In This Economy?! The Case for Living in a Haunted House

It is an age-old trope in the world of horror, a family, usually one with lots of kids, gets the opportunity to purchase a house at an absolute steal of a price. 

The catch? The house can sometimes be drafty even in summer. The attic is filled with old things from the previous owners. Sometimes you can hear the pitter patter of little feet. Oh and it also coincidentally happened to be the site of a brutal murder or some alleged satanic ritual. 

Congratulations are in order for them because they are now the new owners of a bonafide haunted house! Common sense suggests that the only proper course of action from this point forward is for them to take some gasoline, light a match and let that motherf****r burn to the ground. 

But, in this economy, where we are all saddled with debt, high inflation and a limited housing stock, I think the case could be made to make the best of that situation and find a way for you and the spectres in your house to coexist.

Here’s how to embrace haunted homemaking:

1. Expect the best, prepare for the worst. Perhaps the biggest mistake haunted homeowners make is assuming their ghostly tenants are of the malicious and evil variety. Who wouldn’t be a little salty or petty when strangers have the nerve to come into THEIR home and assume that THEY’RE the problem…So be nice to the ghosts and let them show their true colors before you make assumptions. Of course, in case they do end up being evil, no harm in having a trusted exorcist on speed dial and a bible and sage on hand.
2. Make them feel included. Who knows how long they have been cooped up in this house, perhaps all alone, watching family after family come through celebrating holidays and birthdays. Not once being acknowledged or included in the festivities. I mean, how often have we seen climactic scenes of poltergeist activity during a very touching family dinner or celebration? Maybe all they want is to feel like they are part of the action! So, make an effort to help them feel part of the fun. Maybe set aside a plate for them, pour them a glass of wine…ok obviously they’re likely not going to be able to eat it, but the thought is what counts! Who knows? They may appreciate it so much that they turn up the spookiness just enough to scare off THAT uncle…the one who believes the Earth is flat. They may become your favorite party guest! But also, don’t try to trot them out with a Ouija board or something making them perform tricks for the crowd…they were humans once too!
3. Set boundaries. Like any good co-habitation, it is important to set boundaries to make sure each party is allowed the space and privacy they need to live comfortably in the house. Just like when you hear a high-pitched shrieking sound and smell sulfur when you try to pick the lock on that little door in the corner of the basement, communicate your own rules for where your ghostly roommates can and cannot hang out. Sure, you’d likely never know if they were following those boundaries or not if they are more the airy, non-coproreal type beings, but you can at least feel good knowing that they MIGHT respect them…and sometimes that’s a win in itself!
4. Learn about them. To be loved is to be understood. While it is easy for them to learn about you and your family by watching your every waking move day and night, watching you sleep, even invading your dreams perhaps. It is not as easy for them to share their story. Do a little research, find out their names and traumas, their favorite colors and songs. When you know better you can do better and even the most malicious ghosts may give you a break once in awhile in return for taking the time to perceive them as more than the creepy thing watching you sleep…
5. Know when to admit defeat. Not all living situations are ideal. And that’s ok. Some people (and ghosts) are just not meant to live together. So, if you find that living with your ghost roommate is just not working out anymore and living in your parents’ basement is looking like a more pleasant option, then pack up your stuff, hustle on out, take some gasoline, light a match and let that motherf****r burn to the ground. 

So there you have it folks, before you decide that moving into an affordable yet haunted house is a non-starter, think about it economically and see how you can find a way to live in harmony with the spooky spirits that lived there before you and will certainly live there after you. And will definitely watch you sleep….nighty night friends!