279: Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Here I am. Oop, I bumped into you. Fall in my mouth.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to Hackerslash. If you're joining us again, welcome back. You guys must be starving. I'll make some fettuccine. If this is your first time listening, welcome to the party. We are a horror movie review podcast dedicated to telling you whether a movie is a hack.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

A total joke, a waste of time, or a slash. Totally killer, pun intended.

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We believe horror is for everyone, and as such, we're writing these movies with a perspective we've gained from our varying walks of life and the flavors of fear we fancy most. My name is Chris, I'm your friendly neighborhood slasher enthusiast, and this week I'm joined by the classic horror connoisseur, Sean.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I always wanted to make love to an angry welder.

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It's Christmas in July this week as we close the book on a storied franchise we first covered back in episode 50. Over three decades have passed since Steven Spielberg's iconic film left audiences worldwide afraid to venture into the water, and sparked an aquatic franchise spanning four films. When last we visited this franchise in episode 222, a mammoth 35-foot shark found itself trapped in a theme park. This time around, as we close the book on the franchise, there's a new predator in town, and it's not just an ordinary ocean dweller. This one has a personal vendetta. This week's film brings us an alternate take on Chief Brody's family. This movie follows the plight of a widowed matriarch, convinced that her family is in the crosshairs of a vengeful marine menace. The production team faced a daunting race against the clock. Now, starting in September of 1986, they had a tight nine-month window to bring their vision to life for a summer release. The journey took them from the familiar shores of New England to the Universal lot and then all the way to the tropical Bahamas. But this voyage of making this film wasn't all smooth sailing. With mechanical sharks causing delays and the inclement weather to contend with, there were whispers of whether the release date would even be met. Despite managing to navigate those choppy waters, the film didn't quite manage to make the splash it intended. It reeled in a comparatively modest $51.9 million to gross at the box office, making it the lowest grossing installment in the franchise. Ultimately face a tidal wave of critique. Now, will our judgment align with those critiques? Only time will tell, because this week we're talking about Jaws The Revenge. Not the cable television.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yeah, the good old cable television days. Yeah, I do think I've seen this one a long time on TV, but I I don't know. It it's probably been easily 15 years or so since I've seen it. If I have, gotta say I didn't remember much.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Yeah, I've seen this one before once when I was younger, probably also on the cable TV. This is not one that has been owned in my household. And I saw it again when we covered Jaws 3D. There's definitely a scene in the movie that stands out as memorable, but this franchise has always been about Jaws 3D for me. And I say that I know a lot of people hate Jaws 3D, but it's just so campy and fun. I really enjoy it. Now, around the last time that we covered a Jaws movie, I got really sick, and I actually ended up spending my entire sick time in bed watching every fucking shark movie I could find. Like three-headed shark, four-headed shark, seventeen-headed shark, whatever you name it, I found it. This movie, though, was in the lineup, and that entire experience was a fever dream.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

I bet. There's also Sharknado.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

I did watch every single Sharknado.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

I know. I wasn't proud of myself. Now, going into this one though, I expected it to be a fairly mediocre time because while I've seen it before, there have only really been two things that I remembered about it. Jimmy from Halloween 2, Lance Guessed, and then Banana Boats.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Okay. I mean, here's the thing. I I'm not a huge Jaws fan in general, so there is that. But like I I don't really know what I expected out of this movie. I think mediocre is probably a good way to put it, but you know, really just expecting some people, some boats, some water, a shark, some people on a boat in the water with a shark.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

I mean, that's a pretty good recipe for disaster.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Yeah. As fair as those expectations are. I have no idea how this is happening. I don't think any of us like particularly sat down, especially since there's one quarter that I planned with Sean and then another quarter that I planned with Binx. How this fucking happened, I don't know. I might be just a little bit punch-drunk with all this grief, but there's something about the way this movie tackles that and tackles loss that really gave me a gentle nudge in the right direction to not falling asleep. Really, honestly, that got me to buy into it a little bit more, and I was really entertained throughout the movie, apart from two major things.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Oh my goodness. I cannot wait to hear how this sought out to entertain you. But I will say that as soon as the first line was spewed out, you could just tell this was gonna be some B movie acting. I mean, horrendous. Horrendous. When I say that, I mean even the crying is so terrible in this film. Like I could not get invested at all. The first feeling I had was immediate boredom. First feeling. First feeling watching it. The line, the first line that came out. I'm talking like we're talking the first 60 to 90 seconds, maybe. I don't know, but it was like I could just tell. I could just tell the direction it was going in.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

First 60 to 90 seconds of people or first 60 to 90 seconds of music and POV.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

However long it took to get the first line in the movie.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Okay. Alright. No, that's fair. I can respect it. Listen, I'm not saying that this movie's made of gold by any means. But but I will say, uh, there are two things that really, really surprised me, and that was one, it's a fucking Christmas movie. Excuse me? What? Every single time I've watched this movie, I don't remember that like Christmas and New Year's are a pretty fucking big deal in this movie. Had no idea. I really was a fever dream that I was that I was experiencing. I really was surprised. God, I feel like Sean's gonna judge me so hard. What a fun movie this was in retrospect. I know, I know, I know, I know. This is so weird. Listen, there are two things that really soured it though. Two things, and it's a minimum of two. There's a specific visual treatment used for very key moments, and we'll discuss that later. But I hate to say it. There were also moments I was disappointed in the shark. And I know, hey, you listen to the Jaws 3D episode, you listen to this, yes, me being disappointed in this shark is coming from someone who looks the other way with a 1D shark in Jaws 3D. It's a 1D shark image in Jaws 3D that they tried to pass off as a 3D object in the last movie that crashes into the glass. I know it's one of the worst shots we've ever seen on this fucking podcast, and I still loved it. But listen, in the water, this shark looks great. And and don't get me wrong, and there are a couple moments when I was thinking, hmm, this shark is a bummer.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

There are some things that we can agree on here. I definitely was also surprised to find out that this was a Christmas movie. I wasn't expecting that. It felt a little out of place, but I wasn't expecting it. And and I was also a little bit disappointed in the way that Jaws looked in the film. I think you said it may have looked good in the water. So for me, I don't know. In the water, out of the water. I just couldn't buy into it at all. But also, no, that I don't necessarily think that Jaws looked good in any Jaws film, not a single one.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

No, that that's fair. I think the probably the best it ever looked was maybe in the first Jaws. I can't remember really specifically anything about Jaws 2, aside from like not really liking it very much.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Like it was a good movie objectively, but it was a boring movie. And I think that's what it is for me. The first Jaws is iconic because of its cinematography, its ability to have a lasting impact and to make you afraid of sharks. I get it. Jaws 2, eh. Jaws 3, ton of fun. This one, interesting in some moments. It's just a whole different vibe. And I think I unlocked why that is, and I think we'll we'll get there as we uh start to unravel what this plot is about. But let me say that there's also two moments in this movie that felt like, in terms of fear, they probably could have been effective. But overall, this isn't remotely the scariest Joss movie. Like the first movie's known for just like terrifying people. This movie, absolutely fucking not. I think there's like a potentially a jump scare moment that might get you if you just don't even know what a horror movie is. But it does have like this really particular auditory mechanic that I think is really good at building suspense.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Well, we're gonna break that down, but I will say when Michael said, I'm scared shitless, well, I'm fucking glad someone was scared shitless because I sure wasn't. This movie was not scary at all. It was more comical than anything. I I would say that this movie will like probably like the first one would play into your fear of open water, but even this film failed to evoke that feeling out of you.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

Yeah, to be clear, this is not even as scary as the movie Open Water. That movie, even though there's no possible other fucking outcome, that movie's still scary as hell.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

This movie is not that, but I don't think that actually diminished my ability to understand their concerns or fears. Like I didn't find anything in this movie really that funny.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Yeah, it's not that it was like funny like a comedy. It was just comical in the sense of poor acting and bad effects. And I can see, right? Like I can see where some people might have fun watching a movie like this and and just making fun at it or or of it or whatever, and just having a good time with it. And don't get me wrong, there's some really trashy B movies that I have a good time with. This just wasn't one of them.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Okay. Well, I can acknowledge that there's a lack of pizzazz in this movie. Like Jaws 3D, you got Dennis Quaid, you got cocaine, you got SeaWorld. It's a fucking exciting movie. Uh no, no matter which way you can you you slice it up. This movie is not that. And I think it does take a particular approach to the shark that I find uh slightly compelling, but at the end of the day, it's a shark movie. And Sean, you you said it it's a shark movie, you're expecting some shark, some water, people, boats, people in the water on a boat with a shark. There's nothing really to spice it up here.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yeah, I I really don't know how original you can get presenting pretty much the same scenario as previous Jaws films, in essence, right? Maybe, maybe the evolution of the backstory of the family, maybe that's worth something. I give it maybe a point or two for that, but overall, it's it's basically the same backbone of the story, inserting slightly different scenarios.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

It sounds like you really just gave it a point for retconning.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Pretty much.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

Really jumping the shark backwards, erasing the timeline and resetting the timeline. That's what you just gave it points for. But you know what, you're not wrong, and I think that same thing actually also applies to the ending. Listen, folks, it's a Jaws movie, it's standard fair. You're not here for the ending, you're here for what happens before the ending. You're here for a big fucking fish eating some fucking people, and you know, you get that.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

But did anyone really enjoy this ending? It was not great. It felt so slow, the whole movie, and then the end just felt kind of rushed. Apparently, there's two different endings to this film, and maybe the original cut is better from what I've read, but this ending just didn't do it for me.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Okay, see, I watched this movie, and when I watched it last year, I forgot that there's an alternate take because I felt something in this movie, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. But then I was like, okay, all right, cool. I'm actually not that mad. I actually did not hate the end of this movie at all. I wasn't like blown away by it, no pun intended, but it's not something that I like am like frowning at or giving a thumbs down. This is just a quaint time. It's perfect for a shark-induced fever dream.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, you know, but and we're gonna talk about it, I'm sure, but you know, the ending, there was just a moment that just didn't feel right, you know? There was just an outcome that just didn't feel right to me. And and we'll dive into that in the second half. But one, the ending felt rushed, like they fit felt like they rushed to get there, and two, that one thing just kind of ruined it for me.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Okay, I need to know what the hell this one thing is, and I can't wait to talk about that in the second half, but let's make our way towards our ratings. So I think we can stop dancing around this and really dive into some stuff. Sean, how would you describe the core score?

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Well, there is blood in this movie. It doesn't always necessarily look real all of the time, but it's there nonetheless. Uh, I would have to say, because we don't really see a ton of the graphic details of this shark eating its prey, and we just see a fair amount of mediocre blood, this one is getting one of those medium rare gore scores.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Not the medium rare, okay. What about the animal report?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

The animal report is safe outside of shark.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Alright, well, let's go ahead and get into our ratings then. Jaws The Revenge from 1987. Was it a hacker or slash?

SPEAKER_00 13:39

From the acting to the effects to the extremely absurd plot, I couldn't be more disinterested in this movie. I don't know what it is about these water monster horror films, but most of them just don't do it for me. There was just nothing there for me, honestly. I I found myself continuously checking the time to see when this movie was gonna be over, and that's never a good thing. And granted, it's a better Christmas movie than the mean one, but that's not saying much because this one is an absolute hack.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Wow. You know points for being better than the mean one, though.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Listen, Sean, like you, I'm not super crazy about the Jaws franchise. I can take it, I can leave it, doesn't really matter. But let me tell you that this was such a different experience watching this movie this time around. Having already seen it a couple times before. Now maybe I was just in the perfect mood for it, but there were moments when it was sad, and I'm not saying that it was effectively like Academy Award winning. Wow, this what a portrayal of grief, but it was just sad enough to poke at my own sadness lately, and then it was fun, and then it was compelling, and it had a charming cast that I didn't feel had a ton of issues with poor acting. I thought it had a solid approach to the Brody Brothers, and even more importantly, this is the closest Jaws gets to feeling like a slasher for me. And listen, Jaws 3D is still my campy favorite in this franchise, but this one, mmm. If I were to arbitrarily do a ranking of the franchise right here, right now, this one would be tied for second place, and it's a confident slash.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

And with that, Jaws the Revenge is split down the middle, having earned one hack and one slash. Now you can check the link in our show notes to find where you can watch this movie right now or pass if you dare. Join us in the second half so we can chum these waters together. We'll see you in a bit.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

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SPEAKER_02 17:26

Which honestly really doesn't even count.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Right, right. In the original cut, which I did not see, and I'm sure I'm not sure if anyone else did or has seen it in the past. I'm not even sure if that's the one that I saw all of them years ago. But in the original cut, Jake actually dies, and Jaws doesn't get blown up but still dies.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Yeah, which would be complete fucking bullshit. Jake did not deserve to die. Honestly, Jake was more maimed than he ever deserved to be. It was unnecessary. But let me tell you, I know that we have a low body count, but this movie has some cojones for killing off a main character, part of the core four. And by the core four I mean Chief Brody and his whole family. They killed Sean. Sean, they killed you, bro.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

I know. Okay. The line that I have right here written down in my notes is of course, a Sean with the same spelling as me has to die first.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

Dude, can we just acknowledge though how badass it is for them to just like kill off a central character in the beginning of the movie? This kid made it through two movies. Well, technically all three, but made it through two movies in this timeline, and then just to get nabbed on Christmas. Here's why I appreciate this so much. Hanging on the fridge in his mom's house, there is a paper with the Titanic, and it's a picture of the sinking Titanic, and it says, The only difference between this place and the Titanic is they had a band. Now, Sean, he has a very agonizing death. He's screaming for help and his boat sinks. And why is he screaming for help but no one's coming to rescue him? It's because the Christmas carolers were his band, and he was on the Titanic. He went down with the ship, and honestly, how sad for him that this is how he goes getting his arm chomped off. Christmas carolers. Like this is the second time we've had this issue. Christmas carolers in horror movies means no one's ever gonna hear your screams.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

True. I didn't even put all of that together because I didn't even see that hanging on the fridge or whatever. I didn't even notice that at all. That's why I know.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

I'm telling you, man, this thing I think it has more than meets the eye.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Yeah. But I do like what you linked there with the picture on the fridge with the Titanic and him going down with the ship. That I can appreciate.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Yeah. And then oh man, just being a mom, chilling with your kid, having a fun time on a banana boat, then getting chomped.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yeah, that's a tough one.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Nobody deserves it in Jaws. Except for that one guy in Jaws 3D.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah. And and here's the thing: whether or not, you know, Jake as a character deserved to die in the original cut, it just makes sense that he dies based on what happens to him. He literally gets his whole body in the mouth of Jaws. He's getting mutilated. There's blood everywhere. The fact that this fucker lives is absurd. And that don't get me wrong, I like the guy. I like the guy, but he should have died.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Listen, I know that it is highly unlikely for him to have been in the teeth of Jaws, nearly swallowed, while Jaws is also convulsing. Because we see him convulsing, and then Jake's not even in his mouth anymore. So you would presume that he's been swallowed, and I guess he's just got spit out. There is a lot of questionable shit there, 100%. But I was so overwhelmed with my relief that he wasn't dead that I just simply don't care. What I find really unlikely though, and I know I'm going back to this, how did they recover any of Sean's body? He seemed thoroughly chomped.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

That's true. Wait, did we actually see his dead body like in the funeral, or did they just have a closed casket for the sake of having closed casket?

SPEAKER_02 20:55

But before the funeral, when she is there, it's almost like confirm his identity, there's a body bag. And then the other cop goes and grabs his belongings and says, Uh, here are his belongings. I thought you'd want them. So it like alludes to the fact that there probably is something of him inside that bag.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Yeah, I guess if you have a body bag, I mean maybe they maybe they just kind of fished up the uh whatever was left of them, whether it was belongings or maybe like a leg, a foot. Yeah. Maybe a torso.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Yeah. One raincoat. That's about it.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

One raincoat. Yeah. I don't know. I guess we'll never know.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

Which holy shit. Okay, obviously, this doesn't really line up with the parallels of Stephen King's it, but to be the younger brother getting your arm fucking chomped off while you're wearing a yellow raincoat, absolutely fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Definitely, definitely. Let's also just shed some light on the death of Jaws because man, there was an opportunity there after they blow him up into pieces of meat. They should have ate that son of a bitch. They should have collected those pieces, thrown it on the fucking grill, and ate that son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

But here's the thing: if they Eat that son of a bitch, then the curse of jaws lives in them.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Well, maybe they'll become the predator and they don't have to worry about it.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

A Bex Predator? Yeah, no, i I wouldn't want to do any of that because A, it feels like it blew up, but then what the fuck else was inside it when it blew up?

SPEAKER_00 22:15

True.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

Like, what are you doing to that beat?

SPEAKER_00 22:17

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Nothing good.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Probably some pieces of shrapnel in there too. You'd have to fish out of there or poke out of there.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah, you already had to debone a fish, and I wouldn't want to like de shrapnel a fish either.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

However, let me just say this. I will acknowledge that the slow-mo of the shark blowing up and the chunks were shit in the movie. Well, not worst part of the movie altogether, but one of the two things that really bothered me.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

Yeah, I can definitely see that for sure. I mean, though, when you think when you think to the original cut of his death, and there isn't any jaws getting blown up, he just literally dies from jumping into the boat and getting speared because there's no way that they forced the boat into him. There's no way you can maneuver a boat that well.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

I think in the original cut, he was maneuvered in, like the boat was maneuvered into him, but yeah, he jumped and then I think imploded with the uh with the contraption that was inside of him. And then those two things, it's science. I don't fucking know. Shark's dead. That's really all I'm here for.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

This is true.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Now, while the chunks of shark were not impressive to me, I did appreciate the bloody chummed waters. I know that you think the the gore was pretty mediocre, right? It was pretty medium rare, but I didn't mind it.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Yeah, okay, so gore-wise, as far as effects, I just didn't see enough of it. I want to see the limbs being eaten off. Like if I'm gonna look at that kind of gore. There were parts I was fine with. I think when the blood maybe hits the water, it's fine. But outside of the water just sometimes didn't look real. Like when the dude is throwing pieces of meat into the water trying to bait Jaws, the blood that was on his hands looked just like red paint to me.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Which again, I for some reason I I didn't mind. Here it is. But here I think the reality is that Jaws has never really been a particularly gory franchise. I think there are some shots that are like, ugh, and I mean they get a kid in the first movie. But Jaws 3D was I think more gory than any other film in the franchise. And so there isn't much of that in here, sure. But I think it was done tastefully. I didn't really mind it. What I did also really love though was the cinematography, specifically the swimming POV of the shark as it's approaching Amity. That was solid. It really gave me and threw me back, and this is the start of why I say this movie's a slasher. It's the start of this shark's approach. A la Michael Myers' journey following Judith into the Myers house.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Yeah, that POV shot of the shark floating through the water, definitely a good visual. I mean, all all the underwater shots were halfway decent, but really specifically just the coral reefs and whatnot. You know, those were cool. I like those.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Just those?

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah, I don't know. Here's the thing. I do think that Jaws in the water looked better than Jaws out of the water, like you said before. I will give them some credit that Jaws did also have some scars, but I I think there's an opportunity to make Jaws look a little bit more realistic.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

When you're thinking about what this shark actually looks like, Sean, I think about my favorite scene. The best he's ever looked was when Michael is out of his submersible in the water, and then the shark comes to him, right? We can hear the heartbeat happening. And then as unlikely as it is, they managed to get this shark in an underwater hallway through this sunken wreckage. Yeah. But there's specifically a shot of the shark coming through the rotten wood and into the sunken vessel. That was Chef's kiss, man. That was fucking great.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Yeah, that was easily one of the better shots in the film for sure. Just him poking through. But also, even though it was a really good shot, it was also for me, and I don't know if it was just me, but it was a little bit comical because it looks at first like he just pokes his little nose through, like real slow, like, and then all of a sudden he bursts through. So it was almost like a hmm, what's going on in there? And then boom.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

It's an interesting parallel to an earlier part in the movie when we first see the shark, right? The shark comes up and it looks so good when the camera cuts from Michael up top to Jake down to his submersible, and then all you see is the shark's eye behind him. That was creepy as fuck. But then they took that terror and immediately deflated it because the shark just goes nom and like just very slowly comes up to the boat with enough time for Michael to jump up, and it's just anticlimactic.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Yeah, I'm telling you, we just need to see more brutality in this one. We just really needed to see more death. Like the fact that we only had two victims out of how many people were out there on a boat, and even there wasn't a lot, but like, man, some of these like random guys that were just on the boat could have died easily and it would have been better. Let's see some death.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

That's fair. I think if they do do a reboot of this of this whole franchise, I would not mind the direction that they go where the sharks are hunting down the family, the Brody family, but there's gotta be a bigger body count.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

There was a scene that I thought was so random and hilarious. Maybe I just didn't understand it, but it is a scene where Michael and his wife are walking on the beach and all of a sudden he just starts taking off. He just runs.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

What the fuck is happening here? Like, why are you just running away on the beach for for fun?

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Yeah, for some reason, and this is something just deep that I have to go back and confirm. I think it's a reference to maybe Jaws 2. For some reason, that's what where my heart is. I can't pull up and really think of the receipts, but Jaws 2 is when this son was a little bit older and you know he had these um these this a little bit of conflict with his dad. He wanted to go out and have some fun and then gets he and his brother in a whole mess of trouble. I think it was a callback to that, but also it was just fucking weird.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Yeah, if that was like a callback to Jaws 2, man, it like I don't know. Maybe I'm just that uninvested in this franchise that I I can't even recall things that happened in previous films. Like, I mean, to be fair, I I couldn't even recall that it was a different Jaws or a different shark each movie. And to be honest, now that I'm thinking about it, it should be the same shark in every movie, and he should be getting more and more beat up and ugly and and just scary looking as the films progress. But maybe they just weren't thinking that far ahead.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

I mean, I don't think Steven Spielberg really had any intentions of making more than one shark movie.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

That is fair.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

But going forward, going forward, going forward when we remake this thing, yeah. Rob even pointed out in the chat that there's never been a box set because Steven Spielberg says he can't stand the idea of his movie being packaged with terrible sequels. Yikes. Yikes indeed. Wow. But did you not feel anything during the banana boat scene?

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Well, you know, listen, she took one for the team. There were kids on that banana boat. She should have taken one for the team.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

I don't think she intended to really.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

She didn't at all. I I I didn't really feel anything, no, not any real emotion. I want to see a little bit more of the severity there. It kind of felt like the shark just like comes up, but even that just looks like it's just like, here I am. Oop, I bumped into you, falling my mouth.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

I get that you don't feel anything, but the banana boat scene is one of the ones that I remember most in this franchise, specifically because of how close that sweet little baby angel girl and the rest of those kids came to sudden death. A banana boats look silly as fuck. And this is the only context in which I've ever seen a banana boat exist. I would never go on a vessel of this nature. I don't think I'm ever gonna be on a waterborne vessel, which I have to straddle because of this movie.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Yeah, okay. I can see that. I can see that. There's the severity of like there's kids out there and you thinking like it is the k are the kids about to get eaten. And so, yeah, I can see where you're coming from there. But you know, at the end of the day, they didn't get eaten. They were fine.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

And are you saying that this movie would have been better if at least one of those kids died?

SPEAKER_00 29:55

100%.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

He can't prevent the death of his brother or his daughter, and that's when Michael has his revenge.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Listen, this shark just wants a little babyback ribs, you know?

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Okay, but thinking about the potential there, right? Some of these characters certainly had some plot armor, even though we lost a main character for this franchise in the opening moments. But I've gotta say, I really enjoyed a lot of the character work here. And I know you said that this movie is riddled with bad acting, but ooh man, I just don't agree.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Maybe it was just an 80s thing, but I I like a lot of 80s films that don't feel like this. So I I don't know. I I just didn't feel invested maybe in the same way that you were. I I think that Michael Cain was alright, but even he wasn't a main character. The the acting to me just felt it just felt lackluster. It felt a little cheesy, it didn't feel serious. Like even in those moments where it's supposed to be serious and emotional, and you're crying over, you know, your son's death or whatever, it just didn't feel real. I didn't buy into it. I I I felt literally no empathy or sympathy or for any of the characters, really. I I just couldn't.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Here's what I can appreciate. Our girl, Mrs. Brody, now a widow, went through some hard shit in this movie. And I think one of the really interesting things here is her having her mother's intuition and then trying to come to peace with it, feeling like maybe she's being a little bit ridiculous, and then really trying to battle it and convince herself that she can just ignore it. Like there's a point in particular where she's at a moment of like dancing with Hoagie, with Michael Cain's character.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

And he knows that something is wrong, and she's like fighting it off, right? She's just she's trying to just let it go. There are moments where Michael this whole time had been talking to her, like, no, you're like this isn't this isn't rational. You know, the sharks don't come into the warm waters, it's tropical, it's it's not it's not good for them to live here. And so he's just being very logical every step of the way. And then when he sees the shark, there's this conflict. And this is what I really enjoyed. He makes a dumb decision not to say anything to his mom, but it's one of those times where it's a dumb decision that maybe I can slightly understand to a certain level. Because you want her to have a moment's peace, and you don't want to disrupt that. She has been through so much. There's only there's only so much more that she can take. I could see that being an understandable move if you're gonna take this as seriously as you need to. I can appreciate that he's conflicted. I can appreciate letting her have her peace. He should have told his wife. You know what I mean? This shouldn't just have been a secret between him and Jake. And I did appreciate that later he goes to confront his fears, but I think it was that switch. It was the point where she's been haunted by this for how many years? Now she's letting go, and now he is kind of picking that up. He is the one waking up from nightmares. So I really enjoyed that dynamic.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

For sure. Yeah, he should have definitely said something to his wife in hindsight. He also just, man, he should have fought a little harder. I mean, I get that's what they do. They that that's their career in marine biology and whatever they're doing with those sea snails. Man, he should have just left it alone. He's lucky that he lived, and he's also lucky that his buddy lived, even though he shouldn't have.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Yeah, I mean, there's a point where he didn't really want to go fucking around with that shark. This was a classic case of fuck around and find out. It really was.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

But he did ultimately get uh swayed into doing it. I will actually give him some kudos, you know. He he was the only one really getting attacked because he was the only one going in the water, right? While his buddy stayed on the boat. And even after he had that big attack, right, he still was like, nah, man, I'm going back in because if I don't, I'll never go back in.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Yeah. See, that is a moment that I can really appreciate. And let me just tell you this. I love so much that we have Lance Guest in this movie who plays Jimmy in Halloween 2. And this movie proves to me what a crime it is that we didn't have more Jimmy in the Halloween franchise. I think people like to think maybe Jimmy is the father of one of Lori's many kids in these fucking timelines, but it's never really canonically proven. But man, he he really should have been more present because I think he did a great job in this movie, apart from that one rando fucking running on the water, running on the beach scene. That was a little bizarre. I can acknowledge that.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

It was it was a little bizarre. I guess out of all of the acting, his wasn't the worst.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Who was the worst?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

You know, Ellen and maybe even Carla. I just I don't know. The two of them just didn't just didn't evoke the emotions for me. I think Ellen would take the cake just because when she was crying, I just didn't believe it at all. It felt a little bit over the top for me.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Oh man, I couldn't disagree more. Really? I didn't mind her at all. Yeah, there's a moment, okay, there is a moment where everything is totally fine and it feels like she's allowing herself to feel better. And then it's like this wave of guilt consumes her. And just as she's starting to feel happy, she starts bawling again. And that like wave of grief felt super real to me. I I had no objections to it whatsoever.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

I just didn't buy it at all. It felt like she was like she had the tears coming out, but the actual sound of her crying felt like she was literally just forcing that out. Really playing some good pretend crying there. Like I just it just wasn't for me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Yeah, I mean, what wasn't for me is Hoagie preying on her grief.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

True. Yeah, Hoagie was a creeper. He was definitely a creeper.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

I mean, I get it. They had some laughs, she's enjoying things, but it's giving rebound. I know that her husband's probably been dead for quite some time now at this point, but this is in the pretty immediate aftermath of her son's death, and it just feels problematic.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Yeah, he was a creeper. He was kind of a predator in a sense. I mean, I guess like he's kind of like that in all of his movies, Michael Cain. He's just kind of a quirky guy, right? He's just kind of silly, he makes some, you know, some jokes and stuff like that, and it kind of works. Maybe he's just he's just a typecast actor for that type of scenario there. I mean, he's done some other stuff, don't get me wrong. I'll tell you what though, there was one moment that I think was very cute, and it was when Thea was trying to get to cheer her dad up, right? Was trying to cheer Michael up, and he's all frowning and she's mimicking everything that he does. Okay, I'll give that one. So, Thea, best actor in the film.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

Absolutely. I absolutely love that moment. It is a callback to the original Jaws when Chief Brody's sons are mimicking him. But here's the thing: this was actually cute. And her father's interaction with her was actually cute. It was it started with the crayon, then it went to the milk, and then her face. This was way cuter than the scene with a father and his sons. 100%, hands down.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Yeah, absolutely. That one got me, so I'll give it that.

SPEAKER_02 36:33

Which, you know, really this takes me into what I feel is the worst part of this movie: the Sepiatone fucking flashbacks. God, it looks so bad. And it wasn't just bad enough to have it once, but to have it so many times and to have that flashback when we actually get Chief Brody attempting to kill Jaws and we have that quote coming from him, absolutely fucking not. Couldn't stand it. I'm not against the idea of having a flashback, but you didn't need to wash it out in fucking brown.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

That's a good call. I really am struggling to find a best part of this movie. I'm not just out here trying to completely trash this film. I truly am struggling. I guess maybe the Junkanoo Festival looked pretty fun.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

The festival.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

Yeah, the festival looked pretty fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

We have a shark that is a slasher. We have an iconic score making its way back ever so slightly. We have this motherfucker hunting down a family in Amity, killing someone on Christmas. Well, just before Christmas, traveling into the new year, making his way from Amity to the Bahamas, and you think that festival is the best part of this movie? I get it.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

Dude, it looked pretty fun, I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

Yeah. Let me share with you what I think is one of the best parts of this movie. And I know, I know I had to pick a worst part, but I've already done it. I love how many ties there are between this movie and Halloween. We had Lance's guest who was in Halloween too. He played Lori Strode's love interest. Well, perceived love interest. He really didn't want to get her the a fucking coke the whole night. But going back into even the original Jaws, Dick Warlock did stunts for Jaws. Michael Myers did stunts for Jaws. And then there's always these parallels of Michael Myers being almost like a great white shark, of being a predator, an apex predator.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

I absolutely fucking love that moment. But it's also just the suspense with which this shark moves, and I think it being a personal vendetta feels the most Michael Myers-like. Again, I'm not saying it's a fantastic movie. I'm not saying that there's any real big ties here. But the fact that we have a shark hunting down a family with a vendetta, with a vengeance, that absolutely is some petty slasher shit.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Okay. Yes, it is. But it doesn't make sense if it's a different fucking shark.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Listen, that shark is getting vengeance for his other sharks.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Uh on who? His buddy? Is it his buddy?

SPEAKER_02 38:54

His kind. His people.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

I think that also pairs really well with just that, again, I say it again, that heartbeat mechanic, right? There are points where we hear the shark's heartbeat. And to have that, I sort of as the dun dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun. That was so fucking eerie. That was good. It was an unstoppable shark. I mean, until he got stopped. Until I tell you, this is how slashers work.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

Unkillable shark until it was killed.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

So I take it you're not gonna watch this again.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

Oh, I still can't believe I spent four dollars on this fucking movie. There is no chance in hell that I'm watching this one again.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

Before you rent another movie that you haven't seen, just let me know first and I'll see if I can find it for you.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

I'll let you know because I am definitely debating whether or not I want to dispute this charge as fraud and then change my bank account just so I didn't have to pay for the $4 for this fucking movie.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

Oh my gosh, that's so intense. That's quite the reach, Sean.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

I know.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

All because they fucking killed a guy named Sean, huh?

SPEAKER_00 39:55

You know it. Can't come for us, Sean's.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

That's pretty passionate. I absolutely ain't gonna watch this movie again. It is, hey, as of now, tied for second in terms of favorite in the franchise. So maybe after my heart has healed some more in a couple years, maybe I'll watch it and be like, wow, what the fuck was I thinking this whole time? But I think for now it holds up pretty well. And well, there you have it, folks. Jaws the Revenge has earned one hack and one slash. Now, the real bitch of this situation is the fact that this is the last Jaws movie, so there's no reason for us to ever have to rewind these movies except by request. So Binx and Mac will never have to address their scores of this. They escaped. Well, we've certainly had a robust discussion here. It doesn't end here by any means. We want to know what you think, so let us know. You can join in on the conversation by hanging out with us for free over in our Discord. Click the link in our show notes to sign up.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

And if you've enjoyed listening to us dive into the depths of the water to talk about this floppy fish, consider becoming one of our patrons. Visit patreon.com slash hackerslash to enjoy more of the show with early access, extended episodes, bonus content, and live show.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

We'll see you next time, folks. And remember, you've got two loves in your life what you do and who you're with.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

What the hell are we arguing about?