412: Candy Corn (2019)

SPEAKER_03 0:04

I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Ooky season greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hack or Slash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. Let's give these treats a show. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack, a total joke, a waste of time, or a slash.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Totally killer, pun intended.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're rating these movies with the perspectives we've gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast. This week I'm joined by the classic horror connoisseur, Sean.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

So you just want to do this out in public?

SPEAKER_03 0:46

This week we're kicking off October with a Halloween tale of vengeance.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

And make sure to stick around for our B-side at the end of this episode where we get into pranks gone wrong and maybe some proper Halloween etiquette.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

This week's film amasses a lineup of horror veterans. Courtney Gaines, remembered as Malachi from Children of the Corn, Tony Todd, whose legacy is cemented as the titular figure in Candyman, and PJ Souls, who horror fans probably know from her roles in Halloween and Carrie. The trio came together to co-star in a film where the atmosphere of small town celebrations and carnival lights set the stage for something much darker. And the story follows a group of bullies preparing for their yearly hazing ritual against local outcast Jacob Atkins. When their cruelty escalates, though, the night takes a turn as Jacob is resurrected to settle the score. This week we're talking about Candy Corn. Sean, what are you expecting going into this?

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Listen, with a name like Candy Corn, it seems like it would have some good Halloween vibes, you know? So that's kind of what I was going into. Like I'm watching this movie pop up on the list as I'm like looking for stuff to watch. I saw it pop up a few times over the last few years or so, specifically around the Halloween season, because candy corn, right? But like, is it going to be a trick or a treat? I think that's what we're gonna find out here. Is it gonna be sweet like candy or just plain corny? I guess we'll have to see. But I was hoping for some good old-fashioned Halloween slasher vibes in this one, if I'm being honest.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Yeah, that's completely fair. It's one of those things where, like the movie Trick, which actually stars Tom Atkins, I really went into this thinking, okay, it's not gonna be mainstream horror, but it's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a little spooky, it's gonna give us the setting for the fall vibe. And you talk about, okay, is this movie a trick or a treat? The movie Trick was really just a trick. That movie was pretty awful. And I expected this to be B tier, unimpressive, but I did expect decent Halloween vibes. I knew that we'd probably get inconsistency across the board in terms of performances, and we'd end up with something probably mid, but serviceable. And so when you go into a movie with those kind of expectations, Sean, you're like, okay, we're kicking off October. Give me a Halloween themed killer. Listen, you know what you're getting into, and I think it's fair to set your bar accordingly.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I mean, it's it's true, right? Like, not every movie is gonna be top-notch, and sometimes you're looking for that B movie filler for the spooky season, and some of that stuff you can find some little hidden gems, stuff that just gives you the right vibes, even if it isn't like the best movie out there. So, you know, that's all we can really hope for.

SPEAKER_03 3:31

Yeah, and yet somehow, even though my bar was set accordingly, I was on a ride with this movie, Sean. A lot of it was, oh wow, hey, because I would get excited seeing these people who we know from other films in the past, and the rest of the time it was pretty just okay, all right, cool. And there was one moment where I had this feeling of okay, now this kill I can fuck with, and then another kill of okay, this is some good aftermath. But aside from that, those are what maybe three or four peaks and a whole lot of valley in this movie.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

So true. I mean, right away, right? Like from the acting quality to the quality of the film itself. Like, you know, you're watching a B movie, like from the get-go, which again isn't bad. Let's face it, it's not always a bad thing. We're talking about that, but something definitely felt off about this movie from the get-go. One thing is for certain though, you know, we're talking about wanting like the Halloween vibes. I think you kind of got some Halloween vibes in this movie. There is nostalgia for Halloween in there. I think it's full of fall scenery. There's some foggy nights, it's a shitty carnival vibes. You got those jack-o' lantern like lighting, you know, you got a little bit of that. It's got the Halloween feeling down, I think. But it is a little rough around the edges, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

Yeah, I think that was the biggest surprise in this movie, right? We I know I went into this knowing I went into this knowing it's probably gonna be pretty rough, and yet it still looks really good. And I'm I and I I want to be very specific here because within moments, within this movie opening, you know that the acting is pretty trash. However, the rest of it looks pretty good. It's weird though, because aesthetically it's a cross between Wow, I'm gonna say something, it's gonna be a very bold statement. And I don't mean this to be so much of a praise and a compliment, but you remember how it follows, has a certain cinematic quality. This does not have that, but the color grading that it executes, it feels kind of similar to that. Not in terms of some like the John Carpentresque atmospheric, like that movie has like a lot of I'm thinking about even the tail light scene, and it seems very vivid. This movie doesn't have that, but it does have better than expected cinematography and better than expected editing and color grading. So I think that was a big pro. Again, I just wish it wasn't weighed down with the really rough acting that yeah, ruffles have ridges for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

But like I mean, yeah, like the I I'm with you. I see what you're saying. The cinematography, the the some of the lighting, some of the atmosphere that we get in this movie, it is pretty good, right? That is one of the more surprising aspects of this movie. And you mentioned it before just opening this move this episode up. I think one of the s most surprising things about this movie is those horror icon cameos that we get. You're talking about mentioning PJ Soles, Courtney Gaines, and and Tony fucking Todd, right? And so it's really surprising to see so many like noticeable names in this B-movie horror film, but it's that same aspect that is kind of disappointing because I feel like these characters are way underused in this movie. And if listen, if they're just cameos, they're just cameos, but I feel like they could have been really they could have used they could have been used a lot better for sure.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Yeah, just to be clear here that when you amass people of this quality in this caliber in your film, you have to know what you're doing with them. Because the other side of this is if you're paying to get these people, you should know how to use it. I liken it to people, and this is okay, a tech reference, right? You who walk into a store and they're like, I want the top of the line of this electronic, but like, bro, you need the baseline, you need the base model, you're not ready for all that. You'll never tap into all the potential of that. So what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 7:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Had this movie reallocated its funds elsewhere, maybe, or dare I say, took a little bit longer to bake in terms of what it was putting together, then I think this could have been way better off. Now, some of these folks did uh produce this film, right? So there's some involvement there, but it's just one of those things that troubles me every single time I see, oh, well, we got this person for name recognition. And that's exactly the strategy behind getting them in this film.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

For sure. And it's probably, yeah, it's probably just a little bit of a bait and switch moment, a little bit, right? I think when we look at maybe Tony Todd's character, we get a little bit more than maybe the other two. But also the film kind of suffers from pacing issues as well. Like there are just moments in this film that I feel like we they just don't flow well. You know what I mean? Like there's moments that feel good, and then there's moments of like, why are we sitting in this moment right now?

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yeah, dude, again, few peaks, many valleys, long, deep, cavernous valleys.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yes, deep cavernous valleys for sure. And another thing, there's a real lack of scares in this movie, like a noticeable lack of scares in this movie. Like we're talking about having the right atmosphere for sure, but the film doesn't deliver any genuine scares. It's really just all this mood and revenge and no horror tension.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

It really is, and I think that's because it it really wants to be another Halloween slasher, but it doesn't know how to execute anything new within that space. And that is a real big struggle for this movie. Something that I think is actually interest and that I think is interesting, it also reminds me of Rob Zombie's Halloween. And again, not in a good way, not in a great way at all. But you have many men with long hair, and you get a killer who has a gnarly looking mask, who the design of that actually does not look very bad at all. It actually reminds me of something that Michael Myers would wear in Smith's Grove Sanitarium. It has that kind of element to it. And as we go further down the rabbit hole, I'll talk about this later later. There are so many Rob Zombie ties to this movie, but it's one of those things where this thing that's scary about this is how it fails to live up to its own potential.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Is it just the trashiness of it all? Is it is that what it is?

SPEAKER_03 9:55

I wouldn't even say that it's the trashiness of it because it also doesn't commit to the trash the way Rob Zombie commits to trash. So it's tough, right? It's a hollow shell of what that could be. It really doesn't execute, and that's a real big disappointment. But again, that's because it's not anything new. It doesn't, this movie doesn't have anything new to say, but even more than not having anything new to say, it also doesn't have a lot of love to give, where it feels like, oh, this is great reverence and homage. And you know, this is made by people who care about the genre, who love the genre, so I'm not I'm not debating that. But why this? Why that? And I found myself asking why the entire time I was watching this movie, because we already start with the classic trope of a prank gone wrong, and then we end with nowhere new either. Like it's just okay, that was an experience, and I don't think it's even fun enough to really like be new, fresh, and original for someone who isn't familiar with the genre either.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Yeah, it's a tough one for sure. It's definitely there's just the problem is is there's just not a lot of depth to the story, right? Like just like you're saying, we've got a very familiar trope at the very beginning, and the way they carry through the film and the way they end the film and wrap everything up, it's not very, you know, innovative, right? It's very familiar. It's a very familiar outsider tale, bullying, pranks gone wrong, all of that stuff. And, you know, I think there was opportunity probably in there somewhere to like it's okay to go down that road, right? Like it's okay. Like we're we're here for like the slashers, like we're here for some fun Halloween vibe slashers. It doesn't have to reinvent the wheel, but there has to be a little bit more depth to the story, maybe invest in a couple of characters a little bit more, you know what I mean? Like, give us something tangible, not just a bunch of like trashy characters that we don't care about.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

Yeah, man, and I I didn't even care all the way up through its ending. Legit legitimately, Sean, when this movie was over, I thought, okay, well, it's over. And that's a that's such a bummer. And the more I think about this, the more there are so many things that remind me of other horror movies, and then specifically Rob Zombie Stake on Halloween. But man, even the ending of this, I can tell it it's trying to do something that sets you up as oh, okay. They want you to imagine a world in which maybe this kicks off a greater story, or that there's more to happen with some of the characters in this film, but nobody wants that. And sorry, but nobody, I want to be clear. I'm like, I can only speak for myself. I don't want that. I'm nobody. I don't want that. I'm not interested. You didn't sell it to me enough in this entire movie.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Yeah, it's a mixed bag. I think the thing with the ending is is it is predictable, it's pretty predictable, but I'm not necessarily mad at it, it just wasn't all that impressive. I do think though, we get some solid moments when we get to the third act and to the end of this movie. There are snippets that I'm like, okay, we're doing something here, but then we don't do anything with it. Like we get like a little snippet and then it fizzles out, and then we just kind of like let the whole thing go flat, like a you know, like you left a two-liter with the cap off, you know, for a few hours. It just doesn't it doesn't feel great, you know. There's no big payoff.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

Flat soda is such a brilliant way to describe this movie. And actually, yeah, no, I'll save it for the rating. I'll save it for the rating. Holy shit. Yeah, this movie ends in a place, and actually, the more I think about it now, it's even like one of the best parts of this about this movie visually is something that is ripped right out of Halloween 2018. So there's a lot happening here, there's a lot to be said, and I can't wait to get into these scores. But Sean, how would you describe the gore score?

SPEAKER_01 13:50

The gore in Candy Corn is definitely present, but it's not like this wall-to-wall splatter. I think they use mostly practical effects, which is nice, and it gives this old school grindhouse texture to the film, which we we love. Like I'm here for that stuff. But when it when the gore comes, it definitely feels violent, and there are some pretty good moments where we see some pretty cool stuff. So this one does surprisingly deliver some bloody, occasionally brutal moments, but it's not over the top, too. It just doesn't commit to the bit, and it's probably a budget thing. But what we do get is at least earning itself a happy medium gore score.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

And what about the animal report?

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Well, let's just say that we don't really see any animals being harmed, but we definitely know that some were harmed at one point because we have an assortment of taxidermy animals in this one.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

Yikes! Well, let's go ahead and get into our ratings then. Candy corn from 2019. Was it a hack or a slash? And Sean, I think I'll just rip the band-aid off here. I'm just gonna go for it. Sean, I need you to know and understand my relationship to candy corn. And my relationship to candy corn is that I fucking hate it. It is the worst Halloween candy. Why is it that waxy? It doesn't need to be. It's terrible.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

You love it or you hate it.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

I know there's a lot of people out there who really do love candy corn, and I love that for you. But in my house, candy corn is not a fucking thing. And what I mean to say is that and for the listener, I want to paint the picture of how this movie came to our lineup. We have some scheduling conflicts, we are gonna do another new release, and couldn't really make it out to the theater. And I was talking to Sean, I'm like, hey, let's swap around a movie in the lineup, we'll slide this episode to another day, etc. What do you got? And Sean comes out with bangers, as Sean always does. Sean doesn't have a bad recommendation, but he also looped in some other thoughts here. And when we went through the list of things, I'm like, okay, this or that, okay, well, fuck it. Like Candy Corn has three people in it. That's the why I I picked this movie, Sean. I picked this movie because of Tony Todd, PJ Souls, and Courtney Gaines. That is why, listener, this movie made it to the lineup.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Naturally.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

And I want to paint the picture here that we could have covered this, or we could have covered 31. And I was actually leaning towards 31, and then I looked this up. I'm like, oh shit, there's like three people I really like in here. Fuck it, let's go. The director of this film is actually associated with 31. Sean, I don't know if you know this.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

I actually did not know that.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

He directed the behind the scenes documentary In Hell Everybody Loves Popcorn, The Making of 31. And here's another weird connection for you. 31 also stars Richard Brake as Doomhead, who is actually in next week's film, The Strangers Chapter 2.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Now, The Strangers Chapter 2, currently sitting at like a 16 or 17% on Rotten Tomatoes, and this movie has a better score. So it shows you that this had the makings of like, fuck, this should be really great. Sean, here's the thing: this movie has no identity, it has ambition and doesn't know what to do with it. And like the candy, I fucking hated it. Never in my life would I have thought, well, I wish I I wish we had done the Rob Zombie movie. I never thought that that would be a thing that I'd say on this podcast, but here we are because Candy Corn, Tony Todd, me, you rest in peace. Candy corn was a hack.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Man, we love to hear it, you know. We'll we'll settle for the the forceful, I'll take a Rob Zombie movie over this. That's great. I love it. Yeah, you know, Candy Corn is an indie horror movie that really tries to summon the spirit of Halloween. You know, it's got the foggy streets, it's got the spooky carnivals, it's even got some horror icons sprinkled in there, almost like little treats for horror fans. But as I said before, was this a trick or a treat? You know, and the atmosphere is its strongest aspect. I think it's dripping with the fall season vibes and this sense of melancholy that sets it apart from your typical slasher. But while the film almost nails the look, it stumbles on the bite. The story is super thin, the pacing drags, the kills, although grounded in practical effects, don't quite land with the impact that they should. You know what I mean? Like, we got some good kills, but we just it did the impact wasn't there. And I'll talk about that later in the spoiler section, like what was going on with these moments. And then the use of Tony Todd and PJ Scholes unfortunately feels like cameos, like more like cameos than real contributions, and by the end, you're left with a movie that feels more like just a Halloween decoration than a Halloween classic, you know? It's nice to look at, but it's hollow on the inside. So when it comes to candy corn, this isn't that fresh, perfect bag of our seasonal treat, right? Whether you love it or you hate it, it's not like open a bag of fresh candy corns or the little pumpkins that aren't like stale, they're soft, they're fresh, you know. It's more like that underwhelming bag of stale kernels that you have to hack out of your teeth at the end of the night because they're just so waxy and so stale. And that's the best way I can describe this movie. It's a hack. It's just a hack.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

Sean, there's no fucking way you could convince me to eat something that sounds that bad. It's like if by the end of the night that's what it's tasting like, fuck that. That's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

I'm here for like the first few bites of candy corn. Like I'll eat like maybe a handful of them, three, four, five of them, and I'm like, okay, this is good. And then after that fifth one, you're like, I can't eat any more of these.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Yeah, and a very small, brief shelf life on those things. The other side of this though, you mentioned this in like the Halloween decoration. This feels like a Halloween decoration that I walk up to a store and think, oh, that looks cool, but then in all practicality, I have nowhere to fucking put it. It goes with nothing, it serves nothing. I'm just buying it because it's Halloween. That's this movie. And with that, Candy Corn has earned a universal hack. Now you can find this movie streaming in a couple of different places online. If you want to say fuck it and still soak in the Halloween vibe, please go check it out. But stick around, join us in the spoiler zone so we can really unpack this one. We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

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SPEAKER_03 22:33

Welcome back, folks. You're not entering the spoiler zone for Candy Corn from 2019, which is in the universal hack. Now we have so much to discuss, but before we jump into all that nonsense, Sean, let's go through those kills.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yeah, you know what? I I do want to talk about these kills. We had at least we had some redeeming moments with some of these kills. Let's face it, we definitely had some redeeming moments. This movie ends up with a surprising eight kills. And with the pacing, I gotta admit, I didn't think we were gonna get there, to be honest with you. But it's when we get to some of these kills where the movie stands out a little bit, especially with those practical effects. So, you know, we have everything from like decomposing bodies, decapitations, limb removal, and some good old-fashioned chiropractic spinal work. So I gotta know, Chris, which one of these kills got your sweet tooth?

SPEAKER_03 23:25

Okay, none of them really did. I wanna just start right there, but also I want to acknowledge the one that was perhaps lifted straight from 2018's Halloween, and that was Decapitated Dadhead, the sheriff, Courtney Gaines, Malachi himself, decapitated and carved to look like a jack-o'-lantern sitting down there to be present.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I mean, it was a good kill for sure, for sure, ripping off you know, Halloween 2018 for sure, but nonetheless, like it was one of the few kills that I think visually looked really, really good. I gotta admit, there were some kills in here. Like, if you're not really looking close, like you probably have no fucking idea what's going on. Like, I I know that you know, when when Gus dies, you know, tech technically his his stomach is being torn open, but I could swear if I didn't like pause and rewind, he was just being choked out. Like it literally just looked like he was being choked to death. And also, I want to just also point out that how are people actually dying from some of these kills? Because like we have Carol's tongue getting ripped out, but like what else happened? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 24:41

You can you can survive that, yeah, you can, except in this fictional world, they forgot to do the Mortal Kombat finish him move, and that's the real disappointment.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

So for sure, I'm right there with you. Someone who I don't think could come back from really anything was our boy Mike. And can we just pause for a moment, acknowledge that Mike is played by an actor named Jimothy?

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Jimothy, I didn't well.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Jimothy. Jimothy Badness's name. Good for you, Jimothy. But having your arms ripped off of your sides after you know what it seems like you didn't really give a shit about your dad this entire time, but you uh you see what happens to your dad, and then you really get taken out. The Piste Resistance, right? The ultimate last one at the end of the row. I'm sorry. If I was planning my vengeance tour, I'd start with the person who fucked me over the work.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

I don't know why people want to lead up to it. I think maybe because, okay, I'm gonna plan out this row of torture, and I'm gonna make them wonder what's happening, and I want to really soak it up.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Yeah. I mean, you definitely everyone probably watching this movie wants Mike to die first because not only was he the one that like really instigated everything, he was also like the biggest douchebag in this movie, and we're gonna get to that a little bit later as well when we really dive into some of these characters. The logistics of anyone getting their arms ripped off, though, I always wondered about like what kind of sheer force does it take to like literally just completely detach two arms like it's on an action figure. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Yeah, the ball joints aren't really sound, really, really wild for sure.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

But listen, I really thought, like, I wasn't prepared for it, but I I was like really here for Bobby's spine getting ripped out of his body.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

Yeah, he got alpha from 28 years later.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah, it was fucking great, actually. Like, I was like, okay. At first I was like, oh, it's just gonna be like another one of those. Like, is he just choking everyone to death or is he like just squeeze? This is another one that started out where I didn't know what was going on. Like, I thought his head was just being squeezed. Do you know what I mean? Like, I couldn't figure out what was happening, and then when it like the camera panned out and you see the spine getting ripped out, I'm like, oh damn, okay, here we are. Great.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

But you know what? Okay, yes, I felt that, and then I felt the media like, oh, there's some digital shit happening in here that does not look good.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Yeah, there was a little bit of that digital aspect. I mean, there was a good, like, there was a good amount of practical effects in a lot of these moments, but then you can see some some troubling moments. Like when we see Jacob's mother, that was a pretty good moment of practical effects. It looked pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

Yeah, no, there again, there's a lot of stuff in this movie that does look really good. But I think my thing, and I felt this way actually in the mean one, I don't want to be able to search where you found that effect from. I don't want to go to Invado Elements, I don't want to go to any stock site, I don't want to go to Adobe stock, and I don't want to see the vector files for where you're pulling this fake blood. I don't want to see any of these animations, I don't want to see none of it. I want to live in a world where I think y'all just made uh made this shit up on your own. But when it looks that apparent as it did with a spine pull, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Yeah. It's a fair, it's fair. We don't want to see any of that bullshit for sure. What I can say, and you mentioned it, Chris, though, really did enjoy the mask. The look of Jacob's mask was actually it was nasty, it was gruesome, and listen, it was scary. If that mask was available as an actual Halloween mask, I could get down with that.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

Yeah, it does make me think of it if I think that this movie was a little bit better, it could have gone on to have the legacy that Hatchet has with Victor Crowley, where you're never probably gonna punch right up into the class of like, okay, iconic slashers, but you're gonna make a pretty good run for yourself, and I think Jacob had the potential of that in terms of just how he looked. I would have enjoyed that. There's some other stuff in this movie overall that looks well, right? I'm a huge fan of the way this movie looks in terms of its cinematography, but I also really like the set dressing, and not that okay, I guess this is like saying a lot because you really took the best one here with Jacob's aesthetic. But the little retro Halloween decorations that are hanging out in the back of some of these establishments, like it really has a this is a town that loves Halloween, but like is not a Halloween town level Halloween fan. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Right. It it's like an old, it's a very like like a small town, old school, like not over the top. I mean, you can tell it's not like today, because today you have people spending thousands of dollars on on animatronics. Listen, I'm not gonna say that I don't also spend a lot of money on animatronics, you know. I got the 13-foot jack sitting in my front yard, but like I'm just saying, like nowadays is much different than when I was a kid. Like you have these animatronics that have gone off the walls, and you got characters galore, you can really do it up. If you look, if you go to some neighborhoods now where like they have wraparound porches, some of these people have been collecting these things for years, so they've got like half a they've got like a dozen or more of these like props everywhere. Back in the day, you might have one semi-big prop, but you're really just putting a couple of little spooky lights up, maybe a couple of ghosts, maybe some spider webs. You got some fun stuff. It wasn't crazy, but it was enough, you know?

SPEAKER_03 30:23

Yeah, yeah, and it's that kind of modest Halloween decor that I really, really appreciate. And it's part of what does give this movie like the fall feeling for me.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Mm-hmm. For sure. It's also those like those like little string lights, the little jack-o'-lantern string lights that you could still kind of find. Like, I think I have one of those string lights. Dude, Spirit has a little terrifier, like Art the Clown string lights with little terrifier heads. Yeah, I almost bought it. Almost bought it. Yeah, I almost bought it for sure. But like those are the type of like vintage-y, like horror decor that you can like throw up like half-ass and it still kind of looks good, you know.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Yeah, damn. I really need to decorate. My I haven't done a thing for decoration in my apartment outside of putting all my horror movie shit in one room for this office. But some Halloween decoration I need to make. I feel like though I have a black cat now. I feel like she's decoration enough because I also feel like if I put any hot decorations up, she's gonna tear them down.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

Oh, that's cats. That's cats. Wait till you get to my house. There's a lot of Halloween shit up.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Yeah, I'm gonna just like post up in your house for like a day and just soak it in.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

You get all the Halloween vibes for sure.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Listen, what really we could have done with this movie, honestly, and you know, not to go back to Jacob's aesthetic, but like we're just thinking of like the story being kind of thin and it kind of being basic and we love the look of Jacob's mask and everything, and it's not even that it's Jacob, right? It's just like the mask, right? So if we're thinking about like what they could have done with this movie, like think about like if this whatever we're calling, you know, whatever we're calling him, like the carnival like leader, the carny leader, you know, the ring leader, you know what I'm saying? Like if he were to have this little voodoo witchcraft box that with this haunted mask type thing, where he can put this mask on, you do some kind of ritual, bring some dead body back to life to do his bidding, you know, we're now we're getting a mix of like this like familiar horror trope mixed with like some white zombie stuff, like you're bringing someone back to the dead to be your like killing slave.

SPEAKER_03 32:32

Yeah, it's also uh you know, put on a mask, do some weird shit. It's also giving silver shamrock.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

For sure. It's definitely giving that. And it and it didn't have to just be Jacob, is what I'm saying. Like, we didn't have to have the overly played, like, I got bullied and now I'm seeking revenge on my the people that bullied me. It could have been, it could have started that way, and then as he killed a few people or took those guys out, like we could have taken those guys out quick. Mike could have died like within an hour. That would have been great. And then Jacob would have ran out of gas, and then he could have used that mass to put it on another dead body, maybe Mike, and make Mike do the bidding, you know what I mean, and go after this town, and it could have just like really cycled into this mass killing spree and it could have been way cooler.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Oh, it really could have. Again, this movie didn't live up to its own potential. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Maybe we need to rewrite and just see how this movie could have gone. But something that I think captures a little bit of this movie's potential is uh one of I think the best scenes. And I say this very generously to be clear. I had to be I was hard pressed to think of thinking through this. But there's a moment where the sheriff goes to Dr. Death and the carnival and less and maybe Lester goes over there and says, Hey, there's some shit going down. And Dr. Death is talking to him, like, hey, yeah, you mean when my employee got ruffled up, right? Got his ass kicked, etc. There's a point where the sheriff walks away and Dr. Death is laughing to himself and going on this rant on how he has traveled so often and he has learned two things about cops. And he talks about just how ineffective they are, how they only respond after the problem has been there, or after the problem has occurred, and not able to do anything before it even happens. And then he talks about not trusting any of them. And that was, I think, his singularly best moment of acting in this entire movie. I'm like, okay, damn, look at you.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

It was good for sure. And you know, you're you're thinking about it, you're like, oh yeah, you're sitting there, like, yeah, that's so true, man. Like, yeah, okay, I'm with you. I'm with you right here. Okay, yeah, let's go. I'm with the freaks. Let's do this. You know what I mean? Like, I'm on your side for this one, but then it just quickly falls apart after that. So, like, it's just like that's what this movie does. That's what this movie does.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Yeah, and that's such a bummer, right, Sean? Because again, this is where this guy is like, okay, is he scratching his way up to Captain Spawning territory? This movie is a shell of Rob Zombie's DNA.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

It truly, truly is. And, you know, I can't say honestly that I loved any like one full scene in this movie, and I know that's like kind of cheating to say, but and let's face it, this one was pretty bland. You know, we talked about all the kills in this movie, and I try I truly think a lot of the great moments in this movie come within snippets of those kills, but there are a number of different things that I love to pick out of a bunch of these scenes, and maybe we can talk about all that stuff, right? Because I loved trying to pick out like what old school classic horror movies they had playing in the background with some of these scenes, and it was really hard to tell. And I think that at least one of these movies might have been bullshit. There was one that maybe first played that I was like, what movie is that that we're seeing? And I think it could have been like that movie in Home Alone where it like really felt like a legit movie, but it was actually just a bullshit movie to be played in the background just for ambiance. But as like the movie progressed, I did hear a line that reminded me of a movie, and I had to look this up. And it is a line from Clue in 1985 that was like the whole like built this mansion line, so like that threw out out there. And then we have the old school theater scene where they're playing the Phantom Creeps from 1939 with Belle Legosi, which is a great sci-fi horror flick. So, like, I had a lot of fun picking out little snippets like that out of this movie. So I gotta, you know, I can't be mad at those moments for sure.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

Wow, you have already given this more rewatch value than I initially expected because now I'm thinking, what else did I fucking miss?

SPEAKER_01 36:43

There's a little, there's a few little things in here, and we're here for that. But yeah, like the the scenes in this movie, none of them are like true, true standouts. You did talk about like the decapitation being kind of like a ripoff of Halloween 2018, but it is kind of a good buildup, right? Like you have Mike, who you know, like this guy is just such a douchebag. He's such a douchebag, but he's there, and of course, he decides to go on his own after everyone told him not to. His dad told him, like, wait for me, probably, I'm gonna come get you, whatever. This motherfucker's like, I'm gonna go fucking fuck some shit up, you know. So here he goes. And he shows up, and guess what happens? Guess what happens? His dad's car rolls up, the the headlights are glaring, you can't see shit. You could see this moment in his face where he's like, This is great, right? Like, my dad's here, he's gonna save me. You could tell this guy has been coddled by his dad his whole life, right?

SPEAKER_03 37:35

Like he could talk shit, but also doesn't respect his dad.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yeah, exactly. But he knows that like if he starts shit that he can't finish, his dad will be there to fucking clean it up, right? Because his dad's the sheriff. And so like he sees the headlights of his dad car pull up and he's like, hell yeah, you can see him smiling a little bit. And as he walks up, he can't see, he can't see, and as he finally realizes that his dad's decapitated head with the eyes gouged out and everything is just like staked right there for him to see. The the realization of that and the horror and the sadness kicks in, and then somehow his arms get ripped off, and then like it kind of fizzles out from there, you know. It kind of could have been way cooler, but like that moment that buildup was actually really, really good. The same way that the reveal of Jacob's mother, the her decomposing body with the worms crawling around her after they lifted the blanket up. It was a good moment for just that moment, you know what I mean? But then they ruin these moments with these like insane, like they're I don't know if they're trying to build this hypertension with these really like intense ambient sounds that linger and everything kind of gets else gets muted, and it just feels like they're trying to be artistic with it, but it just feels awkward and it didn't work.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Yeah, they really try to layer in so much here, even circling right back to Jacob's mom. Okay, so you're trying to pull a Norman Bates angle on this. What are we doing, guys? Come on.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

Yeah, what yeah, what was that? Like she had been dead for a while, right? To be decomposed that way. So, like, was that pre him going mad? Like pre-him being yeah, it had to have been.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Now it's like the movie's way of circling back and saying, Well, I guess he deserved to be bullied.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Yeah, like yeah, it's mixed emotions. Like, are you committing to this or are you not committing to this? It just felt a little bit strange. Obviously, something off you can see from the very beginning. The kid is sitting there like eating in front of a TV that's not playing, you know, and okay, or we we might have some like we might have some issues. That's okay. Uh you know, you know, but yeah, we don't see the parents, so yeah, something weird is going on for sure. Something strange is happening.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

But again, it sets things up as if to say, yes, we are clearly projecting what is happening here, and we're gonna give you some room for interpretation because we'll know that you'll come up with something, but it doesn't commit fully enough or give us anything interesting enough to make me want to do that work. It's just like alright, cool. You just muddied the waters, and that's really this is a movie where you could have gone even simpler and probably executed much better.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

Yeah, for sure, for sure. And then like we get to these characters, and I gotta say, like, we have a plethora of characters in this movie, and I don't know if any of them were great choices. You know what I mean? Like, uh I mean, first of all, Steve's mustache, I don't know what that was, but listen, folks, if you're gonna have a mustache that starts off as a mustache and then there's gaps, clear gaps, and then you have another mustache almost like a Fu Manchu, but you really just know that you couldn't grow out the full mustache. I'm here to tell you you shouldn't have a mustache. Just shave that shit off, put some roguein on it. I don't know what you gotta do, whatever you have to do to paint it in. I don't know, but you need a full mustache if you're gonna do a mustache. That's just a rule. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 40:58

Yeah. Listen, there are middle school children with thicker mustaches than you.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Yeah. And you gotta know when to just let it go. It's like if you're gonna be balding, but you still have your ponytail in the back, yeah, it's time to it's time to let that go. And I don't want to offend anyone out there, but I'm just here to save you and just let you know that it's time to let it go.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah, all we're saying is have priorities.

SPEAKER_01 41:20

Right.

SPEAKER_03 41:21

But the other time going back to Steve, he was so, so far out of Carol's league. Like, what was she doing with him? This was a classic case of a small town too, is a 10 for them.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

That's what it is. That's what it is. When you have these small towns, you have nobody to choose from. When you look at the whole gang there, who are you gonna choose? Like, not Mike, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_03 41:47

Yeah, he at least looks like he takes showers.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

Yeah, he looked like other than the mustache, he looked like maybe the better one to choose from. I don't know. I mean, there was also there was also like the hipster kid, right? Like he he was okay, I guess, right? Like Bobby.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

No, Bobby looked like a prepubescent child.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

No, he was okay, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 42:09

Like, you know, you're gonna get some sideaways looks if you're dating Bobby.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

For sure. Yeah, just not great. Also, I just want to say, like, we've talked about Mike being a douchebag. We you know, we can talk about how Mike didn't give a shit the whole movie about anything about any of his friends, and then finds out that all of his friends got murdered, and all of a sudden he's crying. Really? You have emotion out of nowhere after everyone that has been telling you what the fuck was going down, and you're like, I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_02 42:37

Fuck all the way off, Mike. Fuck all the way off. Get out of here.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

It was bad. It was bad. Also, what the fuck was with Mike's chest hair? Because that shit was like, are we going on a magic fucking carpet ride or what, dude? Like that thing was coming up, right? Like almost to the neck.

SPEAKER_03 42:55

Yeah, first off, Sean, I think I need you to know that that is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. It's specifically body hair being where there ought not be body hair, specifically, okay? So, like, for me, that's chest hair. Sorry, I know it's very normal, I get it, but also I'm gay, fuck it. It's chest hair, and then it's lower back hair. And also back hair. Actually, no, back hair as a whole is just is looking very werewolf. And when you have a thicket of fucking chest hair to the point where it protrudes through the fibers of the shirt that you're wearing, see and again I did portraits, official portraits in the Navy and had to like tidy up officers' uniforms and get really close to them and adjust everything. I saw way too many hairs uh piercing through shirts. Fuck that. No, hate it. But also, maybe there should have been a transplant situation. Maybe Mike was harvesting the hair to give Steve on his mustache.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Maybe maybe Mike could have been donating his hair to make Steve's mustache whole, you know what I mean? Mean that's like what friends do, right? Like you should help each other out. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:04

We group murder and we donate hair.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Yeah. Plenty, plenty of stuff to go around. But let's just talk about Gus for a second because Gus reminds me of a character that you would get in The Greasy Strangler. Like that is just not like it's just so off-putting this character. Like he's just so weird, and it's like it's not even it's it's not even that it's like really offensive. He's just there's something about this guy that's just so strange and so weird and so sleazy that you just don't if you just like ooh, you're like, I don't want to talk to this guy.

SPEAKER_03 44:41

Yeah. Take Napoleon Dynamite, make him a curve, and put him in a Rob Zombie movie, you've got Gus. Gus's line in this film was there are a lot of asses. Some were kicked, many were sticked.

unknown 44:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:59

And that's not exact that's that's not exact phrasing. I'll have to go back to the actual quote, but the delineation between kicked and sticked, sir. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Yeah, and also, yeah, none were sticked, to be fair. There was literally one girl with them, and it was it was Steve's girlfriend, Carol, who, by the way, you know, she got the shit under the stick, really, because she wasn't really there. Like, obviously, could she have tried to do something more in the moment? Sure. However, she did go and tell the police, technically.

SPEAKER_03 45:30

She did.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

So, like, for her to go out kind of sucks in that regard. I'm just looking at some of these kills, her tongue getting ripped out, like Bobby's spine being ripped out, right? Like he doesn't have a spine. Because he doesn't have a spine. Steve is getting his ears like torn off, like is like because he didn't listen to her. He didn't listen. So it's almost like it's very interesting, but like the tongue getting ripped out of Carol, she did say something. So, like, she didn't say something in the moment, but she did say something before and after.

SPEAKER_03 46:00

So he should have used her tongue when it counted, according to Jacob.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

I guess, yeah. It's given very like seven vibes, you know, only not super biblical.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

Yeah, yeah. Again, another layer that that maybe others would struggle to find in this film, not because of a lack of trying, but because of a lack of want to.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:20

I want to circle back here though, because Carol goes to the cops, she shares with them that there might have been a murder. And what does he say? Well, no one reported anything. Bish, she's reporting something. She's reporting something. That's literally what she's here for. And you're just like, well, nobody wanted no one reported anything, and I would be the first to know. Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_01 46:43

Obviously not.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:45

It's because it's because it was about his little boy, Mikey.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

You know, that's what it was.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

And it what like how old was Mike for him to be sitting on the couch like ignoring his dad like he was like 12 years old, you know? Oh my god. Yeah, just lame. Just lame.

SPEAKER_03 47:02

Terrible. But hey, bless Tony Todd and bless PJ Souls and bless Courtney Gaines for taking these roles. PJ Souls was just a little ray of sunshine. Even if her and Tony Todd didn't really do shit in this movie. Oh, she's like, you know what? Thanks. You're like a nice cool sip of water.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

Yeah, for sure. I guess Courtney Gaines probably had the biggest role in the movie, but like, we could have done, we could have done better. We could have done better. It's a toughie. I honestly though, I think the best part about this movie was probably, I mean, it's gotta be just the atmosphere, right? Like, is it really just the small town fall vibe? Is that really the best part of this movie? Is that what we have to go with? I think so.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Yeah, yeah. Sean, I would, I would take that and I would circle it right back again to the vintage Halloween decorations that were in the background in these m in this movie. Yeah. This felt good. If I want to evoke the spirit of fall in a film, and I want to just put some random bullshit on, you know, on YouTube, you can just search for any kind of escape situation. I was watching a six-hour loop of 90s Halloween earlier. Not watching it, but up in the background while I was like editing and doing some other work, and I would just glance over every once in a while, that looks fucking cool. That's what this movie's for. That looks fucking cool.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

Pretty much. Pretty much. That's a good way to put it for sure.

SPEAKER_03 48:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

But sadly, this one was a one and done for me. I can tell you that in full confidence. I don't see any reason to come back to this movie, other than maybe putting it, like you said, as a looper thing in the background. Maybe to put this on while you're handing out candy and not even in front of the TV screen.

SPEAKER_03 48:45

Wow. That really was just such a specific dig in that movie. That's great. Yeah, I would loop it in a playlist of Halloween movies if I needed to pad the body count here, but there are so many other better Halloween horror movies to watch, folks, and I assure you. This is episode 412 of this show. We've gotten some fucking bangers out there. And if you're participating in the 31 Days of Horror Challenge with us this year, then fret not. We have a custom tracker that you can check every single day to get recommendations for spooky season films, and none of them are candy corn. But for now, there you have it, folks. Candy corn from 2019 has earned a universal hack.

SPEAKER_01 49:28

Now, there's so much to say about this film, but the discussion doesn't end here by any means.com slash hackerslash. You can enjoy even more of the show, including bonus content with early access, extended episodes with our B-sides, which remind you our free sides for the spooky season, also some movie nominations, and of course, live shows.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

We'll see you next time, folks, and remember, I'll be here to keep the balance.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Everybody's gotta be a fucking hero.

SPEAKER_03 50:13

So this movie starts, as many horror movies do, with a classic pranked gone wrong. Sean, how many horror films off the top of the dome can you think of where a prank goes wrong and all of a sudden here we are 120 minutes later and someone's getting fucked up?

SPEAKER_01 50:33

I mean, there's I mean, there's a pretty extensive list for sure. Like I even if I can't think of everything in the moment, I'm sure there is a long list of movies that go off of this kind of trope.

SPEAKER_03 50:45

There really is. Let's just go off with a couple here, Sean. The Burning.

SPEAKER_01 50:51

The Burning for sure.

SPEAKER_03 50:52

The House on Sorority Row and later on Sorority Row, it's remake.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

For sure.

unknown 50:58

Probably.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

I know what you did last summer. I'll always know what you did last summer. The prank that went horribly wrong in the mountains, landlocked fucking fisherman killer.

SPEAKER_03 51:07

Yes. I'll always know what you did last summer. Because the other ones weren't really pranks. They were just, you know, accidents, secret murder pact. No, yeah. I'll always know what you did last summer. Fuck that movie. Terrible. Okay. Prom night. Prom night is technically a prank gone wrong. We love that.

unknown 51:26

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 51:26

And there's also Terror Train. Have you seen Terror Train?

SPEAKER_01 51:30

I think I have seen Terror Train.

SPEAKER_03 51:31

Jamie Lee Curtis.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

And the magician David Copperfield.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 51:36

What a fucking great movie that was.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

Oh my god. Listen, my favorite, my favorite spooky season prank movie, Trick or Treat.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Yeah, that's really fucking good. Hell yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 51:49

That is a great one for sure.

SPEAKER_03 51:50

Hello, Mary Lou, prom night too.

SPEAKER_01 51:53

So true. So true. Which also carry.

SPEAKER_03 51:56

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Prank towards the middle of the movie, but yeah, still a prank gone wrong.

SPEAKER_01 52:03

It's still a prank gone wrong.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

The inverse of a prank gone wrong. And I think this movie gets credit for it because typically we see that the prankers take it too far and then they fucking kill someone accidentally. A Halloween ends.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

Very true.

SPEAKER_03 52:17

Or Corey Cunningham. He was the prank. And still this kid fucking accidentally took it too far. Yeah, it's ends up dying on the fucking floor right there.

SPEAKER_01 52:27

Could we potentially consider even like Friday the 13th, part three, as a prank gone wrong? Technically.

SPEAKER_03 52:36

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:37

Technically.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

Absolutely. We could.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

Yeah, yeah. You definitely have yeah, Shelly definitely pranking everyone.

SPEAKER_03 52:45

Be bopping around everywhere, fucking around. Absolutely, yeah. That whole movie's a fucking prank gone wrong, but I love it. It's still great.

SPEAKER_01 52:52

Oh my gosh. What other movies are there? There has to be. I mean, there's a lot. I'm sure we're not thinking of them. I'm sure there's so much more.

SPEAKER_03 53:01

Yeah, if we go back through 412 episodes, I could probably go down the whole list and we just like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

However, I think we got a lot of them for sure.

SPEAKER_03 53:10

We did, but something that does beg the question, Sean. What the fuck are Halloween pranks? I think I don't know what this is. I think okay, I've heard of maybe TPing a house, but where I lived in Texas, that was just like a prank to do, not a Halloween prank to do.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

Yeah. I think TPing a house and stuff definitely can be a year-long prank, depending, but I also know that um the what is it? Like I don't know, I feel like I'm getting old now. Isn't it like the night before Halloween is like the the the prank night? Or am I just making that up?

SPEAKER_03 53:50

I need you to know that you're hmm, I'm here to learn. You are bringing a level of caucassity in culture that I have not been tapped into my entire life. Because as a sheltered Hispanic kid, I can assure you I was doing no pranking.

SPEAKER_01 54:06

Let's see. Let me know.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

The biggest fucking prank of my life was the fact that I wasn't allowed outside.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

Yes, the night before Halloween is known as mischief night, devil's night, or cabbage night, depending on if you like cabbage, I guess. I don't know. It's a tradition where some communities allow or expect mild pranks, like TPing trees. You can do some, I guess, like little vandalism like that that's not like over the top. But when we did it, like it was TPing trees. I guess you don't really tepe a house too much. It would just be the trees in the front yard. Here's there's some etiquette, right? Like you don't really like you don't think about the consequences when you're like a little teenager, but egging somebody's house is probably one of the worst things you can you can possibly do. And I know that's also one of those things that's not necessarily just a Halloween prank. It could happen all year round. But when you egg someone's house and it sits there and it hardens, you know how hard it is to clean the egg off of a house or anything, a car.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

Tell me, how bad is it?

SPEAKER_01 55:12

It's bad, it's bad. It takes forever. It's hard. You have to scrub at it. It doesn't come off easy. It's a pain in the fucking ass.

SPEAKER_03 55:19

Okay, here's what we need entrepreneurial spirit. Sean, one of you it's like creating the problem and selling the solution to the problem. Egg the fucking house and then the next day sell your services to clean the to clean it up.

SPEAKER_01 55:35

Yeah, I guess so. That'd be funny. Yeah, I guess that's the whole thing. Like you can be like just show up in the morning randomly and be like, hey, uh I can't help but notice you all got got. Good thing I'm here because this is kind of what I do, you know?

SPEAKER_02 55:49

Yeah. Got egg on you. Don't worry, I got it.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

Just yeah, just just happen to be driving by and notice you got egg. I specialize in egg removal.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

Yeah, I can't help but notice you're you've been yoked.

SPEAKER_01 56:02

Yeah. Very, very strange. There are some pranks that I think are kind of fun that I think, you know, there's a there's a certain level of severity to them, right? Like you can do simple tricks, you can do like placing things in the candy bowl, right? Little fake spiders, you can place those around. You can one thing that I've always wanted to do, but I haven't actually committed to yet, is being in full costume, like in a rocking chair holding the candy bowl, acting like just a prop holding the candy bowl and scaring everybody that comes up.

SPEAKER_03 56:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:35

You know?

SPEAKER_03 56:36

Yeah, that's fucking see, Sean. This is you with your tall ass frame, you are born for this work. Why the fuck aren't you doing it?

SPEAKER_01 56:45

I gotta commit to it one of these years, at least for like a couple rounds of kids, just to have fun, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I haven't done it, but I think that's acceptable for sure. But you know, there's some other things that can get a little bit wonky, right? Like you can, well, these are just are these just pranks like in general? But like I I rem I remember hearing about some of this stuff, like you like covering like a toilet bowl and plastic wrap, you know what I mean, and and hoping that somebody doesn't notice because that gets messy quick. That could be bad for sure. But yeah, oh, smashing pumpkins.

SPEAKER_03 57:20

Oh, what a great band. Great band for sure, but also like that's a good way to get killed on Halloween, though, because of trick-or-treat, Sam. You don't fucking you don't mess with the pumpkins.

SPEAKER_01 57:30

You don't mess with the pumpkins, you don't you don't you know blow out the candles and the jack-o'-lanterns too early. That's definitely something you don't want to do, but uh that is something like when we think of even like Hocus Pocus, they're smashing pumpkins, you know, and doing their whole thing, little gang of bullies.

SPEAKER_03 57:47

Yeah, and don't light the black candle with a virgin.

SPEAKER_01 57:49

I've smashed at least two pumpkins in my day. I don't remember if they were mine or somebody else's, but I do remember throwing a pumpkin into the street once or twice.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

I have never smashed a pumpkin in my life.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

I can tell you it's not that exciting. Yeah, I don't see like where the thrill of it all comes into play, especially depending on like how long it's been sitting out there, because you end up picking it up and it's like moldy and gooey and gushy, and then like it falls apart and your hand gets nasty, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 58:17

Okay, so the first time I ever carved a pumpkin was in 2012.

SPEAKER_00 58:23

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 58:24

Oh my gosh. And again, I remember I told you the story, Sean, about how I dated a white girl who introduced me to pumpkin carving.

SPEAKER_04 58:30

Right.

SPEAKER_03 58:30

We carved Jack, and I was so happy with myself. I was so proud of myself. I was like, oh, look what I did. It was great. So we go out to see. So I'll carve this pumpkin on like gosh, I want to say this was like a Thursday night or a Friday. And we're supposed to only be gone for a couple days, and our workup gets extended and extended and extended. So in my apartment is sitting this pumpkin that I carved, and it was the worst fucking thing I have ever smelled.

SPEAKER_00 59:02

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 59:03

It was fucking terrible.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Man, how long was it sitting in there? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:09

Two weeks. It was fucking terrible. Granted, we never really like went out to see for like a day and came back. Like you'd go out, I think, for like friends and family day, but we were only supposed to be gone a couple days. Like, I remember asking, we had this whole conversation, like, is this gonna be okay to be here, etc.? She's like, Yeah, it'll be fine. We'll just probably have to throw it out like the day that we get back or the day after we get back, etc. Wherever that increment of time was. And then it was at the end of the day, two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 59:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:36

That was fucking terrible. It was like all caved in on itself, disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 59:40

Yeah, it's weird. Like, I've tried so many tricks too. Like they say, like, you know, you gotta clean them really good on the inside, great. You gotta wash them on the outside, great, you gotta like dip them in bleach or some crazy shit. I've never I never had enough bleach to like really dunk them in bleach. That seems like a lot of work, but some people say there's little tricks to keep them from like rotting super quickly, but also, you know, in Florida, in the state that we live in, like if that pumpkin is out for like an hour and a half, I feel like it's already growing mold. So that's why, yeah, we usually have been like, I think the first year we moved out here, it's a little different in Colorado, right? Like when when we or even California, because it gets colder and it's a little bit dry, it's drier, so you can like put the carved pumpkin out there and it might look pretty good for about a week, and then it's out there, and then it doesn't matter if it gets mushy, you just get a trash bag and kind of like finagle it in there, and then you're good. But you know, we moved out here, we did some carvings, we put them out there. They were like dead in a day. Like we were like way early in the season. We're like, well, there goes that. So then the next time that we carved pumpkins, we're like, okay, we carved them a little bit later, we kept them inside a little bit longer, then we put them out there, still didn't last. Then we started carving them and just leaving them inside and like putting them out like on Halloween night, and like even then they don't last that long, even in the house. And then like this year, we're like, yeah, maybe we'll just carve on Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:06

That actually is great. I like that idea a lot.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:09

Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's just the thing now. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:12

Yeah. I want to carve one so badly this year. I need to find out where and when I'm gonna do it. But I was thinking about this as you're talking, I'm like, why not just dip it in fucking acrylic or like whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? What is that? Yeah, resin? Yeah, just dip it in resin, see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:27

You never, yeah. I mean, I guess that would be a good one.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:30

At this point, fucking hairspray it. You can't do anything worse than what you're already doing.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:34

Hairspray it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:36

Let it hold. Yeah. Cover it up in fucking hair gel, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

Yeah. There's some crazy pumpkin carving you can get into too. There's like the people that like they don't even cut through it, they like shave into some of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

So I have been watching on my time off. I watched like outrageous pumpkin carving or some shit. Anyway, it's like a whole series on HBO Max, and it's a competition of pumpkin carving. And one of the challenges was you had to on a pumpkin throw throw depic three different scenes of a ghost, like before they were dead, how they died, and then what their ghost energy is like. And the people who were shaving and like cutting things out, punching out, and then also backlighting it, like they got the thinnest little shaving of pumpkin to like be like a transparent ghost. It was stunning, Sean.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:28

It's crazy what people can do, really. Honestly, pretty much.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:32

I started doing a little bit of the shaving in the last time I carved a pumpkin in Virginia. I mean, I'm not fucking I'm not very good at it at all, but I was like starting to like get into it a little bit. Maybe I shouldn't pick that up as a hobby this fall. We'll see.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:46

You never know. You never know. It's uh it's a fun time to carve pumpkins, especially if you just like you got a good spot at a table, you're carving the pumpkins, you got a good horror movie on, maybe you got some candy on the side, who knows? Maybe you got a spooky drink or something like that. And then, you know, it's like maybe like at towards the evening, dusk, you know, and then you get to light those suckers up right when you're done, put them out there, and it's the vibe.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:11

Damn, okay. Yeah. Fuck. That's perfect, Sean. That's perfect. Maybe I'll do that uh when I f have my first set of days off in October. Maybe I'll do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:22

Sounds like a good time.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:24

And this classic pumpkin. I'm here for a good time, not a long time.