388: Cherry Falls (1999)

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Cut my film into pieces. This is my last resort. Suffocation. It's Judy.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hackerslash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. Have you ever played Deathquake? If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack.

SPEAKER_05 0:29

A total joke, a waste of time, or a slash. Totally killer, pun intended.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're rating these movies with the perspective we've gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast. This week I'm joined by the Superfly Space Guy Mac.

SPEAKER_05 0:47

Holy Hyman's Batman, they're killing virgins.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

The classic horror connoisseur Sean.

SPEAKER_05 0:52

I forgot I was hanging out with the Poontang clan out here.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

And the paranormal paramour, Binx. How can you be so critically uninformed? The people have spoken and our patrons have decided we're covering a Britney Murphy slasher.

SPEAKER_05 1:05

And if you support the show, you'll also get to hear our B side at the end of this episode where we dive into flipping some familiar horror tropes on their heads.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Years after Britney Murphy made her feature film debut in Clueless, she stepped into the role of a small-town teenager caught in the middle of a string of violent murders. Despite being picked up by USA Films, the movie never actually made it to theaters in the United States. Instead, it premiered on the USA Network in 2000 after ongoing significant censorship to meet broadcast standards. The story centers around a local sheriff's daughter who begins uncovering the truth behind a series of targeted killings. As panic spreads throughout the town, students discover that a very specific kind of teenager is being hunted. This week, after winning 50% of the overall patron vote, we're talking about Cherry Falls.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

This movie was nominated by Thom, who says, a horror movie that stars the late Brittany Murphy that flips horror tropes on its side, count me in. I've loved this movie since I saw it on the television as a child. I have only grown to love this flawed but funny and camp film as I have gotten older. The film's history is so interesting that it makes me more intrigued to know what if, but also love the journey it takes us on. This slasher has some of the most ridiculous dialogue scenes, one including Toe, one including Toes, that's true. And actors, actresses that scream late 90s. Also very true. Don't get me wrong, this movie has some stinker moments, but I cannot help but love this gem that is of its era and what could have been. A fun camp classic in my eyes that I will always promote.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

Well, Tom, I can't wait to see how the rest of this shakes out. Who's seen this one before?

SPEAKER_04 2:39

Completely unaware of this movie ever existing.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Same.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Honestly, same. How could I do that to Britney Murphy?

SPEAKER_05 2:46

It is odd. I feel like, look, really like slasher films, love the 90s, even like Britney Murphy. But as strange as it sounds, yeah, I've never seen this movie before. It has completely evaded me over the years.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Yeah, I've seen many an obscure slasher, but this one never made its way across my screen. Probably because I didn't watch a lot of the USA network. But man, thinking about what this movie went through to get its way onto TV. So they made this, it was originally intended to go have a theatrical distribution, but there was a lot of Senate talk and a lot of hearings over sex and violence in teen films. So it kind of just came at the wrong fucking time. And you think about what else was happening in the late 90s in our society. Fuck. It was not a great time for movies.

SPEAKER_04 3:34

It's very true. And I think you know, you get a lot of movies that have a similar feeling. I was expecting something maybe along the lines of like fear or you know, with Marky Mark, or maybe disturbing behavior if they went to the kind of the sillier, fun side of things, or perhaps I know what you did last summer if they went full camp. I wasn't quite sure which way it was gonna head, but I feel like that was the most likely.

SPEAKER_05 3:55

Yeah, all I had to read was psychotic murderer killing virgins, and I was pretty much sold. Like that's that line in the synopsis is all that I needed. It's it sounds like a just a fun, old school like type slasher that I want to watch, but with like a different vibe to it. So I was sold just on that.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Well, when I read the synopsis, I was like, well, if they're basically hunting down virgins, right? Switching that trope, I'm like, there's just gonna be a lot of sex. There's gonna be a lot of horniness, more than the typical, which I don't know how to feel about that. Like, still cheesy, bad lighting, coloring, the campy dialogue. Like we know that, right? But there's still gonna be the sex in a way that seems a little like off-putting, at least.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Yeah, that's about what I expected. I mean, Sean, you said it. You have a slasher who is hunting virgins, and that's really all you need to dig in here. But here's my struggle. I was down to clown. I was really in for the slasher of it all, but I started to get a little bit concerned because I saw the pictures, and because I saw the wardrobe, and because I saw the hairstyle on some of these characters, and I'm like, fuck, it's giving early 2000s, not just 1999.

SPEAKER_05 5:08

Hey, they were at the start of the fashion. Come on, 1999, bringing in the new, ringing in the old year, ringing in the new year, you know? Listen that saying is, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Listen, it makes so much sense why microbangs are really like a force to be reckoned with now, because Britney Murphy walked so that the girlies and the Gen Zers could run in present day. It's definitely a look and a vibe. I will stand by myself, and I feel like Paris would have my back, I hope, about the looks, especially Britney Murphy, R.I.P. She was giving all girl queen.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I used to love watching Britney Murphy. She was in so many great movies, and I also loved Uptown Girls. Oh, classic. Classic Dakota Fanning, famed Twilight Alumni. Absolutely, absolutely. Let me tell you though, this movie, for as strong as its premise was, it felt like tonal whiplash. And that's where I think I really so true. I fucking struggled with this one because it says itself that it's supposed to be like a dark comedy. And there are some things in this movie that are funny. Like, okay, let's just be real. The movie's called Cherry Falls. There is a real town called Cherry Falls in West Virginia, but it's called Cherry Falls, and the killer is hunting virgins. There's a lot there already. Like that shit's pretty funny. And there's some moments in this movie where I was laughing hee he hee ha ha. But this movie makes some very questionable choices on its quest to tell a story. And I really found myself starting with, okay, let's see where this goes, and then ending with, who the fuck thought this was a good idea?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Yes. And I know that we will unpack that because there is a warning to be had for the complete 180 in tone that this takes. I was shook. Like in general, I found that the film was a little absurd and right off the bat, with you know the twist of this trope like we've talked about, but it almost gets a little predatorial and like disgusting in a way that doesn't seem to fit with a film that was supposed to be a dark comedy. Like you said it already, and I'm like, uh I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Okay. I want to just really pile on here for a second because this movie tiptoes around which tone it wants to take. On the one hand, it's dumb as fuck. In a funny way, like an intentional way, like, huh, we're just gonna say some ridiculous shit. And that's fine. That's good. There's a place for that. On the other hand, it weaponizes a very real, very painful thing. And this movie, depending on who you are, could trigger some memories or some feelings for you if you have had this kind of experience in the past, maybe not to the extent in this movie, but it's a it takes on a very real subject that is still very per se pervasive today.

SPEAKER_05 8:11

Yeah, it's a tough one for sure. Like it's uh Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

And when it does that and it starts to like really get into it, I'm like, wow, I was not interested until right now. Oh my god, like this is fucking hard for me to watch and very triggering for me. But in the beginning of this moment, I was like, man, okay, now we're cooking, now we're doing something. This feels good. This feels like a purpose, and it feels like the movie has a point to make or something to say, but then it just like keeps going so far that it's like, oh, we lost it.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

We lost the plot. It has no place in something that is supposed to be camp and silly. Or rather, if I were to dissect this film, the majority of the film is that, right? Like the majority of the film, maybe I'd dare to say, like, what 70%, maybe 65, 70% of it is that. And then it takes that kind of turn that just doesn't seem right. It seems like not to be, you know, delicate, but it's like it's a little offensive, just a smidge, just a smidge. Or it could be, right? Yeah, it could. And I'm being very nice with the smidge. To me, I find it offensive, but like, right in in general, it just doesn't seem to fit because by the time that we get there, if you're gonna commit to that, then I want that to be the majority of the film. And it's towards the end of the movie. And now I'm left with like, what the fuck did I just watch?

unknown 9:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:26

Yeah, it's a it's definitely a tough one. It dances around this subject that's really heavy, and it just didn't fit in a movie that's trying to be a satire or a dark comedy. So it was a very interesting choice to include that in like the plot. But I think on a slightly lighter note, I think because of the sexual awkwardness that this movie had, like all of like the weird feelings that like you would get from these actors throughout the movie, the whole movie, and I mean pretty much every scene in this movie felt like an intro to like a 70s porno or something. Okay, I can't be the only one like that.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Listen, this movie is horny as fuck. Just as I thought it would be. And it's so funny, like, okay, I don't have the exact details on it, but essentially there was controversy when the movie was being filmed, and I believe parents of students who went to the school where the school was filmed were told it was like a very serious tone instead of like a comedy, and they thought that they were trying to film porn there and they didn't want to be associated with it.

SPEAKER_05 10:28

Yeah. For this movie, I can imagine. I was reading something about the movie getting an agreement to film at like a school, but then the school also did extended classes to like another school that did like a different program and they weren't informed, and so they started filming as these kids were getting out of class, like for real, and it was like a whole thing. So I don't know, man. This movie's messy. This movie's strange. Yeah, it's messy for sure. Definitely.

SPEAKER_04 10:55

It's so messy, and I think you've all said it well. Like, they can't decide are we being funny, are we being serious? Are we being silly? Are we being dark? Are we being campy? We don't know what we're gonna be right now. There's just not a unified vision about what this movie was supposed to be. That's what it feels like. At least there's at least two movies, like completely separate movies going on here in terms of like how it feels. The one, like you mentioned, the very serious one, would have been a like an actually really great thriller, I think. And then the other one is basically like it should have been a scary movie. And I think uh, you know, they just tried to split the difference, and you can't really do that, you just get a jumbled mess.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Okay, you know what this movie reminded me of? Lover's Lane. Better for sure. A hundred percent better, but it reminded me of Lover's Lane, and I think maybe it's because the idea of a town called Cherry Falls has big Valentine's Day energy.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

It does have Valentine's Day energy. I can see that for sure, but it also has this really great 90s aesthetic and tone to it, like it has that late 90s look, this movie, which I think gives it a little bit of charm. Just the look of the late 90s, I think also we're talking about like how weird and awkward some of this movie felt. I think some of that off-beat humor that kind of sometimes is like kind of funny and then sometimes kind of awkward is what I can find this movie being like so appealing for like cult horror fans. I can definitely see this becoming, or if it isn't already, you know, just because of how strange it is and how awkwardly off-beat the humor is.

SPEAKER_04 12:25

Oh, but that humor, had they fully leaned into it, I think we would have had some really good moments. But because they didn't, I had some disappointments. Like one of the big ones for me was there were like several very obvious red herrings. And if they were framed in a comedic aspect, I think it would have been awesome, it would have been funny, we would have laughed multiple times, but instead it was just kind of like, okay, so that's what's going on here. You're trying to get one over by me, but it's too obvious.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Yeah, I agree. Because I was gonna say my disappointment is that there's almost like no real red herring, actually. The attempts at having a red herring are just terrible because ultimately the process of elimination is pretty strong and pretty quick with this one. But my surprise was definitely this cast, because I remember when we last all recorded, we talked about, you know, we're gonna do this movie and we talked a little bit about the cast, but I didn't really look at everyone. So when some people yeah, no shit. When I saw Jesse Bradford, I was like, swim fan, bring it on.

SPEAKER_05 13:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

My boy.

SPEAKER_05 13:28

It was a lot. I was surprised by the cast too. I mean, yeah, Jesse Bradford, Michael Weston, DJ Quals. DJ Quals.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

I just met him at MegaCon. I almost screamed. Yeah, he's so good.

SPEAKER_05 13:41

So many people. I mean, it seems really stacked nowadays, but like I maybe back then there was like maybe a few of these people that weren't as big yet, and so maybe it was just not as crazy as we think it is for 1999. No, it's their generation. Oh shit, look at all these people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

Wow, what a thing to behold for your straight to TV horror movie to be so star-studded in retrospect. Real great stepping stone you provided to all these folks. It's wild. It's wild. And there's a lot in here that was surprising, there's a lot that was disappointing. But one of the other things that really caught me off guard was how much this bordered on like Scooby-Doo territory. There's a full scene in the third act that was giving massive Scooby-Doo energy, and really there's also a fucking wig reveal that felt like it was Scooby-Doo energy. It felt like Fred Jones pulling off the fucking costume off of O Man Jenkins, we're all about to be called meddling kids or some shit.

SPEAKER_05 14:41

If it wasn't for you, meddling kids.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah, and I think that's it's good, it has its place in some moments, all right? Because again, in some moments in this movie, it's really funny, but in other moments it's just ugh, okay. It's I'm laughing at you instead of with you, and I don't like that. And it's almost like an LOL laugh, like we were saying a couple episodes, and not even like a hearty, like I'm having a great time laugh. I think the other trouble that I have with this movie is because of how not scary it is, it's almost like a mix of a teen sex comedy. Like American Pie meets murder, she wrote, and yet somehow it's not a compliment.

SPEAKER_05 15:19

My god, that's a hilarious comparison. Yeah, not a scary film, it's a horror comedy, it's essentially a satire. I feel like not super scary, doesn't try, I don't think, to be really scary. It definitely tries to bring you that slasher energy. So I definitely commend them for it still feeling like a slasher. You know, sometimes the comedy is a little bit too heavy over the genre it's trying to depict. So I think the slasher part is there. The scariness is not so much. I think it leans way more into the awkwardness and the irony and the satire than the actual scariness, but it still somehow keeps that slasher energy, which makes it kind of fun.

SPEAKER_04 15:57

Yeah, I don't know where the risk is here, you know, because I think we've got a couple characters that we invest in a little bit. We're not super worried for them because we know they have some plot armor. So everyone else, we're just expecting them to go, and the ways in which they go aren't that explosive or exciting, so you never really get that concern over anyone, honestly. So not super scary. There's no jump scares or anything like that. It's just all a matter of like plot scares, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Yeah, I'd agree. The plot is maybe a bit scary, but what I would say is what it lacks in fear, right? And jump scares and just overall tension, because the slasher themselves is not necessarily like a design that would kind of creep you out either. It actually reminds me of a movie that I can't wait to get into because I laughed many times when they showed up on screen. That's also kind of how I feel about the fact that this film doesn't seem very original, like it lacks a lot of original originality outside of just one switcheroo. It's just me. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 16:58

Well, I mean, it it is riding on the coattails of Scream, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Like it's the only reason this movie was probably made, to be honest, but sure, there's one core element to its plot that's a switcheroo, but honestly, it makes it so fun that I give it more credit than maybe it really deserves because that take on it is fucking hilarious, and I love that angle. That's where this movie shines conceptually. It flips the slasher trope, it targets virgins in a way that we haven't seen virgins targeted specifically this intensely, and I think that's clever. It's an idea, and it's one that could have worked with the right tone and the right script. Now there are several moments, especially the entire first act of this movie felt like it was just following Scream's beat sheet. It's like, okay, here we are at Woodsboro, here's where Sydney links up with Tatum and finds out what happened to Casey Becker. There's a lot there, right? So unfortunately, the little bit of originality points it earns, it doesn't translate to its execution. And the movie drops the ball so hard it fucking rolls its way into another genre.

SPEAKER_05 18:04

It rolls its way right into it.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

This is how it could have been different because you mentioned in terms of the potential for it. If this movie, with its premise of targeting virgins instead of the opposite, right? But if it had been the plot point for a scary movie film, like of the franchise scary movie, then I think we're talking. Then it would be like gold. I'll see you soon. Really, really funny. There you go. Call me up, Wayne's Brothers.

SPEAKER_05 18:34

Yeah, it may have been better if the Wayne's brothers did it, who knows? But I do agree. I do think that the premise is unique. So you do it like flipping the trope, at least for you know, 1999, that's pretty unique. It does give it points for sure, but yeah, it does drop the ball in another area or two in the film. So is it just a wash? I don't know, but I do think it was a unique premise, so you do have to recognize that.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

And we can talk about most of the film, paying homage to other movies, or perhaps ripping off other movies, or whatever you want to say about the film. But the ending is where things truly get interesting, I think, and perhaps a bit unique here, because there's just a bloodbath that is amazing that they even attempted to do something like this in a teen horror film. But then at the same time, we get an incredibly unsatisfying conclusion. Yeah. When it comes to this, it's like weird, they just can't balance things out. The final action, it was solid. It was toned down because of what was going on in the US in the 90s and the late 90s specifically, right? This fear of violence existing in our media, right? But goodness, the resolution of the plot, it's just, I just want to tell you, you're part of the problem resolution in this plot. If you know, you know, but it's just so dated. It's lacking justice. There's just a lot going on that's bad there.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

Yeah, see, that's the fucking problem. It is the lack of justice. There's no emotional closure in this movie. There's no satisfying arc for literally anyone involved in this shit. The ending, while exciting in some moments and intriguing in others, it ends up a fucking jumbled mess of just like weird reveals, rushed violence, and zero fucking payoff. And that's I hate feeling that in a slasher. I hate feeling that like in a slasher. I folks, I just slashed Popeye, the Slenyer Man. I want dumb bullshit. I am okay with dumb bullshit, but there's a difference between dumb bullshit and poorly executed dumb bullshit. And I know Bing's a surprise that I slashed it, but this movie and its ending fucking wraps up. Like it just wants to get off the stage already, and it kind of fucking feels like the folks making this wanted that too.

SPEAKER_05 20:45

Yeah. This ending, I think, is one of my least favorite parts of the movie. I think it it really is just the fact that the setup was actually, like you're all saying, intriguing, right? But unfortunately, I think the motive and the backstory of the antagonist, I think it felt rushed, I think it was underexplored or underdeveloped, or however you want to say it. And so I don't know. The ending just didn't feel right at all.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

That's the understatement of the hour because at the end of the day, when we keep talking about how original it is that they flipped the script a little bit, we keep that's really the only thing. And what's up most upsetting about it is that they did it and their reasoning for it is absolute garbage. And then on top of that, there is no payoff for that kind of decision making. So tomato, tomato, tomato is really what I have to say about that. If at the very least they stuck that landing, then maybe I would give it a little bit more credit where credit's due. But you just kind of give me a motive, you do these things to these certain characters, there's no justice, there's no like resolution in any case, and it almost feels like okay, well, that happened. We move on with our lives, rainbows and butterflies. And that is not the case, friends. Nowhere near. If this was even remotely real, that would not be happening. So even like the sense of realism for even a late 90s film, okay, it just doesn't add up. Not to compare it to Scream, but if it's in the same realm, right? In the same vortex of films and slashers of that late 90s era, Scream seemed a little bit more realistic than this kind of shit.

SPEAKER_05 22:22

Yeah. It definitely doesn't know what it wants to do. Does it want to feel realistic? Does it want to feel campy? Does it want to feel silly? Does it want to be making fun? Does it want to be serious? Does it want to be gory? Does it not? Well, I think it wanted to be gory, but it couldn't. But yes, I mean, it's just a film that just doesn't know exactly what it needs to be.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

It sure doesn't. And I can't wait to see how all of these sour comments really translate to a score for this one. I am so sorry, Tom. Before we actually get into the ratings here, Sean, how would you describe the gore score?

SPEAKER_05 22:56

Yeah, I mean, we just kind of hinted at it, right? The gore in this slasher is actually pretty tame. It's really tame, largely in part to what you said at the beginning of the episode, Chris. It's to the heavy censorship that was, you know, imparted on the film. It was originally, I think, intended, like you said, for theatrical release, struggled to get an R-rating, eventually became made for TV, and was toned down so much that it plays like an R-rated movie filtered through a PG-13 lens, so it's definitely a low gore score.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

And what about the animal report? No animals were harmed in Cherry Falls. Let's go ahead and get into our ratings. Cherry Falls from 1999 as selected by our patrons. Was it a hack? Or a slash. And hey, once more, I'm gonna just get this out of the fucking way. This movie had a potential. This movie had a promise. Brittany Murphy deserved better. And I can for sure see how watching this in the moment it came out can lend itself to this movie being more entertaining or nostalgic, but it just does not hit for me as a first watch in 2025. And maybe it's because you get into early 2000s films and just the wardrobe and the aesthetic in early 2000s films is already such a big minus for me. But this movie really could have walked its way into a slash very easily by tweaking a few things in the third act. The way I sat up from my seat when we started to get a monologue, I was like, oh fuck, alright, I'm in this shit. And then it really just went off a cliff. This movie feels like the cinematic equivalent of someone trying to make a really fucking deep statement while wearing clown makeup. And for sure there's potential, but there's not nearly enough follow-through and execution. So it's a hack, full stop.

SPEAKER_05 24:52

At first glance, right? Cherry Falls looks like your typical late 90s slasher film. It's like a it's what you expect from these movies, right? You got a small town, you got mysterious murders that are happening, you got the high school full of hormones and chaos or hormonal chaos, if you will, right? But then what we've talked about, this film really pulled the fast one, right? It turns one of horror's most sacred rules on its head, right? It being a virgin, it puts a target on your back, right? And normally, you know, having sex is what gets you killed in these types of movies. So that's kind of fun. And it causes this frenzy of like awkward hookups, questionable choices, all in the name of survival, which is kind of a fun concept. And so the premise alone, I feel like earns this movie some points. We talked about that. And then there's Brittany Murphy, right, who brings this perfectly strange, like almost captivating energy to her role as Jody, which I think is really great. Like it was fun to see her in the movie in the role. But this movie does suffer from its unbalanced tone. One minute it's trying to be serious, it's trying to be like this thriller, and then the next it's dipping its toes into like complete absurdity and it's satirical, but then it's something that feels just kind of wrong. Like the censored gore didn't help the severity of the film either, causing like this imbalance and made the film feel way more comedy than it was originally intended to be. So this is actually a tough one, right? Because like we don't even know what the original intended finish of this film should have been. It was hacked to pieces. So it's definitely a tough one. Is it a movie that should be a hack but is somehow a slash, or is it a slasher that's like a total hack? I don't know. I'm still honestly not really sure. It's like one of those movies that just feels really strange. But I think it like all these we've watched, and I get like really uptight about like when you just go too far into one thing and you don't feel the actual horror of it all. And this one definitely leaned into the comedy because it couldn't, it leaned into the comedy because it couldn't showcase the gore, but it still had the slasher feel. And for that, I feel grateful. It felt against the grain, and I like against the grain. I think against the trend is kind of cool. I like that kind of shit, but I think a lot of people would hack this movie, and I think there's probably gonna be more hacks after this one, but I'm not gonna hack this movie. I think it's a cult horror film. I think it's if it's not, it's in the making of a cult horror film. It's just one of those movies that's not great, but it's just weird enough to become infamous. And I think I'm gonna give it a slash.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

So kind of you, truly, honestly. My thing is that when I watched it originally, I was trying to give it a little bit more credit because I can see what you're saying. And ultimately, in the midst of this scream era that it was in, that's just a bar that you can't match. It's too high, and it's unfair to compare it and expect it to be as good. To me, I think that this film, though, is one of those like throwaway, don't take it seriously type films. But the problem is that it's hard not to take it seriously when it does some off-the-wall type shit at the end, right? So that's where it loses its points with me. I think that the premise is wild and pretty extreme and it's got its funny moments and silly dialogue and some of the chemistry between characters. You can't help but take, you know, a little bit of jest and think that they're funny, but it's also a little problematic, you know, it doesn't age well. Most certainly does not age well in that sense. And even if I were to put that to the side, I really just didn't find it that entertaining to offset the choices that it makes at the end, right? So I felt like at the end I was just like scratching my head, thinking, well, I guess that was a quick 90 minutes with a bunch of familiar faces that I haven't seen in a bit, you know, so that's nice. But ultimately, if I wanted a movie to just throw on in the background, then this would be it. But I feel like that's just not enough to make it a slash in my book, you know? It's gonna have to be a hack for now. If it knew what it wanted to be, then maybe we'd be having a different conversation. And that's where I agree with you, Sean, right? Where it's kind of on that fence. This is that film where I can see where it's a little divisive, but for me, it doesn't even know what it wants to be. It's very evident of that. It's unfortunate. It got cut to pieces for sure. So it feels like a safe hack for now.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Cut my film into pieces. This is my last resort. Suffocation. It's shitty.

SPEAKER_04 29:40

This movie feels like it was hacked to pieces. Not by y'all, but by the filmmakers. It really feels like they did a number on this thing, and it's a disservice to the movie that's underneath one of the two movies that's underneath, because it can't decide, like we've mentioned, which one it wants to be. And again, I'm gonna blame the filmmakers. I think within here there's an idea that can be executed extremely well. I think this deserves, at least the final third of the movie, deserves to be closer to Survey Echoes 100%. Had they taken this seriously, this entire idea would have landed. Had they gone into the comedy side, I think it would have been okay. You'd be up against a scary movie. Back then, there was no way you were going to stand a chance. Don't bother with that. Go to the serious side. We can use that a little bit and we can work with it. And I think Michael Bean and Britney Murphy are kind of the saving graces of this movie. Everything else is kind of like, okay, it's all right, you know, but those two are good. However, even the two of them as father and daughter are placed in situations that are extremely uncomfortable and don't read well on screen at all. They're weird. And that's the problem I have with this film is that it seems like really horny adults wrote teenagers. And I think that's the problem they were trying to make fun of with horror movies is that really horny adults typically write teenagers and kill them off after they have sex because they're using them to get viewers, because back then that's how you got views. You know, we didn't put a link on a thing and get someone to pull up your Instagram. You put a movie out there that had boobs in it. And so it's strange because initially I wanted to give them credit for they're gonna put the, you know, they're gonna put the strope on its head or whatever. And I was like, no, they're kind of part of the problem here. And so it's almost like I gotta take the filmmakers out of this to appreciate anything about it. You know, as a slasher, Flick, we've got decent kills, they're not great. We've got decent blood. It would have been more had it not been shot in 1999. There's plenty of slashing and stabbing and just small town hijinks like you get in slasher movies. Okay, I'm here for it. You've got Jay Moore, which is, you know, kind of a mixed bag, but back then, Jay Moore great. And and he's able to portray some good stuff. But man, they like completely underutilized their cast, and the cast was the part that made them watchable. They had a script and a production that was a complete mess, complete mess. And the execution, I think, is really what we're all like nagging this film for because the execution was trash. And I don't know whose fault it is. I don't know who's to blame for taking a good idea and making it bad, but oh boy, it's not executed well at all. However, there's something here, there's something on the inside, there's a film that I think I can appreciate that you have to like take from this movie. You have to like pick pieces out of it to make it good. That part of it makes up the slash here. Everything else about it is a hack, but I think it's just enough to make this a watchable 51% soft slash. In a shocking turn of events.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Genuinely. Well, look at that, Tom. At least half of us redeemed it. Oh, for now, there you have it, folks. Cherry Falls 1999 has been split right down the middle with two hacks and two sloshes. Now you can find this movie online, so go check it out. Then join us in the second half so we can break down how wild this plot was. We'll see you in a bit.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

Introducing CherryCheck, the world's first real-time innocence indicator, designed for survival in small towns with unusually specific serial killers. In Cherry Falls, purity is not a virtue, it's a liability. That's where CherryCheck comes in. Using state-of-the-art biometric sensors and highly questionable moral algorithms, CherryCheck lets you know if your friends are at risk of being the next extra pure victim. Just pop on the inconspicuous ring full of next generation biometric sensors, and CherryCheck will instantly scan your status, cross-reference it with town gossip, and issue a warning if you're in danger of not making it to Final Girl or Guy Status. Link your Cherry Check with our award-winning app, and our proximity alerts will let you know when one of your friends or neighbors has privately and discreetly shared the need for a special social connection. No more guesswork, no more awkward small talk to find out who's safe from stabby murderers. Cherry Check's got you covered or uncovered, depending on your activity level. Use promo code HACRSlash for 50% off your first order and a bonus pack of emergency breath bits, you know, just in case.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

Now we have a lot to unpack here, including some shocking turn of events on these scores, but before we get into the specifics of those ratings, let's go through those kills.

SPEAKER_05 34:19

Well, despite the lack of gore and intensity through censorship, we actually have a semi-decent kill count in this movie. We have a total of 18 kills. We have everything you can really want in a slasher, right? You've got classic stabbings, you've got theatrical placements of the bodies, and of course, you've got an absurdly shiny axe, which can only make for a really great time. So I gotta know which one of these cherry falls kills popped your cherry.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

Leave it to you. Leave it to you, Sean. Okay, well, I'm gonna start with Timmy because Timmy being stuffed in a locker was quite funny. Obviously, when he ventures off on his own on a phone call, you know something's coming for him, but it was grim. The exact manner in which he would be discovered was unexpected, and for me, it's one of the rare moments that the movie flirts with the atmosphere effectively.

SPEAKER_05 35:17

It was a great moment for sure. Like you knew it was coming as you were like approaching the locker, but it still had you waiting for it. And as soon as you get like that reveal of the body in the locker, I mean it was a really good show.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

Yeah, I also did really just find him annoying though. He was definitely Timu Tatum.

SPEAKER_05 35:34

Timu Tatum.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

Why did she have to continue to repeat that they'll be very, very, very best friends? It was weird. I was like, You good, bro? But also, what a final line. Mac, that was your opening quote, wasn't it? The hymen thing? That's crazy. What a lot. I mean, I guess he did answer the phone, technically, that was his final line, but we're not gonna count that. We're not gonna count that at all. My favorite kill was not to be like a loser about it, but it is the first kill, which is Rod. It's a good one, but also because it's Jesse Bradford. And I'm like, I hate to see a hottie go so soon, but holy Christ was he a douchebag. He had to go one way or another and pretty quick.

SPEAKER_04 36:16

However, that kill I also liked for different reasons. Because when you have a stab stab kind of killer, they usually get that one good stab, right? And then they make eye contact or mask contact, and that's it. They fade away. Nah, dude, it takes like a bazillion stabs in real life. And so, you know, not that I want to see that kind of stuff, but if you're gonna do it, this is how you're supposed to show it. He gets stabbed a bazillion times. He's still going, he's like barely clinging to life, and then okay, I gotta finish him off with some more stabbing. Okay, that's what I do here. Stab. Yeah, about a million times.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

You know why he was stabbed? It takes that much. It was one stab for every dumb fucking thing he said on my planet, the women baron. I wish for you to know my true name. Zenoblax. Had a trouble even fucking writing down that weird ass name. I want to make love to you in the manner of my people. I can't remember. That I wrote down.

SPEAKER_05 37:06

That was a weird one.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

That I wrote down. That I wrote down.

SPEAKER_05 37:08

That was a weird one.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

I can't return home without accomplishing my mission. Like, here's the thing.

SPEAKER_05 37:14

What was this dude saying?

SPEAKER_00 37:15

I can't tell if it was like true or if it was like their kink. No, I don't think it was a kink, bro. I think that guy maybe played Baldur's Gate or something before he got on. Maybe was trying out DD for the first time and thought that maybe it would be a new tactic. Also want to say, I know this is before. No, obviously, but I'm just talking like that was the vibe. But more importantly, having watched Black Mirror, like the USS Callister episode prior to seeing this, and then that whole monologue, I was like, oh, this is a little weird. It's a little creepy, it's not doing it for me. It's not doing it for me, it's not doing it for her. So I don't know. Want to make love to you in the manner of my people?

SPEAKER_05 37:53

Yeah. Listen, I wasn't, I'm telling you, I wasn't around in the 70s, but I gotta think that that was the intro to some kind of porn in the 70s, you know? I want to make love to you and the people in my manor. Go while.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

Let me tell you, that shit is Fujorama, death by snooze no.

SPEAKER_05 38:14

This guy, I mean, this guy was not like he was dead. He was doomed to die. Like, if the killer is out there killing vir, like killing virgins, like this dude was doomed to fail. Like, there's no way this dude is getting laid ever in his life with lines like that. I'm sorry, he was doomed to die.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

I just don't understand what makes him think it's a fucking good idea. And like, why she wasn't completely just the second he fucking started saying that shit.

SPEAKER_05 38:41

Yeah. Any talk like that is a huge red flag. Get out of there, quick.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Binks would have worked for you. God damn it. I was really hoping I'd hear that.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

He's just gonna use the lines.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

No, no, you know what? The thing is that he's real cute, you know? But I think it would have creeped me out a little bit. Okay. Yeah, after a while I would have been drier than Sahara. It would have been like just can't do it. No way, buddy. No way, no how. And here's what's crazy is that she got back in the car and then they continued to make out, no, no, at that point, it is what it is. I'm out of the car and I'm walking. And I'm getting killed out of their way, obviously, but with a little bit more dignity than that, ma'am.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

You know, if he had just shut the fuck up and really just done the deed, like what was it?

SPEAKER_05 39:29

He would have been done, you know.

SPEAKER_02 39:31

The killer wouldn't have come for your ass anymore. They would have like, oh, got here too late. This guy fucks.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

But hey, but here's the thing. She made it pretty clear that that's not what she wanted to do. You know what I mean? Like it was said, it was.

SPEAKER_05 39:44

Oh, that's yeah, that's why he was like, I ain't leaving until I complete my mission or whatever the fuck I was saying.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

You know, in my mind, and I'll have to go back. I know no, actually, I don't want to go back and re-watch this. In my mind, the vibe that I got was maybe she would have been down until he started talking like a fucking idiot. And then eventually it was like, All right, we're done here. This is too much. Like a vibe.

SPEAKER_05 40:11

She probably she probably realized somewhere early on in this date, like this was a bad idea. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 40:19

So the thing is, is that the moment that he touches her, I think like her inner thigh, almost like her groin area, she was like, I told you no.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

So that's true.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

I think my girl was really just trying to not break his heart and be into the weird monologue that he was giving. But that's where I need to empower women to say, please don't give them that kind of credit. It's weird. We know it's weird. Acknowledge.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

Don't lead them on.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

Don't lean them on, and don't love yourself more than that, right?

SPEAKER_05 40:48

Like tell that guy to go fuck himself.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

Please, please.

SPEAKER_05 40:52

Get out of there. So you don't have to help anyone complete their mission, you know?

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Jesus. And hey, now that we're talking about the both of them, did Mr. Malston make out with him too? Or did he just make out with her before he killed her?

SPEAKER_02 41:09

I don't know. Probably just her.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

That sounds a little fucked up because he makes it seem like he kisses everybody that he, you know, before he kills them type thing. What? You know what I mean? Like where's the men to men make out? Okay. I want equal opportunity, spread the love.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

It was the 90s beings. We weren't as progressive then. Well.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

He was just really like shoving his tongue in her throat, though, and that flashback was gross.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

It was a lot. Okay, talking about lines though, I want to bring up another line, and this is part where like they could have leaned into the comedy 20 times more, but that's the deputy getting his head split open after he says a line about splitting. And that's the kind of thing that plays when you make something that is a full satire. Yeah. So like keep doing that, and we would have had we would have gotten there eventually.

SPEAKER_05 42:00

That was definitely up there. That was one of my favorite kills, too. Literally just saying, This is my post, and I can't just split and then boom, getting his head split open with the axe.

SPEAKER_02 42:10

I would have loved a more visible split though. Like we can see that obviously it was a split, but damn, if we got like a good like straight down the middle, like maybe like down to like the mouth, fantastic.

SPEAKER_05 42:21

Yeah, yeah. It would have been good. That's definitely one of the top for sure. I mean, I wish we could have saw the principal's death in like actually seeing that shit happen, because getting murdered and then getting your forehead carved, the what did it say, like virgin not or whatever? Like that was a fucking gnarly kill, I'm sure. But you know, the problem is we just didn't get to see most of this action.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

Yeah, and what the fuck was up with virgin not? I mean, it's just identifying that this is the one not virgin they're killing.

SPEAKER_05 42:54

That's the problem.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

It's just the specific virgin not.

SPEAKER_05 42:57

It's a weird choice of words for sure to carve in there. I get that the principal was in on like the rate, so that's why he was being targeted, and he was obviously not a virgin.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

Logically, it makes sense. It's just the choice of words.

SPEAKER_05 43:09

Yeah, no, the choice of words is strange, just like every choice in this movie is strange and awkward.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

Dick, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_05 43:16

Dick, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:17

Like any slew of tickets.

SPEAKER_05 43:18

The virgin slasher has to make it known that this was not a virgin, and maybe, you know, not enough forehead space for not a virgin. So you gotta lose the A.

unknown 43:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:28

Rearrange it a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

Maybe just not virgin. What the fuck? Not virgin, not. It's like oh virgin. Oh wait, fuck. He's not a virgin.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

It's a really weird callback to Timmy's death when it's carved virgin outside the locker.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

But again, that's where it's like, I thought we were past the funny, you know, like we were past the comedy at this point a little bit to an extent. Like it just seemed like an odd.

SPEAKER_05 43:54

It was we were kind of past it, and then yeah, it didn't work, is the problem.

SPEAKER_02 43:58

Yeah, when you're called music is so fucking.

SPEAKER_05 44:01

Yeah. But Mr. Marliston's kill, the Virgin Slasher, whatever the fuck we're calling this dude, his kill, right? Getting not even not getting thrown out the window, but getting impaled on the wooden fence. That was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

And then he didn't even get thrown out.

SPEAKER_05 44:17

Well, you gotta double, you gotta double tap. You always gotta double tap.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Because of course.

SPEAKER_05 44:22

You know that's coming.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

But here's the problem is that he didn't even get thrown out the window. She just basically like blitzed him. And he had a bit of a walk to have stopped. It's not like he was going full speed at her, you know. He could have just slowed down before he launched, he basically launched himself over the fucking balcony. She didn't even touch him, really. Well, I'm just saying, I feel like that was just like at that point, he really wanted to jump off the balcony. He impaled himself.

SPEAKER_05 44:51

He did it to himself.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

He gave up.

SPEAKER_02 44:53

It was giving Sarah Michelle Geller as CC in Scream 2.

SPEAKER_05 44:57

I will tell you what I really enjoyed throughout the film because I don't know that there's any major production element of this film that I think was like super fantastic, but I do think there were these little snippets of sexual innuendos throughout the film. Like you've got like the you've got the poster for the school, it's like the flyer for the sex party. It's called like pop your cherry, bring your own bed and babe. Like that was kind of fun. They had like this random, like I maybe towards the end where they were closing in on like a word on like a stone engraving that was said erected. Right?

SPEAKER_00 45:34

It was them basically showing the name of the school of the high school, and then all of a sudden it just stops to just erected.

SPEAKER_05 45:42

Yeah. There was just little things floating around the movie like that that I think added to the fun aspect of the film, but I agree.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

The innuendo is top-notch. Do you think there's also some intentionality there with Jesse's character being named Rod?

SPEAKER_05 45:58

There may have been. I I would hope so.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Maybe. Maybe.

SPEAKER_05 46:02

Fucking Rod.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

I definitely appreciated just that small moment of the erected. It did make me laugh pretty hard. That was fun. But for me, actually, if I were to pick something that stood out, it's actually the artwork for the movie, like the main artwork for the movie that I thought was really cool. It's that like 80s, early 90s be horror style that I really, really liked. I mean, also I love the color red, so I mean, it just works out in that way as well. But I really appreciated the art style. I don't know if it's like the main main movie poster, but you can kind of see everybody in this drawn-out way that kind of reminded me of Intruder. I've talked about that before for a bit. And just like other ones, I there's like some scream artwork that they've redone for the more recent Scream movies that looks in the similar fashion. I just always love those kinds of like montage collage type artworks and prints. It looks almost like fan edit.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

I'm gonna throw some things at you here that you might be surprised by. But how about the band Garbage? Yeah and Good Charlotte and Morrissey, of course. This movie has those, and that is shocking. That is true. The soundtrack. The soundtrack here, it's small. We don't have a lot going on. We've got some other stuff here, but those three things right there got me, and I was like, they're kind of shopping, kind of out of their budget, it feels like, with the soundtrack. There's one song they should have had, and that is Angel by Massive Attack. And if you've seen Snatch, when things get real serious and we use that track, it oh, it does the job. When we got to the Orgy scene, I almost for a second thought I heard it playing, and I was like, oh, this is gonna be insane. I cannot wait. It wasn't that song, it would have been the perfect song for things to really blow up to, but just the other stuff alone, you know, how soon is now is a great, great song. Love hearing it. It's perfect for charmed, and it's surprising that you know that this movie somehow had a little bit of that. So yeah, I think the soundtrack for is as tiny and okay as it is, it's doing all right.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

You know, I really am hard pressed to identify some things in this movie that I really, really enjoy. But I'm gonna go with a moment that actually was part of my favorite scene, and it was the vibe in the beginning of the movie because I loved, and this is so fucking dumb. I loved the headlights shining through the car and just the classic Lover Lane's kill. Yeah, you know what I mean? That moment where they're in the car, they're together, all of a sudden we have this stranger pull up on them, and the way that this movie, the way that this movie is filmed, when it does show you some kills, I really enjoyed the blocking. But one thing that I also struggled with how this movie is edited is the fucking strange speed variations that we get where it's like slow-mo, but also trying to speed it up a little bit. Like we see this when he's killing her in the beginning of the movie, and it's just like, what in the fucking saw are we doing here?

SPEAKER_05 49:02

It's a good, it's it is a good like opening scene. It set like a really good tone for sure. That was like, you don't know too much about it, you're watching the film, yeah. There's some awkward dialogue, but like, alright, I'm getting past it. And then you've got like that cold open, whatever you want to call it, kill scene. And I was like, okay, all right, this is what we're working with. Okay, let's see where this goes. I'm interested. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Yeah, that first scene gives the promise of a movie that's gonna be much better than what we got. And maybe you disagree because you slashed it, but if the whole movie was like that, that would have been funny because the opening dialogue, as awkward as it was, as dumb as it fucking was, it made me think, okay, it is a comedy.

SPEAKER_05 49:47

Yeah, I think, yes, for sure. If the tone kept from that scene, it would have been a better movie for sure. I think that if we got to see the intention of all of these kills and what it was originally gonna show us when it was fighting for that R-rated whatever, R-rating, I feel like it probably would have been a better movie. It would have probably been a much different feeling movie, too. I don't think we're ever gonna get past the choice of plot that they decided to go with, right? That's gonna be tough. But I think I don't know. I think it's an interesting film. I think there are some funny scenes in this. I think the ending scene, like I it's one of the last scenes that we get in the movie, the ending scene showing the aftermath of the sex party slash parade that's going on, and how everyone had like all of a sudden, like when you're in that scene and he's like hacking people in the party or whatever, you don't see a lot of what's happening, right? You don't even see a whole lot of blood or anything like that. But then you see the aftermath scene, and you're seeing like all these kids with so much blood all over them, they're splattered with blood. I think one of them still had like a severed hand on his head. Like, where the fuck did that come from? Loved that. Like it just didn't make sense. It was kind of funny, so I liked it, but it didn't make sense because it didn't match the severity of the previous scenes, but I loved it.

SPEAKER_04 51:11

There's another moment like that, and this it's really we needed this movie to be funny, is what I'm hearing so far. And sometimes touching though, because when Kenny makes his way to Mr. Marlson's house, they kind of have a moment. For a second there, I thought things like some sparks were gonna fly. He was gonna see that lipstick, and he was gonna be really interested and able to reveal some things about himself. And I thought that was what we were about to have happen. And of course, no, he gets revealed to be a killer, and you know, Kenny doesn't get to have that moment on screen. But for a second there, that tension was not like plot tension, it was chemistry tension, I think, for a split second in my eyes, at least.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

We're gonna talk about this. No, we're gonna talk about this, I'm so sure.

SPEAKER_04 51:51

Okay, we'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

Okay, but too many fucking characters had tension with each other.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

The the what the Let's unpack it. Oh my god. We'll get there in a second. We'll get there. We'll get there in a second.

SPEAKER_02 52:02

We're gonna fucking put a pin in this one because holy shit.

SPEAKER_00 52:05

It was weird. We're gonna get there. We're gonna get there. But before we do, one last funny moment. Again, because to your point, Mac, yeah, this movie definitely needed to be funny and just stick to being funny completely.

SPEAKER_05 52:18

The foot? Is it the foot thing?

SPEAKER_00 52:20

No, oh damn. No, we haven't talked about the foot thing yet. No, what I was gonna say. Fucking Quentin Tarantino ass. No, what I was gonna say is actually the pep talk that they give before the orgy party, because that again was giving a little like scary movie, like before scary movie time, right? Just a full-on speech that this girl is giving to prepare these women, basically letting them know like orgasm. Girl, that's not gonna happen. Let that do. Yeah. Don't even let like, and unless you're talking about masturbation, it's never gonna happen. Yeah. And then they're like, what about birth control? We don't have time for that right now. Get a condom, and that's all you got. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 53:04

All right.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

I need you to know they're preparing for war is if is what it feels like.

SPEAKER_02 53:08

I need you to know that that scene, and I know I didn't mark it as my favorite scene, is because that whole vibe, that section, that very reminiscent of Greece, right before they break into summer nights where Danny's talking to the T-birds and Sandy's talking to her friends, that was like the best part of the fucking movie for me.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

Yes, yes. And that is where I will allow a Greece reference without making fun of you, because it really was that. In truth, it really was that. That part really made me laugh. That was real fun. But in like the weirdest way, though, because they're about to walk into an orgy to protect themselves, and you can't help but feel like I don't even know how consensual this really is technically when you're having to put yourself in the situation to be able to be saved. But also, like everyone's having a grand old time for the idea of it too. Like everyone is pumped and stoked to go and fuck each other.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

It's weird.

SPEAKER_00 53:59

They're pumped and pumped, they're pumped and pumped. No, but really, like the whole speech, everybody just looking up at her like she has the infinite wisdom and just having to explain to them how things are gonna go. There is no time for this, there is no time for these, you know, landish, outlandish ideas of you orgasming. That's not gonna happen, girl. We need to make sure that you are surviving, that you're alive, get a condom, and that's it.

SPEAKER_05 54:26

Dang. That is a good one. I thought you were gonna bring up the foot thing because that was awkward and weird and kind of funny at the end. Like it got a little over the top. Like it's the whole like the was it Kenny and Jody, the awkward sex attempt scene, like the toe sucking, the biting, the her saying harder, and then slapping him in the side of the face with her with her other foot. It was so strange, but it kind of made me chuckle a little bit. It was so awkward, it made you laugh.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

Yeah, it made me lack a little uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_05 54:56

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 54:57

It was kind of heading towards scary movie though, for their incredibly ridiculous sex scene. And I was like, oh, see, again, another opportunity to lean into the comedy harder, and you would have sold it, but you failed because you just kept it weird instead of funny, and they kept it weird in so many situations, like you both mentioned, Chris and Banks. Like, there's so many moments on screen where characters they should not have tension. Like the mom's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

Okay, why the fuck was that mom kissing her daughter on the lips multiple fucking times?

SPEAKER_00 55:28

Also, multiple times.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

That mother is a mother who wants to fuck everybody in that goddamn town, include starting with her daughter's boyfriend, and then also her daughter's friends.

SPEAKER_05 55:40

I was like, oh shit, she's trying to get her daughter to go inside so she can get down with her boyfriend right now. It was the Stacy's mother. That's exactly what it felt like. Again, intro to a porn, I'm telling you. That's what this all this movie is is scenes that are depicting intros to porn. That's all it is, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_00 55:57

And here's the thing that you need to know about Gabriel Mann is if you've watched Revenge, you know what this man's about. He has a way of delivering lines, like the way that he just speaks, it's sultry, and it's always this like weird sense of like sexual innuendo, somehow, somehow. It's again, if you've seen Revenge or if you've seen him in other movies, like he it's just the way that he says lines, the way that he speaks. So when I saw him in that car and I realized that it was him, talk and then talking to that mother, I was like, they're for sure in a fuck. Because that guy, he has Riz. He can't help it. It's in his DNA, it's in his bones, okay? It just can't be helped. And it was a little bizarre. And when she then goes up the stairs and the mom is telling her, like, you know, be quiet like a little mouse, and then it's not even like a little peck, okay? Not even like a little peck, like a full-on Brittany Murphy's lips on your lips smushed. I think ultimately what the mother was trying to do was really reiterate that she is not a virgin. This is not an immaculate conception that she has made in terms of Jodi, she fucks, and she wants to make it very clear so that she is safe in this world of Cherry Falls. It has to be. It has to be.

SPEAKER_02 57:14

Yeah, okay. So there's that tension, but then there's also Jodi and her dad. Because what the fuck is the one self-defense course? Which is the one that I was thinking about even more. Self-defense courses, it's exactly like it's cornhub.com.

SPEAKER_05 57:31

It's weird, it's awkward.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

What one of the reviews I read when I was logging this on Letterboxd said some crazy ass shit about that, okay? They were like cornhub.com for real. Like that is a whole trope, and it made me want to scream. What is up with the parental? Oh, and it only gets deeper, okay? And it only takes a step further. Because then what is up with the tension between her and Mr. Marlston, who, of course, ends up being her brother?

SPEAKER_02 58:02

Okay, it was giving this family. It was giving as if it's it wanted to be never been kissed.

SPEAKER_05 58:08

I mean, I guess it all makes sense that they're keeping all that weird shit in the family, you know? Oh shit. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 58:15

There's not enough separation there.

SPEAKER_05 58:17

Not enough.

SPEAKER_04 58:18

Not enough. This movie has a problem with like pauses, I think, and that's what's causing these awkward moments is you know, when her dad ends up like on top of her, her on top of him, whatever it is, like they pause. Yeah, there's like a lingering. They just let it sit there. When she like looks at Mr. Marlson in the eyes and is like, uh, poetry, literature, etc., they like pause and let it happen. Like, no, move on to the next frame already because it's making it weird, dude. Oh strange.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

Yeah, that yeah, that whole classroom scene. I'm telling you, that's another intro. It's just a fucked up collage of terrible intros to porn. That's all it is. Yeah, okay prove me wrong, you know?

SPEAKER_02 58:54

You're not wrong, but also I I do want to get in here for how fucking unbearable I found Kenny to be. And part of why this movie is so frustrating, and I'm sure we'll get into our central characters here in a bit. But Kenny specifically starts off as a jackass who they try to make seem as though he needs to be redeemed and is redeemable. Oh, he's not that bad of a guy. He went back for her. It's fucking infuriating. I couldn't stand him at all. Because obviously he's just trying to fuck. Right? He's just trying to fuck. Don't try to paint this picture as if now when presented the opportunity to fuck, he really is just like, no, I really do love Jody. No, you don't, kid. And yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:41

He just wants to fuck.

SPEAKER_02 59:42

Yeah. Sure, you fucking step in and you do something good for you for doing the right thing, but it doesn't mean I have to like you.

SPEAKER_04 59:50

And that's why I thought things were gonna play out so differently when he finally gets to Mr. Marlson. I thought there was gonna be a reveal, I thought there was gonna be something recognized, something brought out into the world, and they had, of course, the pause at the wrong time, and it made it seem like that was gonna happen, but no, no, it didn't happen and said he's just he's just himself still. And I think maybe he's scared now because of the toe. The toe is what did it, honestly. He's permanently scarred and can trust nobody because that's a horrible offense. But all of the men, all of the men in this movie, though, when they talk the boys, I'm sorry, the boys when they talk to their girlfriends here, they're way too forceful and way too aggressive and way too demanding. He could have simply stated, intimacy is very important to me in a relationship, and it's not something that you're able to do. And so perhaps we're not meant to be in a relationship, and we all would have been like, all right, that's adult of you, move on. But instead, nope, it's 1999.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:43

Yeah, I'm gonna dump you, and then I'm gonna realize how much I might fuck your mom. So I'm gonna let you choose if I'm dumping you. That's what that whole scene was like.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:51

Yeah, more like I realized that I might fuck your mom, and your mom really might want to fuck me. Like, this actually could happen. Oh, they were, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:02

Come on. That was a match made in heaven right there.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:06

Quite literally. And I don't even blame the mom too much, okay? Because turns out her husband also trash. Everybody trash. You know what I'm saying? But then again, but then again, because we've got that ending, do we not? Ma'am.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:19

Okay, can we talk about her dad being trash or not? Because I feel like that is something the movie makes very clear that he's a horrible human being. And I'm like, um, his friends kind of well like drunkenly took advantage of him.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:31

That's the toughie. That's tough. Because yes, good point. That's true to an extent, but to an extent, because if you notice, and I respect this is one small thing I can fucking respect about that entire situation, is that he continues to say that he knew what he was doing and reiterates it and reiterates it and reiterate so he definitely didn't feel great about it. He didn't feel great about it. That and that's two things can be true. You could not feel great about it, but then also know exactly what you're doing, and then choose to keep that a secret forever.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:02

We also only really got like his side of the story, you know what I mean? It's just whatever he said happened.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:08

Right, and that's the other problem. The actual victim of this whole scenario was never like we never really got her side of the story. Yeah, like we never really got her side of the story whatsoever outside of what her son said. And ultimately, his version of that story is that, well, my mom beat my ass because of what happened to her. What? That sounds uh not good writing, not very great.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:39

It's and that's where this movie really fucking had me fucked up. That's where this movie had me fucked up because on the one hand, and I even fucking hate to utter this word, but we have like rape revenge movies that can be done exceptionally well. I don't typically like them, it's just not something that I want to unearth. But we have them and they can be done well, and so you have this character who seems like maybe he's getting vengeance for his mother, and maybe it's like his form of justice, sure. But then the degree to which he goes about this and fucking like rolls off of all this shit, it just feels fucking wild. I'm just not a fan.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:21

Yeah, I think like Last House on the Left is like a rape revenge movie that fucking works, it's brutal, but it fucking works. Obviously, two different tones, two different films.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:32

But there's certainly that's certainly a genre that exists, and we've acknowledged it before, and even outside of horror, right? Promising Young Woman is another film that's like that, that's probably more on the thriller drama side of things, but they exist. The problem really is that we're talking about the 90s, and I'm not trying to excuse it whatsoever, but we need to be honest with how that kind of stuff was discussed and how it's talked about in that era, right? It's not that long ago, obviously, and it's not like it's that much different now, present day. It's definitely improved to some extent, but I just felt like, wait a minute, so you're telling me that the motives here are this, but you're quickly spinning it just enough to be like, and that's why I'm gonna kill all of you, because this is what I got thanks to what you did to my mom. That's right there, seems like uh good problem.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:25

So the motive is broken. The MO is also very questionable. Why on earth did they have him dressing up to pretend that he was his mother? So they would think that he was his mother. That seemed completely, you know. Well, right, but like why? I think was my biggest question, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:47

Like the why it was never flushed out properly, which is why I hated the ending of this movie so much. It was literally that exactly what you're making points on, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:58

So I'm assuming I think what they were trying to do, which we all kind of took away from, was like he was trying to haunt these people. He wanted them to know that it was his mom. You know what I mean? To an extent. They wanted him to know that she was back to an extent. My issue though is A, you can do that math real fast if you really wanted to, in terms of like, okay, then who the fuck are you? You know what I mean? Like, again, the red herrings were not strong whatsoever, and the process of elimination was super quick. B, not for anything. But the moment that I clocked what that you know, slasher looked like, what the villain looked like, I was like, Oh, that's a man. Because right away you can tell, even the sounds, the hands, the sounds that they make, they didn't even try to disguise or make it ambiguous.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:49

Yeah. And then at that point We knew it was something you knew, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:52

You fucking knew. And then again, that process of elimination, super quick. And then third of all, I just spent the whole time laughing at their design because. Is it just me? Or did she not look like Malignant? Like the girl from Malignant.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:06

The only thing that she was missing was two faced. Like I'm pr it has to be that our boy took inspiration for Malignant from this movie because everything looked just like it, except for maybe Can you imagine? I think maybe she was missing the trench coat.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:21

Heavily inspired by Jerry Falls.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:24

Bro, I just it looked just like her. It looked just like her down to the little boots when she's running.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:30

It's true, it's true. It's a good card.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:32

It was giving malignant. I did think that fairly early in the film, especially with a long dark coat. It was wild. But it was certainly giving Laura Lee has uh haunted this hound for twenty five to twenty-seven years. But I do okay, maybe I don't love this. There is something to be said about the distinction. And this is where I was feeling this movie a little bit like, okay, we're talking about vengeance. You took this from my mother. Now we're going to exterminate your virgin children and destroy that purity from you. That's where this movie was like, oh, we're doing something I don't love, but some math is mathing in some really fucked up ways. But again, it just goes to this weird fucking extreme that it's like, okay, dude, just sit down. Maybe your mother has her own voice that she wants to share.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:27

Right. And it should have just paused there is the problem. When they took when they kept going and then showed what she did to him is my issue as well, right? It could have just paused there because I could respect him, especially as a man, trying to seek vengeance to some extent for his mom. However, I agree with you that the mom also could make that kind of decision for herself. They took it a little too far. It's almost like they tripped and they just kept writing in the writer's room. They needed to have stopped.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:51

And then also They wrote themselves.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:53

Yeah. Well, and then also, where is the justice ultimately? Even after that kind of fuck up, where is the justice?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:59

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:00

Also looking, trying to find it out. Can't find it.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:02

Yeah, so Homeboy, Homeboy was forced into doing something bad, realized he was doing something bad, didn't fight to stop it, but then more importantly, didn't confess to it, didn't bring others to justice, and lived with it for over two decades. And then his family's like, Yeah, I don't know why this would have happened. No idea. Like, dude, they're all dead now. You can tell you can tell the truth. Why are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:24

That's what's infuriating about this movie, but then also what is still so fucked up about this movie? Because her mother tells her, Oh, this was a different time, they came from good families, it would have been her against them, it never would have held up in court. So many women do not report exactly because of this. And then you see the women who do report, and this is exactly how it goes. I remember being in a group therapy and being surrounded by women who just said, Oh, yeah, I reported my offender, and he went to captain's mass, or he went to court martial, and he was like, Well, he has a career in front of him, so it's fine. Like, that is the fucking disgusting part of this. So this movie tackling that angle of it, I deeply appreciated again why I was so in this movie until it stopped being effective, and then I was very out of this movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:18

Because ultimately, then they decide to choose the same thing that they chose at the beginning, right? Which is to protect these people and their names and their reputation in Cherry Falls once again. Even though to everyone's point, right, like they're dead.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:34

Or it's uh again, like fucking vilifying the spirit of this woman and the legacy of this woman who had already had enough happen to her. And again, trauma changes people and you will not be the same person after that you were before. It's all a matter of how you respond to it, how you process, how you work towards healing. And there are a lot of people who experience traumatic events and violent traumatic events and go on to begin generations and cycles of abuse. That's a very real possibility. The problem is that this movie does not handle that subject matter well enough to feel like it's appropriate. And that's not me just being like, oh, okay, yeah, just don't take the movie that seriously. It's just it shits the bed.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:26

Well, but that's the problem because it's a movie, it's a movie that is kind of trying to say it wants to explore this really serious topic, but then also trying to be a horror comedy satire slasher, and it's just a tough, it's a tough thing to accomplish, I think. I I don't know if they were even ever set up for success with that formula to be like the perfect film. I I think it's yeah, it's a hard one. It's a hard one.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:55

Because the way that I see it is like, I know that there have been times where we talk about certain films that we're reviewing and we take it a little bit more seriously than maybe others interpret it, right? Like maybe some movies that we take more seriously and we talk about certain themes. Other listeners are like, well, it's not that serious. Okay. Um, friends, this example, let me know what you think, right? Like, how do you want me to tackle this one? Because this movie doesn't even know, right? This movie is literally both sides of that coin. So I cannot just not talk about the last half of the film and the whole motive of this serial killer or whatever. You know what I mean? I can't not talk about it and be like, oh, it's not that serious. Don't take it seriously. Buddy, this is people's lives. This is these are things that happen to people, you know. So it's like we need to address it. But at the same time, I also want to talk about how some of the best parts of the movie are how silly it is and the fact that they are getting so excited to go fuck each other later on that night, okay? At an orgy, at a pop your cherry event.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:03

Yeah, drop your pants, it's fuck or done.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:06

Fuck or die, baby. Fuck or die. Fuck or done. Get her done. I no, literally get her done. You know, it's just, I don't know what you want me to say. I feel crazy talking about this movie because it's like I really do feel like it's two sides of the coin. And I feel like the best part of the film for me is those funnier, lighthearted moments. And I really wish that this could have been like an SNL skit spin-off or like really a new scary movie plot. Because if done just right and real delicate, committing fully to the bit in terms of comedy, never taking it this far in terms of exploring, you know, rape and that kind of violence, right? Then I think it could have been something funny and lighthearted like the majority of the film and been really camp. But to be camp or say that it's camp with that latter half, I just, it doesn't sit right. It feels weird. It feels weird to describe.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:06

They had the moments built in and everything. They had stuff ready to go. You know, have you ever played Deathquake? The follow-up to that being, okay, but you have to use a rubber goes into showing the level of horniness of these teens. And I'm like, yeah, that's what this movie was supposed to be. They went way too deep with it, they went way too dark with it when they honestly didn't earn that. If you're looking for a motive for your killer, make it just because. Okay? Keep things simple, make it just because. When they ask this killer at the end why you kill all these virgins, he should say, just cuz, you know, I'm around them all day long. And if I did the opposite, think of how many bodies there would have been. Boom, done. Okay? That's it. That's all you need for your motive. You don't have to make it that in depth.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:44

Or even look at hard eyes, more like a more recent film, right? It's like some weird kink or something like that in in that regard, right? It doesn't need to be so deep and profound, like you're saying. It's so simple.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:55

Yeah. But something that I also found both humorous and absolutely disgusting was bite it. The toe scene. The toe scene. I don't like I don't like the toes. They should not be in your mouth.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:08

Definitely not.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:09

Not here for it. This is just maybe a personal thing. I'm not here to yuck your yam or whatever, but like, nah, dog, I hated that scene in its entirety. Yes, we're not into toe sucking.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:17

I think worst part for sure. Well, we didn't get to talk about it too much in characters. I mentioned it before. We got into a lot of the weirdness of the characters, but I do want to mention probably one of the better parts of the film before I talk about my worst part, which I think is Brittany Murphy and her performance, because there's something I think engaging about the way that she, you know, portrays the character. She like complements the awkwardness with her own quirkiness, and it just kind of works. So let that be said. But the worst part of the movie for me, it wasn't the censorship, it wasn't the heavy satire. Hell, it wasn't even the awkward sexual tension throughout the film. Mac, you mentioned the soundtrack, which was good, but it was the fucking score or the sound outside of the soundtrack that just did not fit the movie at all. There were some weird noises happening, some weird electronic sounds, some weird score happening throughout the film that just didn't match it. We could have been in the fucking matrix or something, but definitely not in this movie. So that's probably one of the worst parts for me.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:23

You know, I want to double tap on a worst part before I get into the best part, which I've already revealed here. The worst part of this movie is the fact that we can't even excuse some of this shit as fun cam and is just a okay, it's a fun, dumb movie. Because the director promised an intelligent script full of irony. That is how this director describes this project. An intelligent script full of irony. So if you think I'm taking this shit too seriously, there you fucking have it. Because the reality is that the show is about how we as people and our different lived experiences shape how we receive movies and how we react to these moments. So to have the terrible mishandling that we've had here, and then to know that somebody thought, okay, yeah, this is an intelligent script full of irony, yeah, no, I'm good. Now, the best part of the film was probably that one of the more intelligent parts of it, and being you mentioned it earlier, these fucking pep talks, like the reality of what these girls are experiencing, and then leading through this charge of like, okay, we're gonna fuck today. It's not gonna be great, but here's some tips on how you can make it out of there against these fucking guys just like smoking in a van. It was just dumb as shit. It was dumb as shit, but I did absolutely eat it up, and that is one of the few moments that makes this movie have a fraction of rewatchability. I don't think I ever will because you're not gonna revisit this movie for scares. You might not even revisit it for the kills, but that laugh specifically, I might YouTube the clip, or it could maybe be a fun like hate watch or group viewing just for that wild orgy scene because that and them fucking running down the stairs and then uh busting through the staircase, that felt like Scooby-Doo. That felt excessive. It was a weird plot line, it was baffling decisions, but beyond that, this movie is uh it's gonna be a one and done.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:29

Yeah, and I know I slashed it, and that was all the generosity I had left for it. So watching it again is it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:36

I might watch it again, you never know. I'm not necessarily going out of my way to re-watch this movie, but I can definitely see myself throwing it on again at some point. Maybe I'm not saying never for sure. I think it's got some quirkiness to it. It may find its way back on my screen at some point. We'll see.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:54

Like I said, I think that for how horrendous that last half of the or third of the film, because I don't want to say half, but really that last ending, right, of the film is, I would watch it again if like to have it on because the laughs are there, the dialogue, the cheesiness. It's actually the slight bit of camp that I can stand. So I would definitely have it on. And then by the time that it gets to a particular moment, right, inching closer and closer to the reveal, that's when I like have to take out the trash outside of my apartment. And then I have to maybe like water my plants outside. And when I come back into the house, the movie's over. And that's okay. That's really how I would time it just right.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:35

Well, it sounds like this isn't worth that much of a watch, but hey, I love that you love this, Tom. And it's for you and it's not for me, and that's okay. But for now, there you have it, folks. Cherry Falls from 1999 has earned two hacks and two slashes. Now we've we've certainly had a robust discussion here, but the conversation about this wild ride doesn't end here by any means.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:00

Not at all. If you want to find out how you can go further than this episode and go all the way with us, consider supporting the show by visiting patreon.com/slash hackerslash. This is where you can enjoy even more of the show, including bonus content with early access, extended episodes with our B-sides, movie nominations, and live shows.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:18

And if you loved listening to us yap about Cherry Falls, leave us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. This helps us to continue to deliver great content for all you horror fiends out there.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:28

See you next time, folks. And remember, girls have to do everything.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:31

Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex.