296: Cobweb (2023)

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Oh shit, wow, how is this actually a thing?

SPEAKER_05 0:08

This is wild. These are crazy.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

No, I have a fear of missing out.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Spooky season, greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hacker Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. We're doing this because we love you. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack.

SPEAKER_04 0:31

A total joke? A waste of time.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Or a splash.

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Totally killer. Fun intended.

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We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're writing these movies with the perspective we've gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris. I'm your friendly neighborhood splash enthusiast. This week I'm joined by the Superfly Space Guy Mac.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Not everything's as sweet as it seems.

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The classic horror connoisseur Sean.

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Watch your fingers.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

And the paranormal pair more Binks. This week we're breaking down a Halloween film that was buried at the box office earlier this year. While the world was hyperfixated on the cultural movement of Barbenheimer in July, a horror film serving as Samuel Bowden's directorial debut quietly made $4.6 million in its brief theatrical run. The film, which tells a tale that's as much about the walls that can find us as it is about the secrets they hold, follows an eight-year-old boy unraveling the mystery behind ominous knocks on his bedroom walls. This week we're talking about cobweb. Who's seen this one before?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

I'm a victim of Barbenheimer because I realize I I don't think I've ever even heard of it until it got added to the list for this.

SPEAKER_04 1:31

Yeah, I've heard of this one. I think I had seen a trailer or something like that, but I just remember the title picture and cobweb and thinking, man, what an interesting film this could be. But like that was the extent. I had never seen this one until now.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

Yeah, I'm honestly like staying on my AMC app at all times. So I had seen the movie poster, I came across the trailer. I really wanted to make this work and see it in theaters the day of Barbenheimer and be insane and try to watch all three. Didn't end up happening. My friends and I tried to see it while it was still doing its run in the theaters, but it just never occurred. So I'd been waiting to see if maybe we were going to review this at some point in time before I like watched it ahead of time.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Yeah, I didn't watch this in theaters either. Not even because of the Barmenheimer situation, because I saw neither of those films during the theatrical run, but because I just happened to not make it out. This was one that I feel like was almost a well-kept secret, but in a bad way. This movie deserved more marketing, I think. And why there's a Halloween film playing in fucking July, I'll never understand. But I do know that Paris saw this, and Paris was texting me, asking me if I had seen it yet. Paris had amazing things to say about it to the point where I went into this expecting A, maybe I wouldn't actually like it, because rarely do Paris and I actually land on the same side of things. But B, going in with an open mind of if this is a Halloween movie, I don't expect it to be a lot of gore because it's about a kid and something kind of spooky. So I thought it would be more of the same of what we've got. And I'm thinking like an upgraded version of Darkness Falls.

SPEAKER_04 3:07

Yeah, I think that's fair, right? I didn't have anyone hyping this movie for me. I didn't hear a whole bunch of hype around this movie. I do, as I said before, remember watching the trailer for the film and then going and reading the synopsis. And for some reason, I was expecting something along the lines of like the people under the stairs, but darker and much more serious, right? Something along those lines. I also really like the title for this film, Cobweb, for some reason, right? It just stands out to me. Even just the movie poster stands out. It looks dark, it looks mysterious, it looks intriguing, right? And and I've got to admit, I was low-key expecting this one to not be very good for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe I thought it was more of like a bait and switch kind of thing. Maybe it was the very mid-rating across the board from like Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB that was throwing me off and swaying me in the wrong direction. But yeah, there was something intriguing, but also something that was telling me, I don't know if this one's gonna be that good. So I didn't want to get my hopes up.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Yeah, and I had a friend of mine mention that this movie was spectacular and was perfect for the Halloween season, which works out for us. I I think when I watched the trailer and going into this first watch, I was expecting it to be pretty creepy to really explore some like super sinister stuff with the parents and do something honestly actually original for how low-key the movie ended up being in theaters. I love Anthony Starr. I I love the boys and Lizzie Kaplan and like 99% of her work, to be honest. So I'm expecting gold because truthfully, their one is intimidating as fuck. Yes, I'm looking at you, Anthony Starr. And Lizzie Kaplan, something about her massive eyes, dude. Right. It does things. So yeah, I was just hoping for really great performances and also for there to be more than what the trailer was giving us, because as we know, trailers tend to give too much, and I know that that's a lofty dream of mine, but I don't know. I thought maybe it seems to be semi-low budget, low-key, maybe we'd see more of the scare and the fright than what they were showing us in the trailer.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

I had the lowest of expectations because I didn't even watch the trailer and I tried not to even read the synopsis here. I saw something about the parents, something about it's not what you expect. And so I'm thinking maybe like Coraline in a way. I don't know. I really had no expectations, just judging about the fact that I didn't know anything about it, don't remember hearing about it. I figured it was one of those like straight to streaming horror movies with a cast who wanted to make some money and so they agreed to do something, even though it was low-key. So I was thinking maybe they're gonna be great and the movie's gonna be bad.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

I feel like going in with low expectations almost serves this movie better than it typically would when you just walk into something not expecting a whole lot. One of the things that really stood out to me as soon as we started watching the movie and we get into the mechanic of what's happening, it was giving Telltale Heart. And I'm a huge Edgar Allan Poe fan. I mean, I have a frame printed copy of The Raven above my blackboard next to my desk. Having this kind of like gothic horror vibe that was like subtly woven into the DNA of this movie actually made it way more interesting for me. But also, man, a movie about a child is so hit or miss for me because that child has to really nail the performance, right? And as soon as the movie starts, I was immediately reminded of Danielle Harris as Jamie Lloyd in school because this movie feels like fall, it feels like the Halloween season. I fucking love that aspect of it. She wasn't as tormented as this kid is in as the movie opens and as you get into it, but there is this relatability, there is this vulnerability. There is a kid separated from the rest of the social group, and that was a feeling that I could relate to. And so I found myself immediately hooked and just like protect this kid at all costs. Let's go. I'm emotionally invested, I'm in there.

SPEAKER_03 6:53

And I feel like most people would be right, especially with that kind of trope and the innocence of a kid for sure. I think that I felt for him, I felt for some other characters as well, but not too much, just enough. Overall, though, the biggest feeling that I had until I didn't was like tension. I'll get and I'll get to it, but like tension, right? Like I think it did a really good job of making me feel anxious and tense and wondering what was going on. It's interesting. I also like Ed Ground Poe. I didn't I didn't get too much of the gothic vibes. I think now in retrospect, you mentioning it, I can see maybe more on the visual side of things, definitely not so much in the story. Now, to elaborate a little bit more as to what I was feeling until I wasn't, I think in general I was really bought in until the first half of the film. It really had me at the edge of my seat and I was invested until we hit the plot twist, I think. And then I was just like, oh, this felt flat, super flat. I was loving the creeps, I was loving everything until it just became something that I had already seen multiple times. And it felt disappointing. And I'll elaborate in a second, but I I missed the feelings that I had in the first half. I wish I could go back to it. And so the rest of the film, once we get to like the, you know, the second half, I was just like, oh, now I feel like I'm watching a whole other film and not in a good way, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

That's really interesting to hear, and I'm really looking forward to getting into the spoiler zone so we can dissect specifically where that was, because what you're saying, I think I agreed to a certain extent, but for a third of the film, and not necessarily like the clean half mark.

SPEAKER_04 8:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

So I'm curious where this took place for you.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

Yeah, that's I think that's where I'm at too. So I think we're slightly on the same page with this. So we will dive into that. I think this film had me feeling a lot of things very early on. I was feeling some serious, strange vibes the entire time watching this movie. I think something about the overall vibe, the acting, the score, the cinematography, it all blended together and made for this really unsettling or unnerving feeling throughout the entire runtime. I was feeling, man, genuinely creeped out in a couple of these moments that we get during this film, and I can't wait to talk about those. This movie really had me thinking. Like I think it was effective in that way. There were a couple of different scenarios that were running through my head as I was trying to figure out exactly what was going on. And I think, yes, when we unpack the third act or whatever later on, I think there are things that kind of derailed it a little bit, things they could have done better. But you know, we won't talk about too much of that right now. But I think at least from I don't know about you, Mac, but you know, Chris, Binks, I think we're probably gonna touch on some of the same points. We'll see if we all land on the same page with it, but I'm curious.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

There's one thing I I do want to touch on though, right now, which is Lizzie Kaplan. So, first of all, Annie in Castle Rock, that's just always gonna be in my brain now.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

100%.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

And so when watching this movie, that's the similar vibe I'm getting here. Is she is really good at being super sweet and at the same time incredibly creepy. And Anthony Starr, I think, did an equal job there. So you have these two honestly superstars at this point, who are just very good at like at being fake, fake nice, and then also being incredibly creepy. And you have this kid who's doing a great job at like being scared effectively, the entire movie. And so I don't know, it's interesting you guys are trying to figure out along the way. And I think the movie is really good at making you think you know what's going on and changing it two or three times to where you're like, this is the type of movie I'm watching. Okay, and then you get further in, you're like, wait a second, this is the type of movie I'm watching. And then you get to the final third, which we'll talk about soon, and you realize you were completely wrong. But I think during each of those phases, it doesn't punish you for being wrong. It just like makes it more interesting when you find out the next level of depth until we get to the final third. Again, we're gonna talk about that, of course, but I I don't know that there was a lot of tension for me, but it was really interesting to watch. I think the actors really made it work. And so I wasn't on the edge of my seat, but I did want to know. Every time something happened, I was like, I am curious. I want to know the dynamics of what's going on behind the scenes here because they're doing a great job at making me want that. Just their acting. Like the story, yes, the story is of course interesting, but I got similar vibes from like Blackphone, where it's like, okay, like this kid is doing a good job here. I like this, and something bad is going on. Okay, cool. But I want to know exactly how bad. And I think that's 100% just due to their acting.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

That's really interesting that you say that, Mac. And yes, I agree the acting is, in my opinion, A1 in this movie. I think they play their roles really well. I think in some moments it's to a detriment of a couple small ways, but that's just like I think a personal thing that I have with one of the actors in this movie. However, what you said about revealing another layer of depth, and you realize, oh, this is the kind of movie I'm watching, and then you're completely wrong. I feel like this movie laid it out pretty early on. I feel like there was a good five different ways it could go. And it felt more like choose your own adventure in a way, but none of it felt surprising. So when we see what's actually happening, at no point was I'll like, what? Wow, that's so crazy. But I was just enjoying the ride. It was like, okay, yeah, this is a possibility, and I think it folds together nicely. So I wouldn't say that was surprising. However, I will say that what is surprising is how far I made it into this movie without being disappointed. It comes with two small things visually that I guess in some ways are actually big things. But again, we'll break that down in the spoiler zone because I don't want to spoil anything right now, but these two things were the only moments where I was like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

Yeah, I think, man, we'll we'll see. We'll see what we all land on here. And Mac, to your point, you were bought into like the story, right? It's not something that keeps you on the edge of your seat, so to speak. And I just think what surprised me the most about this film was how intriguing the story really was. I I loved that it takes place the week of Halloween, leads up to Halloween itself, that whole vibe, the spooky fall vibes, those old creepy houses, the atmosphere this movie created and the story. It just had me invested. So I think that was really the most surprising thing for me about the film. And yeah, I was disappointed. And it was really just one thing in this movie, and it has to do with some choices that were made, some visuals that were shown. And we're gonna talk about it in the spoiler zone, but I'm just curious to see if we all land on the exact same thing with this.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and agree, just preemptively, that I'm pretty sure I know what you're talking about, and it is very disappointing. There is something that that goes on both visually and kind of story-wise. A little bit of the story part of that is disappointing. It's not upsetting, but it's disappointing. I'm not surprised that good actors acted well. Uh, I am surprised, though, about the roles that they were given. And so when I'm watching this and I'm seeing Anthony Starr do his thing, I'm used to seeing him as Homelander, right? And that's a particular type of creepy and kind of a little bit intimidating too, right? But we get something similar yet different here. And so that was, I don't want to say surprising because again, it overstates it, but I think it was like a nice little added touch to it that seeing him in a horror movie is like something I need more of. And Lizzie Kaplan, you're already cemented in there from Castle Rock. I'm I'm down to see more. However, I think Chris mentioned it, there is a little bit of a disappointing little touch here where we go a little bit too ham with some of the acting. And that part was also disappointing. But overall, I think seeing them in these roles is not something that you would typically expect to see from them, especially if you're like a new girl fan or anything. So it's it was kind of cool. And the kid did a great job. Nothing wrong with that. I'm sure he'll grow up to be a brilliant actor and all that. But the two of them I think really made this movie for me. I'm thinking just a straight to streaming. I'm thinking it's gonna be kind of silly and kind of fun, and I think they really sold it.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Lizzie Kaplan, I'm right there with you, Mac. Sing her praises. Our icon, Janice from Mean Girls, our icon in True Blood, Amy, our icon in like New Girl, she's a queen. And of course, Castle Rock. I fucking love Castle Rock. She killed it. And so her in this role, absolutely, I think she was made for it. And I agree with you in terms of Anthony Starr, like, because yeah, it's like almost like Homelander, but he's a full-on dad. It's different, right? So I really appreciate I was surprised by although they are being slightly typecasted ever so slightly in this film, they still knock it out of the park. And I loved it. And in general, I think the director does a really good job of establishing our main character, this little boy, and the stuff that he's going through in terms of school. Chris, you mentioned it earlier, even before the title card. I think that that's really nice. And it's let's get this show on the road, right? Like, let's get started. Now we're ready, let's hit the road. I love that stuff. Now, hearing you guys talk about the disappointing stuff, it has me nervous. I'm not gonna front, because it sounds like I probably am the most disappointed by this movie out of everyone, because I think that I mentioned at the halfway part mark, more or less, I just felt like this thing was having so much potential, and I was so in love with it, and I wanted there to be more, and then there wasn't. It's like you have this hunger about it, right? And I was like really excited about where was this gonna go. And I think someone mentioned like choosing your own adventure a little bit, right? Like I wanted to be in that, and then it all felt like everything I've ever seen, and it was just so disappointing, and you don't really get much explanations for things, you don't really see things pretty clearly. It's just not what I needed by the end of it, and so that kind of sour taste in my mouth overshadowed any of the other things that I was experiencing. So everyone's like, one or two disappointments, and I'm like, I don't know, bro. My fucking disappointment's massive. So yikes. And and look, she's so iconic, and I mentioned it earlier. It's those massive eyes that I think there are certain scenes in this movie that are to me very intimidating, just borderline scary, like fuck that noise. And Anthony Star, too, right? It's that intimidation. Maybe it's the homelanderness that's stuck in and ingrained in my brain that I would not want to fuck around and find out with him. But there was one point in the film where Cullen, my puppy, hid behind me, like he got on the pillow behind me on the couch, and he peeked over my shoulder. Like his head just peeked over my shoulder so that he could like slightly see the TV, but not really. And I was like, first of all, is this dog human? Second of all, me too, Cullen. Me too. I wish you were a big dog so I could hide behind you.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Yeah. You know what? There is a moment that Lizzie Kaplan has where I think, man, I could just see social media blowing up with them being scared the fuck out of this. Like, this has some jump scare tension in it. This has some moments where I'm like, man, I could see people eating this shit up the way they ate up some moments in smile, for example. I will say though, that this movie had me while emotionally invested and hooked the whole way, I didn't feel scared by it. So I think this is one where like you could go with a group of friends who are easily scared and it'd be a blast. But I think if you are like me and are rarely scared to buy things, this is not going to be the thing that flips you.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

I have some troubles with the movie when it comes to fear because I think a lot of it is really dark. There's a lot that's really well lit, but there's a lot that's really dark. And so like it's becoming more obvious that apparently movies made after 2015, you have to watch in a pitch black room to see what is even going on. Because there's like, okay, a sound is hitting, maybe it's like a special effect kind of sound, there's music playing that's supposed to be getting creepier. And the only thing I'm looking at is a blank screen. And I'm like, what am I missing? I don't understand what we're supposed to be scared of right now. And I have a lot of natural light. We have a very open floor playing, a lot of natural light that comes through during the day. And so when I'm watching, when I'm watching TV, I have to close the curtains and close the blinds. And I did that. And I still had some, I still had a good bit of trouble during those scenes. And I just jack up the brightness so I could at least see what's on the screen. But I think it's similar to a lot of TV and a lot of movies now where you can't hear what the hell they're saying because of the way that we've changed acting, the way that we've changed audio. Everything's mastered either for a theater or for like a 7.1 surround system, which I don't have. And so there's a lot that I'm missing out on. We have that quote from Binks earlier: recess is coming. When the kid said it, I literally didn't even hear what he said. I was like, Is it did he say something about recess? What? Had to go back and do it again. Uh turn the subtitles on. But yeah, maybe this is my fault for watching it in the middle of the day. Maybe anything that has some darkness in it, I just need to watch in a closed room with no windows. I don't know, but I don't think that's not why it's completely not scary. It for a while did feel like a kids who are movie, like this is gonna be PG 13 at worst. There was some threats of scary things going on that I wasn't really sold by, and uh, that's okay. There's a place for that. It's not hocus pocus level or anything like that for a majority of the film. It's definitely up there with Blackphone, but I don't think it was until the Final Third where I realized no, this is like 100% made for adults.

SPEAKER_04 20:02

Yeah, for sure. I mean, okay, listen, I I think this movie was creepy. I I don't think it's the most frightening or even disturbing thing that I've ever seen or watched, but this film definitely keeps you tense in some way. Like it doesn't allow you to be truly comfortable at any moment throughout the entire runtime. It builds to create some really spooky atmosphere or ambiance and delivers some creepy moments for sure. You know, a couple of jump scares in this one, but I think that where it can be frightening is in its delivery of some of these scenes or moments that we get. I think it's just the build of the scene that creeps you out and just hits you in a certain way. It's not gonna be a traditional jump scare scare movie. It's it's gonna be really trying to evoke some feelings in you, right? The childhood fears of it all, which I guess I love to tap into.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

So it's interesting when you're talking about traditional horror and traditional scares, because there's something in this movie that reminds me of really recent horror, right? So the story, yes, it's a story that we've seen. Creepy adults, scared child, something sinister is going on, whatever, you can spin it in a thousand different ways. But I got such major barbarian vibes while watching this. And I know there's a reason for that and everything, but like the the the last third of the movie was really cemented as feeling like Barbarian, where it's like we don't they didn't know how to balance things out. Barbarian, I enjoyed. I did, I believe, give it a slash, but there's like a feeling from that movie that translates to a feeling in this movie, and it's not about a visual, it's not about a character or anything like that. There's just a feeling from the movie that it feels like this pulled from.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Okay, Mac, I immediately thought of take this one horror movie and change one element of it, and then you have Cobweb, but it's not barbarian. And I agree and I see what you're saying about just like the third act and it being that much of. A vibe. I don't want to say the movie that I'm thinking of because I think it will absolutely ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it. So I will 100% reveal that as soon as we get into the spoiler zone. But man. And then as I was texting Paris after finishing watching the movie, Paris said, This is a sequel to this movie, but a prequel to another. And it was the same movie that I was thinking of. And honestly, it's just such a perfect way to describe this movie. I can't wait to get to the spoiler zone and unpack.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

Ooh, I wonder what this is.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

I wonder if it's the same one as mine. I don't know. Maybe. The Barbarian thing, though, didn't think of that, but you're on to something. Someone I think it was also you, Mac, someone mentioned like Blackphone a little bit. It's giving a lot of things. And I and all of these movies, assuming that the one I'm thinking that I can't all reveal because it would reveal too much, is the same as Chris's. All of these movies I enjoy, all for their each like individual reasons. It's all about what this movie could have been for me, and it just ends up being extremely predictable after all. And maybe I'm pulling a Ryan and I don't know what camp means after all or whatever. Once again, but I feel like at one point this became like borderline campy. And there was so much potential to dare I say, even like walk the hereditary line a little bit, and it just completely diverted into another segue completely.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:28

I'll explain later and I'll leave it at that. It was original until it wasn't to me.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Okay, check this out. There are moments in this movie, especially with Lizzie Kaplan, where there is for sure camp.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Definitive camp. Like there is a lot of that in this movie, but there are two things, and Binx, this is where, even though we may feel different things about the movie, I think you and I are pretty aligned on this. There are two moments in the movie and two aspects of it that was giving borderline camp, but not good enough to fall into camp. It was like on its way to camp and then stumbled just short of the finish line. And that's one of the things that really bummed me out. And I think honestly, that kind of translated to the ending. The ending's not terrible, but I'm still sorting out my feelings on it because I think those disappointments that I get, that borderline camp energy, it happens and it feels so abrupt that it's like, oh, the ending is here, and now I have to okay, all right, I guess. It just killed the momentum that I had going into it.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

I can feel that. I think this is where it definitely goes downhill fast, right? This movie fell apart at the end. I think the ending had it has to be like one of my least favorite aspects of this film. It just the use of the protagonist and the direction that they went in for the story and then the antagonist. Like, I don't know, it just felt a little bit weird to me. It felt a little bit like they did go in a different direction. I can see where you all are coming from with this barbarian thing, but then again, at the same time, Barbarian should have just been an anthology and it's been three or four separate films. So I think Barbarian really took it to the next level. I don't know if I would compare it to that movie specifically, but I don't know how how are you just gonna do so well the whole movie and then almost throw it all away in the third act like that. That that's just what gets me. It just wasn't my favorite, it wasn't one of my favorite endings, and I think it could have been handled a lot better and should have been handled a lot better, but I digress.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Well, Binx mentioned Hereditary, and boy, the ending of Hereditary is pure camp. It is absolutely silly and ridiculous. And I think that's what happened here as well. I think, like you mentioned, Sean, like the first two thirds of the film, I was feeling very happy with the way things were progressing. And the last third, I'd really change my tune there because it's bad. It's not that it's horrible or anything, right? It's not like it's a ruiner of a good movie, but it's not good. It's not a good way to end this film. And it's kind of sad because it's kind of like major and important to the film and the story underneath everything. And the fact that I don't like it, I in the moment had to like hold that on one side of my brain and put the rest of the movie on the other side of the brain and rate them separately because I don't want to rate the whole movie based on the ending, because there was a lot before before the ending, but it's not a good ending. The very, very end of the film was obnoxiously bad.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Y'all said it. I clearly did not favor it very well, and that very, very end was the final straw. Absolutely. It was just terrible.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Well, this is certainly a bummer of a way to wrap up the first half of the episode. Well, let's go ahead and start getting to our ratings then. See how much of this sour taste of the ending really weighs in on our scores. Now, before we actually rate this movie, Sean, how would you describe the gore score?

SPEAKER_04 26:45

You know, I think despite its creepy moments and some really great visuals, I think, of some horrific things, it it doesn't give you much in terms of actual gore, and I think it's safe to say that this one is gonna get a low gore score. I I don't even think this movie really needs much gore for it to work, and I think it gave us enough, don't get me wrong, but either way, it is definitely getting a low gore score.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

And what about the animal report? So actually, no animals were harmed in this film, but rather they were saved, specifically spiders.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Let's go ahead and get into our ratings and cobweb from 2023. Is it a hacker slash?

SPEAKER_03 27:23

So I'll start us off by saying this little fun fact about me. I don't drink soda anymore. And when I did, there was nothing like a hot day, like wanting just like a really icy cold Coke, and you'd grab a bottle, you'd look forward to opening it up, you'd hear such a glorious carbonation, especially if you have a coke like the plastic bottles, that shit hits. To me, this movie is like that, except when you actually take a sip of the Coke, it tastes so shitty and it's flat that you're upset. You know what I mean? You really are really upset. That's what this movie did to me. It had the makings and appearances of being great. I heard that carbonation and I was like, damn, it's about to get lit. And then it was just okay. It was mid, as the youth say. It was mid. It was disappointing. It felt pretty unoriginal to me extremely quickly. And although I enjoyed the frights and the tension and I enjoyed some of the kills for sure, it started off as like a slash for me. I was as we were watching it, I was like, oh man, I'm really gonna like this movie. Like this this movie hits, it's gonna be great. I'm really liking what I'm seeing. And slowly but surely, right when we get to it, I feel like I got slapped in the face. And now here we are. Unfortunately, for this movie, I've crossed the other line and I'm giving it a hack.

unknown 28:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

It's honestly the flat soda part of it for me because nothing pisses me off more than flat soda when you're expecting something that's not flat.

SPEAKER_04 28:45

I like the analogy.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

It's a great analogy for sure. It is.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

It was the best thing that I could think of. Like, you know, when you carry a can and you think that it's actually heavy and then all of a sudden it just goes flying because it's actually empty. I felt like a fool. I felt like it fooled me.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

I actually want to roll with your metaphor though, because it's such a good one. So I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna go ahead and take this moment to continue the Coke metaphor. I also don't really drink soda. I don't stop myself like every now and then, but it just it hurts. I'm too old and my stomach cannot handle that. And so that I think is a better metaphor here. It's the coke is delicious, right? It's delicious because it's programmed to be delicious. It's gonna make your brain think that it's a good thing, even though it's destroying you. And so it's ice cold, you're drinking it, it's lovely. Sure, you have some acid reflux after at the end of it, right? But you're like, whatever, at least the coke was delicious. I'll deal with the acid reflux. And that's kind of how I feel here. This was, I mean, honestly, it's a ride. So the first thing you start watching, you're thinking this is what's going on, things get a little bit more sinister. And then the third act of the film, they decide to take it up to 11 in some really great ways and some really bad ways as well. That's where the acid reflux comes in. The cast is fantastic. Anthony Starr and Lizzie Kaplan really know how to nail fake nice, but total creepy. Cleopatra Coleman really delivered the caring teacher. I think we all wish that we had. Now, the look of the film, as I've mentioned, is a little bit too dark in parts, but it's brilliant in most others. Really, the only thing that's like a true pain point, it's the thing that we've been referencing here about the third act of the film. It's the special effects specifically in the third act of the film. But all in all, you know, it's creepy. It's uh surprising, surprisingly perfect for Halloween. It's a slash.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

I really enjoy the analogies that you two are bringing to the table here. I'm gonna go ahead and not use any analogies. I feel like this movie delivered in a lot of areas. Don't get me wrong, it has its flaws. We're gonna talk about it. It had a really rocky third act and didn't land the plane very well, but it really did a lot to deliver some genuinely creepy moments for me. There were a couple of moments in this film that really gave me some chills. You know what I mean? Like the kind of feeling that makes the hairs on your arm stand up. I uh it did deliver that for me. And maybe it was because I did watch it in the middle of the night. The house was pitch black, it was just the TV. It's not that it's super scary or frightening, but it definitely delivers some scenes where the atmosphere and the lighting, the camera work, the angles they chose, the acting backing it all up, but it all just blends so perfectly, and when it hits, it fucking hits. And I found myself pleasantly surprised while watching this film. I had a pretty good time watching this one, and I think that despite some of the silly visuals we get, it's still good enough to get a slash.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

You know, I'm hearing a lot of diversity in the time that we all watched this movie, and let me just say for the record, I watched this shit on a Wednesday morning. It was like 10 a.m. I watched this on a Wednesday morning and I had no negative impacts. I felt like even without the ambiance that would make a great horror movie really fun, I just had a pretty good time. This movie isn't perfect, but it's pretty solid. And honestly, it's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious, and spooky. It's not just a horror movie though, because it's almost in a lot of ways a psychological labyrinth. There are so many turns, there are so many creaks in the floorboards, there are wrappings on the wall. Honestly, even every shadow is all meticulously planned to keep you on the edge of your seat. And I know that's where the movie had Binks for a little while there, questioning what's real and what's hidden behind layers of paint and wallpaper. I think despite its flaws, it's about more than scares. It's about atmosphere, it's about tension, it's about the unraveling of a fucking family. And I love that aspect. It creates this feeling of wondering what's lurking behind the drywall of your childhood home. Or if you honestly, if you've even ever questioned the intentions of those who are supposed to love you the most, I'm still so mad that shit got buried at the box office. I think it deserved better because this movie fucking rocks and it's one hell of a Halloween slash. Now, with that, Cobweb from 2023 has earned three slashes and one hack. You can find this movie available to rent now. Go check it out, then join us in the second half so we can reveal which other movies this reminded us of. We'll see you in a bit.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Are you in the mood for some good old-fashioned family bonding? Then pack up the kids, the dog, and even your creepy Uncle Gary, and head down to Grim Acres, where the pumpkins aren't the only things getting picked. You ever look at a pumpkin patch and think, wow, what a metaphor for my own dysfunctional family? No, just us? Well, at Grim Acres, you can choose your perfect pumpkin for carving, smashing, or some good old symbolic burying. Our pumpkins are grown organically. Only feeding the soil is our nutrient-rich compost that we make right here in the farm. Was that a finger? No. That was just an oversized earthworm, silly. And let's talk about our homemade artisanal poison selection that's all the rage. Choose from flavors like Midnight Mocha or our seasonal special, Sinister Cinnamon. It's perfect for those awkward family dinners where you wish someone would just disappear. It's like choosing your last meal, but way more passive-aggressive. But hey, maybe you're more of an eco-warrior. If that's you, our in-house experts can advise on which poisons are most effective against pests and other nuisances. We're talking rats, roaches, and you know perhaps a demonic entity or two. Grim Acres, where we know that the family that slays together stays together.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

Welcome back, folks. You're now entering the spoiler zone for Cobweb, which has earned one hack and three slashes. Now we have a lot to unpack here, but before we get into the specifics of our ratings, Sean, let's go through those kills.

SPEAKER_04 34:51

Yeah, we have a total of six kills in this movie, unless we count that girl, Rebecca, I think her name was, that disappeared, which we can, I believe, all assume was killed by Sarah, but I don't know if we can accurately say that. I don't know if it was ever truly revealed. I think it was hinted at.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

I was actually gonna say, did you count Hector in that kill count?

SPEAKER_04 35:14

The pumpkin. Oh, the pumpkin. I did not count Hector.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

The Tommy Doyle special, baby.

SPEAKER_04 35:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

Also, I I think the parents killed the missing girl.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Allegedly, but that's according to the demon.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

Right, true.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

Uh, can you believe her? I don't know. Exactly. So who knows? But I guess we could still probably say seven.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Seven deaths that technically occurred during the story, but six that you see.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Correct. And of the six, I'm gonna go ahead and steal mark because spewing black bile everywhere is a gnarly way to go out. But he earned it by being a creepy douche the whole movie and being a jerk to his son. Maybe, maybe it's a bit harsh. If he actually did not participate in the murder of that missing girl, then perhaps he was just a bit too stern and maybe slightly abusive and shouldn't have died from poisoning. But let's assume that he did. Let's assume he was as bad as his monster daughter claims. Then yeah, what a way to go out. The poison that he showed his son how to use. It's wild.

SPEAKER_03 36:13

And I will say he must be because the way that Carol was acting and how afraid she was of him, that I feel like no matter what, whether it was Sarah scheming and plotting these seeds in his head or not, wasn't necessarily a great stellar guy. But you know what? To pair Mark, I'm going to say my favorite was Carol because even that last minute moment where she's just lifting her head up, reaching for him, even the shot where you grab the knife in the shadow, but all of a sudden she comes from the other direction was really cool. I loved that part. So just both of them together dying in that way was really stellar.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Such good ones, honestly. The actual shadow work with the knife and her running around the corner was one of my favorite visuals in the movie. I can't wait to unpack the cinematography later. But I'm gonna go as a favorite kill. The masked bully who is pulled under the piano, then gets an explosion of blood because holy shit, was that swift and satisfying?

SPEAKER_04 37:18

Oh, it totally was. All of these are really good. I think, especially with the parents, Mark and Carol, it's also just the progression of the scenes that led to their deaths. Like with Mark, it's the whole progression of like you slowly realizing what is happening. As soon as they mention like the flavor or new spice in the soup, you call it out, and then Mark slowly starts to piece it together. It was brilliantly done. And Carol, just everything about what happened leading to her death, the chase scene, the knife up the stairs, the psych out play dead moment, and she looked up, and just even the shot of her at the bottom of the stairs, all just fucked up at the bottom of the stairs, and her eyes wide, those big eyes, right? Wide open, super effective, you know, whispering, don't let her out. So good. And then, yeah, Chris, like the aftermath of some of these kills that we get the piano one, even just seeing like the disemboweled or like cut in half body, even seeing the decapitated head inside of the jack-o'-lantern. They were some good ones, even though you don't get to see them actually happening.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

It was honestly amazing to see a the bully who was bisected hamburger style.

SPEAKER_02 38:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

But then also for Brian's body to be walking down the hall before stumbling over, missing a head. Jeez, it was so fucking good. And that's where this movie was building all this momentum. And around this time, still, it felt pretty good before it started to get bad.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Absolutely. I'm with you.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

And I want to go back to pumpkins for a second because you mentioned your favorite visual, Chris. My favorite visual is cinematography related as well, but there's one specific shot that I felt was almost too good for the movie. And it was that shot where the camera is moving along the sidewalk and it starts with the pumpkin. The pumpkin has like sewn eyes and sewn mouth, and that like progression is a nice smooth little movement. That to me, like screamed John Carpenter for some reason. I was getting very Halloween vibes. I was like, this is almost like this is a good enough shot to be in a Halloween movie. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

For me, I think of the set design and how little fucks I would give to be in a fully wallpapered room. If there's a room with a lot of wallpaper and like a specific pattern, I just feel like that's not a place I want to be at. You know, I we've seen this a little too much. And hey, you know, I grew up in a trailer with some wallpapered wood-looking stuff. Like it depends on the pattern, right? But if it's a little too floral, a little too much, you know the one. It's just something sinister is a foot, and I don't like it.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Yeah, the one that screams, I have something living within me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:03

I don't like it. I don't like it. So I'll I'll give them props for the set design. I have a couple other things that I loved visually. There's a moment where though the hallway was reminding me of Insidious a little bit when the boys are looking at each other from the other ends of their rooms, like that whole bit was not fucking around with that. I also thought it was very smart to have the shoot, I guess, right in the basement. Like how you only see like these white ass teeth. And it's like, what in the fuck is that? Turns out it's just a toy. But at that moment, I was like, oh no, this is real creepy. I don't like this at all. How white are those teeth? What are you using? Colgate? Tell me.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

The way that they carve this set with lighting is absolutely phenomenal. There are moments where we have dark rooms and then warm light that turns on. Things look really, really good in this. And this is where I was mentioning I had a little bit of a surprise earlier, right? I was surprised how far I made it before being disappointed. There's a point where he actually opens up that wildly small door.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

And you just see a faint glowing of the eyes and you see a grin. It already looks like, man, if I ever have to see what that grin fully looks like, it's gonna be goofy. But it was just brief enough and just far enough to be okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Right.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

However, they then just get a loose wig and just drag it around on the floor. That looked fucking terrible. That was the one that was like borderline camp for me. I'm like, are y'all really just taking this dusty fucking mop or this duster and just flailing it around on the floor to make it seem like she's scurrying along? No. But then two, to see her face? Absolutely fucking terrible. All the goodwill this movie had built visually in the stunning cinematography, went out the door looking at that fucking Cheshire Cat face.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

And you know what it is is that it was so dark that I didn't even really see her face until afterwards, right before we started recording, that you guys showed me what it actually looked like. And I was like, whoa my god, this is worse than what I thought it was. And it's so funny that you bring up even that moment when the door was like open and you just see a smile. What? I didn't even see that. Again, I'm right there with Mac. That shit was so dark that I didn't even know. So here I am thinking, like, oh shit, like, okay, all right. They're just he's just like afraid of how dark it is. I get that. And then the whole mop thing happened, and I was like, oh, I was gonna say something in Spanish. It's just it's just shitty.

SPEAKER_04 42:29

Oh my gosh, this is wild, right? Because look, look, I'm not defending the visuals by any means because I think the sister's face dead on was terrible, it was absolutely terrible. But and the and that smile in the darkness in the doorway, I think it was okay. If they left it right there, that's cool. But maybe if you had actually seen all of this, you may not have hacked it. But there's just a lot to admire in this film visually, aside from all of that. We've touched on a lot of different things, right? Like I think the cinematography and the way that we get some of these shots, they're panning out, they're panning in, you get these weird angles, it's the exterior shots of the house with the pumpkin patch, the lighting and some of these amazing scenes that you talked about, Chris, to the set design, right? And how much I loved just the way this old house really looked. I think visually this movie is super eerie and super atmospheric. And I think it's hard to pick one visual element because I think they really nailed it on a lot of visual elements in this film, aside from the shitty special effects.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

Yeah, but hey, you know what? In one small note of defense of the special effects, let's give a shout out to our sister who was doing her best mama and really the best boogeyman when she is crawling on the walls behind one of the bullies before she gets him under the piano.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

That little bit of shadow work in the background, Chef's Kiss loved that shit, ate it right up.

SPEAKER_03 43:58

That was one of the movies, Mama for sure. That was like, okay, I can see it here. I do appreciate all the other things that are going on in this film visually. It's really Sarah specifically. That it when it's good, it's good, decent. Again, because I love mama, so yeah. But overall, yikes. Because the problem is that when you look at the movie poster and I see what I now know to be Sarah, I know that at some point this thing is coming, it's gonna be revealed, but I didn't know who she was. Knowing that it's supposed to be his sister, I'm like, well, how the fuck old is she? I almost feel like I would have been more terrified and I would have really bought into this more if she was just a little bit older than him and was looking crazy. Nothing scarier than a child running along the walls and doing crazy things, killing a ton of people, and just going absolutely feral. That would have been amazing. But this spider-looking thing, there's one point Miss Divine is on the stairs, and you just see the reflection of Sarah on the carpet. That was such such bad CGI that I was like, what is this?

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Oh, the shadow? I actually didn't mind it when the shadow creeps in, but when it starts to contort and exit, I was like, oh, okay, it's giving Crooked Man from Conjuring 2. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So here's the other thing though. I don't mind so much the age bit because of the other movie that I was thinking about. This movie, Cobweb, is take the boy, make it a girl, and set it on Halloween.

unknown 45:30

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

And just remove the doll vessel. You know what I mean? But I think about the emergence of Brahms from the wall. The age range there, it didn't stand out as jarring to me in any way.

SPEAKER_03 45:42

Oh shit. You know what? We're not aligned on that. I wasn't expecting you to say the boy. I'm thinking malignant. Oh shit, yeah. No, that's wow. I'm thinking malignant. Specifically when, you know, Sarah's out here just kicking everybody's ass, going absolutely nuts, blow like splattering everybody. That was that malignant scene through and through.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

You're not wrong. I need to go rethink my life.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

That's the campy part. You know what I'm saying? At least to me, it was like, oh, this is malignant.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

I think my struggle is that this movie didn't get close enough to that level of camp. You know what I mean? Like, yes, it was campy. Malignant is campy-filled, chocolate-covered camp. It's just so thick in its camp representation. Sure. And this one is like, we have some bits that are campy, but then some bits that are definitely not. And that's where I just didn't even think to compare those two in my mind. But now that you say it, yeah. Sarah is Gabriel.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

But they they did give us a lot of foreshadowing along the way. At a certain point, I was truly expecting whatever was behind the wall to be a spider, just not like a human spider. I literally thought it was going to be just a spider that came out, and the spider could control your mind or something. One of the scenes we get, and I really enjoyed it, and we have Miss Divine, and she's helping this young boy deal with this fear of this horrible spider, and she's showing him like how to approach it without fear and that he can handle it and everything. She's just, as a character, a lovely teacher, and and really deals with him so much better than his parents do. But yeah, I like that because it's obviously foreshadowing to me. Even in the moment, I could tell something's going on with spiders in this movie, right? But the way that like she showed him to deal with it in a different way than his parents would have, I was like, okay, I get it. By the end of the movie, he's gonna have to like get over a fear and you know and stand up for himself. Whatever, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Two things. One, imagine if this was the Peter Parker origin story. Two, Miss Divine is Cobweb's Miss Honey from Matilda.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Yes, absolutely. I feel that.

SPEAKER_03 47:40

Well, my favorite scene has to do with Lizzie Kaplan. Honestly, she's just stellar, but unfortunately, actually, this is a scene that's shown in the trailer. It's like the big scare. I freaking loved that scene where Anthony Star is in the corner, the cranking of his eyes, that sound that it was making when it was fluttering like crazy. I love how it slowly panned to the corner and he's just standing there. And then the way that Lizzie Kaplan is running down that aisle, all of a sudden it's you still hear the footsteps, but it's just dark, and then she goes again. She was scary as hell. Scary as hell with that hands the way that it was. I loved it. I really wish that they didn't put it in the trailer. But in a way, I am because it was like now I know what these characters are, who they are, what they're capable of, and I've seen what they've done, and it still hits. And I think that's pretty impressive.

SPEAKER_02 48:33

Right.

SPEAKER_03 48:34

I just wish that there had been even more intense scares like that, that that wasn't the big one, unfortunately, but that's just how trailers are nowadays. They'll give you the best part. So it's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_04 48:45

Listen, I'm I'm with you on that scene, and I but I don't think, to your point, that the trailer ruined that scene at all. I still think that scene hit pretty good, and that was one of the scenes that I think genuinely creeped me out because it was just how they built everything. The way that they slowly moved to the corner, moved back, the mom was there, then she wasn't, then she was. It was super creepy. You can even argue that when they shoot the camera goes to the hallway and she's at the hallway and she's like that monstrous form with the creepy long fingers or whatever. It's a little campy. It's a little bit campy, but it worked. It just felt really good. And I think the score really backed it up really well. It was super, super creepy. It definitely gave me some chills for a second there, and oh, it was arguably the best scene in the movie for sure.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

Yeah, that was the moment that I thought, wow, I could absolutely see this blowing up on some kind of social media platform of everybody just being terrified of it, right? I can just see people having dramatic reactions as a reaction video covering this movie.

SPEAKER_04 49:53

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

That wasn't one of my favorites, though. It was good, especially because she runs down the hall, the lights are off, and then it sounds like she's still running, and then yet she's not there, and then all of a sudden, boom, gotcha, bitch. However, my favorite scene is less about them being monsters and more about them actually revealing how human they are, and that is the dinner poisoning.

SPEAKER_05 50:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

It is the reality that Peter is playing with his food. She is so stressed out to her eyeballs, and she's thinking, man, can a family not eat in peace? Which I thought was like a really funny way to deliver that line. Lizzie Kaplan, Eugenious. That was fantastic delivery. To have that back and forth, that slow realization, the it smells like cinnamon. And of course, she doesn't know what's happening because she wasn't part of that moment earlier. I just thought it was such a believable way to execute this whole thing. But then to see this little, almost bright burnesque little psychopath having already cut the phone line.

SPEAKER_05 50:51

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 50:52

So that she can't call 911. So fucking good.

SPEAKER_05 50:56

Crazy.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

The only thing that I think would have made this better would have been if it's revealed that the parents in no way were sketchy at all and were actually good people, and he was just seeing a manipulated version of them based on her telling and her spinning of the whole tale, right? I think regardless of how this movie ends and what we know that Sarah does in terms of like shaping Peter's perspective, at the end of the day, the parents are still actually doing some sketchy shit. So it's like, oh, okay, maybe they do deserve to go. But fuck, that whole scene, so good.

SPEAKER_04 51:31

It really was. That was one thing that crossed my mind in the first half of the film. I I thought to myself, was this gonna be all in this kid's head? Like, is this gonna be something where this kid is just delusional? He thinks he's hearing things, whatever, overactive imagination, something's wrong with him. I don't know. And he ended up being, plot twist, the killer, right? I think that would have been an interesting angle too. But that was one of the scenarios that I plotted out in my head watching this film.

SPEAKER_01 51:59

Could it have been another Cloverville Lane situation?

SPEAKER_04 52:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:02

Well, talking about the parents specifically and diving a little bit deeper about them, it's like I said earlier, it's pretty established that Mark is just not a great dad, right? So I I feel like it would have been hard to go run the tape all the way to the beginning and find out that this is a little bit all in his delusional head, right? It would have been cool, but I think it would have been hard to do just because we see how intense and how intimidating he is, not just to Peter, but specifically to Carol. I feel like Carol in this movie is a mother that is frantic and stressed out of her mind, but to prove to her husband that she is a quality mom. And we now know that is as a result of Sarah being their first child, assuming not being stellar and being essentially a monster and having to compensate for that by having Peter. And then now Peter's reaching out to other people to ask for help, isn't doing great. She's essentially failing again as a mother, and how Mark responds to that. So I think that the two of them together, the chemistry, and just like the way that you know Kaplan and Star were working together, I just really bought into it. I thought it was so fucking good. And it reminded me of Hereditary only because Hereditary explores a lot of generational trauma and very sinister parenting. And I think it would have been really cool to see these parents actually have something fucking going on. You know what I mean? One of you mentioned earlier, what if they really did kill this girl? That would have been really cool. And what if they really were bad, you know, and it was something a little more demon-esque or sinister than it just actually being that they had a daughter that ends up being a monster and they threw in the wall. Again, terrible, obviously. But I think it would have been cooler to just have them be the actual like antagonists a little bit more than Sarah herself.

SPEAKER_01 53:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:59

I gotta just say this.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

Yes, it would have been cooler. I think where I struggle with this is despite how great their chemistry was, he is just someone that I cannot believe is anything more than what he's already shown himself to be. You know what I mean? Like we see him as Homelander, he is fake nice, but also a complete asshole. He's evil. And I feel like casting him in this role doesn't matter how good he is. It immediately gives me this all right, well, he's not to be trusted. And I feel like this movie would have been more fun had we not had that impression.

SPEAKER_04 54:32

Let me tell you about one more that I thought was really well done for as short as it was or short-lived as it was. It's it's the scene where Peter is at the stairs listening to his parents talk. Obviously, they notice and he runs back to his room. I feel like every kid's been there, right? Eavesdropping on your parents, they notice, you run back to your room, you're super scared, you go, you pretend to be asleep, they walk in, whatever. And then he says, like, I know you're awake, and it's that shot of Peter's eyes just opening super wide right away, and then the camera starts to move. I I don't even know what to call that shot, but that shot was so well done. It was subtle, I guess, in a way, but it was so perfect. I loved it. I thought it was so good.

SPEAKER_03 55:19

You're so right, though. Classic situation where your parents are arguing, you gotta haul ass and pretend like you're not sleeping. Like if they were born yesterday, like they don't know that you were definitely eavesdropping. I've been there, and I've had to like full-on fake it till you make it. Yeah, I've pretended to snore and shit, and I don't even snore. I will say though, let's give it to Peter for a second. Once again, this is the story of Hackerslash this year so far. We started off with a lot of like just family grief and all of that noise, and now we have fully entered into fuck them kids, and it's so incredible how we've got how did we get here? I don't even know. But this kid, full on, was like, fuck you, parents, and fuck that bully when I push him down the stairs, and so impressionable, but like a little frighteningly too good at his job.

SPEAKER_01 56:10

Yeah, and then we also have Brian being fucking murdered in that house, hearing his screams of agony. Fuck them kids is going real strong.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

Decapitated Brian was decapitated, true, but also fuck that kid too. It was just a lot of it.

SPEAKER_00 56:23

I know this is off topic and semi-adjacent, but this is the reason why I wish the the bad guy here was not an actual human being or somewhat of a human being, and that it was literally a psychic spider. I've talked about Legion before. I know I don't think you guys have all seen Legion yet, but it's pretty brilliant. There's a character called the Shadow King. It honestly, the Shadow King is amazing and it's very different from season to season. But the first season, the Shadow King is an entity that literally lives inside the mind of the main character. And so when we were making our way through this movie, and and you know, Peter's having to deal with whatever he's he's dealing with, hearing stuff and seeing stuff, and honestly, the dreams, the nightmares were one of the best parts of the movie because they could just do whatever they wanted to. That that clip you talked about earlier, Binks, with you know, the chattering of the teeth or the mother running down the hallway, like those were amazing, but I think they would be more amazing if literally they were being projected into the child's mind. When he somehow pushes Brian down the stairs, wouldn't that be even better if he too projected into Brian's mind and Brian fell down the stairs himself? Wouldn't it be better if he caused his own father to scratch his arm on a loose nail versus the whole weird thing of is he going to actually hit the teacher with a hammer in the head? I don't know, that was kind of a little fun exchange though. But instead of having a poorly made CGI Cheshire cat as a sister, I think it would have been so much better if it was just a super sinister child that didn't realize that he was having stuff pumped into his brain and then he was pumping it into other people's brains as well. Because there are moments when I think they show Peter he could be an evil kid. Like we I would easily believe that. I think he was delivering some performance where if they made him be the bad guy, like we thought it could happen, I would have been down for it because he was doing a good enough job to be like completely, you know, like unaware of it at the you know, at the same time. Like he's so surprised by a lot of stuff that's going on that I would have bought it. I absolutely would have bought it. I did not buy the CGI, of course, but I would have bought him just being like a messed up kid.

SPEAKER_03 58:28

Mac. Yes, man. That's exactly why I was so disappointed and I hacked this because it's like, man, it could have been really fucking cool, but you went and you did the same thing that I've already seen 5,000 times. And how are you gonna tell me that we spent this whole time emphasizing how Peter's imagination is so intense and so uh inventive, and it just really ended up being that his sister actually is it's like throwing away the whole imagination bit out the window almost because it's like for what? It ended up actually being true that there is a human being, whatever, that's very acrobatic in the freaking wall.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

That was one of the possibilities as we're making it through the movies like okay, there's actually gonna be a Brahm style kid or human being trapped inside the wall, and the parents are just pretending that it's not real. As we get further, like I kept thinking that this was gonna be blackphone and that the the kid was dead already. You know, we'd make it to the end, they'd open up the wall, and they would find out it was just a ghost talking to him or something, right? Like, that was one of the other possibilities I thought could happen. I thought it'd be kind of boring if that happened, but it seemed more and more likely until it was less and less likely. But it also is kind of a bummer, like you mentioned, to not have Carol and Mark confirmed as being psychopaths. Because, again, performance-wise, they really would have sold it. But confirm it one way or the other.

SPEAKER_02 59:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:47

Let me know that they're great people or tell me that they're horrible people. This like gray area here is like really tough to live in.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

How interesting, even just considering them, right? Why would they not have killed her in some way? We don't know 100% that she's invulnerable if a child can easily pull her hair back and then she's crawling backwards. It doesn't seem as though there's a particular level of immunity here. It's interesting to consider that maybe they had the opportunity to butt this whole mother's love angle or parents' love. Maybe they couldn't bring themselves to do that. And if that's the case, it's really interesting then to know that their failure to be honest with their child is what is the ultimate downfall here, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

Let's imagine a world where they are just fine people dealing with extraordinarily terrible circumstances, and there is a level of stress here because how the fuck would you handle a demonic child rat person in your fucking walls? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:44

Imagine that. But then you could have homeschooled your kid this whole time. You could have had some kind of level of, I don't know, lock her up in the wall and fucking move out of the house and she's someone else's problem. Who fucking knows? But yeah, the the failure to have any level of honesty with Peter is really what ended up killing them in the end. Because they were honestly as fucked as they were, he were they were the only defense he had. It's the pumpkin patch.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:08

There's just too many plot holes in in that story towards the end there when there's trying to make the reveal of what's happening. I I didn't mind the aspect of like, are the parents psychopaths, are they not? Are they good? Are they bad? I think that a lot of what they did there was like almost like a red herring type of thing. You were guessing in some ways. Like you can predict some things that were happening, and in other things are like, which direction are they going in? And I was cool with that. But I think once they got to the very end and and the reveal and and it's all out in the open, yeah, there was just some plot holes that didn't make sense, and that's where it kind of fell flat.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:44

Even her explanation of oh, you know, I waited my time until you were old enough so that I could plant the seeds. What? What do you even mean? And I agree, you they could have just killed her at that point if she was so demonic. I think in general, it's just pretty sad and fucked up to think that because she, according to Sarah, looked terrible or like looked like a monster, they basically instantly threw her, I guess, underground, and then it was a cage or something like that, and then ended up being the wall, like all of these things. It sucks because it sounds like she is just a victim of these terrible parents just not wanting her.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:22

And it's a shame that she's the antagonist and not the parents, right? But all of that being said, I go back to the fact that it just doesn't even make sense, though. She looks so much more older than Peter. She's just been silent this whole time, quiet as hell, not even a peep. And then she's got all these different voices and stuff. Like, what is happening? And then, but supposedly she learned how to climb the walls based off sp get out of here, ma'am. Get out of here. If I watched spiders for long enough, I could still try, but I still would fail because you're not fucking Spider-Man. It just doesn't work that way.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:59

She had really sharp nails, you know, very sharp nails.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:02

And she was a a really good contortionist.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:05

But she does not have a diet that would mean that the anatomy knows what she's eating.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:10

What is she even eating?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:11

Spiders, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:12

Insulation.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:13

Bro, she might be fed something because it seemed like Carol actually took her a pitcher of water, right? So she probably gives her like bread and water and shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:21

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:23

My nails break from just typing these notes for this movie. There is no way that Sarah has claws strong enough to climb all of these fucking walls. I refuse to believe it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:35

What you need to see is the absolute wild ride of a training montage she's had over the last 16 years.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:42

Give me the killbill. Oh god. Give me the killbill bit. Oh no. If they did that, maybe it would have been a hack.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:47

Can I identify one other angle though that's a little fucking weird? We all know that these teenagers were only there to pad the body count. We acknowledge this. Yeah. However, let's look at the practicality of this. Three whole ass teenagers came to this house to beat a child and then didn't even wait to confirm that his parents weren't home, but decided to go in and start wrecking shit. Yeah. And also, Brian, what the fuck were you gonna do in crutches? And then you wear a mask as if you can't be identified? At least the three teenagers, I get it. They're not gonna think, oh, these guys are here to avenge my eight-year-old child's classmate. You are an eight-year-old on crutches. You think they don't know who you are? Come the fuck on, Brian. This is why you didn't make it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:30

Poor decisions. He was just there to watch. That's the only reason he went along, was to see it go down. Let me go into the worst part of the movie here because I think we are I just want to say it. I don't know if Sean, if you feel the same, but the worst part is the poorly CGI'd evil spider Gwen.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:45

Hands down, worst part of the movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:47

It absolutely is. It's the worst part of the film. When will these people learn? And these people, I lump pretty much almost every filmmaker in the last like 20 years. Stop giving us full frontal images of dumb shit that just ruins all of the spooky vibes that you get in the movie. Like we didn't need to see it. Don't show me it. If you want to give me the shitty campy hair dragging around the house, you want to give me that shot in the doorway of just the eyes and the grin, and that's it. Cool. I'm there for it. I don't want to see, to your point, Chris, the Cheshire cat face. I don't need to see that. The fact that even came out of a human womb is just absurd. But yeah, this would have been a near perfect, spooky Halloween movie if it were not for the choice to use that shitty CGI and give us a face that felt more comical than menacing. I know that's not what they were going for. That cannot be what they were going for. They could have kept the story exactly the same because the plot twist didn't ruin it for me at the end of the day when we're really thinking about it. It is literally just giving us the visual. You fucked up and you gave us too much and we didn't need it.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:04

Literally the entire time I was watching this movie, genuinely, I was thinking, wow, I appreciate that we don't see too much of the girl. There's a moment where Peter's looking through the hole in his wall, and he just sees an eye, and you're like, man, this shit's gonna be good. They're being very smart, they're approaching this in a very intelligent way, and then they do too much.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:29

They squandered it.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:30

They were shaking the salt shaker, and then they just poured the whole fucking thing into the pot. And it's terrible, it's absolutely terrible. The worst part of all of that, though, is for sure the shot of the hair sliding on the floor because it looked like it also lacked effort. And that's the most offensive part.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:47

You know, I have to agree with you guys because I too was like, man, they're showing so little. And I almost was like, man, I kind of do I want to see more? I think I do. And then you know what? I really quickly learned be careful what you fucking ask for. Because even of the little tiny bit that I did see eventually, and it wasn't even much because we've already visited, I need to change the brightness on my TV too, apparently. That shit was terrible. That was not, it was atrocious. So for me, the best part is everything before shit hits the fan. Because everything before that, and her literally crawling out of that wall had potential. It was gonna go somewhere, and I was here for it. And then it it tasted like the flat soda, and I was so sad, and I and I was like, you know what, Bianca, maybe something will turn around and you'll like it. And then it became malignant. And I like malignant, uh hot take because it is ridiculous and absurd and it makes me laugh, and it's a good time to call it for what it is. This is not that though. This wasn't supposed to be that. This was supposed to be really fucking good, and it wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:54

I just want to clarify. So the soda went flat as he opens the door, somewhat, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:59

It it or rather, well, the hair doing its thing was definitely like, oh, this is gonna be terrible. But yeah, kind of, because when I start to see that she's massive, and then I realize, oh my god, she's the of course. I it had to happen. The sister is this person. I'm like, all right, fine. But when she starts killing and doing all these crazy things, I was like, oh my god, I'm watching a bad version of mama. This is terrible. So yeah, just about. Because I was here for the kills, I was here for the parents dying. If anything, I almost thought, like, okay, well, kind of like what Mac was saying, right? Like, is what's in the wall not actually a sister, but maybe like some kind of demonic thing that they, you know, like kind of conjured up from having killed this kid or something for some reason, or I don't know, something. I don't I was inventing all kinds of shit in my head.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:44

The demonic representation of karma. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:46

You know what it also is with the soda analogy that we keep going back to? It's like the feeling of, man, I'm at McDonald's or something, right? Because their coke hits different. It's over ice, you know, that's like the perfect thing, the carbonation. You go in there, you pour it right from the fountain, and then the carbonation is gone. But you don't know it until you take that sip. It's gone from the first sip, and it's just, oh, that was it. But I don't know if it was necessarily when the door opens, but kind of, kind of, because we get good shit after that, but it does start to unravel there.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:18

See, they even like did some good stuff even after showing her. Yeah. Where there would show kills where she's like partially in the frame, or they're like, they didn't show her face, she was like tucked away somewhere. You would see her body moving nearby, but you didn't see her. And I was like, okay, like I actually kind of like that. Like, this is an interesting choice to do that. I'm watching this thinking, like, okay, okay, like I'm here for it. And then they were like showing us more and more. And so, like, it's it's really towards the end that I've just like that's why I called it really just horrible, because like they they knew what to do, they knew what to do for so long. They even after they brought her in and like this is the sister, I was like, okay, it's ridiculous, but like I like the way that they're using her, and like they kept going, it kept going, it kept going, and then we're just like, nah, nah nah, take it from 11 to 77. Let's just go completely bonkers with it. And and I'm curious if we're gonna find out in the future that they modeled her face after all the pumpkins in the backyard or something stupid like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:10

And we haven't really talked too much about like that final, final ending because that was just the icing on the very rotten cake at this point. I was just flabbergasted because how are you gonna tell me that this woman is just popping people's heads off, doing all these kinds of things, and my boy Peter, all of a sudden, a con man, pulling her hair is what's gonna trap her in that thing. And then Rapunzels! He fucking Rapunzel his way out of that fucking pit.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:36

Rapunzel.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:37

So quickly, it's almost like the writers were like, okay, now that we just we just gotta end this. So we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna give you a quick little montage of how you're always gonna be in your head. No shit. That's called trauma. That's called I just saw my sister fucking kill a ton of people in my damn house. Yeah, no shit, I'm gonna be worried about everything in the corner. I don't need to see that. That's obvious. Yeah. What is this? I it it was giving, I wanna put this in the movie so that in case this movie does really well, we can do a sequel. And I swear, let there not be.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:05

Okay, here's what it felt like to me. And I'm gonna compare something that I love to this. Halloween 1978. There's the end of the movie, we realize that Michael's no longer on the lawn, and then you start cutting to different parts of the house. Is he here? Is he here? No, here. Where else could he be? There's that kind of moment, which I think just creates a very distinct feeling. And then this one seems like we want to do something like that. But the problem is that it also told us at the same time. Because if you want to put a fucking hex on this child, right? Like, say that shit. Let's see him and Miss Divine getting out of the house, close the door that way, and then a post-credit scene, he's at her house and he's just like hearing a sound and he's like spooked by it, right? That's the most that we possibly need. But to combine the narration over the jump to the future, too much. Absolutely too much. It absolutely took the wind out of the sails.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:01

It's actually incredibly obvious all they needed to do to tell us that she was gonna be around, which is like you said, put her, put, put him in another location, the knock. That's all you would need. He's in a hotel, he's in a foster home, whatever it is. All you need is him hearing the knock that she did on the wall. Yeah. That's it. And the movie with the knock. Done. Sequel bait all you want to.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:21

You know, we've talked a lot of shit. I still fucking love this movie though, and I'm absolutely gonna be watching it again. I think it might be an every fall rotation for me. Not an every Halloween rotation. What?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:35

But a movie where I want to feel fall vibes? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:39

Okay, I'm on the same page because all this being said, I would definitely watch this one again for sure. I think I yeah, to your point, like, is it is it just something to get you in the fall vibes? Does it go into the Halloween movie rotation? It's tough, but I do think it was a fun Halloween film that gives you the right vibe that you want on a spooky fall night in October. But then again, that's all I'm watching is my Halloween movie list in October, outside of what we may watch as we do this podcast. But I definitely would watch it. Maybe it will find its way in that list. Maybe something gets sifted out.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:12

I'm taking aback. Look, okay, guys, I get it. Look, I I think that this movie was okay because I did enjoy the first half and I would I would watch it again if a friend wants to see it. Sure, I'll put it on and I'll hate the second half and I'll make fun of it all I want. But hop but but whoa, you know, you're gonna swap this movie out of something on your Halloween list? Maybe. I mean, I get that there were pumpkins and shit, but damn. It's atmosphere, ma'am.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:36

It is, it gives you the feels.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:38

I don't know. Uh most of the atmosphere that I was getting was, you know, creepy girl running around, being a little spider.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:44

Well, I'm gonna join in with you here. I slash Barbarian. I don't see myself watching it, you know, on purpose for quite a while, if if if at all. I feel similar here. I slash this movie. It's a good movie. Like, watch the movie, it's a lot of fun. The last third of the movie is ridiculous, right? But I just I don't see myself like desiring it, you know. When I think of fall watches or Halloween watches, I'm usually siding with nostalgia. And I don't think that this would elicit that type of response in me.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:11

Well, I can see we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one. I think it deserves plenty more rewatches, but for now, there you have it, folks. Cobweb from 2023 has earned one hack and three slashes. How's it gonna fare in your October lineup? We've certainly had a robust discussion here, but it doesn't end here by any means. We definitely want to know what you think.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:31

What would you do if you heard someone in the wall? Let us know. You can join in on the conversation by hanging out with us for free in our Discord. Click the link in our show notes to sign up.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:39

If you've enjoyed listening to this episode, peel back the wallpaper. Consider joining us with our new blood drive and becoming one of our patrons. Visit patreon.com slash hacker slash to enjoy more of the show with early access, extended episodes, bonus content, and live shows.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:52

We'll see you next time, folks. And remember, all those scary things, they're just in your head.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:57

Did you do something different with the soup tonight?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:10

Okay, so I know that reasonably we all have childhood fears, right? But I'm realizing that the things that I have been afraid of growing up, I could never actually visualize, except for one thing, and that was when I was in bed at night, and this is the first time I ever had Coca-Cola, and I was like seven years old, maybe, and I I remember just like wide awake past midnight, and my VCR was blinking. Oh just the clock because it had been unplugged, and I thought that that meant that someone was pacing back and forth in front of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:45

Oh my.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:47

Interesting. I I can see that. I can see that. I've had like those similar feelings of like some weird light that I didn't notice before, or some crap like that. It just plays tricks on your mind.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:59

Yeah. It was dumb shit like that. I mean, my sisters had stories that they would tell me. I think we've talked about this in past episodes, but thankfully nothing major that I'm like, wow, this shit's gonna eat me or something. Nothing like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:11

That had to have been a super fast person or thing going back and forth in front of the clock, no?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:16

Yeah. It would have had to have been. Thankfully, I was seven years old and didn't calculate that, and I was just a dummy. I was just like, wow, what is this thing?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:23

To be clear, I'm not trying to be Mac. I'm not trying to say one thing or another in terms of explanations. I'm just would have been a you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:30

You're just pointing out that I very could I I really could have easily realized that I was in no immediate threat. Instead, I pulled the covers over my head and tried to go to sleep, but I was too caffeinated to. Better say than sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:43

Yeah. All hopped up on Coca-Cola.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:45

Yeah. I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:47

I was younger. If I thought something was in the room, I just turned the lights on or the TV on when I was old enough to have a TV.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:53

See, that would have required me to get out of my bunk bed, get closer to the TV, and then go to the light switch, which I was not about to do, Mac.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:00

Across the room?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:01

Yeah, no, fuck that.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:03

Yeah, that's a feat as a child, if you're scared, to get out of bed in the danger zone across the room to get to the light switch, unless you have a lamp. But then you have the lamp, and to your point, you want to flick the lights on. I don't know how many horror movies we've seen where we flick the lights on and nothing's there, and then you flick them off and it's there, and you flick them on and flick them off, and then they're closer.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:24

They're closer. That's the fucking problem. They're closer. It's terrible, absolutely not. No, I'm not gonna do that. And then, okay, the opposite. What about if you flick the light on and something is there and you're just looking at it better? No thanks. No thanks.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:40

That is terrible. Yeah, you don't want that option either. Yeah, but was anything ever there?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:45

Listen, Mac.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:45

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:46

Schrodinger's ghost. I don't fucking know. It doesn't matter. Either way, you're a child, you're allowed to be afraid of these things.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:52

True.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:52

What kept you up at night, Mac?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:54

I don't I'm trying to like think back. I don't really remember. The economy? No. Reading the Wall Street Journal.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:02

The neighborhood happenings.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:03

It's funny. When I was a little kid, I apparently used to wear a little suit and have a little briefcase and be called MacBee Keaton at some point. It's a character reference, sorry if you don't get it. But yeah, I don't know. Your old man is showing. I just don't remember like what I was cured of. I had issues like every little kid with the dark because I mean it's probably due to the vision issue I have now, but like in the dark, there's shadows within the dark, right? So if I think if your vision works correctly and you look into the darkness and there's nothing there, you just see darkness. But with mine, there's all sorts of little speckles and everything. And so you can see movement when there's not movement. And so I think that's the issue I had as a really little kid, is like you would imagine something moved. I don't recall ever like getting to the point where I would scream or call somebody in. I mean, I can't remember when I was really little, but I do remember when I was older, not fully grown adult yet, that I had sleep paralysis at some point. And in my sleep paralysis, I heard like skittering, scuttering, whatever it is, like in the wall next to me. And then before I woke up, I recall seeing a face, like a bearded-faced man looking very serious and teary-eyed.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:13

That was you looking at your past self.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:15

What if time travel were real, right? That'd be wild.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:17

It's giving hill haunting of Hill House very much.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:20

It's either that or you were like borderline getting possessed.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:23

Apparently, I saved that off.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:25

That would require him to believe in it, Sean.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:27

I guess. Well, it's not that possession technically isn't real in the mind of true Catholics. It's just that it's usually not possession. So, but yeah, I personally I am very skeptical of possession and pretty much don't believe in it.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:40

I can't wait to share my childhood fears because I'm ready to get roasted for sure. Let's hear it. One of which I am still afraid of to this day. Any listeners that happen to be my friends or know this about me, they're ready to laugh along because it's quite ridiculous. So I'll share the one that I'm not afraid of anymore, and that's being upside down. I was terrified of being upside down up until I was like, I wanna say maybe 17 now. Actually, no, I'm sorry, like 14, 15. Isn't that for good reason though? Don't you have a heart thing? So, okay. At the time I didn't know. Now, currently, correct. I realize that technically I'm not supposed to be going upside down or riding roller coasters or anything of this nature because of my heart condition. Yes. However, that's not why. Well, I didn't realize it then. I didn't like how it felt, and it was very, very scary. One time, it was freshman year of high school, I was in class, and I was stretching my back, like you're leaning back in your chair and whatever. So leaning back, stretching my back, and I read, I saw a paper upside down, and I realized I had gone too far, and it started to scream in the middle of class.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:53

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:54

Yep. One of my friends also picked me up and was just trying to mess with me. I started to see upside down and I started to like really hit him, like as strong as I could, started screaming in the middle of yeah, it was nuts. It was definitely extreme. Is this why Stranger Things hits for you? No, no, no, no. But it but I will say how I got rid of the fear is just a classic method, right? I grew up going to Jersey all the time to visit my family there, and we would always actually drive to Pennsylvania. We'd go to the Dorney Park, like the that area in the Redding. So I'd go to Dorney Park. They had these roller coasters, not many. There was one that apparently would have you go upside down. I didn't know this at the time. And my cousin Kristen was like, You're gonna come with me on this ride. Look, watch, it doesn't go upside down. And I she must have distracted me at the moment that it does go upside down because I believed her and was like, fine, I'll do it. And this is my older cousin, I want to feel cool and whatever. I get on that ride and it goes upside down. I don't even realize it at the time. I get off the ride, and she was like, You did you have fun? I was like, Yeah, it was so much fun. And she was like, Watch the ride again. And I saw that it went upside down and she was like, Now you're fucked. She's like, now you're going on all of the roller coasters, all of the things going upside down, and I've never had the fear ever since.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:14

Didn't you say you shouldn't go on roller coasters? Correct.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:17

No, I I full on him not.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:19

Did you know or did somebody know at the time that you shouldn't?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:21

No, because well, at the time, no like not a lot of information about like my heart condition was out and stuff like that. And I I hadn't even really technically been fully diagnosed at that time that I was going there, so no idea. Now I'm definitely aware, definitely been told, still go on the rides because I'm absolutely an idiot.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:42

Just for the added thrill.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:44

Added thrill. I look at the board that says any heart conditions, not, and I'm like, ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:50

You're like, that's me, but I'm still going.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:53

That's me. The best part actually is that sometimes I'll go to these theme parks and I go to guest services, and I technically I sometimes the parks at this point are iffy about it, which is a little fucked up, but I get a pass to skip the lines to ride rides because I can't be in heat for very long and whatnot, or I'll faint. But again, I can't use that pass to ride roller coasters because I shouldn't be on that ride to begin with. So sometimes I just don't even bother because if I get the pass, I'm fucking myself over and I can't ride most of the rides.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:21

So okay, so what do we do if something goes bad at Halloween horror nights? I feel like I need a contingency plan. Oh, no, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Just call 911, got it. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:34

Right, because look, when you're telling me heart conditions, it just makes me think the sinner. I don't know if you've seen it. Yeah, so that's of course the fear in my mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:43

Yeah, no, and valid, not that bad. Nowhere near that bad, thank God. Now, what is still bad is my second childhood fear, because I still have it. I'm not nearly as scared, but I definitely don't enjoy the being around them or seeing them. I am very afraid of orchids.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:02

Yes, yes. So I am afraid of orchids, and my friends and my own family think it's ridiculous, for sure. And I played a video game called Obscure. It's like an indie PlayStation game, and it the main antagonists basically are like weird demogorgon-looking things that look like orchids. And I don't know, man. They just, if you really look at an orchid dead in the face, those little pincer things are not pretty. Okay. They're not pleasant.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:28

I can acknowledge that orchids are pretty fucked. Like they're they do look a little menacing, but did the fear come from the video game or did the video game amplify the fear?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:37

No, no, no. The fear came from the video game.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:40

Because they killed the characters, and I was like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:43

Are they out to get me? You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:45

What about the plants in Mario? Does that bother you at all?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:48

No, because I I mean, and that's very animated. This game at the time, especially for like an indie game, I don't know, it it looked hella real to me. It looked hella real. So now at this point, like it uh again, especially in college. I once went inside of Publix and at the cashiers, they ha would have orchids there, and I literally walked right back out. I don't like looking at orchids. When I go to a flower shop, I'll just like walk the other direction. I don't like being near them. None of that.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:16

Well, listen, I do get it, but I also have like six orchids in my house.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:20

So no, everybody. I get it. Everybody has orchids. My best friend would joke around and say that at her wedding she was gonna have blue orchids, and I was like, Well, I guess I'm not gonna be at your wedding. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I it's my my grandmother would have tons of orchids in her in her trailer, and my mom once had me hold one and I closed my eyes the whole car ride. Oh no, yeah, no, it's ridiculous. I again I've lots of exposure therapy. I'm not as scared of them, I just feel uncomfortable. I don't like being around them. But now that I'm thinking about this, I really do have a trend of having the most ridiculous fears because we all know one of them, and I'm not gonna say it out loud, but the other, but now these other two, I've got a pattern going, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:05

You're scared of flowers. Yeah, it's I'm scared of flowers.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:08

Yeah, I'm scared of a flower.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:09

Tiptoe through the orchids.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:11

I also have this, and I'm not even ashamed of it. I have this on my hinge profile. Like at this point, like, let it be known. I'm weird and it's an irrational fear, and it's a stupid fear. Just this one actually carried on past childhood, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:23

That's wild. Have you seen monkey faced orchids? Monkey face orchids?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:28

Are those the ones that look like little people?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:30

They just look like they have a monkey face.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:32

No, don't show me.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:34

Oh no, I'm not gonna show you, but the other two.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:36

I'm gonna look it up out of curiosity, though.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:38

Yeah, Chris and Sean, look this up. They're adorable. Let me see this. Monkey face.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:44

If they don't have, and that's the other thing. Like if they're fake, I'm not as obviously I'm not bothered by it.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:48

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:49

There's certain orchids that don't have the little pincer things. I don't know what that type is, but that kind of orchid is the one I'm talking about. They have like little pincers in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:57

Oh shit, wow. How is this actually a thing?

SPEAKER_05 1:27:00

This is wild. These are crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:02

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:03

Yeah, these are wild. Evolution.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:05

Now I have a fear of missing out, and I I definitely don't know if you should look at these, but they are pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:13

Do they have little pincers? Do they look like human faces?

SPEAKER_04 1:27:15

Well, they look like monkey faces.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:17

Like alien? What does that even mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:27:19

Alright, I'm just gonna There's a particular monkey. What is that little? It's a little monkey. Right? And it's got like a very Yeah, like a chimpanzee.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:26

Okay, I'm just gonna look it up for the bit. I'm gonna look it up. Live reaction. I'm scared.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:31

Just command W or control W or whatever, as soon as you can't handle it.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:37

She's looking away. Poor Banks grimacing.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:42

Oh fuck that.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:43

That's great. That's not that's I think they're cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:46

That's not what I No, that's not the kind of orchid that freaks me out, but that was also very weird.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:51

It is strange.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:52

That was a whole ass face.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:54

Honestly, it's uncanny.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:56

It is. It's very surprising.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:58

Oh the Japanese. Monkey face orchid looks like a Oh wait, no, no, hold on. Japanese monkey face orchid seeds garden dragon flower. I don't know what this is exactly, but it looks like a Pokemon.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:09

I'll send it to Sean and Mac, and I won't send it to you, Binks, because I respect you.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:14

I'm so curious.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:15

But if you want to know at one point, I'll send it to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:17

I just remembered a childhood fear. Oh, nice. That completely forgot about.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:22

Do you share?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:23

Okay, so I had several nightmares as a kid that dealt with body stuff. And one of them I remember from middle school, which was that I played trombone in middle school. And so it was that the trombone oil, my band teacher, leaked it, like squirted it onto my hand.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:40

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:40

And then it melted like a hole from my hand through my wrist, like it made it hollow, and I could look in and see the hollow inside of my arm. What? And so I I do remember that my that nightmare. It was pretty horrendous. And then the other one had to do with teeth. So I had lots of nightmares about teeth where your teeth fall out, your teeth crack. My least favorite ones would be I would have nightmares that my teeth had something in them. And so I would look in the mirror in the nightmare, and there'd be like little things worming around in the middle of a tooth.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:14

That's so strange. Isn't there like a meaning behind dreams about teeth specifically?

SPEAKER_03 1:29:19

I literally looked it up, and here we have dreams of teeth falling out can have different meanings depending on the person. Some possible interpretations are feeling insecure about your looks or social anxiety, losing focus and balance in your life, symbolizing lost security or unacknowledged dental issues. Oh feeling superfluous. Yes, superfluous in your job or relationships.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:43

So here's what's wild though, is I had beautiful, perfect teeth until I was a teenager. And when I was a teenager, they were like, hey, your your bottom and top jaws don't exactly line up the way that they should. And so we have two options. We can either break your jaw and then have it heal correctly, or we can put this appliance on. It's a cool new experimental thing. I don't even know. But basically, it was like two pistons, one on either side of your mouth that would hopefully help your jaw grow so that the two would meet. And so, okay, beautiful, perfect teeth, perfect spacing, everything. We attach this appliance, we put on braces. After we've hit the point, they're like, okay, we've removed all the spacing between your teeth, which sounds like a good idea for aesthetics, but in reality it was horrible. And then my teeth moved, but my jaw did not change. And so all my teeth just shifted so it looked like now, yeah, they line up correctly. But my jaw never actually changed its growth pattern or anything. So they're like, okay, but at least we got the intended result if your teeth lining up the way we want them to.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:44

However, because of the braces, it destroyed all the enamel in my teeth. Dang. And because they made them so close together, now my teeth are destroyed. So yeah, it's pretty bad. I've got like five missing teeth, two half teeth, lots of damaged crowns, all sorts of horrible dental work over the last 20 years. But for the first 18, maybe even 16 years of my life, beautiful, perfect teeth. So this was these were nightmares before any of this even happened, before I'd even ever had a cavity. I didn't have a cavity until I was a teenager. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:13

Could it be that you were seeing the future? Womp womb womp.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:18

If you believe in that kind of stuff, then yeah, maybe most of my nightmares as kids, as a kid, was just like seeing my future self. Maybe it's just the future that I was destined to enter into was so frightening.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:30

To live. Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:32

Not the force vision or your fall to the dark side of aging. It's terrible. No, man. I still wonder if I'm ever gonna actually do it, but I have TMJ, and I my oral surgeon in the Navy was talking about just like fixing my jaw. I would have to like break it, get it wired shut, A, to fix that, but then B, because my jaw also does stick out quite a bit. I feel like a little fucking bulldog. He's like, oh, it's mostly cosmetic, except for the jaw locking. And I then I wonder, I'm like, but I'm so used to how I look. Like, am I gonna just fucking look bizarre if I if my jaw isn't this way? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:08

You could end up looking like a Zach Efron, you never know.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:11

That's true. That's probably not a good thing for me. Zac Efron is Zac Ephron. I am Chris Rojas. These are two different people's situations, no. Uh I don't have his chiseled jaw.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:22

You don't want to be Chris Ephron?

SPEAKER_01 1:32:25

No, no, because any attempts to be that would end up failing miserably on my part, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:31

Oh no. That's funny though. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:34

Sean, do you have any childhood fears?

SPEAKER_04 1:32:36

I definitely had fears as a child. I don't think there's any one specific thing that haunted me or anything like that. I think I've touched on a couple of things in my childhood on this show. I've had this recurring nightmare of like we had this white dog, like really fluffy. I I can't remember like the breed, but really fluffy, kind of like a malmute or something, really big, maybe an Akita, I don't know. A samoid or a chow chow? Not a chow chow, though. Deaf, but like really big, fluffy, white fur. Her name was Shiba. Sweet dog, sweet dog. So there's no justification in this, but like I had this reoccurring nightmare as a child where she would like be chasing me around the room, and her eyes were red and glowing and just chasing after me. And you know what? Actually, I think I may have pinpointed this.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:30

It's because you're dreaming of Bathsheba from The Conjuring.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:33

Not Bathsheba, but here's the thing. I spent as we know, right? Like I grew up watching like classic horror films, monster films with my grandmother and things like that, but like I also spent a lot of time at like six, seven, really young, watching movies I probably shouldn't have been watching with my mom, right? Like, we would watch it, we would watch Pet Cemetery, all these different things. Tales from the Crypt was a big thing that I was really into watching with my parents, but I would always get scared afterwards. And I think in it like it's Pet Cemetery 2 or something, right? Where they have the dog that with the red glowing eyes, right? I think that's maybe where that kind of got implanted in my mind. That could have started that whole ripple effect of that reoccurring dream. I don't know. But that was like one thing that always came back around. But I think overall it was just really my overactive imagination, right? It's just like I let my mind take over, right? Like it, whether it's like being in the dark in my room and just like focusing on something, and then my mind makes something up, or I feel like I see something, like a shadow or something moving, or something that's there, but it's not there kind of thing, or a presence. That kind of stuff spooked me out. Even like when you like look at yourself in the mirror really closely for a really long time, and then it starts to freak you out. There was like one moment when I did that as a kid, and I just stared super close at my eyes like this in the mirror, and it turned into something, and I screamed out loud. It was super frightening. It might still happen. I don't know. I haven't tried since then, but it could happen. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:08

Imagine getting so scared looking at yourself, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:11

I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:12

That's wild. Between you and Mac both, what's going on with y'all?

SPEAKER_04 1:35:16

It's so wild. But here's the thing that that overactive imagination and like having that experience of those kinds of fears as a kid, I think that's what makes some of these horror movies really effective for me still to this day, right? Like just being able to tap in when they explore that and touch on it. I think those are the films that even if they're not super scary from a traditional sense, that just those how they tap into that feeling that you have that nostalgic like remembrance of feeling that as a kid. And I think that is something that makes some of these horror movies that explore that really effective.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:55

Man, that's such a great point. And now I'm actually looking at a top 40 fears among children's list. And I want to go down these real quick, and I want to see is there one that we can't immediately think of a horror movie that correlates to it yet?

SPEAKER_04 1:36:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:09

Alright. Number one, spiders, arachnophobia.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:12

Mm-hmm. The dark, boogeyman.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:15

Yeah. Got everything.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:16

A lot.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:17

Three, monsters under the bed or in the cupboard.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:20

Oh, yeah. Okay. Monsters Inc.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:22

Yep. Well, that's okay, horror movie. But monsters, we have a wide-ranging option. Also Boogeyman.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:28

Also Boogeyman. I know Boogeyman's explored a lot in this.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:31

Yeah, okay. Four, Thunder and Lightning.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:34

Okay. Well, I mean, that's more of like an ambiance kind of thing that happens in a lot of horror movies. But Twister. Twister, maybe. Yeah. It's child's play. The fog. But it's not thunder and lightning, but it's weather.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:47

Okay. Five. This is a this one is just for you, Mac and John. Wasps. We got Brightburn.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:53

Oh. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:56

Six. Here it is. Being alone.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:59

Skin emerge.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:00

And there it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:01

There it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:01

Yeah, okay. Seven, loud noises. Any James Wan film. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:07

Insidious.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:08

Yeah, you're right. Insidious. Okay. Eight, people wearing masks, any slasher ever.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:13

Nine, dogs, Cujo, Sean's Dreams, Pet Cemetery.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:17

Pet Cemetery, yeah. Sean's Dreams.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:19

Sean's Dreams. Ten, strangers. Again. I think most slashers. Strangers. Yeah. Eleven. Dentists. Doctor. Wait, it was Dr. Diggle Giggles? Hold on. Dentist horror movie. No, Dr. Giggiggles was a surgeon.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:34

Rob would know.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:35

Oh man, but also before Kane was Kane, he was also Dr. Isaac Yankum, the evil dentist.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:42

Oh shit. What a deep cut. Wrestling.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:45

Also, dentists could relate to like Saw.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:48

Could, but there actually is a 1996 horror slasher called The Dentist. Oh. I was gonna say, like, what's the Darkness Falls is the Tooth Fairy, isn't it? Hang tight. Hang tight, my love. We're we're getting there. Alright, so we have number 12, clowns.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:03

Oh yeah. Oh boy. Gotta love it. It killer clowns from out of space.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:07

13, ironically, ghosts. 13 ghosts. There we go.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:11

Of course. Of course.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:12

14 needles. Saw.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:14

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, or what's that? What's needles? What's that that D Schneider movie? He's like the singer from Twisted Sister. He's in a horror movie where he's like this serial killer that like hangs people by like he pierces them. He's into body piercing and he hangs them.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:33

Is it called Strangeland?

SPEAKER_04 1:38:35

Yes. That.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:36

I just Googled D. Snyder horror movie. Don't be impressed by me.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:39

I mean, I think that's the only one, but they're like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:42

I honestly was just thinking of Pinhead, like Halloween's in his face.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:46

I'm I here I am just digging deep for these.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:49

Yeah, you're getting like the deep cuts, the deep cuts. I love it. I was thinking Reanimator, but that's not super relevant for that.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:56

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:57

Okay, alright. Uh so then we have number 15, snakes.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:01

Okay, Anaconda, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:03

Yeah. 16, moths.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:06

Mothra.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:07

Mothra.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:08

Mothman prophecy.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:10

Mothra. 17. Death. So we got Final Destination. Yep. 18. Costume characters. So I'm thinking Winnie the Pooh, Bud and Honey.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:20

Naturally.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:21

I'm thinking Willie's Wonderland. Five Nights at Freddy. Five Nights at Freddy's son, you son of a bitch. Yeah. That's great. 19. Heights. There was that one fucking movie that came out earlier this year or last year where the two girls on a tower? The fall, right? Or something like that? Some shit like that. 20. Zombies, obviously. 21. Doctors, Dr. Giggles. 22, here's some saw shit. Toilets and bathrooms. Amineyville toilet. That's for you, Rob.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:48

Are they scared of them, or is it the stress of being forced to learn how to use them? You know? Is that what's who knows? Are they scary? They think they're gonna fall in?

SPEAKER_03 1:39:57

Or is it the stress of being on one? Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:01

Public bathrooms are scary, so you should always be scared of that, kids. They very well can be scary.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:07

Yeah. Just look at fucking Scream 2. Put your ear up to a stall one time and all of a sudden you're stabbed. Number 23, blood. So much.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:16

Yeah, every movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:17

Evil Dead. 24. 70 million movies about this with sharks.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:22

Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Jaws, got it.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:24

25 is bullshit because it's a repeat, but loneliness in general. 26, we have bears, cocaine bear. Or Winnie the Pooh, Blood and Honey. 27, we have cats.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:35

Okay. Cats, Salem's Lot. I feel like Salem's lot comes to mind for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:40

I was also gonna say Pet Cemetery because of church, but Yes, that too.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:44

Yeah. Stephen King.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:46

28. I think Pet Cemetery still applies, Binks. Loss.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:49

Baba Duke.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:50

That's a good chip. 29, ants.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:53

Ants? Ants. There's this the classic ones where the ants are giant. Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:59

I don't remember this. Here we go. This is the whore bullshit we've been waiting for. Number 30, Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:05

Yeah, we got it. Silent night, deadly night. Silent night, deadly night for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:10

31, flying, so final destination. 32, worms.

SPEAKER_05 1:41:15

Tremors, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:17

33 dolls. You know what? And we're almost done here, but 33 we have dolls. 34 we have water. Wait, is water repeat? Jaws?

SPEAKER_04 1:41:26

No, sharks. Kind of. I mean, it's like water, shark adjacent, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:31

35, we have birds, so the fucking birds.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:34

The birds. Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:36

36 cars and other vehicles. So many options here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:40

Stephen King, once again.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:41

37 butterflies. Okay, so there is from 2012. A reclusive and butterfly obsessed elderly lady suffering from bipolar disorder develops a disturbing relationship with a mysterious but seemingly innocent youngster. It's called the Butterfly Room, 2012.

SPEAKER_05 1:41:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:57

38, we have Fish Piranha. 39, we have Forests.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:01

Forests? Oh yeah. What's that? There's like that foreign horror film where they explore that forest in, I think it's Japan, where people go and commit suicide and shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:11

The suicide forest.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:12

Yeah, the suicide forest, yeah, I guess. Yeah. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:14

And then last but not least, we have, of course, our darling. We know her, we love her, the Tooth Fairy. Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:21

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:22

Alright, well, there it is. Top 40 childhood fears, and they've all been done in fucking movies. Stellar.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:28

Yep. Well, they missed one, and that was Fungi, because there is a horror movie called Shrooms. I think it was really fun. I really enjoyed that film a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:37

Well, damn. There's also a great episode of The X-Files dealing with Fungi.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:40

I won't talk about it because if we ever fucking review that movie Shrooms, I just wanna just want everyone's reaction to it.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:47

Are you gonna do it while you're on shrooms? So that's the only way it's gonna get in the lineup.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:51

Uh no, I think it'll get in the lineup. I think we can get it in.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:55

He's like, um I don't think it's not terrible.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:58

And we're here to review good and bad, right? So, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get it in there. Watch your fingers.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:09

Curve it. Approved.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:13

Found it. There's a will, there's a fucking way.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:20

I love the determination. It's out of hand. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:25

I feel like we need a number of days since our last nonsense, and it just needs to be reflecting Sean's hot streak of anyway. It's crazy, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:34

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:37

I'm sorry. I'm really stuck, and maybe this is another fucking surprise. Lizzie Kaplan is Janice for Mean Girls? What the fuck? Take a lap, Chris. I had no idea. Listen.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:48

Take a lap.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:49

I literally was just fucking scrolling IMDb real quick when we talked about Lizzie Kaplan because Mac talks about her from Castle Rock. Mentioned me uh New Girl, and I was like, I don't think I've ever seen, I think this is my first Lizzie Kaplan product, and then I got to 2008 on her filmography, and I was like, oh, Cloverfield. I've seen Cloverfield. I don't remember Cloverfield. Yeah, great. Um, however, what the fuck? Janice? Amazing. Fucking amazing.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:17

That's funny. She was also really good in the first season of Truth Be Told.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:22

I haven't seen any of that.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:23

Oh, come on.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:24

Dude, she's so good. Yeah, I mean, listen, hey, I'm a fan. This is great. I'm a fan, but fuck. Good for her. Aging like fine wine, this one. I'm starting to think, Mac, we just need to get you a new TV.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:40

My TV is a beautiful TV, but anytime that they're like near black, I can't watch it unless it's nighttime. I think and yes, I watched the movie in the middle of the day.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:48

Calibrate your shit, bro. This is getting when it's one or two movies, I'm like, all right, maybe. But like I had no trouble watching this on my TV. No, I'm I'm Team Mac.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:56

I also struggled big time. I struggled.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:59

I did not, I did not have that issue. There were it was it was a dark film for sure, but I I didn't have trouble necessarily seeing anything unless it was intentional and not allowing you to see anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:10

But why I wouldn't know the difference.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:12

Like what the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 1:45:13

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:15

You know what it sounds like to me? It sounds like when I go to a place and I specifically request no lettuce on my sandwich, and then I open it up and it's the entire inventory of lettuce on the sandwich and I rage zero to a thousand, that's what it feels like.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:28

But specifically, that when you look at the burger, you would never even see the lettuce. All of a sudden, when you take a bite, there's a fuck ton of lettuce. Yeah, and you're like, how the fuck did this happen? Yeah, yeah. That's what that's it.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:37

One time I cracked open a Jake and quesadilla, took a bite. Why the fuck was there lettuce in that quesadilla? Quesadilla don't even come with lettuce.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:44

Puts lettuce in a quesadilla.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:46

Exactly. Exactly. But now I understand what Binks is saying about this movie. What the fuck? Do I agree? Not necessarily, but I understand. And thank you for painting such a clear picture. I was channeling Mac. Also, this is a weird thing. I think his beard looks fucking terrible. I think the way that his beard is growing out, it's it looks like it doesn't belong on his face. It's like the length of the hair on the neck is shorter than the longer than the neck length of the hair on his cheeks, and it's just it's fucking disgusting. His beard was one of the worst parts of the fucking movie for me. And I I wish I could tell you why, but it looked almost more like pubic hair than beard hair.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:27

Oh my.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:28

It was terrible, Biggs. Oh my. It was terrible. Mac and Sean don't look like that ever. That's just this one guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:36

You don't know. Maybe Anthony Starr is like insecure about you know his facial hair growth.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:40

Then they should have given him a fucking beard wig.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:44

You're so right though. Classic situation where your parents are arguing, you gotta haul ass and pretend like you're not sleeping. Like if they weren't like if they were born yesterday, like they don't know that you were definitely eavesdropping. I've been there and I've had to like full on fake it till you make it. Yeah. I've like pretended to snore and shit, and I don't even snore.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:04

The best bit would be if your mom to this day thinks you snore.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:07

Nah, that would be, but no, she's like, You're not you you think you're a good actress, and you are sometimes, but not this time.

SPEAKER_04 1:47:16

Oh well. I I didn't mind the aspect of like, are the parents psychopaths? Are they not? Are they good? Are they bad?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:24

Happy birthday, Sean.

SPEAKER_04 1:47:25

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:26

Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

SPEAKER_04 1:47:29

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:31

Demon girl. Demon girl. Does whatever demon girl. Come the fuck on, Brian. This is why you didn't make it. Poor decisions. You dumb fuck. Although Brian was giving me the energy that maybe he had a crush on Peter. That's just me. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:50

Could be. Okay, not for anything. There was a little bit of smising when he even returned that pumpkin.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:54

Yeah. The pumpkin that had boobs drawn on its face from a nose. Saggy barbarian boobs is what was drawn on that pumpkin's face.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:02

Oh no. Man. And so once again, because he couldn't admit to Peter, you know, what what his feelings were, what the what the truth was, he gets killed. Just like Peter's parents. You know, that really the message here is to communicate, apparently.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:17

I'm gonna I'm at McDonald's or something, right? Because their coke hits different, right? And you're like, man, I'm about to that sounded bad.