353: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, and that is how I know you. Go on. Spooky season, greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hacker Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. Wanna make babies? If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack, a total joke, a waste of time, or a slash.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Totally killer, pun intended.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're rating these movies with a perspective we've gained from our very walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slash enthusiast. This week I'm joined by the Superfly Space Guy Mac.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

These sort of outbursts aren't entirely uncommon. Many women have them at the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

And the classic horror connoisseur Sean.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Time to die, you scarfaced limp dick.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

This week we're returning to the Dreamscape as we revisit another pillar of the slasher subgenre.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

And during the spooky season, you'll get to test drive one of our patron perks by checking out our B side at the end of this episode where we reminisce about our high school years and talk about whatever the hell Chubby Bunny is and how we would take down Freddy in our own nightmare standoff.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Now, when last we visited this franchise, Alice Johnson vanquished Freddy by making him confront his own reflection, and the souls he consumed tore him apart. In this week's film, Freddie's back, and the threat extends beyond Alice's dreams, as Freddy finds a path to the real world through the sleeping mind of an unborn child. The concept of Freddy using a baby to return to power had been tossing around for years, with early pitches dating back to as early as Dream Warriors. Now an executive producer who was a new mother at the time suggested incorporating the themes of family and birth to make the story more relevant for fans who were now starting their own families before the vinyl version took shape. Horror legends like Stephen King, Frank Miller, and even the crow director, Alex Troyus, were offered the chance to write or direct the film, but all of them turned it down. Eventually, the creative team settled on a blend of nightmare logic and a more personal, family-centered horror in an attempt to keep Freddy's story fresh. Were they successful? We're about to find out. This week we're talking about a nightmare on Elm Street 5, The Dream Child. Who's seen this one before?

SPEAKER_03 2:22

I've definitely seen this one before. It's been a long time. A nightmare on Elm Street as a whole has not been like a franchise that I have been revisiting often over the last few years. I'm not really sure why. It just kind of been hitting the back burner, if you will. So it has been a number of years since I've seen The Dream Child.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

I have not seen this before, and it feels like I did in certain parts, thanks to the previous installment. But no, this was my first time watching this, and this is now the furthest I've made it into Elm Street.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

I've seen this one before, and I've binged all the movies in the franchise before. But uh, let me tell you, that doesn't actually prove to be very promising for me, and Mac I'm curious to hear what your expectations were, because my memory serves as the previous film, Dream Master, being the last serviceable film for a while. And by a while I mean only until we get Wes Craven's New Nightmare. So I wasn't going into this one with high hopes, but were you?

SPEAKER_01 3:18

You know, I had very low, if any, expectations. I just expected Freddy to kill some kids in their nightmares, to use some one-liners, and to give us some body horror. That was it. That was my only thing going into this film.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

I think that's totally fair. What else do you expect from a nightmare in Elm Street film, especially this far into the franchise? You know you're gonna get some Freddy one-liners, you're gonna get some kills, some teenagers doing some dumb shit or getting fucked with in their dreams, you know. That's really what you're that's what you're looking for. Some cool kills, some funny, cheesy one-liners, and maybe some good effects.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

That's what you hope for. And while watching this, I have to admit, is it okay that I missed the cockroach scene? You know, I felt a bit underwhelmed with a lot of the pacing and the action in this movie. I feel like it was lacking compared to previous films for two-thirds of the whole movie.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Now, I watched an uncut VHS copy of this one, and that was a fun way to watch the movie, and thank God that novelty was there because it's the only thing I could really cling to. Because unfortunately, I end up feeling bored just waiting for the next set of kills. Mackie mentioned earlier, body horror, Freddy, maybe some one-liners. That's what you really look for in a nightmare on Elm Street movie, but I think I would hope for the valleys between the peaks to not be as low as they were in this film.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

Yeah, I mean, I can definitely see those points. I still feel like I had some fun with the plot. I think there were some moments that felt fun. There are some sequences that I think are kind of enjoyable to watch, especially with the kills that we get in this movie, which we're gonna get into in a bit. But yeah, the movie I think was just kind of silly, felt a little clunky at the same time. There's a lot of mixed emotions while watching this one. You know, you've got some really good stuff there, you've got a really cool concept. What are you gonna do with it? That's where it kind of goes up and down.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

And one thing that really went down was the fucking body count in this movie, and I know we're gonna talk about that later.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

Way down.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

But that was honestly my biggest disappointment. Now, what we do see was fun in the uncut version. I believe they're even extended, but I needed more of that because this ended up feeling less like a fun romp with Freddy, and then also some kills, and more like a can we please just move this shit on.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

As we're talking about scenes that have a little bit of action in them, there's one towards the end of the film that was a really pleasant surprise for me, and it honestly has nothing to do with the action of it all. It has an MC Esher style staircase, and that always screams Labyrinth to me. Yeah. So I'm I'm I love Labyrinth top three movies of all time for me. And so that just excited me as soon as we got to that because there was a lot of lulls trying to get there, and when we saw that, I was like, ooh, fun. I have no idea if they were just going for MC Esher or if somebody on the filmmakers team there likes the movie Labyrinth because it's a masterpiece. I don't know, I was hoping for the latter, but it excited me to see it.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

Yeah, who knows? I'm really curious to see which direction this goes in for the both of you. I was surprised, speaking of direction, in the direction this movie went in. I know we talked about or you talked about, Chris, that they went really trying to get this idea developed into movies from even just a few movies ago, right? And they finally got it in there, but it really felt like a really devious and cruel thing for Freddy to do. Then they throw some even more cheesy than usual one-liners in there, and it gives you like these mixed feelings because it's sinister, but it's also hilarious at the same time. It's almost like the dad jokes that Freddy's really throwing out there this time, so it felt a little bit cheesier, but I was surprised in the way that they went with this story, whether or not they were trying to get it for years or not. But dude, we're gonna talk about the kill count and all that stuff, and it is lower than usual. But the fucking kill sequences for me were really fun, they were super creative for sure, and we'll dive more into it. But I gotta say, my that wasn't my biggest disappointment. It wasn't the amount of kills that we get in this movie. My biggest disappointment was really the execution of an otherwise interesting plot with a lot of potential, because I think they could have done a little bit more with what they had.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

You know, there was a point in time in literature when you basically just followed a single storyline to completion. That was it. Right. And then a madman came around and was like, what if we follow multiple characters, multiple plot points, and we do it all in one novel, and things have not been the same ever since. Okay. And so what they do with this story is incredibly interesting as an idea, but I will agree with you on execution that they kind of just drop the ball here a bit. We really kind of had a rush, and we'll talk about that in a minute, to wrap up all those loose ends. But I think interestingly enough, for me, it lessened the feeling that this was a horror movie. For a minute there, we're we're focusing on the past, but then technically we're focusing on the future of a character, and it was giving me soap opera in certain places. Obviously, we've got Freddie Krueger and we've got some kills, and I'm sure we have some fears for a lot of folks, especially ones that deal with water. That was probably a big one here. But I just I don't think it really made it made it scary. If anything, I kind of wanted to dive deeper. I wanted to go into the mythos of Freddie after watching this. But I just it it took away from it being scary. You gotta keep it simple for it to be scary.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

It certainly isn't scary, but I want to go back to Sean what you said about how fun the death sequences were and the kills in general.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Because while it wasn't scary, wow, did some of these make me squirm?

SPEAKER_04 9:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Not from fear, but but from holy shit, I can almost feel something like that going into my hand. Woo! Yep. And it feels relentless. So again, this is almost like an EKG, and I feel like the spikes of the heart are going up, and then as soon as they go down, it's really fucking low. But man, when this movie is high, it's high. And I think one thing you can really give this movie credit for is continuing to find borderline convoluted ways to keep Freddy coming back, and sometimes it actually works. So while I have previously shared in my track record of this franchise, this is where it really starts to go low. At least they're at least they're a little different. It's the same, but it's also different.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

But I think that's it right there. I was talking about it earlier. This Freddy is it's pretty fucking evil despite his cheesy dad joke equivalent one-liners. I feel like the premise of this film is pretty fucking scary to think about, even if it is a bit far-fetched. But I don't think you are getting obviously quite as many jump scares as you would normally expect from maybe a nightmare in Elm Street film. But what it lacks in those jump scares, it definitely makes up for with creativity and gives us some really cool moments in which the characters meet their timely demise, or untimely demise, rather.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

But in many cases, this seemed like something I had already seen. I legit questioned whether or not I had in many scenes. I was like, did they reuse a shot? Did they reuse some of the props or the sets or something? Something just seemed so familiar for like 60% of the film.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

That honestly could be just how it is related to the previous film. You know, we've had kind of a thread for a few films, but the first few films weren't as hardcore into that. And so I think that is both good because you can track some characters, and bad because it's kind of boring at this point. It's like uh move on, pick some new kids.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Yeah, that's where I really struggle with it. We have the first nightmare on Elm Street, and then in the second one, we are moved on from Nancy. Right. She's not a part of the picture. She does return for a great movie in Dream Warriors, but then in Dream Master, we kind of get a boring final girl, and she has certainly grown into her power, and she becomes less boring throughout that movie. But that group of characters weren't super charming. They weren't the people that I wanted to follow. And I think there's a reason why one of my favorite Nightmare and Elm Street movies, aside from the original, is the one where Heather Langingcamp comes back as Heather Langencamp. Give me someone to really root for.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Yeah, for sure. You know, I didn't get really hung up on a lot of this stuff. I think that what this movie was able to do, I think giving you this almost gothic tone in some areas was a little bit different. I think having that sinister plot allowed for this movie to stand out a little bit from the previous installments. I think those are the pockets where it feels different. The atmosphere in certain areas feels a little bit different than what we saw in previous installments. And I just think the story, obviously, same type of shit. Freddy's coming for you in dreams and whatnot, but it's really just how he does it in this one that I think is just a little bit different, and I think it stands out in originality.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

You mentioned the story, making it original, and and parts of that story I think really do make this stand out from previous films. It's interesting. We have a twist and we have characters and stuff, but then when we go to wrap it up, it was too convoluted at that point. We're trying to put together this complex puzzle in 20 minutes at best. And I think that's where the ending suffers is having to do that, having to sort through all of that because we do get a lot of good action at the end of this film. We get some really great practical effects, some really cool scenes and some really cool Freddy Krueger stuff. But at the same time, then we're forced to rapidly put everything to a close when we should have been already kind of working towards that.

SPEAKER_03 12:59

Yeah, I'm not sure. Does it feel rushed in a way? Maybe when you get towards the end, I'm not sure. I feel like there's a lot happening to your point in this movie, and the ending is no exception to that. I feel like from the plan to take Freddy down to the plot reveal and all the way to the final moments of the film, it was truly something to behold, but I feel like there were parts that I liked and disliked about the ending, so it's kind of a mixed bag for me. I like what they were trying to do, but I don't think it was super flushed out or executed well. I like parts I don't like parts. I do like the final moments of the film, though. I felt like it was a proper way to end it. I don't know how else you're gonna land the plane. I wish there was a little bit more of that, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Yeah, if this plane was landed, it's scraping along the runway, and the landing gear is just like barely holding on, it's not completely out. Nobody dies, fell off, so that's great. The plane didn't shatter on impact. So again, that's great.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

That's good, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

But it doesn't get credit for a beautiful landing, and that's where I struggle with this movie. Because yes, there are some parts that are good, but most of the parts are exactly the reason why when this movie was done, I looked across the living room and said, Well, that shit's done. Then I got my spooky nuggets out of the fucking oven and I proceeded to go back to the TV to watch some reality TV. Now, that is not a feeling I want to get from a Nightmare and Upstream movie. This franchise should be fun. Freddy is incredible. For as bad as some of those movies are, he is solid in almost every single one of them, from what I can recall. He is not someone, even if I look at Halloween, there's some bad Michael Myers, but there is never a bad Freddy except for the remake. And so that's not the lasting impression, that's not the taste that I want in my mouth when I finish a nightmare on Om Street film, and that's where I struggle. But that's neither here nor there. We're gonna get to the ratings here in a bit, but before we do, Sean, how would you describe the gore score?

SPEAKER_03 15:00

I think for 1989 this movie is pretty gory, and I think there are some moments that are still pretty gnarly even for today. We see some wild shit, a lot of really messed up stuff that happens to the characters in this movie. Something that felt different than other films, I think. And it's a lot of practical effects that just look really fucking cool. And so I feel like it's fair to give this a medium gore score because while there is a lot of gruesome scenes, it doesn't really feel as hard to watch as some of what we have been exposed to in some more modern films. So you gotta take all that into account as you're setting out to watch this film. So we'll give it a nice happy medium.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

And what about the animal report?

SPEAKER_01 15:43

I think we're all good in the hood here.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Alright, well, we'll go ahead and get into our ratings. Then a nightmare on Elm Street 5, The Dream Child from 1989. Was it a hack or a slash? And I think you all know that I'm gonna just get this shit right out of the way. In our last episode covering Dream Master, I pointed out how unsatisfying so much of the film was because I wasn't invested in Alice as a character, and it felt really like a regurgitation of what we had already gotten in the franchise. And I said that movie managed to do enough in spite of its bad parts to still be a slash. But this one just does not make the cut. Robert is still great, Freddie is still Freddy. And if I can watch a supercut of just his moments, that's that would be wonderful. But the problem is this movie is more than just moments with Freddie, and the rest of the movie feels like it's struggling and choking on its own plot. And the idea of making a child-centered nightmare on Elm Street to align with the aging fans of the franchise, it yeah, it feels like a really cool idea, but its execution just feels bizarre and honestly boring. And that's not something Freddie Krueger should ever be. Should never be boring. This movie was a chore to get through, and it's a hack.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Wow. I'm gonna jump in so Sean can redeem this movie because it was a snooze for me. Literally, I fell asleep multiple times. You know that not full deep sleep, but the kind where you kind of like, oh crap, I missed something. Let me wake back up and keep watching. It just felt like rinse and repeat with lemon zest, but the zest here wasn't interesting enough to bring Freddy back to his full life for me. I mean, sure, Freddie does what Freddie does. He kills teens in their dreams with grotesque body horror and twisted set design. That's all you need there. But the story was somehow overly complicated and yet too simple. The characters were kind of forgettable for me. The kills were just not as exciting as they could have been, except for one of them. And the third act was just the final straw. It honestly went out with a whimper. So part five is a hack for Mac.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Woof, man. Well, you know what? I honestly, I'm just gonna say it. I honestly don't know why this movie gets such a bad rap. I really don't. Here's the thing: this movie for me is way more fun than it has any right to be. There were some really funny moments. I know there was like a lot of execution issues, there were some parts that were kind of boring and whatnot, but there's still a lot of stuff to have fun with in this movie. And maybe it's just the mood I was in when I set out to watch this movie. Maybe it's just the year of Sean having fun, I don't know. But this one was more psychological almost. I feel like the storyline or plot was pretty wild, pretty diabolical. I really enjoyed the concept for this one. The kills or deaths were super creative and visually really fucking awesome. There was some sinister, I don't know, there was something sinister about Freddy this time around. Freddy was feeling extra saucy in this one. And hell, I don't even think, despite really caring for the actors on the personal level or really wanting to see one live or the other, I don't think the acting was half bad in this movie, but I get it. It's also kind of a bad movie. I get it because the execution of the plot wasn't handled super well, you know. It felt clunky, maybe even absurd at times, but there is just something about Freddy's cringy one-liners that are so bad, they're good. And they make me laugh, they make me smile, and I just could not help but have a good time watching this one. And I think, as crazy as this one might be, this is one of the darkest nightmares that Freddy has created so far in the franchise. And I think this one is worth the trip to Elm Street. It's a nightmarish slash for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Wow, that really is a nightmare. And with that, a nightmare on Elm Street 5, the dream child has narrowly evaded a universal hack because Sean's in a good mood. It turned two hacks and one slash, but I'm so glad he's having fun, and there's a lot more to discuss when we return from our break. Now, if you've already seen this one before, please, what would you rate it? Do you align with Mac and I? Are you having just as much fun as Sean is? Let us know. You can join the conversation for free over in our Discord server, and you can find the link to join that conversation in our show notes. But if you haven't seen it yet, maybe there's hope for you yet, you can follow the link in our show notes to see where you can watch it right now. And when we return from break, we'll dive deep into the spoiler zone territory, assess how great Freddy really was, and also unpack the alarming amount of fetus in this movie. We'll see you in a bit.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

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SPEAKER_00 22:07

Dan. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

That's so good.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Dan feels like he suffered so much. And I'm curious to hear from both of you because I haven't watched the standard cut of this movie in a very long time. I watched the uncut version today, and I know that there's some extension in the kill scenes.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

So maybe it doesn't hit the same. I'm not sure. But his death was completely brutal. He was penetrated by cables and wires while the motorcycle speeds down the road. And here's the thing though, with all of those things going into his hands, we've seen this a similar thing before in Dream Warriors when we have the veins and the marionette with that with our sleepwalker. But in this particular one, his anguish and his nightmare was incredibly palpable. His death was fucking horrific. And then to know that he died just down the street from Alice.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

In a car wreck. And then you get the almost Freddy-like fake out of the driver of the truck that he crashed into.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

It's really great because one, just the visual effects that you're getting of Dan fusing with this motorcycle and having the different parts integrate into his body and things like that. But you have the visually really fun aspect of the kill sequence, but then you also have that harsh reality of what happened in real life. And I think that's something to be said about pretty much, I feel like a lot of the kills, right, in this movie, or the kills in this movie, is that you're getting like this really cool what's happening to them in this dream sequence that Freddie's creating that kind of clouds what's actually happening in real life, and then boom, you're hit with reality. And yeah, man, you didn't fuse with a motorcycle, you just fucking rammed into somebody and died brutal.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Yeah, I think that was a clear favorite because it looked so cool when he was fused. It kind of looked like some kind of like mech suit. It was giving me like gyver. I I thought that was actually really neat. Unfortunately, he was using it against him and not helping him in some sort of cool way. I think, like you mentioned, Sean, there's only really aside from Freddie, three other kills, and that's legit 50% from the previous film. The first film, we started out with something like four kills, you know. We went up, we went up from there. I think by the time we got to like part three, it was insane. No, part three had six kills in it. So yeah, we're looking good, we're getting a lot of kills, and this one you get three to choose from, which is a bummer. Because do you even do you really count Freddie's like banishment? He didn't die, he just got cordoned off. But I think Greta's the one that stuck with me because it one reminds me of something called Chubby Bunny, but two, it was disgusting. It was so gnarly, and she didn't deserve that whatsoever. And perhaps that's why it was the perfect kill for her. But that was messed up. The idea of sitting there like choking with a massive amount of food being shoved down your throat, and then in real life, you're in the middle of this dinner party and you just collapse from not being able to breathe. That is terrifying.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

It is definitely terrifying. It's actually one of the darker kills in the movie for sure, because you think about the trauma that Greta probably has with her mom shaming her, food shaming her, right? Like that's problematic in and of itself. But you think of that, and now Freddie's just playing off of that fear, if you will, or that emotion or that trauma that you have, and really playing into that in that nightmare and just force feeding you until you choke on all this food in your mouth, and then she just ends up choking in real life and just boom, right on the dinner table in front of her family or in front of the family and friends, right? Like it's just a party. It's just crazy, but it is one of the darker kills in the film. I do think Mark's was still fun. It wasn't like the craziest kill, but I think it was fun. It was creative because Mark getting sucked into this comic book by Freddie in the dream world and turned into this paper version of himself and just being sliced into tiny pieces, you know, which obviously in reality, Mark's getting crushed to death by like some shelving or whatever the hell it was. Shit just fell on him and he died. But like just the sequence of seeing, even if the effects were 1989 in that part weren't the greatest, I think it was still a fun time. It was different, right? We haven't seen a comic book Freddy kill before, so I love to see something new and innovative. And I thought it was fun, man. I thought it was fun. I'd like to see a little bit more. I'd love to see it. I really just feel like I wanted more comic book like sequence. There's a lot of potential there with a comic book Freddy kill.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Am I the only one who got aha vibes from that kill? It was only four or five years, something like that. Probably four years after that song and the music video. So it's got to be fresh in their minds when they were making it.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

I mean, probably. I don't know if I got that right when I watched it. I think I was too enthralled and like, ooh, we we're doing this new comic booky thing, and I'm kind of here for it. But it was all fun. But I think that's what makes these kills and the creativity and the practical effects and different things that they used in this film is what makes this movie a little bit special. I think that's one of my favorite things in the film is the practical effects. And you know, I'm just a big practical effects guy, but I think, man, if you look at what they did, the motorcycle scene with Dan and just seeing all of that shit happening as he transforms into this motorcycle, super fucking cool. Obviously, Greta getting the food shoved in her face and her face blowing up, that was wild, and then seeing the comic book stuff, super cool. Even the little baby Freddy that we see. I mean, it's not the first baby that we've explored this year, but it was one of the grossest and and fun babies we've seen.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

Yeah, we're gonna need top five best babies, best in show at the end of the year.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Fetal villains.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Exactly. The fetal villains. Listen, Sean, you're right. As absurd as this movie is, the practical effects in this franchise are still top-notch. And that's part of what makes this franchise watchable, even when the movies aren't good. And for example, you just brought it up. Fetus Freddie in the church before he appears to Alice, or Freddy separating his arm while he's in Dan's car, or the wires on the motorcycle that I mentioned earlier sliding into Dan's veins and his hands, because Terminator Freddy is taking the wheel as if he's Jesus. This movie looks great even when it's having its shitty moments. But the fucked up Freddy, the fetus Freddy, I just gotta say it for all my Dead by Daylight players out there. He's reminiscent of the POV when you play the twins as killer in Dead by Daylight.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

It's just like a little low to the ground, and you're just like this little he's not a fetus in the game. At least, you know, he's I think it's like a conjoined twin, but he's just like scurrying around the map, and it's fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

I can only imagine. Well, I'm gonna jump on this train then as well because the practical effects are the best thing to look at in this movie, is because stuff is real, or because you can't really tell what's what and what's cut and what's in front of this and what's in front of that. When Freddie the idea of Freddy emerging from your own body is disturbing, but when we get to see it on screen, it was incredibly satisfying. You know, Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, favorites of mine for sure, the Army of Darkness, where Evil Ash splits off from the other Ash. Fantastic. It was giving me those vibes here because Freddie's popping out of like different, you know, limbs and splitting off at the face, and that was like completely twisted as well. I just love that whole segment. That was so much fun. I didn't even know, like, how do they make it look like his arm's coming out of your arm? Like, what magic do you have to have before CGI was big to do that? I don't care. It looked great.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

It did. I just love the reaction from the nurse in that whole segment because the nurse is literally just trying to prep her for it and she's like, Oh, you know, just give it a chance, kind of thing, you know? Like she's really just trying to say it's gonna be okay, you know, and then she sees it and she's like, No fucking way, get this fucking thing out, get this thing away from me.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Going back to the nurse and the nuns and the asylum and everything with that. My favorite scene has like very little to do with practical effects, has very little to do with kills. It's a nightmare. And that's just Alice walking through the asylum that first time where she's dressed as the nun. And then you get to the moment where you see Robert England without makeup, just Liley following her in the crowd. That was a lot of fun for me because they have this like mythos thing. They're having this history that they're injecting, and this, of course, his mom that they're trying to splice into this movie. And that was just really interesting to see. I want us to start out there at some point in another film when they reboot this in 25 years, when they get the rights sorted out and they want to do it again with the correct actor.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Not a nightmare and Elm Street getting the first omen treatment, the first Freddy treatment. I don't know, man. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

The first omen was good though.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

But it was good, but would they do this as well? I don't know. I don't know if it's there. See, the opening nightmare, Mac, I'm so glad you bring it up. That is actually my favorite scene in the movie. It is hilarious because just like a a moment and a quote from the last film, it does give the idea of a wet dream a whole new meaning. Because she goes from a dream about the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy of Dan. So thinking about this movie being a year after the events of the previous film, she feels safe, she feels comfortable, she's young, she's in love, she thinks the worst is behind her, and then all of a sudden she's drowning in the shower, and then all of a sudden she sees herself as Amanda Kruger. And we've been hearing about Amanda Kruger for a couple movies now. We get the lore of how Freddie was conceived by however many maniacs in this asylum. That was chilling. And it was such a great start to the movie. I only wish that it could have still had that same amount of impact because when we start fluttering back and forth between the sets and we think about like her getting back into the Amanda Krueger of it all, it all comes back around in the end, but it feels overdone at that point.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

Yeah, it was a little bit wild for sure, that opening like segment in the insane asylum or whatever the hell we were watching. But I think there's just a lot of I don't know, something about this movie. There's a lot of just like really fun moments in the film. There's the scene where Alice is pulling Mark out of that hole or whatever, and it's not even that that it was good, it was actually so bad that you can see the lines that are holding Mark up if you look closely enough. And that to me, you could call that a movie fuck up or whatever, but that to me just added something to the film that I thought was hilarious to watch. I do love the ultrasound scene where she's tripping out and sees Freddie pumping her baby with the souls of her friends. That was wild. The gender reveal part that Freddie did was hilarious. I think I loved little moments like what the what was that plant stand thing that was in Alice's room that looked like just the torso or like below the torso, like just the legs and like the half of the upper torso. Like, what the hell? Who has that in their house? That's such a weird plant stand to have.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yeah, that was a fun little detail. And my wife caught that when I was watching it, and I didn't even notice it. And when they showed it again, I was like, that looks like they just bought like a jeans mannequin, you know? Yeah. And just turned it into a plant stand.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Yeah, what the hell is that? That's so wild. Let me tell you though, Greta or whoever, the room with all the dolls, that's a hard no for me. Anytime you walk into a room and there's a bunch of dolls, it's a hard no. There's no way I'm spending 30 seconds in a room like that. I think of the pool scene. Oh, actually, speaking of pool scenes, what's up with the was it these kids are like graduating, maybe they're going to college, but there's that pool scene that had high school posters on it, so it felt like this was a pool at a high school. I could be wrong. I don't know if they really explained that well enough, but they had like tons of beer and shit all around the pool, and I'm just thinking to myself, like, what fucking high school pool is? This is a party. Like, what's happening here? That was wild. But the pool scene with Yvonne and how Freddy starts fucking with her as she falls for what feels like a fucking eternity with music that sounds like we should be watching Phantom of the Opera or some shit, and somehow she still manages to land a perfect dive. What in the holy hell?

SPEAKER_00 34:47

Okay. I want to take this moment to yet again evangelize about Robert English as the Phantom in the Phantom of the Opera, because that was a way better fucking movie than this.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

I actually bought it on Blu-ray. That's how good it is.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

It was still a fun moment, but even just talking about I guess my favorite scene, if I really had to narrow it down to one, and I was talking about it earlier, but it's the whole comic book sequence of Mark's kill, the comic book scene where Mark getting sucked into Freddy's comic book world, if you will, and Freddie's like skateboarding and then turning into the supervillain and Mark turning into the superhero and ultimately dying by the getting sliced up. There's just something that was so fun about that, just to go back to it a little bit, because there's just some moments in there, and I wish we got more, but there's just some moments in there that I just really enjoyed, maybe because it was so new.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

What was up with Mark? Okay, because he actually seemed kind of cool, but they tried to make him seem so nerdy or so like he they tried to play him off like a loner, but he was actually very social and had friends, and they had to take him out in ways that looked like suicide at one point. And it's just weird how they were treating the poor guy because he was just trying to live his life and have his crush, and he his art actually looked cool. The character probably would have done well.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

Absolutely, absolutely. I don't know why that had to happen to him, but you know, nobody's safe. Nobody's safe in these movies.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

Apparently not. That whole friend group was cool because they were varied. You've got Dan and Greta, who are probably the closest, I think, and kind of being very similar, but everyone else had their own thing going on, and that is my kind of friend group. You got a little variety. Yvonne was fun. Yeah. Just a fun human being and a skeptic, which I appreciated heavily.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yeah, I think this friend group had a similar composition as pretty little liars. And I think that's about the only charm that it had for me. I think my problem is that it may be this is because I really liked, again, the original friend group from the first film. I even liked Jesse and Enamer and Elm Street 2. I even liked the group in Dream Warriors, but there's something about Alice and her friends that I find it really difficult to latch on to. So the characters feel largely bland. But I did like Dan in this movie better than the previous. It was sad to see him go.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

That's true, especially because when he got the call, when she was just like, things are going down, I need you here. I mean, he cursed once because he was probably concerned, is what it sounded like. But he got in the car. He found his way to head to his girlfriend right away. And you gotta give him props for being that responsive and for not being the type kind of guy who's gonna be like, Oh, you'll be fine, talk to you later or something. No, he was let me get the keys, let me head over. And then for his death to go out with him like speeding, it you know, driving in a car and then a motorcycle, and in reality it never was on the motorcycle, it was like punishment for being decent.

SPEAKER_03 37:42

Yeah, there was still a lot of fun with the characters. I think I yeah, I don't resonate with the whole friend group as I did in previous installments, but I think it was still fun for what it was, and I think they made up for that with the kill sequences and things. But truly, I think the kid that played Jacob was the best actor in this film, for sure. Second to Freddy, but it just he was so good, it didn't make any sense. This infant baby is dreaming, and this is what we're supposed to see, but this is like a kid that's I don't know, eight years old. It just all of it just felt a little bit strange, but I do think the kid was great. Was he in like a children of the corn movie? Because I feel like he should be in a children of the corn movie.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Okay, here's the thing he fucking looks just like him. You're thinking of John Franklin from Children of the Corn Tailspin, Darkwing Duck, the Addams Family, Tiny Toon Adventures? What Aladdin?

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Aladdin.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Glee. Oh, this is actually where I know him from. It's Glee. Because when I saw this fucking kid, when I saw Jacob for the first time, I said, why does this baby look like an old man? And it's because this actor as Dakota Stanley looks exactly as he did as a child, but with more wrinkles.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Oh my gosh. Well, either way, he looks like he could be in the next fucking Children of the Corn installment. So kudos to him. But I I did like him despite him being absolutely absurd as a concept.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

The fact that he was never in a Children of the Corn movie is fucking outrageous.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

It's a travesty, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Can we take a second to talk about the the three different storylines we have going on? Because two of them added complexity and could have been executed in a really fun way. But having the whole Amanda Krueger thing at the same time as exploring a baby who is apparently a child in dreamland, Jacob. Right. That was weird. But like they failed to really make the most out of both of them. And then she was just like, yo, dog, use the power that Freddie, because he was trying to teach you his ways so that he could possess your body. And then he's like, Oh, right, right, right, let me just shoot out a vine out of my chest that will then make the souls inside of him that he put into me actually draw him closer to you, his mom.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

Mac, are you missing the obvious thing here? It's the umbilical cord.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

Oh, okay. All right. I am missing the the obvious. I did not pick up on that being an umbilical cord. So he just used his magic umbilical cord.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

He used his man's magic umbilical cord. Oh, holy shit. Use your baby power.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Do I know that that's what it is? No, but that's what it felt like the second I saw that shit. I'm like, wow, that really went hard.

SPEAKER_03 40:28

It's so much better being the magical umbilical cord. It is so much better, folks.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

This shit It's like Wonder Woman's fucking lasso of truth.

SPEAKER_03 40:37

Listen, if you haven't seen this movie, this shit is absolutely absurd. But also go watch this movie because you have to see some of this ridiculous shit. I don't care if you like it or not, but you definitely gotta at least check it out just to see what the fuck we're talking about here because it's wild.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

And uh the whole Amanda Krueger thing where it was like you have to find me and set me free. Yeah. We've seen that in so many ghost movies.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

Yeah, it's like what stir of echoes. We can just go on and on, just find the body and set me free.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

Yeah. They thought I committed suicide and I was somewhere, but they don't know where. So when you find me, then I will be found and thus I will be free. Why? Why would it matter where your body was stored? It doesn't matter. You were gonna be put in a coffin. Restless ghosts, you gotta help them pass over.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

I think I should have passed over this movie.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

Oh no, don't pass over the movie. It's fun.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

The only reason why you shouldn't pass over the movie is for the magical umbilical cord, but also because Robert England continues to be the best part of this franchise in any film in it.

SPEAKER_03 41:38

It's so true. He's on his game, I feel like, with creating some pretty awesome nightmare kills. His one-liners were some of the most cheesy in the entire franchise, but I still ate it up. I loved it. You know, just thinking of like faster than a bastard maniac, filet de Barbie, you know what I mean? Put your pedal to the metal. Like, what the fuck is happening? But when you put those lines with what you're seeing on the screen, it's just fun.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

See, I didn't appreciate his lines because they had him use insert boring phrase here, bitch, way too much in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

Yes. He would literally just be like, instead of saying, How about them apples, bitch? He would say something like, Open the window, bitch. You know, it just didn't slap, it did not hit, it didn't land.

SPEAKER_03 42:27

I feel like this was the nightmare on Elm Street movie that inspired was it a Family Guy episode that I'm thinking of where they incorporated Freddy and he didn't Scary Terry. Maybe that, and he just keeps saying bitch after everything.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Scary Terry was definitely fucking um Rick and Morty.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

This was the inspiration for that because this is the bitch lines of it all.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Maybe this is where they they got the idea was this particular film, not just all of the nightmare on Elm Street films, but this one they were like, all right, he's really they're going heavy in the insert line and just use bitch at the end.

SPEAKER_02 43:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

But no, Robert Englund is great. It was nice to see him without his makeup on when he's still young and you can see that face, and you just know, oh but gosh, he's that transformation is fantastic. I would love to see him more without his makeup on in these kind of movies. And when they show him, even as a fetus, he's still got the scarring, so you don't even get to enjoy that. But aside from him, which is the best part of the movie, I liked the transitions between reality and the nightmare. We had a couple fun ones. Some of them, it you know, we could tell that they were using some super composing slice the film and put it on top of the other one magic, but most of them were good. I especially love the one where we burst through doors and end up in the diner. That was a great moment. That was a great transition. I feel like that's the kind of transition we use in modern movies when we're like switching between realities. So that I gotta give them credit for that because in this particular film, we're not simply I go to bed and I see him, it's I could be anywhere and I'm suddenly falling asleep.

SPEAKER_03 43:59

Yeah. Fucked with you.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

Wow, it's really giving Celine Dion's every night of my dreams. I see you, I feel you, and that is how I know you go on. Near, far, wherever you are.

SPEAKER_03 44:11

Well, it really fucked with you because you didn't even have to be falling asleep. Because he's utilizing this fucking infant baby in the womb to create these nightmares. So he's really just fucking with your head, and you're not even necessarily going to sleep. It's like a weird, it's like a very weird concept, but very cool. I just wish that they really I don't know. I wish they really focused on that a little bit more. We probably could have done a little bit less with the whole Amanda hole spiel. I don't know if that needed to be there at all. I think they could have utilized that screen time to really dive into the way he's doing this and how they can get in there and fight back and things.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

But you know, I didn't make the movie, so I just want to point out that Fetus Freddy is the Rene of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

Oh shit. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

It had to be said.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

You're right, Sean, because I think when you get down to it, they could have gotten us to the end with just the dream master and the dream child, and we didn't need Freddy's mama to step in and help us out in any way. It kind of seems like, hey, people are intrigued by the character. We have to inject it. And to their credit, the character is very intriguing, and the backstory is very intriguing. I just don't think it was necessarily needed for this movie. I think they could have kept it real simple and real fun with just the two of them.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

Yeah, for sure. The worst part of this movie for me is probably just the low body count because despite how great they were, we could have squeezed a few more in there. I do appreciate the clever and creative kills that we do get. I just wanted to see a bit more. Even the special effects supervisor Alan Monroe or whatever admitted that he believed it was a mistake to have such a low body count. So if you're making the film and you're already reflecting on it, saying, Oh man, we probably should have had a few more kills in there, that's not a good sign.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

Easily. That pool scene was ripe. So many teens and they're all drinking. Come on. And Freddie can show up whenever he wants to now. He could have put them all in one dream.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

Yeah, let's not forget about a nightmare on Elm Street 2, Freddy's Revenge, when everybody shits on that movie, but that one had a pool scene. And Freddie wreaked some fucking havoc.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

And that low body count is exactly why I'm never watching this shit again. And I say never say never, sure, whatever. I'm sure that a day will come and we're gonna end up having to fucking rewind this shit when I'm in my 60s or some shit like that. But this is not even on the top upper rankings of the franchise that I would rewatch. The only one I wouldn't rewatch before this would be the remake.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Of course. The remake is bad. That's a good point. That's if you look up kill counts for the franchise, it'll tell you like, okay, the franchise itself has this many kills. If you want to include the remake, you can bump it to this, but don't. You know, they just don't.

SPEAKER_00 47:03

It's just the first movie, except worse.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

Exactly. And I think for rewatchability, you know, the first movie has it all day long. You watch that and it feels like a nightmare in Elm Street. You watch this and it feels like one of the nightmare in Elm Street installments. You're binging it, sure, you get through it. I don't know that it really feels necessary for me to get the full Freddy experience. So I doubt that I will re-watch it.

SPEAKER_03 47:29

Come on, guys. Come on. I mean, it's not the best movie in the franchise by far. It's not the first movie in the franchise that I'm gonna pull out and try to watch. You know what I mean? It's not the first one that comes to mind, but I definitely wouldn't mind watching this one again. I think if you're gonna binge the franchise, obviously you don't want to skip this one. But I do think it's fun enough to have fun with. It doesn't have to be something that where you're like, oh, I'm gonna put on this really fucking awesome nightmare in Elm Street movie, but it is one that you can put on, like, I'm gonna have fun. I got some friends over, maybe we're having some drinks, maybe we're playing like a game while watching this movie. It's more of a background thing, but I do think it has its place and it was still a good time.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Well, a good time is a moderately generous statement, but I'll see you and I respect it because this is definitely not among the worst things we've seen this year. But for now, there you have it, folks. A nightmare on Elm Street 5, the dream child from 1989, has earned two hacks and one slash. Oh, we've certainly had a robust discussion here, but the conversation about this movie doesn't end here by any means.

SPEAKER_03 48:31

Yeah, if you want to find out how you can go further than this episode, consider supporting the show by subscribing through Apple Podcasts or visiting patreon.com slash hackerslash where you can enjoy even more of the show, including bonus content with early access, extended episodes with our B sides, which are free sides for the spooky season, don't forget, and also movie nominations and live shows.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

If you found this episode to be more of a dream than a nightmare, leave us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. This will help us continue to deliver great content for all of you horror fiends out there.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

We'll see you next time, folks. And remember, kids, always a disappointment.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

Let's blow this pop stand.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

Wait, what Greta's death in this movie 100% reminded me of something from middle and high school that used to happen during pep rallies. I don't know if you're familiar with this phenomenon. I think that's the only way to describe it, but it is called Chubby Bunny. And the idea, oh, it's crazy. This is a challenge that they put little children through. It has different names in different places, but Chubby Bunny is the only thing we ever heard it called. It's kind of like a hazing game in a way, but in reality, they would get a couple of kids on stage, they would have them stuff marshmallows into their mouth, and you have to keep them into your mouth, and then you have to say chubby bunny. Um so you have to say it like you have to be able to understand it, right? And you like take turns then adding one marshmallow to see who can say it the longest. Okay, this is so problematic for many reasons, but the biggest of which is that it actually caused people to die.

SPEAKER_00 50:20

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 50:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 50:22

So unsurprising.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

What would happen is you would stuff these marshmallows into your mouth. Oh wow, like choking from your body is melting the marshmallows. And then it turns into this gigantic blockage of your windpipe because it's just uh marshmallowy goo blocking your ability to breathe.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

Okay. I have so many initial thoughts if I can just go off rip. One, fuck marshmallows.

SPEAKER_04 50:48

They're disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

I have never liked marshmallows, but I've been especially turned off of marshmallows ever since the year was 2009, and I was in A school, and somebody microwaved a fucking peep in our fucking kitchenette, and it was just terrible looking. Well, yeah, all of it is disgusting, to be clear. All of it is disgusting. So that's one. Well, peeps are great. I could never, my gag reflex would never allow me. I would have thrown up immediately or died choking. So R.I.P. to those kids. I feel bad for them. These fuckers never should have made them do it. Number three, this is exactly why we are where we are today, folks. We talk a lot of shit about these kids and their tide bods, but here we are eating fucking marshmallows and trying to talk at the same time. Our parents warn us of this from when we're toddlers. Don't talk when your mouth's full. And here we are fucking putting people on stage for it.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:44

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

That's crazy. How many people is there like a number of how many people have died doing this?

SPEAKER_01 51:49

I don't know if there's an exact count on the number of deaths. I know there's been there's at least three in the Wikipedia article. And you would imagine like somebody died, they just told everybody, hey, you should stop playing this game. No, it'd like those three deaths in the article are at least within a decade. And so they're spread out different places, different times. I think after the first one, maybe the principal would catch on, or somebody's gonna catch on and be like, hmm, this is problematic, this is dangerous. But back then in the late 90s, early 2000s, nobody cared about anything. Our pep rallies were wild. I always hated going to them except for the fact that it got you out of class. That was like the only benefit to going to the pep rally was like, cool, at least we're not learning. Yeah, that's American education for you. But we would have kids get up there and do like drag. So we would have like the basketball player drag shows. I'm cool with that. That's not like endangering anyone's ability to breathe.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

No, don't say that to Ron DeSantis.

SPEAKER_01 52:42

Well, Ronnie Boy, you know, which one would you prefer? Just saying. Ronnie Boy.

SPEAKER_00 52:47

Chuppy Bunny is a time-modered American tradition. Right. Okay. But here's the other thing. This is gonna sound very lydia deeds of me, but I am neither I'm not someone who can be neither pepped nor rallied. So no, no, I don't want to go to a congregation where people fucking do all kinds of silly shit.

SPEAKER_03 53:05

Well, apparently I was just looking this up. So yeah, there's only I think the three you're you're seeing on Wikipedia is it really all you can pull from deaths, but I guess the world record is 13 chubby bunnies in the mouth.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

How big was the mouth?

SPEAKER_03 53:19

I don't know how big the mouth was.

SPEAKER_00 53:21

Are these standard marshmallows or are these peep marshmallows? Like what kind of shit is this?

SPEAKER_03 53:25

They're probably like the standard, not the mini ones, but the standard regular ones before they started making jumbo ones and ones that are shaped specifically for s'mores.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Don't we just not body shame the bunny?

unknown 53:38

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 53:40

Yeah. Well, that's like why that kill reminded me of that game. I guess in multiple ways here, because oh my goodness, the mother basically causing her daughter to die from an eating disorder. That was perfect symbolism there. But yeah, I mean, that game is it just looks like it. It looks like what she's playing. I mean, she's more like chipmunking in the end. When we see her later on, it's not like that it's choking, it's you know, her cheeks are really full at that point, which is a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 54:08

We really got slender chipmunk instead of chubby bunny.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

Right. Not the slender chipmunk. And there is, I I think there is a chipmunk game that you can play at pep rallies or other stupid events like that.

SPEAKER_00 54:19

But back, you know more about pep rallies than I think anybody should reasonably know about pep rallies.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

So, okay. In eighth grade, I joined the school bands. Okay. And so I played trombone, and then I moved schools in eighth grade, and then I was also in the school band. So I I stopped maybe like middle junior year, which was cool because we played at pep rallies and stuff. You know, we played like four songs. That's all you ever play, and it's got like five notes in each song, but that gets them pepped up. And then I moved again middle of my junior year and was like, I'm out, I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 54:50

Is this not as epic as drumline?

SPEAKER_01 54:52

No, nowhere, nowhere. It was super chill. We had like 20 people on our band. We did not do a marching band, and then when I moved schools junior year, they're like, Hey, if you want to be in band, you got to do marching band. And I was like, tap out, dude. I'm I have no interest in that. We play like we play you know, jazz assortments and and stuff. It's like our band was really cool. I'm not here for the walking around in in silly ways. No offense to anyone who is, I guess. But yeah, not for me.

SPEAKER_00 55:18

No, no, a lot of fine folks in marching band, very fit, very agile. Good for them. Okay, so pep rallies aside, I guess like school events and things like that. I was in J R O T C. So I got to I don't know, not do anything literally fucking cool. Basically just stand at parade, rest, and act like you're a fucking security when you're not. That was stupid. But have I ever told you about what I attribute to be my greatest scam in my life?

SPEAKER_03 55:47

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 55:48

Scam today before today scams you folks. In JR OTC, I basically didn't do shit. I did plenty for the activity itself for the class. I was like the public affairs person, whatever. What I did not do was I need the extracurricular to the extracurricular. So I didn't do rifle spinning, literally any of that shit. I didn't do marksmanship, none of it. And then in boot camp for the Navy, when they initially go to source you and they're kind of like doing like the little fucking sorting house shit where they figure out what the division they're gonna put you in. They ask if you have experience with things. And I said, Yes, I was in JROTC. And they're like, Alright, great, you'll go to this one. And then when I got to that one, I found out that I got put into a performance unit. So we were the division that got to perform at the graduations for the other divisions.

SPEAKER_02 56:36

Sick.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

Yeah, and then I was like, okay, what do I want to do here? Survival mode. I don't want to be an usher. I don't want to do shit with the flags.

SPEAKER_03 56:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

My game of choice. Why the fuck I chose this head of now? I said, yes, I know how to spin rifles.

SPEAKER_04 56:53

Folks.

SPEAKER_00 56:54

It was bad enough. I went to the fucking navy not knowing how to swim, but I had the audacity to say I know how to fucking spin rifles.

SPEAKER_02 57:01

Hey.

SPEAKER_00 57:01

Tell you what.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

Fake it till you make it.

SPEAKER_00 57:03

I fucking faked it till I made it, and I did it right.

SPEAKER_01 57:06

There you go. It's not hard.

SPEAKER_00 57:08

But by doing that, I actually cut time from my boot camp. Because I got put into a six-week accelerated boot camp and I got to go home on Christmas Eve.

SPEAKER_01 57:20

Wow. Wow, look at that.

SPEAKER_00 57:22

Greatest scam.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

That's not a scam. In reality, you said, Yeah, I know how to do that. You did the thing they wanted you to do, and then you performed. You showed up and showed off.

SPEAKER_00 57:30

Yeah. If I had to lie about not being gay, I feel like I could lie about spinning rifles.

SPEAKER_03 57:35

Well, it worked out in the end.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

It's the most valid thing I'll ever touch.

SPEAKER_01 57:40

I I also did JR OTC in high school, and I did the drill team and the color guard and the special part of the drill team, you know, where you have to do like the extra cool stuff. I never got into the jumping, putting people on shoulders and all that kind of stuff. I didn't want to go that hard in the paint.

SPEAKER_00 57:57

Were they called the raiders? I think they were called raiders.

SPEAKER_01 57:59

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 58:00

I don't know. 2008 was a long time ago. I shot that shit out of my brain.

SPEAKER_01 58:04

I just wasn't interested. You know, I was like, I'm cool with like, you know, we can march around and step and I'm here for it, and we get a special ascot. Fine. I'm down. You know, I'll twirl a rifle or two, but I'm not throwing things from me to you and then trying to get the timing perfect like a synchronized swimmer in the Olympics. I just I don't have the coordination for that.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

I definitely never did J R O T C or whatever. I didn't do any of that. The most I did do some extracurricular crap, but it was mostly just like pushing old people around in a retirement home, hosting some bingo, you know, some bingo games and whatnot. But I never got into any of the R O T C or band or or any of that stuff. I just kind of like dicked around in high school. It was a good time. Even though pushing the old folks, man, you'd be erasing them down the hallway. I was probably not a great kid.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

You say that, but weren't you also a fucking drummer?

SPEAKER_03 58:53

I was a drummer, yeah. I was in bands in high school, but I wasn't in the band.

SPEAKER_00 58:57

Just not the man's band.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

I wasn't in the band in high school. I was in my own bands.

SPEAKER_01 59:02

We we watch movies like this where they show us teenagers and what they're doing. And first of all, these kids are not kids. These are not teenagers. Like they have full-on jobs. You know, they're working at a hospital, yet somehow they're graduating, yet somehow they're in like a swim team or whatever. And I don't understand when do they actually in class?

SPEAKER_00 59:18

Senior year, senior artist. You're just growing up and living your life at that point.

SPEAKER_01 59:22

I guess they did graduate right at the beginning of the movie, so it's a little bit different. But I don't know. I was in school band at the same time, Jerry OTC. At the same time, I was a varsity football player, but we didn't have to like do stuff a lot, you know, like football we would practice during the season, band we practiced in our class, and then GROTC again was a class, and every now and then we had an event where we would go to it. These kids are out here like living such crazy lives, and then we see other movies where the kids are just like stoners and they have endless time to sit and talk about Nietzsche and stuff. I want to trade, I want that high school experience. I want to go back and wear flannel, you know, and just like chill. That's the experience I missed out on.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:04

Yeah. School really scammed me. My teen years really scammed me because I did Jared T C R C softball, and then I also worked with public.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:13

I was like, I ain't doing all this extra shit. No way.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

Oh, you're saying I can get out after lunch? Fuck yeah, let's do this. Let's figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

At the deli where you made Sarah Michelle Gellera sandwich. Uh let us not forget you gotta make that bread and assemble that bread for Sarah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:29

Yeah, I mean, I had the after school gig, you know what I mean, to make some extra money and whatnot, but I also worked at McDonald's for a small stitch. That was a terrible time. Yes, that was a very bad time. It was kind of fun, though. It was kind of fun. Hello. You can mess with people in the drive-thru lines, hit the helium tanks, you know. Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:50

Wow, that is the most Sean experience. My favorite dumb gag thing when I worked at Publix was taking dry ice out and back and then making dry ice bombs and fucking throwing them in the field.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:01

Nice, nice. That sounds like fun. We didn't do that when I was in Publix.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

Pretty sure it's illegal.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:06

Yeah, probably. Probably. That's when it's the most fun. Right. I was such a square. I did nothing cool. You both did some cool stuff. Well, Sean more than us, I think, but uh you and I were both on the straight and narrow.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

Yeah, the straight and fucking doing shit and going straight home narrow.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:24

Oh man. I just I want that dazed and confused kind of teenage life, you know? I want to go back and redo my teenage years to just really soak it up. I I think about college all the time. In college, I was super boring. I did nothing fun. I see these movies where these kids go to college and they're like partying all the time, didn't do any of that, barely drank, never smoked weed, did nothing cool. And now I'm just like, why? Why did I not just live it up like these kids do?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:51

Mac, this is exactly the kind of thing that men say right before they have a midlife crisis. Oh no. And you are a far way away from that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:59

Actually, numerically, I'm not. I'm at midlife.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:02

Let's pretend that you're closer to the quarter life crisis.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:06

I do need a fast red car now, all of a sudden. Wow. Oh no, not the midlife.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:10

Yeah, I was gonna say, let's just make our 30s our new high school years.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:14

Right. You gotta live it up, folks. You gotta live it up, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:19

Yeah, except don't live it up like Alice and have a baby as soon as you graduate high school. Or do, if that's what you're into, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:25

Uh well. You know, hey, some people do, some people get married in high school, right after high school, start families.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:32

Genuinely, two kids from my graduating class got married the day after graduation. What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:39

Amazing. I don't know. Are they still together?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:41

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:43

What a shame.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

There's another couple who got married, like they stayed dating, got married after she got pregnant. He's cheated on her a million fucking times. They've had a terrible marriage and they're both miserable together still. But it's like, okay, at this point, it's better if you do quit.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:59

Yeah, the problem is you should never force a marriage just because you had a kid together. You know what I mean? Even if you can work it out to make it work for the baby, but not have to be together if you really don't want to be together. I feel like there's ways to work that out. But it does suck when you like force yourself into something and then you just live a miserable life.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:18

Yeah, it is important to be able to live your truth. It sucks for that fucking kid.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:22

God, it does. It does. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:26

It also sucks for the many kids in this fucking movie, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:29

Oh god. Not even the kids in this movie. How about like the baby versions of villains we're getting this year? What's going on with this? Okay, like the baby oh gosh, the baby Freddy Krueger here is twisted, absolutely twisted.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:44

I think I really need to sneak it's alive into the lineup. And I talked about this during the Beetlejuice episode. And also I'm so mad because in the Beetlejuice episode I said the the name Fetus Juice. I know. Yeah. And then when NECA revealed that they're making a life-size one-to-one replica of that thing, I sent it to Sean, and I'm like, why the fuck didn't I think of fetal juice? Fetal juice was right there.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:12

Fetal juice. It is right there, just as nasty.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:16

And then ironically, we get a lot of fetal juices in this fucking movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:19

We do. Oh no. We definitely do. It's fucking gnarly.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:24

If you want to take it up a notch, watch Eraser Head. Yeah. I think Bing said she had not seen it yet. And that is the stuff of literal nightmares. Worse than Freddie Krueger.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:33

Okay. Here's the reality though. Thinking back to last year, the theme was fuck them kids. This year, the theme is deliver them kids. Because we've gotten a lot of babies born.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:43

We have been getting a lot of baby action.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:45

Yeah, or slightly obscured, veil thinly veiled, vaginal-coated action.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:51

I'm looking at you, alien Romnius. It all comes it all comes with giving birth, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:56

Yeah, we need to have like best pregnancy, I think, in the end of your recap.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:59

We should. That's a good one for this year. Because we definitely have some contenders for sure. We've got some gnarly shit going on. Man.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:07

What is it with these horror icons trying to put themselves into other people, you know? That's just and then rebirth themselves? Is that like that?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:14

They're trying to reach a younger generation.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:16

It's like the most invasive thing that they could possibly do.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:20

Violation.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:21

Super violated. Horrendous. Goodness. I mean, it's one thing when you possess somebody, okay? Cool, you've taken control of them, but they're taking it up a notch and being like, I am going to be reborn as your baby. What a that's an attack.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:34

Yeah. Not only do I want to ruin your life, I want to ruin your life for the next 18 years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:39

Absolutely terrible. Absolutely terrible.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:42

They think, okay, I'm gonna stab you with a handmade of knives. That's not bad enough. I'm gonna make you wipe my ass.

unknown 1:05:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:51

You gotta wipe my ass too. Just make it over with fast. But no, instead, I'm gonna wipe this demon's pea colored shit. And change their diaper.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:01

Stab me, baby, one more time.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:04

Wild. Absolutely wild. These crazy kills within these dreams. I'm just wondering, is there any creative ways that you all could think of to really fuck with Freddy and try to take him down? Because I'm thinking immediately, layer that shit. Try to get really good with your own dreams. Try to go into his dream, but make your dream part of his dream without him knowing it. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

Okay. I think that's a really great note. I'm gonna be very honest with you. The second you asked this question, my initial instinct was no, I'm boring. I'm just gonna not believe in him because apparently that's the shit that had him out and down for the count until Freddie versus Jason. However, then I remembered how shittily he died last movie when it was the Moolan reflection. Who is that girl staring straight at back at me? Whatever. She he fucking looks in the reflection and the souls from inside tear him apart. That's neither here nor there. Here's what I'm thinking astral projection into the further.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:04

Oh, love it. Ooh, that would be wild for sure. I have a pro-level move, and this one takes a little bit of setup. Okay. So if you don't have the ability to really think creatively or control your dreams, find someone who does. Specifically, Carl from the cell. Okay. Go ahead and wire up the two of you guys together and then invite him in. You know, you think you master some nightmares? Nah, this dude's gotcha. Okay. Pop on in here and see what you you got to work with now.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:33

That would be great. So wait, you're trying to get him into the mind of another serial killer?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:39

Oh, yeah. I mean, if you've seen the cell, I think Tarsim Singh knows how to show you some messed up stuff. Just saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:47

Oh, we need a new crossover. Let's find another horror villain or serial killer, a famous serial killer, and then we gotta get another Freddy installment where he's trapped within the mind of another serial killer and they face off within that dude's mind.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:03

Yeah, because then that dude's gonna have powers. He's not just gonna be a regular ass serial killer in the dreamscape.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:09

No, definitely. So, Mac, honestly, this isn't just an idea. This is like literally a great movie plot. Is it not Freddie versus Jason? I mean, it yeah, there's elements of that for sure, but Yeah, but he's an undead slasher. Yeah, yeah. It could be handled way better though.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:26

Yeah. Gosh, I would love to see Inception meets Elm Street. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:32

This should have been the Night Stalker movie we got this year. Put Maxine up against Freddy.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:37

He'll walk away. Goodness. I I feel like there's so many, there's so many things that you could try to do, but no matter what the characters do, Freddy always turns it back on them. You know, because in reality, they could be like, I'm taking control. I have robot arms that shoot missiles out of them. And then he's just gonna use his powers to twist those arms into mangled messes unless you have plot armor. And so, no, you need backup. You absolutely need backup. Just not the Dream Warriors.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:02

Yeah, just not the Dream Warriors because we all know what happened to them.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:05

They went out with a thud.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:06

Womp womp.