237: 5th Birthday Special - The Road to Super Spooky Con

SPEAKER_07 0:04

I don't mind sucking. It's fine. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_08 0:06

Thank God she needs the practice.

SPEAKER_05 0:13

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to the spooky season with Hacker Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. It's our birthday, and we'll cry if we want to. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack, a total joke, a waste of time, or a slash.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Totally killer. Fun intended.

SPEAKER_05 0:33

We believe horror is for everyone, so typically we're rating movies with the perspective we've gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast, and this week I'm joined by the super fly space guy Mac.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Oula, Muchachos.

SPEAKER_05 0:49

The gore lover Alexis. Hey everyone. The cowardly group, Ryan. This is gonna get weird. And the Scream Queen Paris.

SPEAKER_08 0:56

Hey sweets.

SPEAKER_05 0:57

This episode and the entirety of our spooky season is brought to you by our friends at Comstrips. Now, Calmstrips is helping us celebrate our 2022 theme of comfort horror, and in that spirit, we're in our most comfortable jammies as we commemorate our podcast's fifth birthday by having yet another role-playing night. And it's not the Hacker Slash After Dark Kind.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Welcome to our third hacker slash role-playing night in honor of our fifth birthday. Welcome Hacker Slash Crew to the road to super spooky con. Now, before we dive in, let's talk about how to play the game. Each player has two stats that will track. Plot armor, like your health, it's gonna determine how long you live throughout the gameplay. And final girl or guy points. This is how likely you are to make it out of the whole thing alive. So obviously gonna be important later on in the story. Now, every time you exhaust your plot armor, you're gonna lose one of your final girl or guy points and return to just having one fear point and back to 50 plot armor. If you run out of final girl or guy points, your character is dead. So characters are gonna start out, like I mentioned, with 50 plot armor and two final girl or guy points. Non-player characters have different amounts of plot armor, but you've got zero final girl or guy points. So if someone attacks you, they roll a die, it's a d20, including non-player characters, you'll roll to determine if you survive. So basically, whoever gets higher is successful. Um so whatever the difference is between the two rolls, that's what damage is done to you. But if it's not higher, you're gonna evade that attack, which is nice. Now, if you want to attack somebody else, the process is the same. You roll. If you roll higher than them, you do the difference in damage. You can use that same method for determining if you can force a character to answer a question they don't want to answer. So if you're gonna do stuff that's reasonable, just do it. Tell us that you're gonna smell, look around, shine a flashlight in the wall, just tell the group, and then I'll tell you what you see or smell or feel or touch, or whatever. Special thing here though, let's say one person is attacking a non-player character, and you want to help them out. You want to be that hero and sacrifice a little bit to try to make them successful.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

I can be your hero, baby. Take away okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Well, if that's you, you can do that. You can add your role to theirs in their single attack, but you're gonna sacrifice a final girl or guy point to do that. So we're gonna all take turns here. So if I do something as the game master and a non-player character is doing something to all of you, you then will take turns one by one by one. But to determine who goes first, we're gonna roll against each other. So all four of you will roll a dice, and then whoever gets the highest goes first, the second highest, the second, etcetera. So if you would like to run away from danger, you can, but you're gonna have to roll against me to do that and see if you're successful in running away from it.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

What happens if we rolled against you to run away and we lost? We did then just have to do the fight.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Yeah, that'd be pretty easy.

SPEAKER_07 3:50

I'm scared. What if we want to stand up against you and just run anyway?

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Like I said, you have to battle for it. So if you're not successful, you're still in there.

SPEAKER_07 3:58

You want me to battle you personally.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Not me personally. Obviously, I'll win. Okay, so if you do things that are obvious dangerous cliches in horror movies, like if you get naked or drink alcohol or have sex with an NPC or another player, you're gonna lose one of your final girl or guy points. Now you also cannot heal any damage to your plot armor. So as it drains all the way down to zero and you return back to fifty, but you're gonna lose one of those final points. Um just keep cycling until your character's dead, so it don't die. Now, you can gain more points though from NPCs. Let's say you defeat one, there's gonna be one point up for grabs, but the entire group has to determine who gets it. Let's say you're really nice to one, you do something for them, they can award you one, but afterwards you can't attack them because that would be douchey.

SPEAKER_07 4:45

So we have to play this whole thing safe.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Uh yes and no. Yes and no. I think there's always time to take risks.

SPEAKER_07 4:51

Like take your top off. I just want to take my top off tonight, but clearly it's not happening because I will win. You're not even in character yet.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

Alexis, you can absolutely do that if you want.

SPEAKER_08 5:04

Oh, she's not in character.

SPEAKER_05 5:06

I don't want to lose any points.

SPEAKER_07 5:08

Listen, the points are gonna be lost, but then you can also gain points, so it's okay. Depending on what size they are. Just kidding. I'm gonna keep it like you keep going.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

You have one beer and everything goes off the rails.

SPEAKER_07 5:19

I haven't drank it in very long time.

SPEAKER_05 5:20

Look, this just means that we can't have any surprise ninja stars coming out of somewhere. That's all it means. I did not pack that. I know, that's why I specifically asked for a packing list in the character service.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Yeah. All right, team. I think we had enough. Let's dive right in. A van cruises down a nearly empty highway at just a few miles per hour over the speed limit. Its paint is worn and chipped, and it puts out more than a subtle smell of gasoline and burnt oil. Inside, four young people, staring at middle-age from a distance that seems less safe every year, chat away while their driver focuses on the road and the shiny new tour bus gaining on them in the rearview mirror, packed with what must be nearly 60 nerds like them, headed to a mecca of all things horrific and frightening. Their destination? The 2022 horror genre convention Super SpookyCon. This is the first time these friends have been together since Super SpookyCon had to cancel its mass gathering of some 6,000 attendees due to the sudden outbreak of COVID-19. In the van, a gorgeous Southern bell with equally gorgeous hair and physique. Vivian has a precisely placed mole just below her left eyebrow, which she raises often, subconsciously. An ample bosom, and modest bottom with an hourglass figure. Next, a tan 20-something with short black hair. Yoli's been around the block. A few tattoos, definitely uses natural deodorants. Sitting up next to the driver, a woman who is nearly identical to Jennifer Goodwin, with a name just as adorable. She's Bridget. And in the driver's seat, a handsome mustachio 30-something with the composure of a 50-something and a vintage wardrobe of someone in the 50s. Absent from the van, their mutual friend JD, who first got them in one place with a game night of horror charades way back in 2017. They mostly spent the night making fun of his newly grown, slash poorly grown, mustache. He made the trip the night before to sort out a hotel double booking that would have left the friends without a place to stay for the weekend of scream-loving fandom. Their chat centered around two things. Which stars they hope to get a photo with, and which horror franchise deserves reboot.

SPEAKER_08 7:31

Oh y'all, I really hope Eli Roth is there. You know, he had a huge penis photo that leaked a couple years back.

SPEAKER_07 7:37

I don't know, I'm kind of a fan of uh Tobin Bell's penis.

SPEAKER_08 7:40

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 7:41

Well, I don't know about that. That sounds really gross. I'm really hoping Danielle Harris is there, though. You know, I'm thinking about back when she did a lot of that work in the hatchet movies and oh golly gee, that was just so good.

SPEAKER_08 7:52

Listen, maybe she got all those letters you've been writing her over the years. I know you're her number one fan.

SPEAKER_05 7:57

Oh yeah, I really am, but I think she might have a restraining order though, so I might need your help to get the signature or um, it's actually why I grew out this mustache. I'm hoping it makes me a little less recognizable.

SPEAKER_07 8:06

I don't know about you, I know there's gonna be a bunch of actors, but I'm so excited for that simulated saw trap they're gonna have there. Will you guys help me out of it just in case I get stuck?

SPEAKER_08 8:16

Oh my god, I can't wait to watch you struggle your way through it.

SPEAKER_07 8:19

That's not very nice. I would totally be there for you, and I would never make fun of you like that.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

Listen, you know I love the blood and guts. What would you do if we just left you inside?

SPEAKER_07 8:28

Um, I would never do that to my friends, so I'm hoping you wouldn't do the same.

SPEAKER_05 8:31

Oh yeah, no, I I got your back. Don't even worry about it. I got you. How long do you guys think we have left till we get there?

SPEAKER_08 8:38

I don't know. Check the GPS.

SPEAKER_05 8:39

Well, I think we have about like seven hours or so. It's um a little bit of a drive. Oh.

SPEAKER_08 8:44

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 8:45

This this puppy, it it really isn't hitting it like it used to. I had to have a lot of work done on this one.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

The tour bus that had been tailing the group seems to be picking up speed and gets ahead of the van easily. But the bus wasn't speeding up, the van was slowing down.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

The van suddenly begins to spider and kick, and the group together glares at Ollie as he peers down at an empty gas gauge.

SPEAKER_07 9:06

What the hell is going on?

SPEAKER_08 9:08

Oliver, what have you brought us here in?

SPEAKER_07 9:10

Ollie, I feel like we're just gonna end up having to walk to a gas station like we saw in that movie X.

SPEAKER_05 9:15

Oh, okay, but here's the thing. ASAD was a heavy tank just like a two miles ago, so I don't really know what's going on. I mean, I I mean, I I thought for sure I patched that hole in the gas tank.

SPEAKER_07 9:25

So, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna walk to a gas station?

SPEAKER_08 9:29

I'm not walking anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Up ahead, a beautiful visage. A newly constructed Molly's roadside oasis. Ollie steers towards the off-ramp and the gas station as the van fights to drive any further. Ahead, the bus pulls up to the station and passengers pile off as fireballs rain down from the heavens.

SPEAKER_08 9:49

What in the hell is going on out here? What's all this about?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Fireballs strike the gas pumps, the convenience store, the road ahead, the highway behind, smashing the overpass you just got off, and finally the door button. The bus erupts into a fire explosion, and the screams of dozens of passengers fill the air as our four dumbfounded horror nerds stare on in disbelief.

SPEAKER_08 10:12

Oh my god, y'all. This is just like the end of Kerry.

SPEAKER_07 10:16

We have to go help them. Or save ourselves, but mostly go help them. What are we gonna do to help them?

SPEAKER_03 10:20

I don't know. Isn't there a gas station right here? Oh no, Bridget, that's not an option anymore. Didn't you see the fireballs hit the gas station as well?

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. Yoli notices something through the flames. It looks like a vessel, a craft, something shining and metallic, strange and unknown.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

Did y'all see? Nope. This it looks like that thing. I think we saw that thing, and this is the same monster. It must be hungry. Well, don't look at it.

SPEAKER_05 10:46

I didn't see that one. Didn't see that one either.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Wait, what?

SPEAKER_05 10:49

I don't know, Yoli. This feels more like final destination. Oh my god. What do you think we should do?

SPEAKER_01 10:54

The group collectively squints to discern what Yoli pointed out as Ollie pulls the emergency brake and the van moves no more. From the flames, shadowy shapes appear. One at first, then more. Slowly, until the team can nearly see them. Humans, alien invaders, survivors of the tour bus? Before they can come fully into view, they scatter off, running into nearby trees, not to be seen again.

SPEAKER_07 11:18

Vivian, I I think you should go chase them.

SPEAKER_08 11:21

Bridget, you can shut the fuck up with that. I'm not doing anything. Who the hell are those people?

SPEAKER_07 11:25

Don't you remember last time we s we were in this situation and you ran?

SPEAKER_08 11:29

Yeah, and then I almost broke my big toe. So I'm not doing that again. How about you go?

SPEAKER_07 11:34

I think we should all collectively go. I don't know. What do you guys want to decide? I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 11:39

I think I I think we're really just keeping pushing, you know. I I don't think we need to go meddling in th in that business in those woods.

SPEAKER_08 11:44

I'm team keep it pushing.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

And Ollie, w what what is your version of pushing? Where are we gonna push? We have no gas in the car. We have no gas station. Half those people just died. We can push the van. You're gonna push the van? I mean please. But I guess we can Tell me how you're gonna push the van.

SPEAKER_05 12:00

I mean, maybe some of these cars that aren't so on fire, maybe they have like a cell phone in it or something, or maybe there's like um uh you know some spare gas or I I don't know. Maybe we can just rummage and see if there's something we can do.

SPEAKER_08 12:12

Wait, we all have cell phones. It's the year 2022.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Did you think I came here without it?

SPEAKER_08 12:16

Let me see if I can get a signal. You tried to, but your phone no longer powers on. Oh fuck, it's because they announced the new iPhone. They turned mine off.

SPEAKER_05 12:24

No, um I Vivian, I don't think that's how it works, but maybe we can just uh search them in these cars. Maybe they have some gas in there.

SPEAKER_08 12:31

And what we're supposed to suck it out with a garden hose? I'm not twelve anymore.

SPEAKER_05 12:34

Vivian, I mean, uh look, I know it's a big bad position to put you in. I know you've been trying to do a lot a whole lot less of the inhalation via the sucking, but I really think this might be our only option, you know. I mean, it's a while down to the next town.

SPEAKER_07 12:46

I don't mind sucking. It's fine. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_08 12:48

Thank God, she needs the practice.

SPEAKER_07 12:50

Do I roll to go get the suck the gas? Nope, you can suck it all you want.

SPEAKER_03 12:54

Okay. Okay, wait, is there gas? I need to ask a uh question.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Previously when we've played this, we've been like, if we're in a situation we'll say, I want to roll to like check the trunk.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Well, I'll let you know if you need to roll. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Okay, so this is not like a we initiate, this is a you initiate.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

You can tell me when you when you're gonna do something, and I'll tell you what happens when you try.

SPEAKER_07 13:13

I'm gonna suck the gas out of the car.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Okay, you find a hose, you connect it to a gas tank, and you start sucking and the gas starts flowing.

SPEAKER_08 13:21

Oh my god, Bridget, you did it.

SPEAKER_07 13:22

I know, I just want to get us out of here. It's just not a great position to be in right now.

SPEAKER_08 13:27

For you or for us?

SPEAKER_07 13:28

For all of us. We've we've gotta get to this war convention and much less get out of this area, and who knows what just went into the fucking woods.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

Alright, so I'm running back over to Bridget with my like spare gas cans in hand so we can get some of this gasoline into the into the gas cans. Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot about the mechanics of actually getting gas.

SPEAKER_08 13:48

I'm famously still in the van.

SPEAKER_05 13:50

Ollie, do you think the gas is the only issue with the van? Look, I I know she doesn't look like much, but she's got a weird counts, and if the gas gauge just says it's empty, then I think it's really just the empty, you know, and we well, we gotta try. Do you want to take a look at it? You might be more mechanically inclined than me. I just really just try to patch it together and do my best.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Yeah, I probably am, but you're telling me that we came on this trip, you knew where we were going, and you didn't get enough gas for us. Seems a little weird. It's also so weird that JD isn't here.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

Well, okay, just a second now. I as I just said a few moments ago, it was at full half a mile ago or two miles ago, but Yoli, I was conceived in this van, okay, it's seen better days. Hello.

SPEAKER_07 14:30

What Ollie's trying to say is it has the miles.

SPEAKER_08 14:33

So Ollie, did you say that there's a hole in the gas tank? Did I hear you correct?

SPEAKER_05 14:38

I mean, there there was, but I fixed it, you know. I just slotched it up with some du some duct tape and just like put a plastic bag over it, and it should be fine. Not in this seat. Well, what do you propose we do? There are no other cars functioning here.

SPEAKER_08 14:52

I'm gonna reach into my duffel bag, pull out a cotton panty, and slide my way under the van to stuff up that little hole in the gas tank.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

You successfully stuff up the hole. Incredible. Bridget moves the hose over and starts filling up the gas tank of the van.

SPEAKER_07 15:08

Guys, I'm gl I'm glad this is working. Is is someone in the car to start it?

SPEAKER_08 15:11

I'll get in. Hold on.

SPEAKER_05 15:13

Okay, but be careful because you have to like turn the key forward three times, backwards twice, and then you have to like really just kind of like take it out and shove it back in, and then give it one good turn, and it'll be time it'll it'll turn on. Why don't you do it, Ollie?

SPEAKER_08 15:26

Yeah, Ollie, I'm not here for the Da Vinci code of it all. Get in the front seat.

SPEAKER_03 15:29

All right, alright.

SPEAKER_08 15:31

Is it currently still raining fireballs, or is that just like a passing thing? It was a one-time thing. Okay, good, good, good.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

One time thing, aliens they dropped, we're good.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Yeah. Okay. So Ollie gets in the car, starts turning over the car in the correct way. You do not hear a starter click.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

I would like to check other cars.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Okay. You check other cars. None of them click. No starters, no sounds, nothing.

SPEAKER_05 15:51

It is nope. I'd like to uh venture to the kind of like towards the direction of the trees and just see what I can hear.

SPEAKER_09 16:00

Good luck, bitch.

SPEAKER_05 16:01

But Ollie, are you sure you want to do that? Oh yeah, no, it's totally fine. I'm not trying to go in there. I just if something doesn't feel right, you know, I just want to figure out what's going on.

SPEAKER_07 16:10

No, I completely agree. I feel like we need to figure out what's going on, because clearly we can't just keep walking on these roads.

SPEAKER_08 16:16

Yoli, I reckon you should go with them.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Ollie ventures towards the trees and has a listen while everyone shuts up. In the distance, skittering, movement, chittering, but only a small amount to be heard.

SPEAKER_05 16:29

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Guys, we gotta go. Let's just fuck the van, fuck the car, get your bags, and let's just go. We're gonna go down the road, we're gonna just walk if we have to, but we cannot stay here. I have not heard animals like that back in the woods in my home state. Never. I don't know, that doesn't sound natural. How does walking seem like the good idea here?

SPEAKER_03 16:47

Oh, is I think staying here sounds even worse. I would like to check and see if there's any debris from the fireballs, any evidence that I can find on the ground around the gas station.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Okay. You look around, you notice craters, molten metal, and the remnants of a craft. It's just shiny and metallic.

SPEAKER_07 17:04

I know this seems like a bad idea, but are we getting into the craft?

SPEAKER_01 17:09

You attempt to look for a way to get into the craft, it seems sealed, like a solid orb.

SPEAKER_07 17:13

Fuck, how do we get out of here?

SPEAKER_05 17:14

As they're making bad decisions, I'm gonna go to the van and grab my my bag that contains my my supplies, my ghost hunting gear, etc. And uh I'll just be starting to mosey on down in their direction trying to get them to go.

SPEAKER_08 17:28

And I am still in the van, and I suppose I'll follow Ollie as we mosey and not get too close.

SPEAKER_05 17:36

Where are y'all going? Look, I just want us to keep going. There's a town not too far off. I think we just need to get some help. Or, you know, maybe we can see if this happened anywhere else, but we cannot see here. I I don't like what I heard in those woods.

SPEAKER_08 17:49

And Yoli, you know it just rained fire from the sky. We need to keep it pushing. Grab your bags and let's go.

SPEAKER_07 17:55

And we cannot split up.

SPEAKER_03 17:56

That is not a good idea. Now, don't y'all think we're in a very unique situation here. We've never seen anything like this. All we want to do is talk about horror movies, watch horror movies, d make each other watch movies that we hate, and now we finally get to be a part of something really beautiful. Do y'all think we should leave? Because it doesn't seem that way to me. It looks like we're the ones that are meant to be here. So what do you want to do?

SPEAKER_05 18:20

Well, I think the the you know, in a movie we'd stay and then we'd die. So I propose that we leave and not die.

SPEAKER_08 18:27

I'm right there with you, babes. I know the wrath of God when I see it, and I do not need to be here when he strikes again.

SPEAKER_07 18:32

Yoli, we we should really fall. I know you wanna, you know, explore and be the first person to find something, but let's just not let it be tonight, please. Do y'all think I would die? Because I wouldn't die.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

Y'all might die. So you're gonna go into the woods. I'm just saying the Southern Christian woman is gonna die. Do you think I'm dying? No.

SPEAKER_05 18:51

I mean, you didn't say that if this were to ever happen and if we were to ever encounter anything extraterrestrial that you'd just make jokes and probably die first, so you've always said that. So I think maybe we should have hit our bets, you know.

SPEAKER_07 19:04

I believe I am the only one in this group that actually believes in that kind of stuff and appreciates it for what it is, and I say let's skedaddle, please. We've gotta get somewhere. We gotta see if we can reach JD. Maybe he can come help us. Okay, Ollie, where are we going?

SPEAKER_01 19:21

So this road you can go down one way or we can go down the other. But that's it.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

So are we rolling to see which way we go?

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Your group, decide.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

Ollie, you're running the party.

SPEAKER_07 19:31

Yeah, Ollie.

SPEAKER_08 19:32

I think we need to head north.

SPEAKER_05 19:33

Yeah, I I mean I think we gotta keep going the direction towards the spooky con, you know, because at least we're making progress towards JD. Maybe we can get some cell phone reception or something. I think we just keep going the direction we're going. There's a whole lot nothing in the back of us. Are we sure this is the direction we were originally going?

SPEAKER_07 19:50

I mean, that's it's pretty easy with the geographic landmarks.

SPEAKER_08 19:54

That's the direction the car's facing, huh?

SPEAKER_07 19:56

I don't know. A lot just happened here. And I don't know, it just seems a little bit off, you know. Did you get hit by a fireball?

SPEAKER_03 20:03

Cause it's not that hard to figure out where we're going.

SPEAKER_07 20:05

I think it's safe to say we've seen enough movies that have to do with witches and extraterrestrial shit to know that that kind of stuff can alter directions, i.e., Blair Witch. Let's go. We've seen it, it could be possible. I just say, did anyone bring a fucking compass?

SPEAKER_03 20:27

Who has a compass in this day and age? But haven't we agreed that Blair Witch is the worst scary movie of all time? Why are we even talking about it?

SPEAKER_07 20:34

It was iconic. We talked about this.

SPEAKER_08 20:36

Blair Witch was trash, babe. We've we've thought about this for many years, and we will not get back into it. We do not have time right now. Blair Witch is shit.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Found footage is shit. We're gonna roll to find out who's right here, who's in charge, and if we're gonna go north or south. Everyone do a roll.

SPEAKER_08 20:52

Oh shit. We're following Alexis. She rolled.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Oh, but so did Ollie.

unknown 20:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

Chris is cheating. I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

We're going to re-roll only Alexis and Chris. Oh, god damn it.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

See, the problem, Zach, is that we actually know where we're going. Alexis just got confused. Yeah, this is pure fucking chaos. Alexis just wants an option. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Oh, thank God. Okay. Alexis, I'll have you start over as your character telling us that you agree to go north.

SPEAKER_07 21:22

So I obviously don't want to be the only one wrong, and I trust you guys. I've known you guys for five years, and I it's fine. We'll just we'll go collectively north.

SPEAKER_08 21:32

Bridget, I knew you would see the light.

SPEAKER_07 21:34

It's not even the light. You guys are my friends, so I'm in this with you all.

SPEAKER_08 21:37

Bridge, come here. I'm scared, honestly, and I'm very stressed out about this situation. Please give me a hug.

SPEAKER_07 21:42

Here's a hug.

SPEAKER_08 21:44

Our breasts touch, but ever so slightly. The camera lingers for just a moment.

SPEAKER_06 21:49

Then we kiss.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

You begin walking north, the whole group together this time. You notice a broken down 1991 Toyota Corolla. Honestly, it probably breaks down often. Uh, because it's 2022, but you keep going.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Was that JD's car?

SPEAKER_01 22:04

It was not. So you keep walking. Up ahead, you see a man dressed in all white, maybe a little tan, definitely like lighter earth tones, and wearing sandals. And a walking stick. As you get closer, you realize he has a beard.

SPEAKER_07 22:19

Oh my god, it's Jesus!

SPEAKER_08 22:21

Honey, that ain't Jesus. That's a cult leader. We need to keep moving.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

No, I think we're really seeing Jesus right now. Can we get down this road without interacting with this weirdo man dressing up like Jesus?

SPEAKER_08 22:30

Maybe he has a cell phone.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

I Vivian, maybe you should go talk to him.

SPEAKER_08 22:34

Oh right, you know what? I will. I'm going to approach the man and ask him a question. And then the question is. Sir, hey, our car broke down a little mile a little while back.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Do you have a phone that we can use? Oh, what's up, dude? No, I don't have a phone. Uh yeah, that was probably like my car you just walked by too. Mine broke down as well. Seems kind of wild. Uh, but I gotta keep it moving, you know. That's me just always moving on, leaving nothing but footprints, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_08 23:02

I hear you I hear you, babes. Honestly, we're just trying to make our way to Super SpookyCon. We're big horror fans, and we're really just lost at this point.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Oh, that's right on, dude. Right on. Um, I mean, honestly, real life is full of horror. I think you could probably get a lot more out of real life, but that's cool. You do you, bud. Uh, yeah, don't have a cell phone? Never own one, to be honest. Um, I just kinda live my life day by day, leaving nothing but footprints, you know what I'm saying? That is so brave.

SPEAKER_08 23:25

I really admire that lifestyle.

SPEAKER_07 23:27

Vivian, Vivian, ask him why he even has a car and what he's doing out here if he doesn't even care about cell phones.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Can I ask you, stranger, where were you headed? Just like wherever the road takes you, man. Like, if I can shred some gnar, I'm going for it. You know what I'm saying? I don't even know how far we are from the coast, but I'll get there one day. There's a coast like every which way, right? I whisper this to Bridget. Honey, he's completely useless. We need to move on.

SPEAKER_07 23:49

I feel like we can get more out of him, but whatever you say.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

You go right ahead, hon.

SPEAKER_07 23:53

Why are you dressed like that, mister?

SPEAKER_01 23:55

I like to keep things light and airy, and I only like having like one or two colors. Last year I was nothing but black. Any color as long as it was black. But this year I wanted to like lighten things up, like change my mood for the positive. I'm really trying to make positive moves in my life.

SPEAKER_07 24:08

How can you be so positive with just this all this destruction that just happened? Did you not see that?

SPEAKER_01 24:13

I don't know what you're talking about, but I did see that my car broke down. That's just a message that I don't even need the car anymore. Do you know what I mean? I got two feet, I can just walk right on him.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

Do y'all know where he's going?

SPEAKER_08 24:22

He's going wherever the road takes him. He's a homeless vagabond high on reefer.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

But did y'all ask where he's actually going? Because that's some baloney.

SPEAKER_08 24:29

Why don't you ask him, Yoli?

SPEAKER_03 24:31

I would like to throw Mr. Jesus, like, maybe there's a sign nearby or something I can like push him into. Rough him up a little. Ask him where he's going. I'll get some information out of him.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Yoli pushes Jesus into a nearby stop sign.

SPEAKER_05 24:48

Well, dude! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yoli, Yoli, hold on. You know what the probation officer said about the last time you did this. Do you think that's gonna stop me? I think it should, yeah. We got bigger things to do right now than worry about you getting in trouble again.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Do we? Because it doesn't seem like we do. I think the only thing that's on our plate right now is figuring out the one person that we can see where he's going and what he's doing.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Listen, dudes, I've had enough of this trouble, and maybe this was not the direction I was meant to take, because y'all seem like you're like crazy. You know what I'm saying? So I'm gonna go ahead and like turn around and walk right the hell away from you.

SPEAKER_08 25:19

Honey, please forgive us. She's just recently recovered from rehab. She had a horrible meth thing. You understand. Hello? I just was wondering, is there anything you can do to help us go in the right direction? Do you know which way is horror fest spooky spook?

SPEAKER_01 25:33

I have literally no idea. But also, every road is the right road to somewhere. I hope you remember that. Um, I'm just gonna get out of here now, though. Jesus rips off his sandals and begins sprinting away down the road. Oh my god. As soon as Jesus is out of sight, from the nearby woods once again, skittering, chittering, sounds of animals.

SPEAKER_07 25:52

Doesn't it seem like we should go check on this? Absolutely not. Yeah, we need to move faster. Ollie's right, let's just get out of here. It's getting dark.

SPEAKER_05 26:00

Yeah, I don't know why we stop asking to stop to ask what direction to go, because really we're all going the same direction, and it's pretty straightforward. I know my car wasn't in the greatest shape, you guys, but I do know my way around. But do you because once again, where are we going?

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Y'all keep saying let's go, but where are we going? We're going to the next town up. What's the town? Give me a name.

SPEAKER_08 26:20

I don't know. At least the next exit. Monroe Vale.

SPEAKER_05 26:23

I don't know. I just know it's it there's a sign for it in at exit 23. Well, you didn't know how to get enough gas for the trip, so how can you be trusted? Listen, the mechanical reliability of my car does not imply that I don't know my under my way around geography, okay? It's just one fucking straight line on a highway, Yoy. I don't know why you did why why you making a big deal out of this.

SPEAKER_08 26:43

Everybody be quiet. This is not the time for us to be driving against each other. We need to stay focused and on the road to success.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Okay, we can keep walking, but I've been wondering something else. When was the last time y'all talked to JD? And why isn't he here?

SPEAKER_08 26:56

I haven't spoken to him in years. I thought y'all were still in touch.

SPEAKER_07 26:59

He's already at the convention. I talked to him right before you left. He says he's excited to see us all.

SPEAKER_05 27:04

Isn't that convenient? Here we are, stuck on the side of the road. He was flying from Barcelona. Okay, I mean it wasn't convenient for him to go fly over to meet us for us and then carpool over. I mean, it was better to just meet halfway.

SPEAKER_08 27:16

Honey, it's pronounced Bartholona.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

I'm from Biloxi, Mississippi, and even I know that. Up ahead on the road, distantly, as you all stop speaking for a moment, you hear Jean-Claude. What the hell? What's that? Jean-Claude. Distant. An old voice screaming, Jean-Claude, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_07 27:35

Jean-Claude? Is that what we're hearing? Oh my gosh. Yoli, I think at this point, maybe we should go get close enough where we can s see what's going on, but not get into the danger. Don't ask me.

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Listen, what do you want to do? I'll do whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_05 27:52

What do you guys want to do? I'm gonna walk up towards that sound. So we'll see. Yelling for Jean-Claude.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

As you walk up, you begin to see two structures in the distance. One on the right side of the road and one on the left. One on the right is a larger, maybe two or three bedroom house. It looks a little bit older. It's a country house, you know? It's got a wraparound porch and all that. Across from there is a structure of some sort. Kind of looks like a shipping container.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Do y'all think somebody lives in that shipping container?

SPEAKER_08 28:23

No, I think somebody lives in the house that people live in. Let's head that way.

SPEAKER_07 28:28

I mean, people do live in shipping containers now. They have there didn't you see small tiny houses on HGTV? It's a thing. I do believe we should go into the house that looks like a pet cemetery.

SPEAKER_05 28:40

I'm going to just say, hello, hello, Jean-Claude, where are ye, pesky dog? Oh, it's a dog, guys.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

We like dogs. Is it a dog or is it a lady looking?

SPEAKER_08 28:50

Speak for yourself. You know I'm famously allergic. We need to head to that house and see if they have a phone or a gas tank or something. Maybe a car.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Okay, so you begin to head towards the right. To this old, busted up looking country house.

SPEAKER_08 29:05

I guess I just decided that for all of us.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

You see two rocking chairs near the front door, cracked wind chimes swaying in the wind, and a door slam shut.

SPEAKER_08 29:14

Honestly, that is one of the most chic wind chimes I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_07 29:18

Should we yell and ask for help? No, we should just walk around the house and see what we see inside. We should not go into danger inside the house.

SPEAKER_05 29:26

I am absolutely not gonna- I mean, there's someone here. I'm not gonna just fucking walk into their house. She meant around.

SPEAKER_08 29:32

How about we knock on the door like a human person?

SPEAKER_05 29:34

I'm gonna knock on the door.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

You knock on the door. Slowly the door creaks open, and an old woman greets you. Her eyes are nearly shut with bagginess, and she's wearing a floral nightgown.

SPEAKER_07 29:45

Is that Pearl?

SPEAKER_01 29:46

It's giving Pearl. It's not Pearl.

SPEAKER_07 29:48

Thank you. We don't need any sexual stuff going on tonight.

SPEAKER_08 29:51

He's lying, Alexis. It is Pearl.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

Maybe we do. He there, ma'am. I'm I'm sorry, we heard you shouting and oh, we're in a pickle. Uh there's like a lot of stuff going on a couple miles back on the road, and our car broke down, and we were wondering if we could use a phone, so I could like call my insurance and and place like a tow or get a rental or something. Is that important right now? What else is important? I'm just trying to get the fuck out of here. Don't we have somewhere to be? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 30:17

I don't think the insurance claim is the way to start.

SPEAKER_05 30:19

We gotta get a rental car. Okay. Ollie has thin pockets, okay? Clearly.

SPEAKER_08 30:24

Let's call Triple A. I have the premiere plan. It covers any car that I have been driving in. Ma'am, can we please just use your phone?

SPEAKER_02 30:31

Were you calling for I'll stop you right there? Uh I tried to call my nephew earlier today. You see, I am out of macaroni and cheese, and I wanted him to pick me some up. Uh but the thing is my phone's not working. All day long it hasn't been working.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Do you have a car that works?

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Oh no, it's been a long time since I owned a vehicle. Right now my nephew just comes and drops me off some macaroni and cheese. That's all I need. What about a tractor? Oh a tractor?

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Oh dear me, I wouldn't be able to ride one of those.

SPEAKER_07 30:57

Where's your uh nephew right now?

SPEAKER_02 30:59

I have no idea. I wish I could call him to find out, though. He usually tries to drop by on Tuesdays, and if I remember, that's at least three days from now.

SPEAKER_08 31:07

Ma'am, I'll tell you this. It's a Wednesday. Uh, but I have a question for you. Your nephew, he doesn't have a proclivity for chainsaws, does he? Oh, not that I know of. He's a weak little thing.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

That's good to hear.

SPEAKER_07 31:20

He doesn't wear a mask, does he?

SPEAKER_01 31:22

Only when it's cold outside. He'll put on one of those like ski masks, but it doesn't get cold here very often.

SPEAKER_05 31:27

Oh, but um when he wears the ski mask, does he have like eyeliner and and some makeup and a little bit of li lip gloss? And does he really like to terrorize local problems?

SPEAKER_01 31:36

I don't think he's really into all that. You know, we're we try to stay up on what's hip and everything, but one time he did get his eyebrows done.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

Is it just me or does it seem like we're all trying to talk ourselves into a scary movie when really we just have a car that's broken down?

SPEAKER_08 31:49

Hunt we're just being cautious. We've seen too many things.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

Ma'am, what's across the street exactly?

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Oh, that's one of those new fangled little houses. I think it's the ugliest thing on earth. I can't stand it, but I have to look at it every day when I'm out here rocking on my rocking chair eating macaroni and cheese. Who lives there? Oh, that's uh that's uh what's his name now? Osborne. Osborne, that's right, like Ozzy Osbourne.

SPEAKER_07 32:13

JD Osbourne?

SPEAKER_01 32:14

No, his n his name's not JD, it's Osborne.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

Now listen, y'all, I'm sorry I don't have a phone for you to buy, but I d I do have a favor to ask him. Maybe I could get y'all some some tea or something. I just can't seem to find my dog Jean Claude. Man, when's the last time you saw this cute little pup? I mean it was just a little bit ago. He was out there barking up a storm chasing some raccoons or something. Well, what kind of dog is he? Maybe we'll see him.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

He's a Jack Russell Terrier.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

Now, before we, you know, have some southern sweet tea or something up in Chicago. I was just wondering how far is it to the next place where somebody might actually be able to help us?

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Well, I don't know. I guess you could go over there and just ask uh ask Osborne, but um it's probably at least about a ways until you get anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

Has he been friendly? Do you like him? What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 33:01

He's he's a bit of a prick to talk to you if I had to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

Sounds like we need him.

SPEAKER_08 33:05

Y'all, I'm gonna be completely honest here. You know that I won m Miss Mississippi out of my platform of animal kindness. I really feel like we need to find this dog. And it's the same kind of dog as from Fraser.

SPEAKER_03 33:17

Do you want to live or do you want to find the dog?

SPEAKER_08 33:21

I think we can do both. I don't see why not.

SPEAKER_05 33:23

Okay, I I mean here's an idea. How about Vivian and I go find the dog? And maybe you two can go talk to this guy, uh Osborne. I don't think we should split up.

SPEAKER_07 33:33

This is I think we'd be more productive if we did.

SPEAKER_08 33:36

We're splitting up into groups of two. It's not like we're going our separate ways.

SPEAKER_07 33:39

Just d just don't go far looking for the dog. Please. Just don't go in the forest. Oh, I mean I didn't plan on.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

Can I go over to Osborne's and see what he's up to? Does anybody want to join me?

SPEAKER_05 33:50

I I guess I was volunt to go with you. I mean, I guess you could actually just stay here with her. I mean that's an option. But then you're really splitting luck now.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Does that seem like a good plan? No.

SPEAKER_08 34:01

No, the two of you need to go check on that tiny micro house and see if there's a real phone or a car.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

And where are you gonna go?

SPEAKER_08 34:07

We're gonna look for the cute little dog and then maybe we can get something else out of this old lady. I feel like she has money at the very least. I know a nice house when I see one.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Why do I have friends that care about dogs more than our own lives?

SPEAKER_08 34:19

I am Miss Mississippi two years running. Sure I didn't make Miss America, but that's just because the judge was racist against white people.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Alright, Vivian, just go get the damn dog. You're about to be Miss Funeral Home. That's what you're about to be, so you better cool it down.

SPEAKER_08 34:31

Well, you're about to be Miss Sing, so how about you have a good time?

SPEAKER_03 34:35

Honey, I said you're about to be dead, okay? You can't turn the joke back on me.

SPEAKER_08 34:40

You always make fun of my accent when we get mad.

SPEAKER_07 34:42

Come on, come on, let's not fight, let's just get this done. Like I said, it's getting dark. We we need to get a move on. We need to figure out what the hell we're doing tonight.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

Okay. Me and Bridget are going to Ozzie's house.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Okay, so Yoli and Bridget head over to Osborne's house. They notice a shipping container. Or at least something that used to be a shipping container. It's I guess a house. And it's maybe called a house more by people with curly mustaches and bubble me knee tattoos. But a man stands outside, then kneels down, starts digging into the soil, and it's apparent he's making way for flowers that he's carefully planning.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

Hey, are you Ozzie?

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Uh yeah, I'm uh I'm Osborne, actually.

SPEAKER_03 35:26

Okay. You don't like the name Ozzie? It's weird. Most people would say Ozzie.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Well, I guess you could say I'm not like most people.

SPEAKER_07 35:32

Yelly, he I think he's pretentious. We should um just keep asking more questions. Um, Mister, do you have a phone?

SPEAKER_01 35:39

A phone? The last phone I owned was actually it's like a light phone, so it's kind of like a phone, but kind of not. Kind of like old school. But I gave that up when I moved here. I wanted the rural experience.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

I'm sorry. Is this another hippie? Did we just hit two hippies in like ten minutes?

SPEAKER_01 35:53

First of all, I'm not a hippie, although that's cute. I'm just trying to be more conscious and more aware of what's going on in the universe.

SPEAKER_07 36:00

Okay, well, do you know what's going on in the universe right now?

SPEAKER_01 36:04

Sure I do. These petunias are gonna be beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

So, do you want to know uh maybe who we are, why we're here? Doesn't it seem odd to you that there's just two girls standing on your front porch?

SPEAKER_01 36:13

That doesn't seem odd to me at all.

SPEAKER_07 36:14

This guy's a creep. What should we do?

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Osborne, uh can what can I tell you our story?

SPEAKER_01 36:19

I guess so, but I really need to get back to planting these flowers.

SPEAKER_07 36:22

But it's important that you listen to her.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Um, okay. Uh sure. Tell me your story. What's going on in your life?

SPEAKER_03 36:28

Have you ever seen fireballs rain from the sky?

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Oh gosh, have I ever? Have you ever taken acid? Let me tell you. You'll see all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Yoli, I think you just need to show them your tits. Hey, that'll work. Isn't that your job? Isn't that why we bring you?

SPEAKER_07 36:43

I don't know. We just need to get something out of it.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

Osborne, is there uh anything that you could do to help us uh as we are people who might be stranded, and we're just wondering if you can help us uh figure out a way out of the situation we're in.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

Here's the thing. I'll go grab a pad of paper and a pen, alright, and I'll pop right back out and we'll figure this thing out together.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

What are you gonna write?

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Or look, we're gonna come up with a plan for you two for your lives, because obviously we need someone to do a little work with you on that.

SPEAKER_07 37:11

We don't have time for this. I say when he goes inside, we ditch him, go around the back and see what this other bucker is actually about.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Okay, so Osborne walks into his tiny house and shuts the door, rummaging for a notepad and a pen, and you go around the back of the house.

SPEAKER_07 37:28

Is there a window?

SPEAKER_01 37:29

There is a window.

SPEAKER_07 37:30

Yoli, let's look through the window. What do we see in a window?

SPEAKER_01 37:34

Inside the tiny little house, you notice a vintage acoustic guitar, a pack of vintage baseball cards sitting on a side table, a portable coffee maker and grinder, a hand grinder. Yay. And of course, a tiny little bed.

SPEAKER_07 37:47

This guy looks so average.

SPEAKER_03 37:49

He lives in a shipping container. What were we expecting?

SPEAKER_07 37:52

I don't know. I was hoping he'd just be able to give us some information. Do you think we should leave? I think we just ditch him because he's not giving us anything. It's just a waste of time. And plus, we we really ought to go check on Vivian and Ollie. Like, who knows what happened to them?

SPEAKER_03 38:06

Should I check if the back door is unlocked first?

SPEAKER_01 38:08

That's a tiny house. There's only one.

SPEAKER_07 38:09

Yeah, I was gonna say you Ollie end up right facing you. Okay, definitely leave.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Okay, back over at the old country house. We have Ollie and Vivian.

SPEAKER_08 38:19

Ma'am, before we head out on a search for your dog, can I just get your name? Uh, my name is Dolores. Oh, Dolores, we're gonna look for your Jack Russell Terrier, Jean-Claude, for the next few minutes and we'll let you know what we find, okay? You just stay right here and maybe start on that tea.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

I I appreciate that. Now you're a nice southern lady just like me, and now I tell ya, Jean-Claude was out back. I I I think right before y'all got here I heard him barking at those darn raccoons.

SPEAKER_08 38:44

Listen, there's a lot to bark about these days, so I don't blame him at all. You just stay put and stay safe, okay?

SPEAKER_02 38:49

I appreciate that. And you can just use that door right there, they're going straight out back.

SPEAKER_08 38:53

All right, thank you, hun. Ollie, let's go.

SPEAKER_05 38:57

All right. Um, the good thing is that I do have some beef jerky, so at least we have some treats we can bribe him with if he's like cautious of strangers.

SPEAKER_08 39:04

Oh shit, let me get a bite of that. I am absolutely famished.

SPEAKER_05 39:06

Alright, here you go. I'm sorry, it's the Tabasco flavor.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

I hope it's not too spicy for you.

SPEAKER_08 39:11

Oh, you know I was born with Tabasco on my tongue, honey.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

Oh, y it's the Mississippi, yeah?

SPEAKER_08 39:16

Oh baby, you know I'm from Mississippi. Beluxy to be specific.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

Now let's head on out back. You go outside. You open the door, you hear the subtle sound of a bark, but it's unclear where it's coming from.

SPEAKER_08 39:29

Oh, hun, did you hear that?

SPEAKER_05 39:31

Yeah, I did. Jean Claude! Jean Claude!

SPEAKER_08 39:34

Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude was it?

SPEAKER_05 39:37

Damit Jean-Claude!

SPEAKER_01 39:38

God damn it, Jean Claude. You hear another subtle bark. Suddenly, from the tree line, a shape. More like a shadow, but it's moving. Almost like a glob, a blob, but it seems to have arms, seems to have legs.

SPEAKER_05 39:53

How um high up was it? Was it like low to the ground or like a like a person height? Like the height.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Yeah, good question. It is on the ground, near the tree line, so where the trees begin and the lawn ends.

SPEAKER_05 40:04

I'm gonna um like put my like pinkies in my mouth and do that weird whistling thing people do.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

The shape suddenly stops moving and seems to rotate to face both of you and darts towards you.

SPEAKER_08 40:17

Oh, this has to be the Jean-Claude dog we've been looking for. Is that I crouch down low and put my hands out and say, Come here, boy.

SPEAKER_05 40:24

Okay, what do we see coming at us?

SPEAKER_01 40:25

What you see coming at you is mostly a shadow, mostly darkness, but movement, sporadic, kind of random movement. It is kind of like a glitch in reality.

SPEAKER_05 40:37

Is it giving dog or is it giving not dog?

SPEAKER_01 40:40

It's it's it's giving you quite obviously not dog. Something unnatural.

SPEAKER_05 40:45

I'm going to grab Vivian by the arm and say, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Oh honey, yeah, there's something seriously disturbed about that shape. What the hell is that? As it gets closer, it begins making a sound and it gets louder and louder until it lunges at Vivian.

SPEAKER_05 41:06

Okay, I like to uh roll to like jump in front of her.

SPEAKER_01 41:09

Okay, let's roll. Are we rolling for initiative? Um, Chris Chris is gonna roll to to try to jump in front, and I'm going to roll to block.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Our first combat.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Ollie was not successful in jumping in front of Vivian, and this shape, this creature, uh attaches, clicks, does all these weird things, but it's basically it's impacting Vivian. So roll, and I will roll to attack.

SPEAKER_08 41:35

Get the fuck off me, you beast!

SPEAKER_01 41:37

You invaded, you fling it off your arm.

SPEAKER_08 41:39

What the hell was that?

SPEAKER_01 41:40

In the middle of the yard, you can see it, but not very clearly. It's almost like a creature, but you can't see the shapes of it. You can just kind of see that something is there.

SPEAKER_05 41:50

I'm gonna pull out um like my knife from my pocket and I'm gonna stand in front of Vivian, and I'm gonna like whisper, Vivian, I uh I think you need to go back to the house and I'll keep an eye on this thing. I think you need to go get the girls, and we just gotta get the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

We and Bridget would like be running up around the same time.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

But you haven't made it quite yet. The shape darts under the house, full force, speeds across the road, whips your heads as you're looking past it.

SPEAKER_05 42:17

Yuli! Bridget! Watch out!

SPEAKER_01 42:20

In one fell swoop, Osborne, his pad of paper and pen in his hand, is decapitated and completely skimmed. As if one million ants was eating him alive.

SPEAKER_07 42:31

What the fuck was that? What are we supposed to do about that? I don't know, he kind of deserved it. If he gave us more information, it'd be fine. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

Yoli and Bridget run around the side and then towards the back of the house to meet you, where a Jack Russell terrier explodes, barking at full volume.

SPEAKER_08 42:47

Explodes or just like is screaming.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

Explodes into barking. I'm sorry. The Jack Russell Terrier doesn't actually explode. He just explodes into not, you know, he's just he's making a lot of noise.

SPEAKER_08 42:59

I crouch down to bring the Jack Russell into my arms and I hold him next to my bosom. Jean-Claude, your mom's been looking all over for you. What the hell did happen over there?

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Did you see something? I it was the weirdest thing. We were talking to Osborne and I I don't really know. I can't really Bridget, what did you see?

SPEAKER_07 43:17

It it was just some I don't even know how to describe it. It was just like a figure. Honestly, it reminds me of something in the Matrix. I have no idea. I've seen way too many movies I can put my finger on, but it just annihilated the guy across the street. But you know what? I feel bad for him, but we got nothing out of him. He has nothing. There's nothing to save us out here.

SPEAKER_05 43:39

But what happened? I'm just a little bit concerned because I know we we're probably, you know, um really numb to violence because of all the movies we watch, but you don't seem to be reacting very rationally for a bunch of people who just died. Why do you think we're acting this way?

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Osborne was not helpful. He was a weirdo. He had nothing in his house, he lives in a A friggin' container. What are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_08 44:02

I'm not gonna lie, we did see something weird, and as soon as you said the word annihilate, it actually reminded me of the movie Annihilation starring Natalie Portman and or that other girl. Don't you think, Ollie, that thing we saw, that little shadowy pixely blob?

SPEAKER_05 44:17

Oh yeah, I um I was actually thinking about that movie VHS, the one where they were in the woods, and like there's like the killer who looks like the glitch on the tape.

SPEAKER_08 44:24

Oh my god, you're completely right. It was very that. But first we need to get this poor boy back to his mama. Let's head back into the house while we continue this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

You head back into the house. Dolores turns as the door opens, and a smile widens across her face. Uh, thank y'all so much.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

I found my little Jean-Claude. I can't wait to cuddle on my my rocking chair with him and stare across the street. Now now come here, Jean-Claude. Let's Oh good lord. What on earth happened to Osborne?

SPEAKER_01 44:53

As Dolores peers across the street.

SPEAKER_07 44:55

We didn't do it, I swear.

SPEAKER_03 44:57

Didn't you say you didn't like talking to him?

SPEAKER_02 44:59

I didn't like the man, but I didn't wish him what is he's just a pile over there.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

Doesn't where's his head? Were you watching? Did you see anything? 'Ca we're having a hard time quite understanding what we saw. It was it was uh so fast.

SPEAKER_02 45:11

I didn't see anything happen. I was just sitting here waiting for y'all to come in with Jean-Claude, and then I turn around just like you saw me, to to to look at my rocking chairs and that man's uh just a mess right now. Um I I appreciate this. Y'all have been really nice about it and everything. Thank you so much. But I think it's time for y'all to leave.

SPEAKER_08 45:29

Of course, hun, we don't want to overstay our welcome. Just know that your baby is in safe hands. He was so scared out there, but you should probably keep this back door closed from now on. There's something crazy's going on out there.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Vivian, have you considered that we're in danger? And it is not all about the dog.

SPEAKER_08 45:46

I had not until just now.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

Well, again, I appreciate it, but here's the door. Dolores escorts you outside. You are awarded one final girl or guy point, and you get to choose who it goes to.

SPEAKER_07 45:57

Who jumped in front of you who?

SPEAKER_01 45:59

It's giving me. I should get the point.

SPEAKER_05 46:01

It's giving Chris. No, Ollie. I would give Vivian because Vivian really campaigned for us to go on that little side quest. I agree.

SPEAKER_03 46:08

But had you never gone on the side quest, the side quest wouldn't have been an issue. You wouldn't have been in danger.

SPEAKER_07 46:13

Possibly didn't Ollie jump in front of Vivian. Ollie jumped in front of Vivian. I'm going Ollie. I'm going Ollie. High risk, high reward. I don't know, we're split.

SPEAKER_08 46:22

I'm Viv I'm Team Viv. I think I saved that dog's life. I brought it into my bosom. I said we should save it.

SPEAKER_03 46:28

But the dog is not the issue right now.

SPEAKER_08 46:30

The dog is the crux of the point.

SPEAKER_05 46:32

Okay, maybe we let the patrons vote.

SPEAKER_08 46:34

Oh my god, maybe we do let the patrons vote.

SPEAKER_03 46:36

Give it to them. Give him a one and two.

SPEAKER_08 46:38

Who gets the final girl point? The first one's Chris, the second one's Paris.

SPEAKER_03 46:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 46:43

Oh, oh, it's breast and breast.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

Alright, so Paris gets the final girl point.

SPEAKER_09 46:49

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Paris, you can you have access to your character sheet, right? I do. I already gave myself five final girl points. You have three now? No, I'm just kidding. Okay, what next? So you've you've left the house now. You've already seen the destruction that happened across the street and that poor decapitated skinned Osborne. Do you continue out the road?

SPEAKER_03 47:07

Should we walk down the road or should we check on Osborne's body and figure out like what's going on? Why would it go for him? There are so many of us out there.

SPEAKER_07 47:14

Are we sure that thing still isn't over there? Did you see where it went? I didn't, but honestly, I don't think being out in the open is probably the best thing right now. Maybe we should uh keep going and just stay along the line of the trees.

SPEAKER_08 47:28

Bridget, you keep wishing not fall upon us. We need to use the last hours of daylight that we have, and we need to examine that man's body.

SPEAKER_07 47:35

I don't know if I can walk over there. It's it's just it's it's it's a it's a little too much for me.

SPEAKER_03 47:40

Will y'all go with me? We can leave her here in the middle of the street. Don't leave me!

SPEAKER_08 47:44

We can see you Bridget, just come on. You can stay back away. So I thought you loved Gore. I'm trying to see this up close. What happened to this man?

SPEAKER_01 47:51

Okay, so who's going across the street? I'm going.

SPEAKER_06 47:54

All of us.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Everyone goes across the street to observe the body of Osborne. It is decapitated and the head is gone, and the body is skinned.

SPEAKER_08 48:04

What in the hell happened to this man?

SPEAKER_03 48:07

Literally, how could this happen? I I d I cannot understand because it's like we didn't even see an object. It was just like a being that didn't exist. It was like it didn't even have matter. Does that even make sense?

SPEAKER_08 48:17

It does, hon. We saw it.

SPEAKER_05 48:19

It may take a little while, but I can try to communicate with Osborne.

SPEAKER_08 48:24

What the hell do you mean?

SPEAKER_07 48:25

What? You have this power? We did not know.

SPEAKER_05 48:29

Some kind of spooky witch. I mean, you all know what my job is. I'm an investigator.

SPEAKER_03 48:35

Do you think I've smoked enough weed to get on board with your ghosts hunting nonsense at this time of day? It's like 3 p.m. How are we gonna hunt a ghost? What makes you think that's a good idea? We don't need to figure out what happened to Osborne. We need to figure out what was the thing that attacked Osborne, and Osborne don't know that answer. Why are you acting like this right now? Spirits never sleep, okay?

SPEAKER_05 48:57

I'm just saying if we get a little bit more information.

SPEAKER_08 49:00

Honey, listen, clairvoyance runs in my family blood, and I know for a fact that men cannot be tacky with the ghosts from beyond.

SPEAKER_07 49:08

I would like to keep walking down the street, leave the house. I would like to stay in the house just really quickly and look under the bed and look in the closet.

SPEAKER_01 49:16

You look under the bed, you find a crusty sock. Covered in time. You look in the closet, you find clothing, an old flashlight, and a bucket.

SPEAKER_07 49:27

I want to take the flashlight.

SPEAKER_09 49:28

What's in the bucket?

SPEAKER_07 49:29

I'm gonna take the bucket just in case.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

Okay. You can take each of these items, but you have to leave one of your own because you're on foot.

SPEAKER_07 49:36

I didn't bring anything useful. Um does anyone want me to leave the sweetish fish?

SPEAKER_08 49:42

Huh? Let me eat those quick. I'll eat them right now. My sugar's low. You know how I get when my sugar's low.

SPEAKER_07 49:48

Honestly, I'll just leave the board game. I thought we were gonna play stuff in the van, but it we don't have a van anymore.

SPEAKER_08 49:56

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

I'll be leaving my empty mango green tea after I drink it.

SPEAKER_08 50:01

What the hell did y'all bring on this trip?

SPEAKER_03 50:04

Snags. I wasn't expecting to die.

SPEAKER_08 50:06

You never know with these people. That's why I don't come up from down south to hang out with y'all very much. That's right. I said y'all are trash. You've taken your items, you've left some items.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

What would you like to do? Where would you like to go? We need to keep going north.

SPEAKER_03 50:19

I would like to keep going north down the path we were previously going.

SPEAKER_01 50:22

Okay. So you walk outside, you start walking again north, this time looking all around, of course, because something insane just happened to you. Up ahead, you hear the sound that you recognize.

SPEAKER_05 50:32

Okay, look, that's a cop. Maybe he can help.

SPEAKER_01 50:35

Okay, so you run up. Keep going north. Trying to get to that cop. Up in the distance, you see it. A car. It's painted white. The bold capital letters on the side. Sheriff.

SPEAKER_05 50:45

Is there anyone in the car?

SPEAKER_01 50:46

Inside the car, a uniformed man, sitting still, laid back, chair leaned back, hat covering his face.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

Hey, are you the sheriff over here?

SPEAKER_01 50:55

The cop rolls down his window. I'm not the sheriff, but I'm a deputy.

SPEAKER_03 51:00

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 51:01

That means I work for the sheriff.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

Can you help us?

SPEAKER_01 51:06

Well, maybe you can help me, because as it turns out, my car does not work. I'm not gonna say that I was sitting here, but I was patrolling in this area. Right? And then had my had my uh my AC running, okay, up until just a few minutes ago. And then now all of a sudden, this thing just powered right down. So I'm not much to help anybody because I can't get anybody anywhere. I can't even reach them on the radio.

SPEAKER_07 51:30

Is no one gonna tell him about the dead body down the street?

SPEAKER_02 51:34

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are we talking about, dead body?

SPEAKER_07 51:37

Sir, we literally saw some figure rip apart a man, but it was so fast that we really actually didn't see it, but he's decapitated and has no skin.

SPEAKER_03 51:49

Why did you tell him this immediately?

SPEAKER_08 51:51

I'm gonna yank Bridget aside and pull everyone into a huddle real quick.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Okay, that would just sound suspicious.

SPEAKER_08 51:58

So I yank Bridget and I scoop everybody into a huddle and I say, Y'all, you know my father is the deputy sheriff of police in Biloxi, Mississippi. I do not trust this man. Bridget, you need to keep your mouth shut. He is gonna try to pin all of this on us.

SPEAKER_07 52:13

Just try to give him all the facts. He's a cop, he'll help us, right?

SPEAKER_08 52:16

He's a cop, hun. He's not gonna help us.

SPEAKER_05 52:19

Bridget, I love you a whole lot, but um, you just told a cop that we were around when a man was decapitated and skinned, and we're strangers, not from this small town, and I feel like it's just a bad idea, you know? Fuck.

SPEAKER_03 52:30

I'd like to leave this small meeting, walk over to the police officer, pull him out of the car.

SPEAKER_07 52:35

What? Pull him out? What? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Ryan's gonna roll to pull the sheriff the deputy out of the car.

SPEAKER_05 52:42

Oh my gosh. I just want to point out that everyone talks a lot of shit about Ollie, but here she is roughing people up.

SPEAKER_03 52:48

Assaulting an officer. What else are we gonna do? Y'all are just we just keep talking. I don't want to talk anymore. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:56

You did it. Okay, so you pull him out of the car. His pistol falls to the ground, his hat falls on the ground. He looks very surprised as he stares you in the eyes trying to get his pistol.

SPEAKER_05 53:06

Okay, I'm gonna go to grab the pistol then.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

I also go to grab the pistol. Both of you go.

SPEAKER_07 53:11

I'm grabbing the hat.

SPEAKER_01 53:13

Alexis, you can have the hat, but you have to leave an item.

SPEAKER_07 53:16

I'll leave my clothes.

SPEAKER_01 53:17

Chris in Paris. Uh, you need to roll. Let me get that gun. Oh fuck, I ain't getting that gun.

SPEAKER_03 53:23

Chris should have got the gun.

SPEAKER_01 53:24

Oh, I am getting that gun. So uh Chris actually rolled a 17, so. Oh shit. Alexis sports the hat. Chris grabs the pistol that landed on the ground. I'm fine with that as long as one of us has it.

SPEAKER_05 53:35

You got the point, I get the gun.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Okay, I don't remember what the deputy sounded like. Um, but the the deputy, obviously shocked, uh, puts his hands up in the air. Um, what are you guys doing? What the heck? Dead bodies, decapitations, that is my handgun. Do you know how much trouble you are in right now?

SPEAKER_03 53:51

Do you know that I don't care? I'm trying to survive. What do you think we're gonna do besides this?

SPEAKER_08 53:57

Officer, I'm so sorry she has a meth thing.

SPEAKER_05 53:59

Hello? Well, I just wanted to make sure that nobody went and grabbed this gun and is gonna make any rash decisions. I don't plan on using it. I just want everybody to take a beat and calm down. Sheriff or death? Okay. Someone shoot the sheriff.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

First first of all, no one's no one needs to be shooting anybody tonight, okay? That needs to stop right now. Just give me my pistol back, and we're gonna all be on our way, okay?

SPEAKER_01 54:23

At some point. When our car my car starts working, okay? This let's just not lose control of the situation here.

SPEAKER_03 54:29

Right, deputy, sheriff, whatever you whoever you are. Do you have a solution? Do you have a next step for us? Do you have help? What do you have?

SPEAKER_02 54:38

I've got my lucky pistol, okay?

SPEAKER_03 54:40

It doesn't actually seem that you do have that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

She got you there, Sheriff.

SPEAKER_01 54:44

I'm gonna have it back, okay? I'm gonna grab my shotgun out of the trunk of this car, and we're gonna keep walking. Alright, we're gonna keep walking until we find somebody else who's got a phone, and we're gonna figure out what on earth is going on here. Um, because this is this is madness, okay?

SPEAKER_03 54:58

I would like to grab the keys off his little thing thing that hangs on the side of his belt and try to run towards the to the shotgun and get the shotgun. Yeah, roll for it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:07

I'd like to as she's joined to do that. Just say it, stop and listen, see if I hear any more of that chittering.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

The chittering. Come on, guys, come on, guys. Give it to me. Give it to me, give it to me. Oh, Mac is unlucky.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

Hell yeah. Alright, so now you've got the keys, you open the trunk, you take the shotgun out. Chris has the pistol, and the deputy looks, of course, very, very surprised. Okay, okay, so first of all, you're gonna put both of those weapons down right now. I am not joking.

SPEAKER_03 55:37

Are you in a position to make requests? I don't think you are.

SPEAKER_01 55:40

I am the law in this town, and you will listen to me when I tell you to do something.

SPEAKER_07 55:44

There's no law. Are you looking around? This place is chaos.

SPEAKER_08 55:48

The only thing that's chaos here is the four of you. Officer, I am so sorry, but you need to take it up with my father, Sheriff LeBiana Dubois of Biloxi, Mississippi. We will be taking these firearms and we will be on our way. I recommend you get on your walkie and you call for backup because something bad is going on around here and it is not the four of us.

SPEAKER_03 56:06

Didn't he say the walkie doesn't work though?

SPEAKER_08 56:08

I wasn't listening.

SPEAKER_03 56:10

He said Le'Biana.

SPEAKER_08 56:11

That is my last name, honey.

SPEAKER_03 56:13

Sheriff, deputy, listen, I don't have anything against you. Where can we go to get help? I know that you here you're telling me that you're in charge of this. Is it just you? Are there more people? Where are they?

SPEAKER_01 56:24

The sheriff looks around, eyes darting. Um, the place where you can go is and then makes a move. Brushes you off, and jumps to grab Bridget, pulls out a knife from his waistband, and sticks it to Bridget's neck.

SPEAKER_07 56:40

I got killed first last time.

SPEAKER_08 56:43

Not getting killed, bitch. You're just getting grabbed.

SPEAKER_05 56:46

I'm gonna unceremoniously No, I'm gonna very stupidly shoot the sheriff.

SPEAKER_08 56:50

Don't shoot the sheriff. Point your gun at the sheriff. You gotta roll for it.

SPEAKER_03 56:56

Thank you for shooting him. It doesn't feel good. Max luck has been down. It's gotta come up. It's about to go up right now.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

Oh yeah. Oh shit. You fire, completely missing the cop. And of course you missed Bridget as well. He didn't, you know, shoot Bridget in the head or anything like that. The cop ducks. Instead of slashing the throat of Bridget because he's uh he's a a man of of law, he now makes a lunge for you to take the gun out of your hand.

SPEAKER_07 57:21

Wait, can I step in? Because now at this point.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

Should we roll for initiative? This feels like a full group scene. We should have ten moves ago. We should have. The deputy took too many turns. So so Bridget's gonna go next.

SPEAKER_07 57:34

I'm gonna hit him in the head with my uh 54-gallon Sandy Water. 54 gallon gas. I know. 54 ounce.

SPEAKER_01 57:46

Bridget needs to hydrate. Let's see.

SPEAKER_05 57:48

What is this fucking barrel of acid you're carrying with you?

SPEAKER_01 57:51

Let's see if she's successful in hitting the sheriff in the head.

SPEAKER_07 57:55

Just imagine I actually have to roll. Oh my god, you got a 13.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

Imagine she rolls a barrel this whole trip.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

Yeah, she's just rolling it. Come on, Bridget, you can do it.

SPEAKER_09 58:05

Honey.

SPEAKER_01 58:06

You miss because your 50-gallon metallic cylinder was far too heavy to ever hit him in the head. At this point, he does lunge, and now he is lunging for the person with the gun in their hand, of course. Which there's two guns, but the one that just fired at him is going to be Ollie.

SPEAKER_08 58:22

I'm gonna tuck and roll behind the car. Well, as I'm there, I'm rummaging through the glove compartment of the police car. And I will roll to rummage.

SPEAKER_05 58:31

You roll to rummage, I'm gonna roll the dodge.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

The deputy, while trying to stab your hand, continues to fall forward, absolutely missing you because you're so fast.

SPEAKER_03 58:40

Do you think there's anything left to this deputy? Should I kill him?

SPEAKER_01 58:43

And wait, what did I find with my rummage? When you rummage through the glove compartment, you found gloves. You also found a picture of his wife.

SPEAKER_08 58:53

I rolled a 16, and that's all I get.

SPEAKER_05 58:54

That's all that was there.

SPEAKER_08 58:56

You didn't have to roll to rummage, but that's some bullshit. I'm gonna take the gloves, chug my sparkling water because I'm dehydrated, and I will leave that behind. Are the gloves cute?

SPEAKER_03 59:05

Were you talking trash about me bringing green tea and you brought sparkling water?

SPEAKER_08 59:10

Listen, a bitch gets thirsty.

SPEAKER_03 59:12

In your pocket? It's not even good.

SPEAKER_08 59:14

It's in my bag. I have had my bag with me this whole time, and you know.

SPEAKER_07 59:17

Vivian! Vivian, what's what do you got over there?

SPEAKER_08 59:20

Just some shit. Get the sheriff.

SPEAKER_07 59:22

No, what's in your hand? What is that a photo of?

SPEAKER_08 59:25

It's his wife. I don't know. Some bitch.

SPEAKER_07 59:27

We can't kill him, guys.

SPEAKER_03 59:29

He's got a wife.

SPEAKER_08 59:30

We don't need to kill him, we just need to sustain him.

SPEAKER_03 59:32

Oh, I'd like to grab his handcuffs and lock him up so we don't have to deal with them anymore.

SPEAKER_01 59:37

Attach him to the door of the car. Quick. Okay, you're successful. You handcuff the deputy to his car. At this point, he looks defeated and just wants back the picture of his wife.

SPEAKER_08 59:47

I hand him the picture of his wife while wearing the gloves. Then I hit him with a fashion pose and I say, Sir, may God have mercy on your soul.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

Okay. Well have God may God have mercy on all of your souls, okay? Because if you're decapitating people and shooting police officers, things are only gonna get worse for you from here on in. That's all I can say.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:07

Now, deputy, I have a sneaky suspicion that you know a little bit more than what you're saying you do. So what do you know about what's going on? Why is all the electricity out? Why doesn't anybody have a phone around here? Why is everybody a little bit freaking weird? And why were there fireballs coming down from the sky?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:26

Fireballs coming from the sky? I don't know anything that's going on. But maybe that guy does.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:33

What guy?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:34

He points further north up the road. You all turn and see nothing.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:37

What do you see, sir? Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:39

As you turn back to ask the deputy, the deputy is not there. No, I'm not gonna lie, I think I drank that sparkling water too fast. I have to pay.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:46

Wait, didn't we handcuff him?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:47

You did indeed. The handcuffs are still attached at the door.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:50

Ollie, do do you I I know this might sound weird, but do you have your ghost stuff? Because I really feel like this is not normal.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:57

Your ghost stuff.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:59

Okay, first off, um, it's more than like uh my equipment, my gear, um, so it's not just ghost stuff. Uh, I'm a professional. But second, look, I've I've been around some ghosts and that was not a ghost. Ghosts don't typically materialize in ways that could um cause mayhem and leave behind physical gear like guns. I don't know what that was. It wasn't a ghost though.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

As you speak, trying to figure out what on earth happened, you hear once again that skittering noise like crickets, but amplified nearby, getting closer from behind you. Behind you is down the roadside.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:36

We need to run into the woods, I think. Literally, it's getting louder. We have to hide. We we need to be somewhere. Get in the car. I don't know, it's something.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:45

Don't you think we should try to figure out what it is instead of just running from something that we don't understand?

SPEAKER_07 1:01:50

Did you see what it did to that man? No, did you? I saw the after effects. I don't need to see the rest. Would you like to find out if he's a good thing or whatever this thing is, if it's good or bad? I don't want to stay here and figure this out. I say we run. I say we run.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:08

I'm running. The three of you run, and the fourth one kind of moves fast.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:11

Yeah, I'm obviously coming along. I'm not staying by myself.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

As you run up the road, you notice something ahead. Another vehicle. This time it's on the left side of the road, though, so it's slightly different. It appears to be an older Chevy pickup truck. And next to it is a man bent down, changing the tire of his car. He turns around to look at you.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:34

Sir, did your car randomly stop working?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:36

Um, you know, I don't know if it randomly stopped working. I just know that I couldn't find my tire iron for the last three hours to change his tire. So I haven't really had a chance to see if it stopped working.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:49

Why would it stop working?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:50

This guy is suspicious. I'm gonna hit him.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:53

Okay. What are you gonna hit him with?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:55

I'm gonna hit him with my Stanley water junk. The 54 ounce.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:59

Let's see what happens.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:02

Did you bring that to drink out of or to hit people with? For both. It's heavy. Okay, 11. Why were we just hitting this man immediately?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:12

Coming from the person who wanted to kill someone? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:15

The cop had things for us to find, don't you think?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:19

I'm just I'm just starting.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:21

Oh, you did four damage to this man. He, stunned, looks up, turns his head, turns the other way, eyes wide, and his mouth opens, and you hear I told you guys something was wrong with him.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:37

I'd like to roll over shoot the guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:39

Let's find out. Is he are we at the matrix?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:44

No, I'll be in the matrix.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:45

That's what it is. Oh, you did another four damage, Chris.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:51

Okay. Um, I'd also like to investigate at some point, whenever the rest take their turns.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:56

So Ryan and Paris have a turn each. What do I want to do? Paris, you missed it. No, I was here definitely the whole time, and I wasn't paying. Um while you had stepped away, the man says that he was changing his tire, couldn't find his tire iron for a while, so he doesn't know if his car's not even working. He was searching for his tire iron. Alexis didn't trust it, hit him over the head with a heavy metal object, took away four damage, or did four damage to him. Chris shoots eclips him, does another four damage, and so now this poor man, his his mouth is opened. Before Chris hit him, but his mouth opens and you hear like a like a chattering sound coming out with a mouth wide open. Was he shady? And that's when Chris shot him.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:34

He wasn't shady until he started making the sound effects.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:37

So you have a turn and Ryan has a turn. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:40

I'm gonna roll to dive in front of this man and s and stop the madness.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:45

The madness is already done.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

You are successful. You dive in front of the man, but the man with his mouth wide open grabs you in his arms and takes a bite out of your shoulder. We gotta find out if it's successful. And then Ryan has a turn. Oh thank god.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:01

Damn, Mac! What if it's died?

SPEAKER_08 1:05:03

It didn't puncture the skin because I'm fresh late.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:06

Well, uh, it didn't puncture the skin. It looks like it looks like while he tried to take a bite, he was unsuccessful because Ryan.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:13

I'm gonna shoot him in the head with my shotgun.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:16

You aim for the head and you fire. Let's find out if you're successful.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:19

That's my last bullet. What kind of shotgun?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:21

It's the one in the movies where it's just unlimited. Yikes.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:26

You fire, but uh to no avail. You don't actually hit it because this is your first time using a shotgun this week.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:32

Does she also like fracture her shoulder or dislocate it with a kickback and the recoil of the shotgun? I'm kidding, I'm not actually making that a serious recommendation.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:40

That would have been great had I done this kind of like reverse damage if you run successfully. I should have done that just to mess with you guys. Um, but no, this man now starts changing in front of you. His head falls onto the ground. His skin flies off of him, and now you see this shapeless, moving form somewhat. In the figure of a man, but mostly just gnarled reality.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:04

What the hell? We are in Stranger Things right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

What the fuck is that? I jump away from the rig wriggling mass. Yes, you do. At this point, the wriggling mass moves fast and takes one swipe at each of you in a circle. Alright, everyone take a roll.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:22

I tuck and roll. Get me out of here. I dive into the grass, rolling and dodging through the tack successfully. Yes, you do.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:30

Can I try to shoot again?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:32

You can.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:32

Okay, I would like to try to shoot again.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:34

We didn't roll for uh whatever this time, but you know, the rules are all made up here, so we're just taking turns.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:39

Do I roll or you throw?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:40

We will throw. Oh fuck. Good luck.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:43

What is it? A 20? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:45

Oh, a critical hit almost. You hit. Take away what is it? Eight. Bringing us down to 19 left on this thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:52

I would like to take my multi-tool and corkscrew its eye out.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:00

Okay, you pull out something sharp from your multi-tool. You don't even have time to look, and you go to jab at it. Let's roll.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:06

The problem is it needs to hurt us.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:09

Not successful. You jab, but you you don't hit it. It takes another swipe at each of you.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:15

Give it to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:16

I'm out of there. I already left. Okay, so Viviana ducked under ducked under the car or something.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:22

Damn, Mike, you just Oh. Ollie, you took some damage. How much did I lose?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:27

You lost four?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:28

That's all I've lost so far, period, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:30

Yes. Who's next?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:31

Oh, are we supposed to be taking our own count?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:33

In your character.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:36

What is going on? What are we gonna do? What I I tried shooting, you tried shooting. What are we gonna do here? I'd like to flee. Where did Vivian go? Did anyone bring holy water? What makes you think holy water is gonna help?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:47

This is the sound of me hiding. Okay, okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna allow it. I'm not gonna get a roll you for it. Umly dodges behind the pickup truck uh with Vivian.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:56

And I'm left standing there.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:58

Okay, so what will you do with your turns?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:59

I've done an action.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:01

Towards something.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:02

You can if you'd like to try to take it out further.

unknown 1:08:04

I'm gonna be creative.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:06

I'm gonna try to tackle it into the car. Like I'm assuming we're here with the door open. I want to try to tackle it into the truck so that we can be in like a confined space.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:16

You successfully tackle it into the truck at the same time bashing it against the door, dealing eight damage.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:24

Now I move to open the opposite door, remove a small pocket knife crafted by my grandfather. It's a hunting knife, and I move to slit the throat, or what would be the throat, of this ambiguous creature. See if you're successful.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:40

Okay, but we're baddies. We are the problem. We're the memes.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:44

You are successful, and it screams with pain.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:48

Take that, you beast!

SPEAKER_07 1:08:49

I've got it. I think this is like an alien from signs. I'm going to pour my water onto it.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:56

You successfully pour your water onto it and nothing happens.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:59

Fuck, I thought I could roll for that.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:01

What the hell was that?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:02

I'd like to roll to shoot again.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:04

Okay. Ollie takes aim at the pinned creature in the truck. You annihilate it with a single shot, it explodes into blood, splattering all over your faces.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:16

What am I gonna do about this?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:17

I'm never gonna get these stains out. Okay, guys, I we really need to go somewhere else. Like, you I I I don't want to leave you sat in the open. It does not make sense to stay outside.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:27

I couldn't agree more.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:28

I want to double check and see if the car works.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:30

You double check, you attempt to turn over the car, and it works.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:35

Bet y'all didn't think that was gonna happen, huh? Hurry! Let's all get in. Let's get in, let's go! So the question is which way do we go? Do we go back or do we go forward?

SPEAKER_08 1:09:45

We go forward.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:46

Because everything's getting worse the further we go.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:48

Yep, because we all listen to Ollie. Listen, listen! A forward is the way towards JD in the convention.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:56

Three of us wanted to move this way.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:57

How far do you think this thing can go?

SPEAKER_01 1:09:59

It's an old Chevy pickup truck, so that depends on who you ask.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:02

Oh, I drive pretty good. I think we'll be fine. I'd like to continue driving north.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:06

I get in the passenger seat and rummage through the glove box.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:09

And I guess since it's a pickup, I'll be sitting in the bed of the truck with Ollie.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:13

Yeah, we'll we'll say it's a single cab. I like it.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:15

It's got a jump seat.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:16

Rolling to rummage. You're rolling to rummage? I'll allow it. I'll roll against you.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:20

Always rummaging.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:21

I like the unnecessary rolls because it makes things more fun. I love a glove box.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:26

I'm wearing gloves and I have a box.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:28

Remember that night that episode where we reveal that Paris goes through everyone's nightstands and stuff when he's like. And I said it was totally good.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:36

I just loot. I'm a looter. I'm looting.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:39

Paris, are you rolling? Yeah, I rolled 13 and you rolled an 11, so what are I? I saw that. Okay. So you rummage to the glove box. You open the glove box up, you're peeking through there. There's some paperwork, and there is a half-eaten jar of honey. You know what? Is the paperwork worth going through, or should I just take the honey and keep it pushing?

SPEAKER_08 1:10:55

The paperwork is insurance and registration. Yeah, right. I'm gonna take the honey and I'm gonna leave the rest of my outfits that I have, and we're gonna keep it pushing.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:03

17 outfits in exchange for one jar of honey.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:05

I don't need these outfits.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:07

I would like to, while I'm driving, reach, get someone to reach into my bag and uh pull out all the jewelry that I brought with me and put it on my hands, determine hands and weapons.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:18

Does the group allow this? I'll do it. I'll happily accessorize a friend.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

Thank you. I'll try on all my rings.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:26

Here, babe, put these on. It's like a brass knuckle except cuter. To equip your hands with jewelry hands, you must give up the shotgun. I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:34

That's fine, it's out of shots. Well, I brought them with me.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:37

You brought what with you?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:38

The jewelry.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:38

Yes, indeed, but you have to give somebody else the shotgun or put it put it down. I'll take the shotgun and I'll leave the honey.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:44

Okay. It might be out of shots. I'm not really sure how that works.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:48

Okay, so you continue driving north. You left the honey behind, it smashes on the road. You've now got jewelry hands and gloved hands, and a pistol with some number of rounds in it. And as you keep driving further up, you notice a building. You see the tattered sign of a once gut-busting roadside fast food joint, Chonko's chicken. Out front, as the sun begins to set, but not quite there. It's still kind of that nice, like golden hour time. A young man approaches from the north. Sweat pours down his head and his chest. As you approach, he waves at you, begging for help.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:22

Who are you? We're not pulling over. Do not pull over for this man and talk to him.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:26

What if he knows something? He seems to have information.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:29

It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:30

Um I I I appreciate you. I appreciate you taking the time. Um, my name is Daryl Jennings. I'm 19. Um I am I'm I'm just trying to get back home to McGram, okay, because I need to make sure that she takes her medicine. My my car up the road actually stopped working. I'm just trying to find a way to get back to her, okay? I'm I'm I I just need to make sure she takes her medicine and doesn't die.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:55

Vivian, don't you dare say something to this man about that daggone dog. I swear to God, if we start going on about this dog again.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:00

Oh no, actually, she's fine. Everything's okay. We were actually just visiting her. We reunited her with her dog. Um everything's good. She was eating some mac and cheese that we supplied her already.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:13

That's a lot. Mac and cheese sounds really great right now. Well, we don't have any. What can you do to help us? Or we're gonna keep driving. Okay, okay. This is giving some Rob Zombie bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:24

If you can take me with you, I I promise whatever whatever you guys need, I can I can I can help you out in some way. I just need to get home to my gram. I'm really worried about her. You know, uh with the little time I have left before I go off to school, I just need to make sure she's healthy. I just I I I'm really worried, guys, and my car is just completely shot.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:42

Which way are you going?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:43

I'm actually headed south on this road.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:45

Okay, we won't be going that way. Thank you for asking though. Would y'all like to keep going?

SPEAKER_08 1:13:49

We need to keep going, my friend, but I am so sorry. Your grandma is just fine. If you keep heading down a little bit down this way, as we've already cleared the path for you, there shouldn't be any trouble. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:58

I I guess I will. Um bye hit it. You punch it. You drive past the Chonko's chicken. Not the Chonko's. The Chonko's chicken.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:09

We're not doing that.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:10

Should we have stopped for food?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:12

As you keep going further north, it seems like the road never ends. It just seems endless country. There's not much going on, but you feel safe having made it beyond all the madness. Except for the chattering, the skittering. It seems to follow you. And up ahead, right where there should be an intersection, there's not. Instead, a crater.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:34

I thought this was gonna be the end of our story, and we were just gonna get to the convention. Watch out for the big ass pothole that's coming up.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:43

Ollie, can I ask you a question? Yeah, of course. You know, the whole time we've been driving, walking, wondering, I've just been thinking that you kind of set us up for this. And also I was wondering if you had any weird, I don't know, whatever you call it, ghost encounters, supernatural encounters. I'm just wondering if anything happened with you recently, because why is this happening to us? And you don't really seem as stressed out as we are. And why didn't you put enough gas in the car?

SPEAKER_08 1:15:14

I'll be honest, Dolly, I was wondering the same thing. It's been a while since we heard from you.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:19

Okay, okay, okay, look. Again, I did put gas in my car. It's just you guys were wanting to save money not getting a fucking rental, so we had to use my van, and I'm sorry, okay? It's not my fault that you knew the trouble that I've had. This thing's had trouble the whole time we've been friends. And there's something that I haven't confessed yet. Yeah, what would that be, Polly? Nothing's happened at all, actually. Everything's actually kind of been a lie. I don't know what the fuck is going on here though. Um, but you guys remember a few years ago when I got that really big gig and things kind of blew up for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:56

I do remember you were acting so strange during that time.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:01

Yeah, what really happened with that?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:03

Okay, look, I I was pretending to be able to commune with the dead because I I had the big crush on on this girl, and I thought I could just give her some peace by telling her that her dad was happy and he had moved on, and I had kind of just pretended, and she felt really good about it, and so now it just kind of made this whole career for me, and I um everything's a lie. I just feel guilty.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:28

Why does everything feel like a movie with us? What is going on?

SPEAKER_08 1:16:34

I have always said that men cannot commune beyond the grave. I have always said that. And I knew it was bullshit coming from you, Ollie, but I trusted you because we've been friends for five years, and that's the longest friendship I've ever had. That wasn't sex.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:47

Jesus Christ. Look, I'm sorry, guys. It's just it it it one thing led to another, and it just kept getting out of control, and I don't know, I feel like I just kind of deserve all of this. Okay, but do we So were you ghost catching us instead of catfishing us?

SPEAKER_08 1:17:02

Not ghost catching us.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:04

Well, it's not like you guys really cared, but to the other people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:07

Talking that talk. So as you're sitting here in this truck, having this serious conversation, this crater in the middle of this intersection where you could go right or you could turn left, you hear that sound. Skittering, chattering, the sound, and it's loud. And it's coming at you fast. From both sides of the intersection, you see shapes moving. It looks like hundreds of them from the front of the intersection, past this huge crater. They're moving all around it. At least a thousand of them headed your way, and they surround the pickup truck.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:42

So we are all surrounded, correct?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:43

Like there's nothing you are all surrounded in the pickup truck.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:47

I'd like to check how many rounds I have left in the gun.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:50

Roll initiative.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:51

I would like to ask Ollie a question.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:53

Okay, so Ollie checks the gun. There are four rounds left. I would like to cock my shotgun and also check. You do. Two empty shells fly out. There's nothing left. Cool.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:04

Ollie, I know this isn't the best time to ask this question because we're probably about to all die here. But by chance were you not faking it and maybe summon something here or something?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:17

No, I really was just making that shit up the entire time. I I mean, like, I like spooky things, so like sometimes I'd hear things, but I think, okay, here's my idea. I'll leave you with a gun. I'll grab the shotgun and I'll run distraction and see if I can clear a path for you all to leave. Are you rolling for that?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:35

No, I mean if that's if that's what Ollie wants to try.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:39

I'm trying to decide how I feel about this idea. On one hand, Ollie, I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. On the other hand, the shotgun's empty. There are four rounds. So that is an option. Ollie, I'll give you this shotgun. If you give me that gun, that's a deal you can promise from me.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:54

Okay, I'm gonna make the exchange. We trust the woman with the gun?

SPEAKER_08 1:18:58

We're all women, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:03

Ollie's a man. Oh, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:05

Oh, I want to throw the car in reverse and try to.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:08

I support that too. Okay, so you're you're successful, you put the run of the car in reverse, you start to move backwards. The creatures have surrounded the truck, and the truck slowly dies. No power. Oh fuck, we're stuck. Just rolling in reverse.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:24

Oh my gosh, get your weapons out. I feel like this is gonna be Custard's last stand. I'm not custard. What the hell?

SPEAKER_05 1:19:33

Who?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:34

Ryan Zalley custards.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:37

Colonel Mustard? Do we have a plan or else I'm gonna just run out for distraction and sacrifice myself?

SPEAKER_08 1:19:43

Should we discuss a plan?

SPEAKER_05 1:19:44

Okay, guys, look, I don't um I haven't been feeling super stoked about the d the choices that I've made, but I think I can make things right if if I can even just give you a few minutes. So I'm gonna go. And then I'm just gonna fling the door open and run out. You're not doing this.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:00

Ollie, don't risk your life.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:02

You just laugh about ghosts. This should be this should be fun. So Ollie jumps out of the pickup truck and starts to run. Ten of the creatures attack.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:14

Do I need to roll 10 B20s?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:17

You need to roll the just the one.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:19

Oh, 19!

SPEAKER_07 1:20:20

Ten times.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:23

Okay, you somehow seem to have made it through without damage.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:27

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:28

Oh my god, he made it. At this point, they seem to have carved a hole for you. And now a large circle of them is ever expanding until a hundred of them surround you and move to jump on you.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:44

I would like to turn to Vivian and say, Vivian, will you stick by my side?

SPEAKER_08 1:20:49

Just generally, or have I ever led you astray?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:53

Really? I mean, think about this group of people. If you can't trust in me, then who can you trust?

SPEAKER_05 1:20:58

You attack the cop.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:59

Yoli, I'm gonna take this moment to be completely honest. I apologize for those insensitive references I made to your meth addiction, even though you never had a meth addiction. We both know that my mom died because she chose meth over her family. With that being said, I need to get back to my father and the Beauregard who's asked for my hand in marriage in Biloxi, Mississippi. So I will do my best to make sure we all get out of this alive. However, if it is just me and me alone, I'll have to live with that. I say as I cuck the gun in my hand.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:33

I'm gonna uh slide through the little cracked rolled down window, jump on top of the truck, and scope a way out. Look, see if I can see anything beyond the hundreds of gooey gooes.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:49

You're on the back of the pickup trap. Looking south.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:52

Top of the cab.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:53

Top of the cab, okay. In the top of the cab. Looking south. You can see the end of the group of these creatures. You look north, you see endless creatures. West, east, it seems like their endless are everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:07

Was it Gridget that said we were supposed to go south instead of north? It was me. It was me. But it's okay. What do y'all think we should do? Why am I taking your accent?

SPEAKER_07 1:22:16

What do y'all think we should do? I say I mean Ollie was the one who sacrificed themselves, so I say we just bounced. Vivian sounds like she's got a wedding to go to.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:27

Are these uh objects that we can run on top of? Can I crowdsurf?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:35

If you try to crowdsurf, you will have I will get to roll once against each of them.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:42

No crowd surfing.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:43

Well, Ollie's still alive, trapped in the mast. So I'm going to take my gun and fire a single shot into the mast just to see what happens when these things are shot with bullets.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:54

Well, we know they exploded into blood earlier after it was killed, but go ahead and we're gonna we're gonna do that. Oh wait, was I peeing for that? Hold on.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:00

You you might have been, so never mind, we're not doing that.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:04

You're the only one who has a gun.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:05

That's right, and you all better remember that. I don't know, what the fuck should we do? Should we just drive into the crater and just see what happens?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:12

I have a plan.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:13

What's the plan?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:14

I say we're running. Okay. I want to see if my gold metal jewelry will have some sort of reaction with these extraterrestrial creatures. Okay. I'd like to throw my really creepy rings into their mouths, see if they like react and freak them out.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:29

You throw them all. How many rings do you have right now? Ten? Ten. Okay, you throw your ten rings into the crowd of creatures, and they just get angry.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:37

What the hell did you do that for?

SPEAKER_07 1:23:39

Okay, I gave up my sweets, didn't I?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:42

I am going to ask Bridget to reach in my bag. As there's a small black box with something special inside.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:53

I am reaching into the bag and grabbing this black box that I'm very curious is shaped like a vibrator, long and skinny, but uh hoping it's not one. So what the hell is that? It is, it is, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:12

Would you like me to open this? So I'm gonna jump back into the truck so it's me, Vivi, and Bridget inside the truck. Yes, it is. Okay. Surrounded by people. Ollie's out there. Ollie's out there. Trying to survive. Yes.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:24

Swinging that dead shotgun.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:26

To be fair, I also have a knife.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:28

Bridget, have I ever told you what I used to do back in college? I thought you were your waitress. Yeah, I certainly did, but Matt. But I had some other hobbies, and one of those was time traveling. What? What? And see, I didn't know this was gonna happen, but I knew this trip wasn't gonna go well. And you know how I knew? Mostly it was because of JD. The Barcelona thing doesn't make sense. So I brought something with me. Barcelona. So I brought something with me in this little box. And this is an experiment. I need y'all to understand this isn't perfect. I'm not gonna be like Ollie. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I talk to ghosts and I can see the future. But every once in a while, if the right things are done, we can go back in time. And it's usually about 12 hours.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:21

Are you fucking with me right now or is this for real?

SPEAKER_03 1:25:23

Yeah, I did not know. This is one of my hobbies. I don't tell people because obviously everyone reacts like yo, y'all think I'm a crazy person.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:30

Whose hobby is time travel?

SPEAKER_03 1:25:32

What kind of hobby is that? Where do you think the tattoos come from?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:35

I didn't go to China for this.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:37

What?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:38

That's probably how you got to all those classes, just like Hermione.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:41

Oh my god, she has always been in all those classes just like Hermione.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:45

So here's the problem. You can't just go back in time. Obviously, that wouldn't make any sense if everyone just did that. So there has to be a sacrifice. So I'm giving this to you, Bridget. Wait, what what? After I jump into this crowd, try to save Ollie, you have to open the box. I can't let you do that. I can't. I can't. No one asked you if you wanted to.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:09

There has to be another way.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:10

There's not another way. Have you come up with another way? Because I think we've just been sitting here for a couple minutes looking at each other. One of us can do it.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:17

What kind of sacrifice does it need?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:19

Me, obviously, that's what I said.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:22

Why can't it be Ollie? He's already pretty much dead.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:25

Because Ollie doesn't know what he's doing. I have to go and be a part of it because the power is within me.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:31

Oh my god. This is the most noble thing you've ever done, Yoli. And I never saw this for you. And I was wrong to judge you that way.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:39

This is really the great Ollie and Yoli sit comment.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:44

Just promise me, if you guys go back in time, you don't go north again, you ding bats.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:50

Well, I hope I can convince everyone to go south like I originally have planned.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:54

At this point, I'll go anywhere. Anywhere but here.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:57

Okay, so I'm gonna jump in, um, sacrificing myself trying to save Polly.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:03

Are you gonna die?

SPEAKER_03 1:27:04

She didn't tell me what I did with this thing. I just gotta open it. I just told you to open it. I told you to open it.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:08

You open the box.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:09

She did tell you. So you opened the box. You did. You found this this small cylindrical item.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:18

I opened this box, see this little thing. Wait, but did I die?

SPEAKER_01 1:27:22

We're too fast. Bridget is trying to turn this thing on as you're jumping into the group.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:26

Okay. Not what I told her to do. Got it. Go ahead. Damn, did I open it up too fast?

SPEAKER_08 1:27:31

You just have to open it.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:32

That's it.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:33

So the item begins to spin and buzz and whirr. You see a single button on it.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:40

She didn't give me any directions, Vivian. What do I do?

SPEAKER_08 1:27:43

Do we need to grab Ollie before we go back in time, or will he just automatically come back?

SPEAKER_07 1:27:48

I mean, if time travel works the way I think it does, we'll all just be there.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:52

Okay, let's trust your instincts. Your instincts have never led us astray. You were the one that wanted to go south after all.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:58

I'm pressing the button.

SPEAKER_08 1:28:00

Do it. We hold hands. Press the button and roll to find out what easy. For a moment, it looks like we're about to kick.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:08

The camera pans in. The fingers caress, diddling like you press the button. The device buzzes even faster and harder and then sparks and turns off.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:21

It buzzes in a slightly different pattern.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:23

I smack the box, hoping to get it to work. Everything seems to shift and to move. You're all looking around as all of reality is warped. And you feel a pulling sensation, pulling you and pulling you, and then stopping. And suddenly you find yourselves in the same pickup truck outside of Chonko's chicken.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:48

Well, it it looked like we didn't go back far enough. This wasn't twelve hours. This was three. What? What are you talking about? Ollie, Vivian, explain this, please.

SPEAKER_08 1:28:58

Ollie, we don't have a lot of time, but you may have noticed that Yoli is no longer with us. Or maybe she is. I can't quite tell because the narrator never made that clear. But this is what you need to understand. We have gone back in time. Yoli has a time traveling kink. It's a weird thing. They explained it while you were being attacked by these zombies. Don't worry about it, but we have rescued you from the clutches of the devil, and we are back here, and we need to make different choices so we do not end up screwed again.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:24

I mean, Yoli's right up here. She's driving.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:28

Oh, Yoli, thank God you're here. Your sacrifice worked. Just know that your time traveling is not weird, even though I might have said it wasn't the future.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:35

Outside the pickup truck, once again, is Darryl standing there staring, waving his arms for help. Guys. Somebody fuck Daryl.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:44

Uh, okay. We've seen this before. Vivian, vouch for me. We're picking Daryl up, dropping him back off, heading south, and getting the fuck out of Dodge.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:56

Is it just us that remember the time travel?

unknown 1:29:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:00

Everyone thinks we're I don't even remember it.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:03

Okay. Yes. Bridget, I can't confirm that that is true. We need to get the fuck out of Dodge. We need to book it in the other direction or help Daryl. Either way, we do not need to keep heading north. That is a dead end. You have to trust us.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:16

We go south.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:18

Do you let Daryl in?

SPEAKER_03 1:30:19

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:20

Honestly, yeah, if we're heading south.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:21

Yeah. Yeah, we're heading south, we let him in.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:23

Drop him off at Dolores's, keep it pushing.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:26

Daryl hops in the back of the pickup truck and you start heading south. Now, again, it's starting to get dark, but you went back in time, so it's still now just starting to get dark. And you're driving south past the madness. You drive past all the places you've been. You even drive and see the gas station destroyed by the fireballs. Of course, Daryl is confused the entire way, screaming about what he's noticing.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:51

I think we might have taken Daryl back to it. We did not want him.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:55

Yeah, Daryl was supposed to get out with Dolores.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:58

We don't want him that long.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:59

You assumed that was his gram. It's a montage that went too long. True. Okay, so then, wait, as we drive by Dolores' then, somebody should say, Well, this is your stop, ain't it, Daryl? Uh no, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:11

Um, it's it's a little bit past. There's a gas station a little bit further, a little bit further south. It's like right past that. There's like a turn, a turn in, and we'll be there.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:20

Um, I would like to hit Daryl with my uh gallons of water jug.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:26

My gallons of water jug. Okay. Once again, you attack Daryl. Let's see what happens.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:31

Can you stop attacking people? I've attacked all the right people, and I've I hit the thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:41

Well, it's given flop. You you attack Daryl, and it's successful. You take away two damage from Daryl, and he looks confused, screaming at you, Why why on earth would you do that?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:53

Let me out of this truck right now. I don't like you people at all. Let him out. We cannot let him out.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:58

Yes, we can.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:59

Daryl, I am so sorry, my friend. Here she has a meth thing. We are so sorry for hitting you over the head. Where exactly do you need us to take you? Because we have places to be, and we cannot really lose a lot of time.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:11

At this point, Daryl's in the bed of the pickup truck, and so is Bridget. Is that right? I'm speaking out the back window. You're speaking out the window. Daryl slams the window, hops out of the truck, and runs.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:22

Oh, we keep driving south. We do not care.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:25

We keep driving. He has made his choice, he has made his bed, now he can lie in it.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:29

You make it right past the gas station, and you can see there's a turn. It's a creepy-looking turn, but you keep driving south. In the middle of the road is a woman standing. Is it Dolores?

SPEAKER_03 1:32:40

Does she have clothes on?

SPEAKER_01 1:32:42

She has clothes on, and it's not Dolores. She's a lot younger than Dolores.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:46

She might have been Dolores a long time ago.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:49

Doesn't this make sense, Vivian? We only time traveled like two minutes.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:53

Not into her child.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:54

Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:56

Who are you? What are you doing in the middle of the street? Why are we talking to her? We need to keep driving. We need to we're gonna slowly ask questions while in driving while in first gear.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:07

She's standing in the middle of the road, okay. And she's got strawberry blonde hair. She's been thin. She looks like she'd always been thin.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:18

Suddenly, this is a romance novel. Novel.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:23

She makes eye contact with you. No. So you see this thin young girl, probably somewhere between like 16 and 18 years old, and she's just standing there and walks up to the truck.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:35

Y'all want any? Y'all want any honey? Where'd you find the honey?

SPEAKER_01 1:33:39

She points to the side of the road where you see a sign and a roadside stand. It's kind of a cheap looking sign, hand-painted, says Uma's honey. Oh my god. Should we wait from the movie Uma? From our sponsor for Uma's Honey.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:54

Oh, I love it. Do y'all remember seeing this on the way?

SPEAKER_08 1:33:58

Um, I'm actually allergic to honey. Nobody's allergic to honey. Oh wait.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:03

It's an anti-allergen.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:04

Is it local honey or is it domestic?

SPEAKER_07 1:34:07

I don't think it matters what honey. Um, we have that at home. We need to keep going. I would like to keep driving.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:12

We gotta stop somewhere. Do we? Where do we get off this wild ride?

SPEAKER_03 1:34:16

What's gonna happen at the honey stop?

SPEAKER_08 1:34:18

I don't know. Maybe we do like a honey storyline. There's like an aviary, some bees happen, one of us is surprisingly allergic.

SPEAKER_04 1:34:24

Through the big migral incident, Nicholas Cage shows up.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:28

I mean, nobody nobody wants to try any of my honey. Um, I'm just trying out here to sell some stuff. You know, I I want to get a new a new cell phone, and um, my parents, you know, we they they make this, and then I come out here to the stand and they drop me off, uh, and I just try to sell make a little extra money.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:44

I take $60 out of my purse, I throw it at the doll, and I say, Listen, hun, this is all we can do for you. Hit it.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:51

She bends down to pick up the money that you threw on the ground in front of her.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:54

And then she drops it low.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:58

She bend it back.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:00

As soon as she dies, the shape is moving all around, and one of them slithers up the side of the road and unzips her. Flesh peels right off. Her head falls onto the ground.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:11

I told her we need to go. We just killed the child, did we?

SPEAKER_08 1:35:15

I'm sorry, we did not kill that child. Those goopy aliens did.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:19

It wasn't a child. I feel like we kept her busy and distracted, and we killed a child. I think we need to floor it at this point.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:26

We floor it. You floor it, mowing down the corpse of uh the poor child that you just ran over. Um, whatever her name was.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:35

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:36

The creature is running behind you, and then the running stops. As you make it further south, you see another Chonko's chicken.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:45

What the hell is going on here? Is it a chain restaurant?

SPEAKER_03 1:35:48

Is it something that like people in Chicago are really into? Like that weirdo pizza.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:53

I think we need to explore the Choncos.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:55

Should we look and see if like maybe the chicken has something to do with this? Because every time we see a Chonko's chicken, something bad happens.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:02

I swear to god, if there's a man named Daryl inside this chicken shack, we are leaving.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:06

I say we all go in there if we're gonna go in.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:08

All in favor? Say aye.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:10

Hi. Yep. Hi.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:12

You park the pickup, you hop out, you open the doors to the Chonko's chicken. Inside the Chonko's chicken, it is, well, it's dilapidated. It looks like it used to be open maybe five or six years ago. There's pots and pans scattered around. There's an old crusty-looking Chonko the Chicken statue. He kind of looks like Big Bird, but in chicken form. Is it the sexy chicken Ryan drew that one time? Suddenly, as soon as you make it in to the Chonko's chicken, though, they're screeching, skittering, and clicking all around outside. The sounds circle around the building, changing position, coming closer, going further away, and then back again. You can tell that the creatures are nearby and they're ready to attack. As quickly as they begin, they begin focusing in. You can hear them now coming from the back of the Chonko's chicken, and then suddenly they stop.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:59

I start making the same noise and see what happens. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_08 1:37:06

Oh my god, what is going on here?

SPEAKER_04 1:37:09

Are you doing bird calls out here? I'm doing that.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:15

Your your friends heard you do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:17

Fuck, that didn't work. Okay, but I feel like maybe I'm suspicious now that she's making alien sounds.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:23

Why the hell do you speak their tongue?

SPEAKER_07 1:37:25

I was just trying to uh assimilate with them? I don't know. Maybe they would come out.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:31

Um assimilate assimilate is a very specific choice of words.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:35

What the hell are they?

SPEAKER_05 1:37:36

Has anyone left Bridget alone for any period of time?

SPEAKER_08 1:37:39

No.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:40

Are you kidding me? Well, look, I mean, I mean, uh everything's fine, but like you speak alien and now you're trying to assimilate? That's just very specific.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:50

I would like to give Bridget or a little shoulder pinch to see if her skin pulls off like that person we just saw in the middle of the road.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:58

You pinch her skin and it's supple. But it stays there.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:02

It's gonna be supple because you're a human and not an alien killing her. You know what I mean? Like aliens aren't shedding. They're those are humans that are just dying. Oh, um, okay, so that doesn't really track with anything we've seen, but fuck it, let's go to the freezer.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:18

Let's look for a freezer. See if there's somewhere that's secure that we can hide.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:22

What about a basement?

SPEAKER_03 1:38:23

There might be a freezer in the basement.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:25

There's no basement. Fuck. But you do find a freezer. The door is slightly swung.

SPEAKER_07 1:38:30

I'm gonna go and open it.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:32

You go and open the freezer. A figure begins to form in the shadows in the back of the freezer. It's a human. No, it's a man. It's about medium height, medium weight, dark brown hair, is now in full view. He brushes his finger across his really crappy mustache.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:51

Do I take out the jug again? No. I yell, who is this?

SPEAKER_01 1:38:55

He steps closer into the light, and it becomes clear that it's your friend JD.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:00

Whoa, man, where you been? Bye, bitch. JD, y'all, I told you, JD, what's going on?

SPEAKER_01 1:39:06

Listen, all of you, really. It's great to see you. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, or maybe just freaked out, but here's the thing. There was no mix-up at the hotel. I cancelled our reservations. I didn't go to the con to sort things out. I came here to welcome my brethren. I think you might have met them on your way here.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:25

Is that why they didn't attack us? Why are you asking about that instead of asking JD, what the hell are you talking about? JD's always been creepy.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:33

And why are you in this freezer? Now look, look, I do like that special trick you had back there. Don't think that you fooled me with the whole time travel trick, but I'm not one of you. I'm not a horror fan. I'm not even a human being. We've been planning the decimation of your planet for a millennia. We need it free of sentient life so that we can form it into an environment suited to farming our largest crop, humanoid cattle. The group listens in disbelief as their once friend raises his hand, showing a shining metallic ore. Suddenly, they are frozen in place, unable to move or budge aside from opening their mouths to breathe and speak.

SPEAKER_08 1:40:11

Y'all, I don't think JD's our friend anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:40:15

Why would he pick us out of everyone?

SPEAKER_03 1:40:17

I would like to um smile and uh wink at JD and remind him of that time that we um hooked up.

SPEAKER_08 1:40:25

Did the meth and hooked up and not confirming the method.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:30

And I would like to ask JD if he's in control of all these people. Friendly in a friendly way, not an accusatory way, but in a friendly way, I'm asking that question.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:39

I guess you could say I'm in control, but honestly, we're all equals. We consider ourselves brothers. What about sisters? Brothers and sisters, we have no gender, where I come from.

SPEAKER_08 1:40:49

That's good. Feminism.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:51

This has all been some real fun, but we have work to do on this planet, and when I say we, I mean we. One of us is amongst you. Did you know? Could you tell? Well, maybe we have time for just a little more fun.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:06

It's Bridget. Is this where we do the cocaine? Hello, what? Like in the faculty when they do the cocaine. Yes, can we do cocaine?

SPEAKER_05 1:41:16

Yes, let's do that. Not referencing the thing blood test or anything, but fuck it, let's do math.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:22

So here's the thing. I'll walk outside of this freezer and I'll block the door. And then I'll let you figure out who it is if you'd like, if you can try to kill them. Whoever's left, well, maybe I'll let you live and walk away to survive your meaningless existence for one more day.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:40

So wait, you're did y'all just hear him say that he wants us to stay in here and try to figure out who's bad, but then if we get rid of the bad person, one of us gets to live?

SPEAKER_08 1:41:48

Yes, I did hear that, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm thinking it's you. You had the time travel cube. You're the most suspicious alien of all of us. Bridget, don't you agree? That time travel cube was nuts.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:59

No, I I I I really think it's Ollie. I mean, you saw the way those figures were just surrounding him.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:06

It's either Ollie or Yoli, to be quite honest. I think we should kill them both and hedge our bets. What do you think, sis?

SPEAKER_05 1:42:12

Those names?

SPEAKER_08 1:42:13

Alien. Alien ass names.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:15

Whoa! Hey, hold on a second. I'm doing that for my grandfather, and I will not stand for this.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:20

Oliver, be quiet. You've been nothing but trouble this whole time. I cock the gun and I point it at my friends.

SPEAKER_07 1:42:27

It's the accent. Let's get him.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:29

What the fuck? It's funny because I actually think it's Bridget, because Bridget tried to get us to do a little pinch test on her when it didn't match anything that we've seen so far. It didn't even make sense. There's no reason. Was that some false proof? Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:43

Okay, but she did pass the pinch test.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:45

But the pinch test was irrelevant. Everyone passes the pinch test.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:49

Let me pinch you and we'll see.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:50

Please, here's a cheek.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:52

I go to pinch Yoli.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:54

You you pinch Yoli and its skin, like normal human skin.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:59

Oh, sugar, I just don't know what to think anymore.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:02

I cock the gun in my hand.

SPEAKER_08 1:43:04

You don't have the gun, I have the gun.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:06

I have the gun because we time traveled. I never gave it to you.

SPEAKER_08 1:43:08

I kept the gun in my hand as we traveled through time.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:11

Then we both have a fucking gun.

SPEAKER_08 1:43:14

So both of you.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:15

It's a paradox gun. Only one of them works. Roll to see which one. You have a paradox gun. They both work. They both have four rounds in them. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:24

I go to take my water jug and hit Ollie in the head. I roll to dodge.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:29

Okay. Let's see. Meanwhile, I cock my gun and point it at Yoli.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:32

I knew this was gonna turn on each other.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:35

Alright, so we're rolling now, so.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:39

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:43

What's the time to roll high and roll low?

SPEAKER_01 1:43:46

Wow. Um, meanwhile, uh Paris, does Vivian try to fire the gun at Yoli?

SPEAKER_08 1:43:51

She does not. She simply m stakes her ground and needs to live.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:55

I'd like to strike Bridget in the back of the head to incapacitate, not to with the gun. Like, I kinda like to knock you out. I just want to incapacitate. I don't want to do lethal damage. And obviously I'm dodging.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:06

Right, so you gotta roll to see who's successful there.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:08

Oh my god. Oh at this point, Joli and I lock eyes, laughing at these two flaps on the ground. Alexis dodged the uh the smack to the back of the head.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:19

I would like to uh suss out Vivian and see if she's interested in us both leaving together. Remember that thing that she said about us leaving, her getting home to that man that she says that exists supposedly.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:34

The beauregard.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:35

Mm-hmm. I'd like for I'd like for us to see if we can find a way out together. You know, do a little wink, a little a little non-communicating com a little non-verbal verbal communicating.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:45

The door cracks open in Wash JD. Uh, just to let you know, I can hear everything you're saying, and no one is making it out of here unless I let you.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:56

I aim the gun at JD after winking to Yoli. Okay. Okay, so you aim the gun. And I say, you hold it right there, you sick fuck. You are letting all of us out of here, or my name is not Vivian Labiana Dubois.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:12

I I think you misunderstand who you're speaking to. I am not scared of you in any way. I fire the gun. Oh. Right at his face.

SPEAKER_07 1:45:20

I'd like to join in firing my gun. And I would like to get up and slash with my multi-tool.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:27

You should not slash or there are bullets flying.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:31

Okay, so let's let's see what kind of roles we got here. I have dodged the shot from from Paris. Um, I have dodged the shot from Chris's uh character. Oh my god, he's an alien. He's immune to bullets. I also dodged your knife attack.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:47

While this is happening, I would like to slide out the door. Too much chaos, y'all aren't paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:52

You may attempt to. Yes, we will roll.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:58

I get out.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:59

You make it out the door, and the door slams shut. Well, I guess we know who's going to survive. So the three of you are the ones that are going to die. Could you tell that it was your friend the entire time? I quickly look for an exit. It's it's a freezer. There's no exit.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:16

Just one door, honey. She already got out. I'm gonna um start weighing my options of misting myself before I can go out on JD's terms.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:26

Bridget, I told you that time travel bullshit was shenanigans. She's an alien, you dummy!

SPEAKER_07 1:46:31

I mean, I don't know. Ghosts seem real. Time travel seems real. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:36

I would love And so do alien best friends. Now I'm never gonna get to marry the Beauregard. This is all your fault.

SPEAKER_07 1:46:42

No, I I I've read these things about walk-in fridges and freezers. There's always a way to get out. And I have my multi-tool to help us.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:53

Well, how about your role? That's good for me to know as well, I guess. I should take that away from you.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:59

Right there.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:00

JD once again pulls the metallic orb out of his pocket and holds it up. You're all frozen. The freezer door slightly opens up, and Yoli's decapitated head rolls down.

SPEAKER_08 1:47:10

Oh, Yoli is a ghost.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:13

Just kidding. She's not one of us at all.

SPEAKER_06 1:47:16

I thought she was. Wait, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:18

So at this point, I just want to know who is willing to take out the other two to survive. I am. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_08 1:47:24

I still have a gun and I'll kill them both dead to get my husband.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:28

I am not taking my friends out. This is ridiculous. There has to be a way to figure out if either any of us are aliens.

SPEAKER_08 1:47:36

What do you recommend?

SPEAKER_05 1:47:38

I'm just gonna take myself out, to be honest. This is getting out of hand. I can see that the likelihood of surviving this encounter is not high.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:45

Fantastic. That's one less dead. So we have one person who's willing to self-terminate, one person who's willing to take out the other two. So, Bridget, how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_07 1:47:54

It's just not in my character to go against my friends.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:58

At this point, I'll make things very easy and I'll point out who's not one of my people. JD raises his hand with the orb, rotates the orb. Vivian's head explodes into blood, splattering all over the faces of Bridget and Ollie.

SPEAKER_09 1:48:15

Shit!

SPEAKER_01 1:48:16

Okay, so at this point we have Ollie and Bridget. So JD moves his hand in between the two, holding the orb upside down, waiting to detonate. So, which one of you is it? Which one of you is my people, and which one of you is a human?

SPEAKER_05 1:48:31

Um, look, Bridget, it's clearly neither of us.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:34

Yeah, is he playing some sick fucking mind game with us? Because this is I mean, if anything, I thought it was Vivian. She was always over the top with everything. But I I don't know. Ollie, where have you been the past couple years?

SPEAKER_05 1:48:50

Okay, this isn't the moment. I already talked about where I've been this whole time. Um, I'm just gonna roll to shoot at this guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:58

That's okay. If you want to take a shot, I'll give you your best shot. JD unfreezes Ollie, puts the gun in his hand.

SPEAKER_05 1:49:06

I'm gonna roll to shoot him then.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:07

No way, we both rolled a three.

SPEAKER_03 1:49:09

Oh we're gonna re-roll. Oh, this is These rolls have been crazy. They really have to be. Everyone has dodged everything.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:16

It's insane. Oh once again, dodge the bullet.

SPEAKER_05 1:49:20

I'm gonna say, whoa, JD, JD, Jitty. I think the real I think the reality here is that you're not gonna let either of us get out of here, so let me just go out on my terms, man. For the good for the good time's sake. For all those times that we, you know, hung out in our dorm rooms, drank some beers. Diddled a little. I don't know what a straight men do.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:44

Ollie, don't. You're right. There this is some mind game. We as friends can just try shooting me again.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:51

Okay, so we're gonna ask the patrons, can uh Ollie take himself out?

SPEAKER_07 1:49:56

They're gonna say no.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:58

Of course he can.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:00

They might be savage tonight.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:01

Uh give me give me a hack for no, a slash for yes. Let's do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:04

Yeah, really? I thought it was gonna be the end when I sacrificed myself to the fucking crowd.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:13

Okay, so it looks like it's a no, so we'll go with that. So I'm not gonna let you do that, but I do like your willingness to go in your own way. So I'll have somebody help you. Raises his hand, orb once again, freezes Ollie, unfreezes Bridget, places the gun in Bridget's hand. Don't you want to help your friend out?

SPEAKER_07 1:50:33

I tried and chew you. Please, honey. Bye, bitch!

SPEAKER_01 1:50:40

You've done 12 damage, so you've taken a good chunk out of JD. Okay, so you can only do that one more time.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:48

Nothing, nothing, babe.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:49

But I I can kill you all night long.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:53

All night long.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:54

So I'll ask you again. You've got one round left. Who do you want to use it on?

SPEAKER_07 1:50:58

I'm gonna use it. Wait, Ollie. We have a really good friendship, and I hate to do this. We might be suffering for the rest of our lives, but I'm gonna roll to kill this motherfucker. Oh my god, fuck me out! Believe in you from beyond the grave. You're gone. You got a seven.

unknown 1:51:15

Woo!

SPEAKER_07 1:51:16

We got a four, you're dead.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:18

Math no longer exists at this point, anyway. But you didn't kill JD. Well, that was a good waste of a bullet. Now, I will point out to you which one of the people in this room is an alien and which one of them is a human. Turns the orb, freezes you both, raises the hand, both heads exploded to flood. Just kidding, it was neither of you, it's always me. Just me.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:00

It's so funny. If you hadn't said anything, I was just gonna let it go because I hadn't I hadn't carried that angle.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:05

Yeah, you know, I mean, I wanted something fun to happen at that point because I think we were I didn't know what to do. Everyone in this room is like too smart of a survivor. You know, aside from making some bad choices to make the story fun, I think it's like you're all are like, let's just get out of here and let's just nope ourselves out of the situation. And I have to like, no, you can't do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:23

I tried to stop everybody from going. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:26

So nobody was an alien? Nobody was an alien.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:29

JD, I told y'all I would like to know. I was sketched out on JD from the jump, and y'all didn't want to talk about it. And you're like, oh JD was at Barcelona. This happened last year, too. Yeah. Also, I tried to go the whole episode only asking questions, but then I realized that when we do this, we ask a lot of questions, so it didn't really stand out as relevant.

SPEAKER_08 1:52:49

Oh, that was your bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:50

That was my bit. All the way up until the time travel thing, everything I said was a question.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:56

I I did. So in the planning here, I came up with like several locations and attached characters to each of the locations. I did have to kind of force a couple there at the end to not just have everything like finally conclude a little bit earlier than I wanted to, but we made it through other locations and killed some of my NPCs. Um I just didn't attack you all enough. I think you lost every role. I I don't understand how this Discord bot failed me so badly. I love it.

SPEAKER_07 1:53:23

I kinda I kinda love it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:25

So I think for next year what what we would do is uh potentially give everyone a little bit less health.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:31

And you would get maybe like one final girl point.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:34

That would that would be it.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:35

That would be the way to to kind of make things you know, the final girl point didn't help Paris.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:39

Sure didn't. Yeah, but again, numbers don't matter. You know, it was it was definitely a bummer. I'll say that.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:44

This is actually whose line is it anyway? I'm answering it only questions. The points are made up.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:49

My death was definitely a bummer. Thanks. So the plan originally was that potentially one of you would survive and it would be the person with the fine the highest final girl points. And then you blew up my head. Yeah, I wanted everyone's head to explode at the end. It had been it's been like two and a half hours, so it was time to uh to let everything wrap up there.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:06

I like how gory it got. It was a great time. Thank you, Mac. You put in hella work for this.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:12

But I I I do appreciate that. And I appreciate all of our patrons listening live as we rattle on. Y'all are funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:18

I've been peeping all your little comments. Rob is especially funny. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:54:23

Uh, well, folks, we have certainly done some damage here. Uh, we've gone on a journey. Some of us are richer for the experience, some of us are gooeier for the experience, but we want to know what you think. Did you enjoy the road to Super SpookyCon? Would you rate it a hack or a slash? Were you suspicious of Ollie the entire time, or do you think he got unfair treatment from the rest of these folks? You can join in on the conversation for free by hanging out with us over in our Discord. You can click the link in our show notes to sign up.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:54

If you've enjoyed listening to this episode, consider becoming one of our patrons. Visit patreon.com slash hackerslash to enjoy more of the show with early access, extended episodes, bonus content, and live shows.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:04

Our thanks to Calmstrips for making this episode in the entirety of our 2022 spooky season possible. We'll see you next time, folks, and remember, you would cry too if it happened to you.

SPEAKER_08 1:55:15

Goodbye, bitches.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:25

Is it Yolly? Is that how you're saying your name?

SPEAKER_04 1:55:30

Jeez.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:31

It's Yoli.

SPEAKER_04 1:55:32

Hey Yolly.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:55:33

Yoli.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:34

Yoli.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:36

I'm glad I'm the passenger.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:40

Well, I didn't want this to end too soon.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:42

Why the fuck am I driving? This is very sexist.

SPEAKER_08 1:55:48

Well, y'all know women can't drive.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:55

I can't. Forget how this starts on a fucking weird ass note.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:59

Do y'all have to start every conversation about penises?

SPEAKER_07 1:56:02

I was just going with the blow.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:05

You know, I'm thinking about back when she did a lot of that work in the hatchet movies and just fucking I can't I can't do this seriously. Oh yeah, I really am, but I think she might have a restraining word.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:25

Oh wait, hold on, pause.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:26

Chris, what's your character's name again? Yeah, we need names. Ollie.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:30

Ollie. I thought it was Yoli.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:31

Ollie and Yoli. Is this a Joe? Yoli.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:34

Ryan is Yoli. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 1:56:36

It's it's Yoli with an E like Joli. Yoli. Yoli. Yoli. Okay, so we have Yoli, Vivian. Who are you?

SPEAKER_07 1:56:47

Ollie.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:48

Ollie. JD is our friend that's not here. Correct. Who are you?

SPEAKER_07 1:56:52

Alexis.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:54

That's not your name. Bridget, Bridget. I'm basic. Yeah, you are. Bridget. Ollie. Yoli.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:01

Vivian. Vivian. Okay, done.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:02

JD's our friend that's not here that brought us all together. Perfect. Okay, go ahead, Mac.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:08

Oh, wait. Well, hold on, hell. I mean, I shit. I lost my accent.

SPEAKER_08 1:57:15

And what, we're supposed to suck it out with a garden hose? I'm not 12 anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:19

Hold on. I have my multi-tool that takes out gas from a car. No honey. That's not how this works, Elizabeth.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:28

That's not how this works. Look, this thing, it's seen better days, okay? I was conceived. God damn it.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:38

Hello? Yo, Lee. Do you think we should just Yo Lee?

SPEAKER_04 1:57:48

It's not two words.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:52

Would you like to roll to determine which who's who's who's right here?

SPEAKER_03 1:57:55

Who's right about Blair Witch?

SPEAKER_01 1:57:56

No, who's right about which way to go?

SPEAKER_08 1:57:58

No, we need to head north. That is the direction of the festival, the con. The super spooky con. Do I have three out of four?

SPEAKER_03 1:58:05

I'm following Ollie.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:06

Okay, there's three out of four. Three out of four want to follow Ollie. Sorry, Alexis. Bridget is going to follow the group.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:11

No one I've no one rolled last year. I was trying to roll, damn it. We're gonna roll. Let's roll. Let's roll. Let's roll.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:16

Okay, so I'm gonna restate this.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:17

Yes. Oh, it's the Mississippi, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:58:22

Oh, yeah, you know I'm from Biloxi. Let's take a look out back. Wait, no, I'm now I'm copying your accent. How do the people from the south talk? Oh, they talk like this. Okay. Jean-Claude, your mom's been looking all over for you. What the hell did happen over there? The dog barks. I was asking Yoli what happened. Not the dog.

SPEAKER_06 1:58:45

You're asking the dog.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:47

I was multitasking. You hear the sound that you recognize and it goes whoop whoop whoop whoop.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:57

Oh, is it a cop?

SPEAKER_08 1:58:59

Like a cop stuff. It sounds like the dog, except that the dog just got down booted. What's it called when a computer goes down? It was booted down.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:07

Turned off.

SPEAKER_08 1:59:09

I suppose.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:12

Okay, I'm gonna step in and try to protect Ollie from getting hurt.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:15

You can try. Let's roll for it.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:17

Wait, should we collectively try to beat Ollie's at? I mean, not Ollie.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:21

Kind of, yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:23

Collectively being you two? Sure. Okay, so you try to protect, but you're unsuccessful. The sheriff makes a stab at the gun hand.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:31

Wait, wouldn't it go? Wouldn't Paris have a turn and then I would have a turn and then the sheriff would have another turn?

SPEAKER_01 1:59:36

Oh, y'all are right though. He's trying he's like getting closer and closer by the by the milliseconds.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:40

If I step in and I lose, wouldn't it hit me?

SPEAKER_01 1:59:42

No, we're not doing um perverse damage or anything.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:46

Okay, first off, um it's more than like uh my equipment, my gear. Um, so it's not just ghost stuff. Uh I'm a professional.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:56

Why are you the guy from office space? Oh my god, you're the guy from office space. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:06

You guys remember a few years ago when I got that really big gig and things kind of blew up for me?

SPEAKER_08 2:00:12

No.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:13

God damn it, you should say yes, Jesus.

SPEAKER_08 2:00:16

That's the first rule of improv. No.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:21

I would like to turn to Vivian and say, Vivian, why did you I didn't think of what I wanted to say before I said that.

SPEAKER_08 2:00:30

You prepared a dramatic moment with nothing to say.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:35

Is this something that like people in Chicago are really into? Like that weirdo pizza.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:40

It's just a made-up chicken place. I just made it up.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:43

No, I wasn't genuinely asking you. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:46

Is this real?

SPEAKER_03 2:00:49

I would like to look for a walk-in freezer for us to hide in. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:54

Darn, I wanted you to pull my skin. Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:58

I would like to pull on Bridget's skin to see if she.

SPEAKER_08 2:01:04

I roll to dodge with my three final girl points, mind you.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:11

Um, no, your head exploded. That's that's canon. What? It did, indeed. Storytelling. Well, let me make a sound then. Okay. Oh, make a sound. Do it.

SPEAKER_08 2:01:25

I am just saying there is space in the edit for Vivian's head to come back together. And then the sound of high-heeled shoes exiting a freezer.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:33

Paris, that's gonna be the post-credit scene.

SPEAKER_08 2:01:35

It will have to be.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:37

These points were I didn't save that dog for nothing. Yeah, can we make Vivian the one who's actually an alien and the real Vivian walks in on all this? Honestly, yeah. Like in the faculty.

SPEAKER_08 2:01:46

I just walk out topless under the bleachers.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:51

I am going to try to, since he's lunging forward, I'm gonna try to hit him in the head in the back. My Stanley stainless sta stain.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:02

Say that start that over. You have a bucket. Remember you brought the bucket.

SPEAKER_09 2:02:04

You still have the bucket?

SPEAKER_07 2:02:06

I'm gonna hit him with the bucket. But I also have a stainless steel wall water jug. Which one's why do you have both?

SPEAKER_01 2:02:14

And then roll for it.

SPEAKER_08 2:02:17

Suddenly, Vivian's head forms back together with her final girl points. She exits the freezer slowly.