202: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Everything's bigger in Texas, including your fucking gumption, but that's unreasonable. Greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hacker Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. Behold the joys of late-stage capitalism. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack, a total joke, a waste of time, or a slash.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Totally killer pun intended.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're rating these movies with the perspective we've gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast, and this week I'm joined by the gore lover Alexis. I wish I knew y'all were coming. I put my face on the cowardly creeper Ryan. We are idealistic individuals who want to build a better world. And the Scream Queen Paris.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

I've been running this orphanage for nearly 50 years.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

This week we're checking out yet another newly released requel to a classic pillar of horror. This time, though, it's the second coming of a chainsaw wielding maniac, and he's patting his body count on Netflix. But before we get our chainsaws revan, we have some follow-up.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

Let's follow up on a movie. A movie that is neither a new release nor a requel, and it's Sorority Row. This is a movie we reviewed recently, and to be quite honest, I think it it surprised me. It may have surprised some of our listeners, but let's look at the poll results, shall we?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 1:33

As it turns out, Sorority Row got 50% hacks and 50% slashes. It was divisive, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Okay, I did not expect it to be that divisive. I didn't think it'd be a perfect split down the middle.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

I had to look into the comments to see what the girls were saying about this, and to be honest, all of the comments were hateful. So everybody that liked this movie did not leave a comment. So let's go through some hacks, shall we?

SPEAKER_03 1:55

That means they were just courtesy slashes.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

Maybe. We have a comment from Tony who said, sorority row had fun kills and had Miss Carrie Fisher. However, I didn't like the characters, nor the reveal. The killer was foreshadowed too much. Although I enjoyed The Black Christmas and I Know What You Did Last Summer slash Scream Vibes, it's ultimately a hack. Hashtag ISecond Mac. We have another comment from one of our newest patrons, Nathan, who said, I hate to do this on the first movie review I've commented on, but sorority row is a certified hack. This movie felt like a dollar store brand I Know What You Did Last Summer, but put into a sorority house. The performances weren't bad, but I didn't care about a single one of these characters until the last 10 minutes of the movie when the final girls were able to fight back. Completely forgettable villain, too. Although a tire iron converted into a Swiss army knife is a unique weapon, I guess. The only saving grace for this movie was Carrie Fisher, who can do no wrong. I wouldn't mind seeing some of these actors in other movies though.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Just so we're clear, we are all totally fine if the first time everyone comments is to tell us how much they hate something. Because it that's what makes you feel the most.

SPEAKER_04 2:55

In fact, we encourage it.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

Yeah. Feel the hate, let it flow through you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

But Ryan, one of the sentiments from that movie was that the performances were surprisingly good.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

I trust you. But also I I feel that I would have been here to hack that.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

I think you would have. Finally, we have a comment from one of our patrons, Brittany, who said this. This was trash and a hack in every sense.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Damn Brittany!

SPEAKER_04 3:19

Even the legendary Carrie Fisher couldn't save this movie, and she is a treasure and an icon. There are some points to give for the unique kills, but it would have taken a lot of Ninja Star practice throwing to master that weapon. When did Ren from Pretty Little Liars have time for that in between writing his valedictorian speech? Not to get too dark, but all of these characters would be on my purge list. All the boobs and buts were not enough to distract from their garbage personalities. I was rooting for no one the whole way through, so I guess maybe I'm team killer on this one? Overall, not my cup of tea. The opening scenes made me feel icky, so there was pretty much no winning me back from then on. Great episode, guys, but Mac is the only one who got this vote right.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

Okay, look, there's nothing better than a passionate Britney, and we love it. And I feel like when she talks like this, I'm usually on board, so I I again feel very strong hack vibes. Judge in the book by its cover. I don't care.

SPEAKER_04 4:07

But also, obviously, we had to read all this follow-up on an episode that Mac wasn't on because he can't know how much everyone agreed with him and him alone. And finally, we have two new patrons we would love to welcome to our family, both Ashley B and and I'm reading this verbatim, Bloodbath and Beyond. I'm obsessed with both of you. Ashley B., thank you so much for your support. Bloodbath and Beyond, completely unhinged. You're welcome in this family. And that's our follow-up.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Well, back in 1974, Toby Hooper changed the landscape of horror with his film made up of a micro budget and relatively unknown actors. The 83-minute film featured very little direct blood on screen, but it still managed to terrify audiences with the brutality of a signature killer. The film went on to spawn a franchise consisting of seven additional films over three different continuity timelines. Now we last covered this franchise back in episode 152 when we covered the sequel, which featured the Sawyer family stalking a radio DJ. This week, though, we're looking at the new sequel, the requel, if you will, one that erases the past and creates his own continuity, much like the 2018 entry of Halloween. While it's been fifty episodes since we last saw Leatherface, this film follows his resurgence 50 years after his original massacre. This week, we're talking about the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre. What were you all expecting going into this?

SPEAKER_03 5:26

So I'm really messed up in the head about Texas Chainsaw Massacre because I grew up watching one of them, I don't think 2003, but maybe two maybe 2003. And I saw it several times. So that is always what Texas Chainsaw Massacre has been to me. And then here we went backwards and reviewed the first and second, I think. So now I have this thing in my brain where Texas Chainsaw is like this disgusting, like uh just completely different thing and uh sometimes also perverted with a chainsaw, oddly enough. Like it's this other thing now. And so I never know what to expect when I walk in because there's like eight timelines, there's like 52 movies. I don't know. So here I was just like, I don't know, take me in. I didn't know what timeline we were on, I didn't know what we were continuing from. And I think I I was mostly just winging it, but I that's pretty much on brand for me. You're just here for the ride. Buckle up. I'm here for the ride. It's uh it's hard for me to understand where we're at in Texas Chainsaw, like even in Texas, really. So I'm just trying to like roll with it because there's so much that happens in the series.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

I understand that they do seem all over the place, even just going from you know, the OG to the second one. But I am a really big fan of this franchise, you know, it's everywhere, it's all over the place. But my expectations for this movie, I knew that there would be a character coming back from the first one, so I was super excited about that. Wasn't sure if it would be giving me the same 2018 vibes of Halloween, but I knew Netflix was putting this out, and everything that Netflix has been putting out lately has been great. So I knew the visuals were gonna be stunning, and I was hoping for a lot of gore and expecting a lot more gore, especially since we're in 2022.

SPEAKER_04 7:05

I totally feel that, Alexis. Like Ryan, I grew up on Jessica Beale in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and then we watched the originals for the pod, and somehow I slashed the original. I look back and I'm like, hmm, I don't know. But I definitely prefer the Jessica Beale iteration because I feel like it was more just like brutal and like doing so much. Like the meat hook, I will never forget the meat hook of it all. And I was hoping we were gonna go in that direction with this iteration, but at the same time, I was like, you know what, let me just like not think too much about this because I've seen a lot of like polarizing reactions online. So let me just try to be neutral and go in and see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

I think trying to be neutral and see what happens is the best way to approach this. Look, I don't like the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There, I said it. I've said it in episode 20, I said it again on the rewind. The remake was the way to go for me personally. But that being said, I haven't bore any particular ill will towards the rest of the franchise. I'm willing to try it. I think there's some bits that could be fun in terms of like the sequel that happened. I grew up watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre of the Next Generation with like Renee Zellwagger and Matthew McConaughey. So I'm really curious to re-watch the entire franchise, but I went into this expecting a couple different things, right? I expected it to be a really poor attempt at the Halloween 2018 treatment. I didn't know that I'd be able to take the character returning very seriously, but I was going in with an open mind. I disliked the original and the highs and lows in the franchise kind of put me in a spot of equaling out and being able to go in neutral. I saw the trailer though, and I was like, oh, this shit might be fun. I really thought it was gonna be campy. So I I really went in thinking it was gonna be fun. And I had such a mixed bag of feelings watching this. It felt like the energy of, oh yeah, yeah, and then this. And yes, me too here. I can do this too. I felt a lot of that. I think this movie's like really pretty to look at, but it felt like they were trying to jam so much into it every step of the way that it lost the soul and simplicity of the original. Again, not that I loved the original, but I was feeling some feelings.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

See, to me, I enjoy that jam pack because I feel like you're coming from the original and then seeing the rest of the franchise. It's a jumble. But to me, I thought this was super intense. And you know, I know we talk about previously, like I felt like I was on a roller coaster. This is not one of those roller coaster feelings. It was one of those drop zone feelings where you're not you're not sure like when it's gonna drop, but it's going to, and it's a good feeling, and you're just not sure of what's gonna happen. But to me, I loved it. There was some dread throughout it and a lot of intensity for sure.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Yeah, I feel a lot of what Chris was saying where this movie really starts out and it just feels like you're being told things. Hey, here's where we are, here's why we're here, here's what we're doing, like in simple sentences. And I don't, that's not to me, that is not a mark of great filmmaking. It's just meh. I made the mistake of seeing how this was rated on Rotten Tomatoes before I watched it. And I didn't mean to, it was an accident. Someone told me what the percentage was, and so while I was watching this, the whole time I was trying to validate or disprove that percentage that spent the entire time just going back and forth. Ooh, I see why, ooh, I don't see why. So it was um a tumultuous watch for me, I'd say.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

One of the other things I expected though, looking at the trailer, I expected this to be very Texas Chainsaw meets Halloween, meets House of Wax, because of like the old abandoned town situation. And I'll say aesthetically, I think my expectations were met in a really positive way. I'll say that, I'll give that a compliment. And I I think this is one movie that managed to, despite having those expectations, it still managed to surprise me every step of the way. Not because it was particularly unpredictable, but it's just the levels of audacity, honestly, that some of the moves in this movie makes is pretty outrageous. But apart from those surprises, I was really, really disappointed in the disparity between the quality of the aesthetic and the poor quality of the performances and the storyline. It was a really big difference there that just did not feel good to me at all.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Yeah, all I can really say is that there were many surprising things in this movie. This movie is surprising in and of itself. I can't be specific, but boy, it's surprising.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

There's a lot of surprises in that sentence.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yep. I mean, to be fair, right? Spoiler-free section of the episode is gonna get real when we get into the spoiler zone, we can start throwing things down because those surprises, there are some shock and awe moments, and then some that are just like, okay, what the fuck are we doing, guys? Really? Is this the is this the moment this is happening? It was a little bizarre.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

I get that. And I have a bizarre feeling seeing as some of the subject matter that they took on and how they took on the subject matter, and I'm excited to talk about this more in the second half because the way it was handled, I'm just not sure. So I know we've explored it in other previous podcasts, so in other previous episodes. So I'm interested to see how that will go. Such a good point. The handling. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Can't wait to talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

While watching this, I definitely felt a lot of the things y'all are describing. I felt some tumultuous vibes for sure. I was shocked. It outrageous is a word that Chris said that I feel like really encapsulates a lot of how I was feeling. And like you're saying, Alexis, this movie seemed like the most 2022 movie. Like they tried to cram every like relevant social movement that's happened since the last Texas Chainsaw into this one movie. Like, I'm surprised nobody had COVID in this movie. And I like don't really know how I felt about that because they were just like, let's just like vaguely touch on all these really serious topics that deserve quite a bit more attention.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Yeah, that was that feeling of, oh and this.

SPEAKER_04 13:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Yeah, this is a thing that the kids are talking about these days.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

Yeah. Some of it I was like, oh, that's an interesting angle. And other times I was like, why though?

SPEAKER_01 13:16

I was surprised TikTok wasn't a part of it.

SPEAKER_04 13:19

Yeah, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

My notes say why though so many times.

SPEAKER_04 13:24

Now, with all of that, I have to say, despite how satisfying it was to see how like violent this movie got, I wasn't scared at all. And I was really scared during the Jessica Beale iteration of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't afraid. Now, I did just finish a bottle of sangria and I watched the last two episodes of The Woman in the House across the street from the girl in the window, so I was feeling a little fun and a little campy. And I'm not actually convinced that this movie isn't a little bit campy, Chris, which we can kind of unpack later.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Don't you dare bring that up into this.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Don't you dare bring camp into this. Here's the thing. I think I would on this fall more on the side of Ryan where it's not campy, it's just bad. But this movie started being produced, then they fired the director.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

And they started over. I think the director did the best he absolutely could have with the circumstances he was dealt. However, I think if he had had this thing from cradle to grave, like real cradle, I think maybe there were some pockets where we could have seen true camp. This felt like somebody else thought it could be camp, but they didn't quite understand what camp was and they tried a little bit too hard.

SPEAKER_04 14:33

I'll allow that. I can hold space for that.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

This wasn't a movie where I was quivering or, you know, turning on lights, but you know, chainsaws, I think that's the end of the story because if anything involving a chainsaw scares the fucking shit out of me.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

That's a great point. There is a moment where the chainsaw arrives in this movie, and I was like, oh, okay, I for I actually forgot. We were watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre for a moment because we went off on other tangents that meant nothing. But I have to agree with Paris, like when you grow up with that 2003 version, and I do recognize that part of the problem is I saw that at the perfect time for horror for me, and it exists in the same place as like the ring, where it will always be probably scarier to me than it really is. But when you grow up with that and come to something like this, you're like, all right, well, that was fun.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah. See, this movie didn't strike me as potentially scary in the way that a lot of slashers tend to be. But what it does have is a lot of cringy, oh shit moments. And not cringy in that, oh wow, that was terrible, but in like a oh man, if I was square enough like this, I'd be shitting my pants. That kind of cringe. But it just like it didn't execute or translate that fear for me. It didn't creep me out the way that Michael Myers can creep me out. It didn't strike me the way that the Poughkeepsie tapes creep me out. It just it was its own brand of, we know you've seen this before. Let's just turn the intensity up to a thousand and see where see what happens. Now I will say though, for as violent as this movie is, it felt like it attempted to make up for some ground that the original left behind. And the original Texas Chainsaw sparked a subgenre, right? In conjunction with the original Black Christmas, it helped create the formula that Halloween ultimately perfected. Which is why it's I feel like it's such a damn pity that instead of getting back to the soul of the original and trying to just do that better, it's a pound-for-pound ripoff of Halloween 2018 and Halloween kills, even down to some of the kills when it didn't need to be. I think this when you think about a requel, the concept of originality is always such a difficult one to grasp. But this is probably of the requels we've seen, the poorest example of a well-executed one.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Interesting because I said yes, but there was a lot of butts. But it reminds me of Halloween Kills, but it also has some The Hills Have Eyes, but also House of Wax, and I know Chris, you mentioned that. And certainly there is some Friday the 13th in there, especially towards the end. And I don't know, I don't think it was making a nod to these movies, but I also don't think it was ripping it off per se. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

So what was original? Girl, I'm gonna say I'm gonna send you some screenshots.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

No, I know where it is, I know it is not original, but somehow in the universe of just this movie, I said it was original, but I know I have to have some context outside of well.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Listen, I've given plenty of my own originality responses that don't always make sense because originality is a really hard thing to pinpoint because sometimes the elements don't feel it, but the whole does. And if you look at it within a franchise and without a franchise, it's a difficult thing. This to me doesn't, of course, feel original at all. It just feels like someone tried to make a Texas chainsaw movie and then somebody got drunk and told them they could have a deal on Netflix. Which sounds like that might actually be what happened. I don't know what circumstances Chris is talking about, but if that's it, let me know.

SPEAKER_04 18:04

Honestly, I am with Alexis in saying that this movie is the most original thing that happened in this movie.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

That is not what I said, but okay. But I guess it was what I was saying. I think it is what you meant.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

I think this is Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2022, and it's gonna be one of those moments where I give this movie some originality points for showing me things I have never in my life seen before. And y'all know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

I actually don't. I think giving it originality there is a really generous reach. But hey, you know what? If if Paris, if you feel like being generous and I, I'm all here for it. Usually I think our roles are reversed in this scenario. But I will say this we're gonna unpack the ending later on. Did you I hope you all stayed. There is a post-credits scene, a post-credits moment.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

You gotta tell us when that happens. Wow, Paris.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

You know, you gotta sit through and find it for yourself. It's a nice little surprise.

SPEAKER_04 18:55

It's Netflix. It started playing something else.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

There's 10 freaking minutes left.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

I wondered that, and then it just I also wondered that.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Well, here we are. But the ending gave me the sensation of oh fuck. I wrote that in all caps in my notes. And I think it ended on a really high note. The end credit scene or the regular ending?

SPEAKER_00 19:17

No, the end end of the actual movie, not the post-credit scene. Okay, okay, okay. So the ending for me creates a lot of parallels with other movies, as I'm sure we will talk about. But I'm a huge fan of parallels, and you know, I like the ending of this, and I thought it was kind of shocking, and I wouldn't want it any better. I I'd say the end is probably one of the best parts of the movie.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Um I'm on board with that.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

Honestly, this is interesting. I felt kind of like the end was just meh. It was like, uh okay, sure. At this point, my disbelief is tossed in the trash. I'll go along for the ride, so to speak.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

Okay, going along for the ride, I think we have quite the journey to take into our ratings. But before we actually score this movie, we have a little bit of housekeeping.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Alexis, how many people died in this film? They do call this the Texas Chainsaw Massacre for a reason. And I know people come to me for analytics purposes, but I'm gonna be honest with you, a scene happens and I lost count, but I tried my hardest. So it's about 24 with an asterisk.

SPEAKER_04 20:17

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

And but what about the animal report?

SPEAKER_03 20:19

So the animal report is mostly good this week. For a Texas chainsaw massacre movie, it's actually quite nice. Like, honestly, we should give it some credit there. But it's not perfect. There is a little rough spot for the the animal report.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

All right, well, let's go ahead and get into our ratings. Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 2022. Was it a hacker or a slash? That's the question we're posing here. And I know I usually go last, but I'm gonna kick things off. What a complex mixture of emotions this movie gave me. It's pretty wild. I can best summarize this movie as the cinematic equivalent of the cooking show Chopped. Yeah. You've seen this before, perhaps. If you haven't, give it a watch. They were given really amazing things to work with in terms of like production talent, but then they were thrown a wild card ingredient of a weird storyline, unlikable characters, and like a mixed bag of dialogue, right? This movie storyline, performances, are heavy-handed. There are also really heavy-handed attempts at subtext, and they were all done with the best of intentions, but you know what they say. The road to hell is paved in good intentions, so it's a hack for that. But I simply cannot ignore the feeling of fun I felt when it was all said and done. I expected to have fun in this movie, and I did. For as silly and over the top and cringy as it felt in most moments, it matched it three times over with fucking expert cinematography, incredible gore, and a killer ending. At least for me it was killer. I was engaged every step of the way. And when I think back, I'm like, all right, look, this has its issues. Has its flaws, but was it fun? Hell yeah, it was fun for better or worse. So this movie is a slash for me, in spite of its many imperfections. That is not what I was expecting.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Yeah, when she was telling you that you wouldn't guess what she was gonna rate it, I was I was pretty confident that's what it would be.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

So I'm thinking about the 1974 version and how people felt walking out of the theaters watching this movie, and how they were in shock and they were in awe and how gruesome that would have been. And I think that translated perfectly into the 2022 version of this movie. I love the gore, obviously, but you know what? I won't just slash a movie for that reason. I love the visuals like Chris mentioned, all these tight scenes, all these different angles, you know, coming up from the steps, coming down from the steps. And this was entertaining for me. And I'm gonna drop this. Hopefully, I won't regret it. I don't think I will. But I really love this movie. When I was done with this, I told my boyfriend, I said, You have to watch this. This is probably the best movie I've seen this year. You haven't seen Scream.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Oh, yeah, I haven't seen Scream yet.

SPEAKER_04 23:09

We cannot go a single episode without bringing that up until it is no longer true.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

I'm just gonna have to watch it.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Please do. You want to watch it.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

I'm saying, as so far as we are in February at this point. But to me, it was a fun ride. Chris, you're right. It was so entertaining. I didn't think of, you know, the timeline of this movie. I didn't think about, you know, the parallels or some of the rip-offs it might have had. I was just thoroughly entertained throughout this movie. And I love the gore. I loved it. I love every second of this. I love Leatherface. He's amazing. We're done. This was a slash.

SPEAKER_04 23:44

Shall we begin? So this movie did a lot of stupid things. Like they talk about, you know, gun violence in a really cavalier way. At one point, Leatherface gets canceled. There's like a live stream of a kill on Instagram. They talk about gentrification, literally anything that's happened since the last Texas Chainsaw movie, at some point gets like lightly sprinkled into this movie for really no reason. I didn't see a lot of value in it. But bitch, I had fun. Every single kill had my jaw on the floor. I, you know me, I love, I'm right there with Alexis. I love me some nasty gore, some filthy, bloody, holy fucking shit, bitch, gore. And this movie did that so well. There were so many kills that I was obsessed with, and I actually rewound one of them that was very like, to me, comedy and horror woven together beautifully. And there were actually a lot of funny moments too, where like, yeah, the story was. I couldn't even tell you what the story was. It was actually, no, I literally couldn't tell you what the story was because I'm still confused as to the premise of why these characters were here. That part was never made clear to me personally. Uh, I would love an explanation in the spoiler section. But with all of that and like how melodramatic the characters were, I didn't really care. This felt like what Chris sees when she loves like a slasher. I was like, dumb bitches, I don't care about getting absolutely gutted in the most fun ways. And I also think that this movie did a really good thing with the way it like timed its jump scares. I feel like, you know how like in music you can like clap off beat and it's like unexpected? I feel like these jump scares were like offbeat. They were like in between the spaces where you would expect the jump scares to be and like the punctuation to be. Because every single one I was like, whoa, oh, oh. I was like, I was on the edge of my seat. I had so much fun watching this movie. Uh, so it's totally a slash for me. Oh wait, and it had a leathery woman with platinum bundles gutting a pig. So I'm in it.

SPEAKER_03 25:29

Well, I once again am here to balance you absolute psychopaths who want to give a universal slash to a movie like this. Okay? Here's the thing. I just want to like defend myself for a moment here because sometimes I have to play this role of balancing what just happened here, and it makes me seem like I'm a real wet blanket kind of girl. And I'm really not. I'm a really fun person. I'm kind of hilarious in my personal opinion. I spend most of my day trying to figure out how I can make people laugh and what jokes I can make when I walk into a room. I think what awkward or funny thing can I point out that will make Chris smile, okay? That's what I do. That's who I am. I'm not not fun, okay? But this movie is not good. This is absolutely a generous 30% from Rotten Tomatoes. I give this movie like a six percent, maybe? Maybe a six percent. I'll give it a six percent. There's like two things that I really enjoyed, and oddly enough, that blonde hair was actually one of them that Paris mentioned. I felt like every step of this movie was the most predictable thing I've ever heard. This feels like a movie that y'all are gonna be like, oh my god, it's campy, but it's actually just bad. Like this feels like it was an attempt at camp to me, a person who doesn't get camp, but it's just bad. Like, there's not one single thing that I can look at and be like, wow, I really enjoyed that. And the way that these heavy topics were thrown in didn't work in an ironic way, didn't work in a campy way, whatever that even means. They just didn't work. And it was just like, at one point, oh, did you have that gunshot wound from uh your drunk dad as he an alcoholic? And it's just like, what? Why? Why was that in the movie? And the whys that I was yelling at my television roughly every three minutes during this was just so much. It I'm I'm sorry to rant here, but this movie is terrible. I don't think anyone should see it. I can't believe that you would tell your boyfriend he should watch this.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Oh, this is totally up his alley. He loves remakes that are like, you know, like this.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

This movie should be on like tube, and it should honestly be behind the paywall. They should make you pay because the commercials would be better that you see in the middle of this movie than the rest of it, okay? Wow. This is a really bad movie. This is like one of the worst movies I've ever seen. As Alexis says it's one of the best she's seen this year. I just cannot understand. I I I can't understand the fun. I can't understand the fun. I can't. I get it, but it just it don't work for me. I ain't that girl. It wasn't that fun. It wasn't anything good enough. And the the chaos going on around it, it was too much to make any of it actually enjoyable. It's a hack.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

I want to point out that you say this is the worst movie you've ever seen, and yet you've seen Thanksgiving, and yet you've seen Graduation Day. You know what I mean? There's some there's some room here.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

This movie made me as unhappy as Thanksgiving. I'm not saying it's as bad, but it made me as unhappy as Thankskilling.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

Wow. Okay, here's what I really think. I really think you needed to watch this with me so we could have fun doing it. Be like like how Alexis and I watched Leprechaun together and enjoyed it 70% more because of our company. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

If I was hanging out with y'all and two bottles of wine in, I probably would have had a good time. I still would come here and hack it because I'd still tell y'all it's a real bad movie. You know I'm not getting pretty far with a bottle of wine. I'm just throwing up in my seat. You can have fun watching a movie, it doesn't make it a slash.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

Well, things are taking a turn here, and I think uh the the mix of scores is surprising, folks. But for now, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022, currently streaming on Netflix, has earned three slashes and one hack. Now, it is one hack, but to be fair, that hack does represent the greater majority of audiences and even the opinions of some of our patrons who've been chatting in Discord and leaving some of their feelings in the spoiler zone. But we'll unpack this movie in a bit. Take it or leave it. 75% of us say you should watch it. Make your decision, check it out, then join us in the second half so we can unpack the massacre together. We'll see you in a bit.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

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SPEAKER_01 30:31

Now we have a lot to get to here, but before we get into the specifics of our ratings, we do have a shit ton of gore to get to. So Alexis, what's the gore score for this movie?

SPEAKER_00 30:41

You know, I have a rating of low, medium, high, and holy shit, that's a lot of gore. And uh, we are going on the holy shit, that's a lot of gore. It has been so long since we got to use that toggle a notion. Very true. I know, I think because we were comparing everything to like hot dog slices and terrifier that I was like, can I get something that's like this? And I'm finally getting it, and it feels so good tonight. Yep. The bloodiness feels so good.

SPEAKER_04 31:08

It does. The gore and the level of brutality was just like a breath of fresh air.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

And you know, it starts off, and I feel like when we do watch movies, there's always, you know, lots of gore in the beginning to get your attention, and then it goes throughout and to a point, but when you start getting towards the end, you know, they're trying to wrap up the story, so the gore seems to be less. But this was so jam-packed, and I loved it. You know, this massacre scene. Talk about a movie where a massacre is in the title, and you bring that. As soon as he came in, I was like, this is gonna be great.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

On the bus, yes, because okay, I think this is them cinematically atoning for the sins at the original, which was called a Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the chainsaw was used exactly one time. It was the leatherface gonna squeeze you and and bonk you with hammers massacre, and barely even a massacre at that. This one is actually true to the name, which is really exciting.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

And there was a lot of lot going on in there, and even when you have your two sisters in the bathroom, the blood just dripping through the seam, I was like, this is amazing. This is amazing.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

You know I'm not one for the blood and the gore, but even I fucking loved that. Good.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Yeah, I'm really interested, Chris, because typically you don't like a lot of gore, but it seems like you're loving it tonight.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

Because this is a slasher that's having fun and it didn't feel like the violent, hateful gore. For example, I think a lot of the really gritty, overzealous gore that we get in like the 2007 Halloween, even that like pales in comparison to the amount of gore we got here, but it's a different style of gore. Saw, right? Very torture gore. Very, I'm gonna make your skin crawl and just try to shock you to death. When in this, it's just people going hard. You know what I mean? It's just one guy with a fucking chainsaw, and he's here to kick ass, take names, and who the fuck knows what else he's trying to do.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

He he's doing a lot in this, and I totally appreciate it. Like I said, I was so excited that my expectation for it having a lot of core came through for sure. So obviously, there's 25 around-ish deaths, and I want to know what your favorite kill was.

SPEAKER_03 33:20

So, as much as I find chainsaws absolutely horrifying, in a sense of someone wielding them to kill people, my favorite kill is not with a chainsaw, and it is the deputy getting stabbed by his own broken wrist. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

Dude, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

That was like that was our our first kill, basically, right? It was, yeah. It was our first leatherface kill, and it was just so intense, and you knew it was coming, like you could feel the tension building in the back of the ambulance, but oh, like just the way it broke, which is disgusting, and then to stab him, like not stab himself for leatherface to stab the deputy with his own bones. Oh my gosh, that kill got me. And I wanted to like things when I saw that, but you know, it didn't go that way. But that kill was insane.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

It truly was different. I feel like I have never seen a movie where the hand was ripped off and used the bone to kill the victim.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

Not even ripped off, it was still partially attached, which made it so much better.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

Horrific.

SPEAKER_04 34:24

Ryan, that was also my favorite kill. It was such a good way to really set the tone for what we were about to get. And when I saw that kill, I was like, oh, they're going there, bitch. Let's do it. I'm in for the ride. Put my seatbelt on. But then to use the other hand and smash the gun up into the roof of the car to shoot the other deputy in the front seat, I was like, Leatherface, this is some of your best work.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

It was really good. That gun, though, felt like the parallel of the accidental, you know, unintentional, I'm gonna shoot myself after Michael Myers kicks a door and causes the gun to point back at me in Halloween Kills. It felt like that kind of sudden, oh shit, death.

SPEAKER_04 34:59

But I will say I feel like this one was better than that one.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

I don't know. I think this one felt good, right? Not taking anything away from it, but in Halloween Kills, I think the suddenness of that one is shocked me. So I think it had two different effects. I felt like this one was good in the sense of like building on top of it, and that one felt like, oh shit, the hope has extinguished before my very eyes because he's fucking everybody up.

SPEAKER_04 35:22

This one was a combo.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

My favorite death, though, is something that surprised me in terms of I was surprised I felt positively about this, but it's Melody being pulled out of the car at the very end and decapitated. One, the feeling of it, right? We have just moments before, you know, her sister picking up the picture and Sally's hat, like a literal fucking passing of the torch, which made me want to throw open my mouth a little bit. But you have this very idyllic, we're happy, we're unpacking things, things are gonna be okay, we feel like we can breathe again. So I thought afterwards that it was gonna be a little bit of a, we're gonna wake up from a dream. And this is like a PTSD thing for the two of them. Like one of them is having this nightmare. But when they lingered and you see it's just her head being held in his hands, and he's doing his little little leather face dance. It was poetic. It rhymed with the original film because he can't just call it a day and say he's done his job if he can't successfully kill at least half of a sibling pairing. Can't do it. He killed Franklin in the beginning, he had to kill one of them here.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

I just have to talk about how fast electric cars are and how slow this electric car was.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

They set up the scene when they put the top down. I knew when the top came down it was happening.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

It just didn't, I don't know. It was lame the way they were sitting there. I think that wasn't that bad, and I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed the kill. I think that kill needed to happen and that dancing needed to happen. But like, why was that car so slow? This leads into all of my other beefs about why things happened in this movie, so I'll I'll let it go. That kill is great and it feels good at the end.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Yes, and I love the dance, and I think he did it perfectly. It was done, it looked very similar to the first chain Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the second as well, maybe not as weirdly funny as uh number two. I agree.

SPEAKER_03 37:19

And also, like what they didn't hang on it for too long this time, because the first time I remember thinking, wow, you guys are really trying to make this like the thing of this movie.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Yeah, but I think that's the thing in the original, the intention was the guy who was playing Leatherface was just so frustrated, he was like trying to scare the director because of how miserable of a filmmaking experience it had been up to that point. And this one, it's interesting to like frame it as the sequel to the original, right? Because it's not just a standalone movie anymore, which I have some issues with the plot and how we got there. But in the first film, he danced out of frustration. Sally got away, and in this one, he got his girl. Another one did get away, sure, but it felt like a different vibe in the dance, even though it looked so similar, like it hit different.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

So, what I appreciate 100% about this movie is that you can only do so much with a chainsaw, and in this movie, there's so many different kills, and I appreciate that. You know, you're using someone's hand, you're using a chainsaw, you're using a knife, and I just appreciated that. My favorite kill is going to be Sally because eventually there only had to be one final girl, and there was that torch passing. And Chris, I appreciated that a little bit cringy, but I liked it. I was like, oh, this is just a smooth transition, but also it was the way that Leatherface picked her up with that chainsaw, and it was just poetic because to me, I thought they were saying, Hey, look at this. It's kind of like a Michael Myers kill. Not that I thought that there was any copying per se, but I just appreciated the, you know, stab and lift.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

The stab and lift, yes. And Michael Myers has been doing that since Bob with the kitchen knife at the yeah, he's been doing that for a while. But he also did that in Halloween kills with a firefighter. It's like a shot for shot, like same angle and all. It's wild. Maybe that's why I liked it so much. Okay, but here's the thing. That moment, first off, do you like the violence that is inflicted upon Sally, or do you like her actual moment of death?

SPEAKER_04 39:23

Because she fucking clung to life for uh too long in that pile of trash.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

It felt so unreasonable. And let me tell you, I just the only thing I could think was Stumacher's voice in my head. She's no Sharon Stone, right? Like, she's no Lori Strode, Sid. She's no Lori Strode. Like that's the whole fucking thing felt like that to me.

SPEAKER_03 39:43

I just need to note Ruth was merely stabbed and sliced in the belly and lived for one second. And that woman had a chainsaw through the middle of her. I I'd argue that's a hot dog slice. And she's at least 60 or 70. And then she was just vibing, like, hey man, I got I got the shotgun for you.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

You can have this hat too. Like, not only was she vibing, she had enough strength to actually fire the shotgun. What the fuck? Get out of here, Sally.

SPEAKER_04 40:11

And then reload it.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Reload it with one bullet that turned into two. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

It oh infuriating.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

I know. Look, Sally, everything's bigger in Texas, including your fucking gumption, but that's unreasonable. It's unreasonable.

SPEAKER_04 40:26

The bitch looked good though.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

She did look good. And you know what? I'm not here to say how people should die in scary movies because there is always some suspension of disbelief. And y'all know I could care less about how facts line up in a movie. But I do have to say, going on with this look of leather faces when you first see him at the top of the steps when he doesn't have Virginia's face on his mom's. And it was the most daunting thing because I wasn't sure at this point what this movie was gonna do. But there's this backlight from the top, you don't know what sort of state of mind he's been in for the past what 50 years, and it was just so daunting. It was like a huge entrance to make for him, but it was also really subtle. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

I want to point out though that's not the first time we see him because looking at uh the cinematography of this movie, I have so many high notes and so many great things to say. But Dante approaches that room with the window to try to take the Confederate flag down. In the shadows of the foreground in the bottom left frame, you can see him lurking. He's a bearded man. I did not see that. Believe it or not, I saw it. Yeah, it cuts to a tight shot of him grabbing the flag, and when it goes back out to that wider shot, the chair is empty, the little bone throne is empty.

SPEAKER_03 41:46

Yep, it was creepy, but I knew it was him. I was ready.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

I think that shadowy figure, right? That lurking is just the tip of the iceberg. This movie is stunning. And I think it's even hard to nail down a favorite aspect of the cinematography because it's everything from the lighting to the composition to the depth, the choice in lens selection. It's fucking stellar all the way through. That's why it blows my mind the lack of quality from the performances and the intense quality of the visual aspects of this film. But I think one of my favorite things, undoubtedly, are the parallels to the original film. There's specifically a moment when Sally leaves her home where it's a reversal of the iconic shot of the camera traveling beneath the clothesline as they as the young girl approaches the original Sawyer house, like in the original film. And it's like this really dreadful moment. It's everything feels off. This does the same thing as Sally drives away from her uh from her house, but it's pulling in reverse and taking act to a wider shot. There's also the moment where Dante is like scrambling out of the kitchen after seeing Leatherface for the first time, and Leatherface pulls him back, much like being pulled back through the door in the original film. There are so many moments like that that feel like such a brilliant modernization of those feelings. I don't think they're quite as good, right? They don't hit quite the same, but it felt like a logical place to try to recreate a little bit of that magic.

SPEAKER_03 43:19

I'm so glad that you really enjoyed that because I appreciated zero of those things. What?

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Yeah, you know, even like Dusty Ass Texas.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Like I mean, it was it was cool. Um it was Texas. I enjoyed that. I do have two visuals that I did actually really enjoy. So I won't, you know, I won't spend this entire time knocking on this. But one is at the end, one is toward the beginning. One is the field of dead sunflowers. That visual from the moment they rolled into it, uh, it like was so weird you kind of didn't even realize what it was. It's so creepy in general that it's just a field of dead sunflowers. Because obviously, very different from what you normally see, normally, like bright, you know, good place for a photo shoot for Facebook in a field of sunflowers. So I really enjoyed that. And then as the kill started happening, and then the shrine that was built there for his mother, it was just such a cool environment. And that to me was like the moment where I was into the movie. Like that was where I was I was tapped in. I wasn't out yet. My other favorite visual is at the end with Leatherface falling into the water, specifically like when after he has come back up when he gets hit in the chin and he's just like sinking into it. I thought that was just like a really, really nice looking scene. I know that a lot of this movie looked good, but a lot of it didn't look good enough to make me okay with it. Those were like a couple of scenes that stood out to me where I was like, that's pretty cool looking. And I mean, I don't know why there was a puddle in the middle of the building, but we're cool with it.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

But you've also seen that before. Probably Friday the 13th, when Jason is popping out of the water like that. I was like, this is very Jason X-ish. Yes, for sure, for sure. Yeah. Which I appreciated.

SPEAKER_04 45:07

Like hydraulic vaulted out of the water.

SPEAKER_00 45:09

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 45:10

Leatherface was like Leatherface was like 10 feet tall in this movie and just literally like erupted from the water and then was standing. Like there was no climbing, there was no nothing. Just I'm in the water and now I'm out. Like, okay.

SPEAKER_04 45:25

This movie didn't really like do a lot for me visually. I think it did the thing where it was like so quality that it wasn't like something that stood out particularly, which in the past I've said is a good thing. But I have like two little things that I wrote down for visual elements. One is our faceless sunflower shrine. I thought that was like a deliberately cool visual element. It was kind of like when you put up those like like angel wings of multicolors on like a sidewalk side of a building just so people can take a picture in front of it. It felt like very we're doing this so that it looks cool in like a Tumblr post later on. Um, which I wasn't mad about, but there was also something about those bloody little influencer hands all smacking against the window of the party bus that I really loved because they were all just gutted.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

And then you have the light from the backdrop and all the signs from the town, which I freaking loved.

SPEAKER_04 46:15

Like a party and a rave and a massacre all in one.

SPEAKER_00 46:18

Probably your favorite thing to attend.

SPEAKER_04 46:20

Probably.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

I think this is a great time to bring up why did they wait 20 minutes to like try to exit the the bus at all? Everyone was just standing there, frozen in their in their cell phone fear. And 10 minutes later, someone is like, Oh, I can open a window, you know, as I get sliced open, but like there's so many ways to get off a bus.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

I think that's the point, right? Frozen in fear.

SPEAKER_03 46:43

Yeah, that's why I hated it.

SPEAKER_04 46:45

I think they were just all on their phones. I didn't realize.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Also, they're all boozing and drunk. No, not an excuse. Not all of them, but a lot of them were. Still not an excuse. Okay. Well, people are fucking barely coherent when they're sober, so I don't knock points of that. But I think even, you know, looking even at the cinematography, there's a shot that I have to absolutely point out. And it's the moment when Ruth, aka Dante's partner, what the fuck was up with her not actually being named out loud in this movie. She was only referencing captions. But it was a moment where she's talking on the radio, the camera's like looking at her, she's on the right side of the frame. Leatherface is doing his work, which I don't think we've seen enough of in the original. He's doing his work of peeling off her face, and she is looking in that mirror in horror, and we see him just out of focus in the background. The composition of that shot, the framing in there's even like these lines in the paint job on the side of the van, they're just like leading your eye straight to him. So fucking good. It amazes me how stunning this movie is.

SPEAKER_03 47:50

It's very true. That scene was uh pretty amazing. Again, that is the time in this movie where I was like, okay, all right, y'all, y'all are doing something because this is an amazing setting for the beginning of the kills.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

I think that actually might even be my favorite scene, Ryan. It is an amazing setting. It is an amazing way to start the action and get Leatherface back in the saddle, so to speak. And I love the way this movie kicks off. I also love, though, later on, when Sally arrives to see the damage and she checks out the van, but she pulls up, it's after sunset, and we just have the warmth of her headlights illuminating the sunflower field, and she's looking at the carnage. You have the cool light that's coming from her flashlight, and she's all of a sudden stumbling on Virginia's body, and it is horrific. You know, you hear the radio reports in the original, like what the fuck was up with the bodies and the corpses that you see at the beginning of the film that don't really get brought up again. It looked like that, and she was having this like oh shit movie, and she was doing this whole I fear no evil, I fear no evil. It felt like, okay, you've built this up in your head for 50 years. All you've been living with is the carnage that you remember when you were a young woman, but now time has elapsed, and you're seeing the carnage again. You're seeing the evidence of it. Are you as prepared as you thought you were? And that was like a chilling moment for me.

SPEAKER_04 49:22

I love that you got all that out of that, Chris, because now I like that even more. Until just moments ago, I thought that that was actually Ruth. I didn't realize that that was Virginia, and it makes so much more sense because it's his mom and he would make like a beautiful shrine for her because she's dead, and that's also why she had no face.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 49:41

I am up to speed.

SPEAKER_03 49:43

So I am again gonna go back to that field where my favorite scene is before that, but in the same field where after he removes the face and Ruth is dead and all is calm, Leatherface rises from that field of dead sunflowers. It's just like it's a little uncanny, it's creepy, and that's when you realize, like, oh, these weren't just a couple cool kills at the beginning, like stuff is about to go down, and it was perfect. I mean, I think visually it's a favorite, but in general, it's one of my favorite moments of the movie where it kind of like peaked in the sense of its potential.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

I think it can be obvious that the massacre on the party bus was one of my favorite scenes. Reminds me of very trained business with, you know, Paris mentioning the hands on the windows. But, you know, I do love when Leatherface is cutting his mother's face off, you know, puts it to the light. But something that I didn't expect to enjoy was just the opening scene when you see the recap of what's happened previously in this town. And to me, when it's in the gas station, it's very like a dedication to, you know, all these murder mysteries that are really popular right now, you know, the podcasts, the TV shows. And I was like, oh, I like this. I love how it's bringing today into this movie.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

Yeah, it's our obsession with the morbid, and I also love that Leatherface gets stabbed with his own fucking merch. That's great.

SPEAKER_00 51:10

It was great, great, it was really great. And then you see in this gas station, like you said, the merch, and then all of these pictures on the wall, and it just really shows this like obsession we have today with like serial killers and just in that whole genre as well, which I obviously am a big fan of.

SPEAKER_04 51:28

I gotta say, my favorite scene in the whole movie was that first kill sequence where we have Virginia dying, and then we have Leatherface really just being fed up and then committing some of the greatest murders ever captured on film. It was just such a great sequence that really let me know that I was going to be cared for as a viewer on this ride.

SPEAKER_03 51:49

Cared for?

SPEAKER_04 51:50

Yeah, it gave me what I wanted, and I knew that that like because they did that, I knew that the rest of it was gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_01 51:56

Yeah. Can I tell you the point where I doubted it would be okay?

SPEAKER_04 52:00

Which point?

SPEAKER_01 52:00

Alright, look, we have all these parallels with the 2018 Halloween. I think one of the best things that has happened with that retreatment of the franchise is Lori's realization that it wasn't about her. They're like retconning this whole storyline where she used to be the sister, and she thinks all these times that it was her that was talked to us, her and her friends, when really they were a matter of consequence. And you have this slow realization for her that, oh, it's not about me. This felt like they're trying to add that same salt to their dish, and they just poured the whole fucking bottle in. It started off really strong. Kirk, Pamela, Jerry, and Franklin, say my name, say you know me, say you know what you did to my friends. I'm like, okay, I see you. Stop right there though, because you're getting something about this performance, doesn't quite match up here, but I like where this is going. And then he just like doesn't he just like chills and walks away as if he can't be bothered by her because she's also an older woman and probably she probably reminds him of his mother figure who ran the orphanage. It it tried really hard to point out what was definitely done in in those other movies, and it felt like fuck, okay, this is the part where it starts falling apart, and that is the part where, like, had they not come back with a strong ending, this movie would have fallen apart for me right there, starting with that performance. Because even though the movie isn't about Sally, having that final girl come back and like pass on that wisdom to the young to the next generation, if she couldn't fucking stick the landing in that, then it was just like, what's the point? What's the fucking point of the movie?

SPEAKER_03 53:33

All right, as the soul hacker here, I really need to talk about this because first and foremost, how did you get that far before you thought it was gonna fall apart? Second, why did Virginia and Sally look so similar? Because she probably did remind him of his mother figure that he just killed. They literally look like the same person, and they showed Sally and like you at the beginning of the movie in the beginning sequence, you knew Sally was gonna come back. Why did they look so similar? Because I was fully the whole time I was like, oh, that's like she like survived and now she takes care of him. Like, I don't know. I didn't know what was going on, but it was horrific. That scene, uh, I yelled at my television, What are you on about? Because I can't stand anything more than someone dumb in a movie going on about a monologue when they should be killing the person that's standing in front of them.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

And this is a moment where I feel like we're dangerously close to saying they did it on purpose or something. And I I hated it. I think that was just like so dumb. And she was a strong character otherwise. And in that moment, it made me hate everything that she showed up for and every like every concern that I had or any care that I had for her was completely out the window when she went on about that.

SPEAKER_01 54:44

Okay, you know that thing where you like are around people and you're like, oh, this person's cool, and then you like hear them talk more, and you're like, fuck, I actually hate you. Yeah. Sally was real strong when she said, This is Hardesty, drops her phone in silence, walks out, drives away, gets back, doesn't say anything else until I fear no evil, I fear no evil. And then she says a few words to the girls, and then the more she talks, the worse it gets.

SPEAKER_03 55:09

Yeah, it's just so it was it was too much, and I I don't like it. I don't like the idea of like, oh, she's there and she needs closure. I I don't care. This was not a serious movie. This movie was not about that. And for her to be like, say the names of these people, like he clearly doesn't care about you. What are you saying like either kill him or don't, but shut up about it.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

He also doesn't say anything ever.

SPEAKER_03 55:32

Yeah, he like doesn't speak historically. It's crazy. Why would you expect him to say anything?

SPEAKER_01 55:37

It's also just this complete unhinged okay. I know like Lori Strode sets this whole trap. She brings people into the house because the whole trap house is a trap, right? This felt more like Halloween five and six Dr. Loomis, who's okay with using kids as bait to lure Michael Myers to a place. You know what I mean? The fucking bait situation, the I'm gonna trap these girls in a car situation, the I'm gonna just like really leave you out here thinking that I can take this dude on myself, didn't feel good. It didn't feel particularly strong. When it was gonna be her showing down, it's one thing. When she's just using them as bait and she doesn't have a solid plan, she's just hurting her shotgun.

SPEAKER_00 56:17

Like, what are you doing, girl? Why are you here? Yeah, to me, there was like no context to see how she would be able to take on Leatherface, so it wasn't really that believable when she put them in the car. I was like, Are you kidding me? What are they gonna do? Clearly, you I'm not sure the history you've had in this 50 years, have you been spying on them? Have you been preparing, or are you just you have this in the back of your mind that you have some vengeance that you need to take care of? So it would it, like you said, Chris, it definitely didn't seem like a good plan.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

Okay, I also want to just say this. I know she became a ranger in those 50 years. I'm gonna say she was a shitty cop. I'm just gonna say it because how did you escape a house that was near your grandparents' property? You got picked up by someone who I'm sure remembers where the fuck he was driving, and you couldn't find anyone in that house. You couldn't find the property owners. What the fuck? Like, how did you really not find a single trace of this person ever?

SPEAKER_03 57:16

I think the problem is trying to make sense of a storyline that that at its basis didn't make any sense. None of us understand why those people were there, and therefore, why would anyone have gone through to make sure Virginia wasn't there? Wait, you didn't get while they were there? Tell me, tell me in what in a sentence.

SPEAKER_04 57:32

Okay, wait, can I tell you what I think it is and you tell me how close it is? Sure, please. Somehow some influencers bought an entire town and then were gonna auction off the town to other people for their small businesses. Is that what it was? And it was just stupid?

SPEAKER_00 57:49

It was very similar. I'm assuming they said there was a lot going on in the city, so I'm assuming they wanted to go out, but even it said this is three hours outside of the city, so it seemed like a little ridiculous, but you know, suspension of disbelief. I'm here for it. It's fine. It it is part of the plot. Right.

SPEAKER_03 58:05

So part of how I understood it is that it is was used to show an exaggeration of gentrification. Like I think the concept of a city being bought and then each thing auctioned off for brunch and whatever spots are it's clearly not realistic, but it was so far past making sense that it just like completely, I mean, I spent the first bit of the movie, like just like, what are they there for? And then eventually you kind of just had to be like, all right, I guess it doesn't matter. We're really just here for the kills, like it's actually kind of fine, like it's no big deal. But to me, it is because like the storyline doesn't make sense, and also this is like real specific, but why was the bus from the 50s and everything else?

SPEAKER_00 58:46

Retro, everyone loves retro shit right now, though. That to me just seemed on brand for what was going on.

SPEAKER_01 58:54

Those buses don't exist. Those buses was probably the most recent form of transportation available for rental in the fucking tri-state area for those who for that time, you know what I mean? They came from Austin, uh, you know, the the people came from Austin.

SPEAKER_03 59:08

Have you been there?

SPEAKER_00 59:09

It's real like retro bougie-ish sort of thing. Like, this is how people make their little houses that they travel in.

SPEAKER_03 59:17

But it wasn't bougie, it was just old. I understand cool buses. Listen, I understand cool buses, guys, but this it was just like, why is the bus this big old ugly like this big old thing that blends in with the town, but like nothing else does?

SPEAKER_04 59:30

I also have another question, which is gonna be stupid. Please. But how does time work in the sense that this leather face was the same leatherface? Is this giving like 70-year-old Michael Myers? Is that what this is? Like 70-year-old leatherface?

SPEAKER_01 59:46

Yeah, without showing us. There's also the implication there then that the math is subtracted so that he was much younger than we probably think he is in the 1974 version.

SPEAKER_04 59:55

I'm not doing math.

SPEAKER_01 59:56

That's what I'm saying. Like, like in the 1974 version, when you watch that, you think this is a grown ass man.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:01

But he's a teen.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:02

And now this is a grown-erass man. You know what I mean? It's yeah, the numbers there are a little foggy.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:07

For me, like the way when Sally was like, man, what about me? Remember me? And he was like, No, I he like pulled a Mariah Carey and was like, I don't know her. I just thought it was like a different guy, and it was unrelated, and there was just like generations of leatherface going on.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:22

I need to talk about another age-related thing. That chainsaw would have been so old and so out of gas and rusty, it would have needed so much maintenance. And I know that there was like a moment where he was like in the closet working on it or whatever, but like the chain was loose, okay? Where did the gas come from? He just pulled it out the wall and started started chopping. And it it just I don't like it. All the timeline stuff didn't make sense.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:47

Yeah. But I will say, as far as characters go, the one thing I did appreciate is that just like the original, this was still very much a Leatherface self-defense home invasion narrative.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:00

Yes, and I actually once again felt sad for Leatherface. You know, he has these people coming into his town, coming into his home, killing his mom. Yes, killing his mom. And essentially to me, it was almost like he was protecting himself.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:14

I'd like to defend that. She did just die. Just because people died doesn't mean you killed them.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:18

She was forcibly removed from her home illegally.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:22

I mean, uh I'm just saying that you uh you don't necessarily kill someone if they die from heart disease or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:31

It was the stress of being removed from her home. They murdered her.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:35

Was it though?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:36

I don't think she would have died if she was alone in that house still, because the way she had vitality during that monologue.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:43

At the beginning, I was like, this woman is acting.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:46

Yeah, I thought I literally thought she was I literally thought she was Sally. But I think she's just a good actor. But the story sucked.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:53

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

She didn't die because they put their hands on her. She died as a matter of like the the stress of everything, right? And things just shut down at a certain point. But it was his pent-up rage because think about this. He was in whatever the fuck circumstance he was in, which, okay, again, the retconning of things, the Saw is family. They look at the original situation in the first film, and it's the brothers, the grandfather, and the father, and then we're just gonna pretend that he's uh temporarily like an orphan with that family, and then when they passed, he came back to the orphanage. Did he fucking flee? Did she find him and get him back to the orphanage and try to, you know, help him walk a better path? You see what I'm saying? Was he always an orphan, or did he just come back to being an orphan as an adult? It the whole thing is weird, and I think some things are better left unexplained, right? But I think that was an area where we need a little bit more explanation.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:54

Yeah, I mean, I definitely see what you're saying, and that's why it's a hack. Because all that stuff, like all that stuff adds up, and it just like, why would Leatherface be there? Like, it doesn't there isn't an easy logical explanation to the point where the movie didn't need to tell us. And again, you're right, everything doesn't need an explanation, but some things do. Some things need a something, like a hint. A hint about how this could have happened. That's it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:22

What we could have used more hints about and less upfront, fucking upside the head about is everything else about these fucking characters. Oh my god. Okay, and and some things are just heavy-handed. There's this thing about their their approach to the characters in this movie. They say we weren't intentionally trying to take a stance politically or socially on any of these issues. We just wanted people who talked about the issues of today so that they felt like real fleshed-out people with real problems. However, it was a lot of jam packed in one movie, right? And sure, you walk into a room of people, people have experienced unspeakable horrors and unspeakable trauma, but it was the I'm gonna chill in the backseat, look through this Instagram feed of don't shoot, never forget, etc. And then I'm gonna see a tight, extreme, extreme close-up on the bullet wound on my chest, and I'm just gonna casually cover it with my jean jacket. You know what I mean? Like it was just heavy-handed, it wasn't handled well. It was too much too soon.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:22

Ham fisted.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:25

Yes, that was probably if I had to pick a worse part because I love this movie, but um, that was going to be it. It was this teetering on these topics, you know, uh one of our characters having PTSD and this sort of gun violence. But to me, it just seemed like it was a backstory that either you need to bring more into the light or just pass it off to another movie. Like these sort of movies, these Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise movies, aren't the ones that kind of bring that. So you need to be okay with hey, just making it. This is about kills, like Paris said, dumb bitches getting killed and running around. Like it where I think it's fine with that. I think the people that do watch these kind of movies or do watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre are expecting that sort of thing. So either you bring it up or you leave it out.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:16

But here's the thing I think it could be brought up and if handled well. Yes, I think. The problem is this was brought up in a movie that could not figure out how to tie its own shoelaces with some of the other fucking dialogue in it, and it just loses itself. But I will say there was a moment where um Lila talks about, and I I fucking I text Paris about this. I was like, you need to talk to me as soon as you're done with this movie because we need to talk about this. She says, I was supposed to die at school that day, or I was supposed to die in that massacre. Death has followed me here, and I'm like, this is Final Destination 6. This is death's design. Like, could you imagine surviving a tragedy and then death gets you with fucking leatherface? What a crossover. A very intense crossover, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:59

I think. the the beef with like all these subjects that they brought in. I mean there was like a five minute span where we had like gun violence, Confederate flags, the old school N-word, and like a death back to back. I don't know. The last one doesn't really it was doesn't wasn't really an issue, but there was just so many heavy things. And it was all on top of like these are influencers and they're talking in this really weird way about things because it's being like very dramatized the way that they're you know trying to come in and gentrify the city basically. It was just all so heavy handed, so intense. It felt like someone's first film in high school when they decide they might want to get into this and like, how am I going to show who this character is? Oh I'll just put every single thing about them in front of you in like one second. And we didn't need a Confederate flag conversation if without any depth like we didn't need these conversations without actually doing anything about them or saying anything about them. It was just like oh D we're like in Texas they're racist and she's white so she's gonna say the N-word and he's a white dude in the country so he's gonna have a gun and like like it was just a lot of on the nose stuff that just sucked. Like it just sucked all being together. And that beginning took any fun I could possibly have away from this like that beginning I was just like what are we what are we doing here? And this is where all of my whys came from like I was just saying why though over and over especially the Confederate flag because it's an important thing to talk about and like experience and it's a touchy subject that they just like threw into a movie and for what? Like it's just eh.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:43

So Ryan that's your best part?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:45

My best part is the kills in the ambulance. I don't know. That's all I got man like really that's all I got.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:51

Okay but wait for the record that should have been an ambulance but it was just a van. Yeah it wasn't if it was an ambulance she wouldn't have died.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:57

She had oxygen with her her own. Bring your own oxygen.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:01

Bring your own yeah that's the American healthcare system. We'll bring you somewhere but you gotta bring your own medical equipment from the house. I got a couple worse parts because the movie's not great uh but let me focus on the Melanie of it all. The way we lingered on her decision paralysis in so many different moments yeah like maybe that was accurate to like what would actually be happening but as a viewer and a watcher of this film I was not entertained. I was bored and I said do something Melanie make a choice I don't care what choice it is just let's go. She was like under that bed for like I don't know 40 minutes it felt like and I was like okay it's been three days what are we gonna do here? Motherface is gone, come back made breakfast you're still there.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:43

I would have been down there for so long there forever.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:46

Right I'm saying it's realistic but it's not entertaining. And then she's like in that bathroom for way too long when she had plenty of opportunities to climb out the roof just like her sister did but she's like I'm gonna stay here for a little bit too long for no reason. And then she's like in that truck forever and like yeah her leg was pinned down but she got out eventually but the way it it just it showed too much of her doing nothing and I think we could have edited out a lot of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:10

No that's totally fair and I think what they tried to do was the fact that you know bound things out because her sister has already survived unspeakable horror and she then feels again she's trying to be a supportive sister right she calls out Richter for his gun situation like a fucking idiot when she's so close by to him. But she's trying to like speak on her behalf. So it's kind of like okay let's put you in this situation now what would you do and how do you respond? You know now that you're the one going through this and living through this what is are you still so as much of a fighter? Because sometimes that fight can be exhausting or you assume that people should just have the strength to speak up for things. But again I don't think with the dynamic of their sisterhood it didn't feel like they hammered it out well enough for that to be abundantly clear or even feeling good about it. You know what I mean? Felt weird. Felt real weird I know I've talked a lot about some of the complaints that I have about this movie but I'm gonna give one more like weird thing that really tipped me off early and it's a real fucky nitpick is a point where they're at the gas station, the truck from like Richter's truck pulls up into the frame and the sound design is weird because it's very suddenly loud when since it's a tight shot you would think he'd been closer and therefore more audible for a longer period of time. So we should have gotten this like slow build up in the audio of like the truck approaching but all of a sudden instead it was just and here's a truck and I would have loved to hear a bit more of that distance I know this is really weird and nitpicky but it pulled me out of the movie. I'm like oh this feels poorly edited in an otherwise cinematic masterpiece. What the fuck is going on here?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:51

Well to be fair that and here's a truck is kind of how they handled every element of this movie. So it's not wrong. I just need to bring up two more things one's actually good and one's actually bad. They're both around Richter. The scene where Melody helps Richter out when he's walking into the room now obviously he ends up completely mushed but when she like uses her little foot to like turn the mirror so he can see that Leatherface is behind the door it was so cool. Oh I like that see she didn't just sit under the bed and do nothing Paris that was that was a great scene I thought that was stupid what that was not stupid that was so fucking smart.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:30

She's helping out no you no one would do that. You're not like understanding the way angles work when you're under a bed there's a mirror it was still that Leatherface wouldn't have seen her little Tom's shoe peeking out the bottom he was focused on who was coming in the door he didn't know anybody was there.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:46

Well then why not just wave your hand oh my god so because then he's not gonna know what's going on under the bed anyway it was a smart moment okay wave the hand and then point to the corner. Yeah because that looks yeah that works.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:57

And the other one is the moment where it was implied that Lila had just slept with Richter. Like what was that for? And why didn't her sister even make that comment? It was just gross for no reason.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:10

I mean I get it but then that's where I saw kind of the dynamic between the two where Melody thought she was always doing a favor for her sister and protecting her when Lila was just trying to go through life and figure it out.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:23

But see I already got that when they had the conversation about I'm not moving here with you and like you can't be you can't live without me you won't you need me that's all I needed I didn't need did you just sleep with Richter because he's sitting on the edge of a bed and she went pee and had a cigarette in her mouth. Yeah I mean I thought that was funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:41

The implication was there but I texted Chris immediately I was like she's a child why is this happening and Chris was like it's not happening it's not happening I was like but it's implied.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:48

Yeah the implication is there for no reason no one needed the implication for no reason and that is my piece.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:54

Okay I will say though despite all this movie's flaws I st I did think it was fun and I do want to go back to find even more uh little moments of joy or callbacks to the original I know that this movie in in some areas was handled with care like down to getting the exact model of Chainsaw from the original that was used in the original film. So there's more that I want to discover there. So I think I'll watch this again uh especially since Netflix is increasing their prices in March.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:24

Boo.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:25

I think I had to make it worthwhile. I totally am going to be watching this soon and in the future like you mentioned Chris to see these little tidbits but also I feel like sometimes when I'm watching a movie for the podcast I'm mostly like taking notes and thinking of stuff that would I would not necessarily think of if I was just watching this perfect watching this for pure enjoyment. So I'll definitely be watching this probably in the next few weeks.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:51

You know I will be saying a prayer for the people in your life that you all force to watch this. I'll definitely not be watching this again. I pray that Netflix doesn't get some bright idea that they're gonna need some sort of sequel or something. Definitely Lila will be back you know she's survived two things she's gonna survive a third one I'm sure I'm good on all of it. I don't need to see it again no thank you. It wasn't great the first time you could have stayed home I didn't need your your invitation thanks.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:19

I think my brain was pretty active during this watch and I don't think it needed to be this feels like a fun turn your brain off kind of movie which was a good time. So yeah I'd watch this again. I probably wouldn't give it as much time and attention as I did this one time. But I'd love to watch these kills happen once more.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:38

Oh I love that so much and I I hope to hear about more comedic gold that you find uh as you dig through it a second time.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:46

Sorry, one last thing the reason I think that this movie in at least one percent of its soul knew what it was doing is that at one point in the background during the auction scene they refer to President Taft as a former distinguished guest. And just the choice of that specific president I was like you bitches did that.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:06

What I took away from that auction was Brady's brunch which I thought was a great name for a brunch spot.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:12

Oh my god I missed that and I'm such a Brady Bunch bitch. Yes see there's there's kernels in there. I don't think it's necessarily Camp but there's little more somebody on the writing team was like having fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:22

Yeah when they redid this movie probably the person who was just sitting here ad-libbing this shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:27

But we've talked about a lot here folks and the conversation doesn't end here. The 2022 Texas Chainsaw Massacre has earned thus far three slashes and one passionate hack. But we want to know what you think where you stand on these characters. Did you enjoy Sally? Did you think this was a solid continuation of Leatherface's journey keep in mind there are a number of ways you can reach out to us starting with our website hackerslash.live or on our social media accounts on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:56

And if you feel bad for me having to be the only person here to balance out the team, please reach out to our Hackerslash Hotline. You can leave us voicemail at 757-606-0128 or visit hackerslash. And if you think Mac would have probably been on my team here and hacked this as well you can send us an email to feedback at hackerslash dot com.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:16

And if you've enjoyed listening to this episode consider becoming one of our patrons like Ashley or Bloodbath and beyond you know some of our patrons have actually been listening to this live recording and you could be joining them. You can visit patreon.com slash hackerslash to earn cool perks for as low as one dollar a month.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:31

We'll see you next time folks and remember don't run if you run he'll never stop haunting you.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:36

I knew that's the quote you would use at the end.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:39

Bye