I am pretty sure this is false, so fiction. This is indeed fiction, because you know what? It's all about Merca. The chances of getting attacked by a shark in New Smyrna, Florida, are ten times that of any other in the US, and it's estimated that if you swam there, you've probably been within a few meters of a shark. But it's still more likely to get into an auto collision there than be bitten by a shark.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:22

Happy birthday, America. We're the best at being bitten by sharks. And also the classic Florida.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:29

Right. Florida man gets bitten by a shark.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:32

And then gets in a car accident.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:33

Let's talk about number three then. Roy Scheider was initially very excited to be a part of JOS 2, but regretted his decision after the film was poorly received by fans and critics.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:42

Fact. Uh uh it feels like a fact for me too.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:45

Yeah, that feels like the only logical reaction, so fact. Cool, it's a fiction. We should have known. I know. For real. He didn't even want to be in it to begin with. But he did it out of a contractual obligation to the studio. That's that's alright. Because he he still made it, you know, made it out with four hundred thousand dollars, which was four times his pay from the first film.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:04

Jesus. Well, it was too believable. We should have known it was a fiction.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:08

Number four then. This was the first Hollywood flick to use the number two in its title versus the Roman numeral.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:14

Oh. Ooh. Again, feels too believable. I'm gonna go fact though. I'm gonna go fiction.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:21

This is coming dangerly dangerously close to being math.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:24

I'm gonna say fact. This is indeed a fact. A British film did it earlier in the 50s, but you know us Americans always hanging on to the past. And finally, number five. The director wanted to show the shark as little as possible to recreate the dramatic suspense from the first film. But studio interference meant showing the shark as insanely often as we saw in a film.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:45

Uh did we see it insanely often?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:48

We got to see so much of the shark in this film.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:50

Okay, I want to say fact, comma, however, it was a poor decision because he didn't get the suspense he was looking for. I'm gonna say fact.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:59

I'm gonna go with fiction. I feel like he wanted to show the shark more because the cat was out of the bag. Oh, you nailed it.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:06

This is a fiction, yeah. So basically he thinks, you know, yeah, they did that in the OG, the suspense is gone. Everyone knows that, you know, that's what the shark looks like, so to hell with it. We're just gonna show the shark as much as possible. And that's what they did. You see so much of the shark. The first one is notorious for how little you see the shark. But the sequel, it's all over the place.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:26

Probably for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:28

And that has been fact or fiction.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:29

Well, there you have it, folks. Jaws 2 has managed to get by with three hacks and still two slashes. We've had a lot to talk about here, about all things aquatic, Ryan's love for waterborne activities, Alexis's love for Brody and his oddly skinny legs. But we still want to know what you think. So keep in mind there are a number of ways you can reach out to us, starting with our website, hackerslash.com.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:53

And on our social media accounts on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:57

And if you are still a person out here water skiing, I especially really want you to reach out to our Hackerslash Hotline. You can leave us a voicemail at 757-606-0128, or visit hackerslash.com slash contact to send us an audio message.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:11

Or if you two have tasted the delicious flesh of a shark, you can send us an email to feedback at hackerslash.com.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:17

If you've enjoyed listening to this episode, consider becoming one of our patrons like Mary Ann. You can visit patreon.com slash hacker slash to earn cool perks for as low as $1 a month.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:26

We'll see you next time, folks. And remember, 908 means get me out of there. Bye.